Starting over Again and Again in Paris with Light

On my mind this week is —-it is time to start over again and again and again and. ….

Each day is different …..

Each time is scary ….

But I do it anyway!

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this place, just trying to survive my life.

It’s been a mishmash of an emotional rollercoaster with spots of joy mixed in.

It’s been hard to keep going sometimes, never knowing what challenges the day would throw at me.

After a while, I stopped living and started just trying to make it..

And that’s a terrible place to be.

There’s very little joy in the deepest darkness and I found myself stuck there.

But throughout it all, no matter where my steps took me, I always lifted my head and tried to find the light.

I knew it was out there, I just kept getting blindsided by all the disasters life could muster.

One thing was certain.

I had to grow.

I had to change.

I had to transform who I was and how I thought to rise above the struggles that threatened to consume me.

Step by step, day by day, I climbed out of rock bottom and started seeing the light.

Okay, so I live in Paris.   It does not matter.

Nice is prettier . 

But Paris is Paris is Paris…. The city of light. The city of love.  Ugh.

“She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,

Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she’d been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs

And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

“She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,

Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she’d been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs

And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe 

Is it time for you to start over ??

Let’s do it anyway.

Best, Jay