THE CLICK

Throughout the years, concepts influenced my life. As a young girl, I enjoyed pondering concepts – more so than facts. If I saw someone doing one thing while saying another, I thought about motivation rather than what just happened. I immersed myself in concepts when I started working with Ira Progoff, writing in Journals and going to periodic retreats.  A lot of that work is included in my book “Janet Tallulah”.

I continue to ponder concepts. (Drove Steve crazy. He was a fact man, a perfect partner in a game of Trivial Pursuit, thought I “overthought” everything.)  And the specific concepts for today’s symposium are choices and decisions and “the CLICK”.  

“Choice” is defined by Merriam-Webster as “the act of choosing” or “the act of picking or deciding between two or more possibilities” or “the opportunity or power to choose between two or more possibilities”. “Decision” is “the act or result of making a choice especially after careful thought.  Choice comes first, followed by decision.

Ira talked at length about the importance of making a decision.  Then, MOVE ON.  

Should one have difficulty making a decision, decide not to decide until the decision is ready to be made. Ugh. That was not easy for me to do. I forced a decision, then fretted about whether it was the right choice. Drove me crazy and anyone else I could dump my frustration on. At some point along the way, I started calling that moment of decision-making – the CLICK.  For me to decide, I must hear the CLICK.  Until then, decide not to decide, yet. The decision was not ready to be made.

Haha. That didn’t work in restaurants when I had to decide what to eat.  It worked great when I had to decide whether to break up with Steve or marry him. Or, whether to move to France or Sarasota, Florida. Or whether to attend law school or continue acting full-time.  

Throughout the years, I continued making up words that worked for me. I called it “Jayspeak”. When Steve and I started seeing each other, I discovered that he made up things more than I did.  I wouldn’t know what he meant.  I called it “Stevespeak”. Then, he would explain.  Our own version of Pig-Latin. “Stevespeak” is the title of his first book and his blog that he started just before he died.

I think of the CLICK, daily. Especially in the middle of the night.  I have a lot of choices and decisions to make. I must downsize because I must move – sometime around the 30th of September. That is when my lease is up. And, this unit is up for sale, with annoying weekly showings. Where will I put all this stuff? Dishes and silver and tablecloths and napkins and pots and pans and paintings…..  To say nothing about my grand piano. Haha. My friend Carole calls it “the elephant in the room”.  It doesn’t make sense to rent storage. And, the French haven’t discovered closets, yet. Where do they put stuff?  Ugh. Where do I move? Sigh. A friend asked me when I planned to start looking for an apartment.  I replied, “When I hear the CLICK.” She, of course, didn’t know what I meant. But I did. And do. And will. At some point, I will hear the CLICK. Panic. Find a place. Toss out. Make it work. And, move on. Easy to say, difficult to do.

Best, Jay