STILL CLOSING OUT JUNE 2022 – A MOMENT IN TIME….

I felt like writing this morning.

Facades fascinate me.  I grew up in a house filled with pretence secrets galore. Doesn’t everyone ?   I wanted people to be real. But alas and alack nobody was or even wanted to be. So I decided to go on a mission to get real. At least with my friends.  Oops, I did not make friends and I did not influence people. Thanks, Dale Carnegie! 

And a woman I loved very much for years was living in a beautiful big house in a posh neighborhood in Los Angeles and everything was broken inside. I tried to make her real and wanted to know why everything was broken. I fAILED MISERABLY. It did not work. And Daddy tried to tell me that I did not get it. People need their dreams and their illusions and the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence. Besides , she doesn’t care that things are broken because she doesn’t want to fix them. She does not use them . Why did I need her to fix them. I wanted to use them but I did not live there. Hmmm

I still have my problems with people pretending to be who they are not. The SELL.  Or saying one thing and doing another BUT that is my problem, not theirs.

So , you get to choose who you want to be – real or façade?  I have been both during my lifetime. But I like real better than pretentious . Usually in a group, there are one or two real people but not many. So I have to pick and choose . And get picked and chosen. And the one with money is like a magnet and gets chosen every time . I got chosen when I had money.  Ugh.  

I have been rich and I have been poor relatively and I prefer rich. They call the shots and have power. But become mean in the process so the trick is to get rich and stay humble . But I don’t like a pretend with a façade – like the wizard of oz. But nobody cares what I like. I care. I matter.

Why do I care ?  Let it go.  Who cares? What does it matter ??  Okay I can now overthink that . 

Just love them for whoever they are . Love the facades. Let it go. Ugh. Can I change at this late date? Okay I will try.

Best, Jay

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CLOSING OUT JUNE 2022 WITH MY “NO COMMENT” COMMENTARY….

I am worn out.  I have overthought everything and I am exhausted. Are you, too?   SO, I am sharing with you my latest realization that is going doinnnng In my head.  I have prided myself and written about my trust issues throughout y life while blaming my mother because she took away my blanket. I wanted it beside me forever. She did this to get me to quit sucking my thumb.  As a result of her meanness , I have never trusted anyone ever. 

THAT IS NOT TRUE!!!!!!

I have trusted everything and everyone, no matter what they told me.  Oops. Going through life “blissfully naive”. I will spare you the gory details .  BIG Oops. AND, I have married the same man over and over! In addition, I tried to get reality checks to people who need to believe that dead bird is still alive and was going to rise from the ashes.  I wanted them to realize that the bird was DEAD. Oops . 

Okay I forgive myself – Janet – because I really love me and that is that!!

So let’s enjoy some commentary and I am make NO COMMENT. Anyway, what I think does not matter. It is what you think because all of this matters…….to me.

Best, Jay

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ANOTHER TIME AROUND THE BLOCK

Hello Viêt Nam !

Pollyanna over here.

I am still alive even though week before last week , I fell off my horse – big time. And last week, I spent getting back up on my horse to start riding again.

Tomorrow is the Summer Solstice new year. I am still alive in PARIS, FRANCE. What happened?

I thought I was dying. So I called for an ambulance to take me to the hospital .

THE GOOD NEWS……

I spent 5-6 hours at the emergency center at a big hospital in the 15 arrondissement in Paris, France ! And I am still alive and did not die, wonder of wonders. I was convinced that Death was eminent and I was not going to be able to get help. I saw a lump in my left leg. I did not know that It was part of my muscle. 

SO, I did not die and I got help and I now know that I don’t have any problems other than my brain strokes – which are not fun, let me tell you !  I don’t recommend getting any if you can avoid it .  And my fear problems – which my mother patiently taught me during my early years,  

When I saw a lump in my left leg, I was convinced I was going to have a massive stroke like Daddy !  I went into emergency fight-or-flight mode. My blood pressure shot up to 202. (not good) I called emergency SOS and they wanted me to speak French and provide an account number. I called someone to help me get an ambulance and was frantic.

Bottom line – I got an ambulance and checked into the emergency center and was put in the hallway to wait for the doctor . But I did not know how long I would wait, 

5-6 hours. I was told I could not leave my bed. Oops. I could not walk to the bathroom because I did not have my cane .

Okay, I will cut to the chase. I waited for several hours in the hallway, Then, I got up and walked down the hall to the bathroom, defying the nurses.  I would show them !!  And I saw the doctor who confirmed I was not dying and called me a taxi to take me home! 

No one was watching world news . Lots of hurt people and no one cared about the news, I walked out of there and knew Tom Cruise and I were in there fighting to do our own stunts! I would get back up on that goddamn horse bareback with lady Gaga singing in the background. 

Now, I don’t feel so good and I don’t know what has happened to me . I am different.  I am changed. I must rest and practice my French because I am going to live to see other days . Thanks be to the Infinite Intelligence.

So I plan to get back up on my horse and count my blessings and fasten my seatbelt.  I am happy because It is going to be a bumpy ride . 

Best, Jay

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JUNE PURGES and WEEKEND FUNNIES

I WENT TO GET SOMETHING I wanted for a reason of some sort. IT IS NOT THERE!!!!  IT SHOULD BE!!  Then, I remembered – I threw that away in Purge 11!  Oops. 

Explanation – I like to throw things away. I collected things for my first 4 decades. And after that, I began purging. And since MAY 1983, when I moved from a big house in Pacific Palisades, California, to an apartment in Beverly Hills, I have been purging – 11 times, I think – ever since. And now, most things -`stuff’ – are memories. It was my own way of “letting go”. In Purge 11, I threw away Journals and various writings of mine of past experiences that were painful and I was planning to move to a small apartment in Nice. But I am staying in Paris. And now, I don’t have them. Oops. So, I cannot “refresh my recollection.” I must remember when I can think.

SO, Now, everything is new.  Each day is new.  And, I still have a lot. What I need.  MORE than I can use.  And now for the Weekend Funnies.  Enjoy. It is not easy being me. ……. But interesting…….

BEST, JAY

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WOW!

Some days I am 100 percent in the USA . This week I was in Texas. I don’t like Texas. Never did. I have to remind myself that I live in Paris. Not glamorous like it sounds but alive still waking up in the mornings. I AM YOUNG AT HEART and have brain strokes and memories of my life and loves that are very selective. . And I am loving myself anyway and I now understand why my children have problems with me. And saying that I am sorry doesn’t do it. How could it? Okay, I don’t like what I did, but Life is giving me another chance. Good. At least today.

(The sound of one hand clapping)

No response?  Non-response is a powerful response and when people tell who they are – believe them.  I WANT TO wipe my slate clean.  And the butterfly goes into action OVER AND OVER AND OVER……

Chaos theory is sometimes known as ‘the butterfly effect,’ a term coined in an attempt to explain how small actions in a dynamic system like the atmosphere could trigger vast and unexpected changes. Edward Norton Lorenz, born in West Hartford, Connecticut, in 1917. He started out as a mathematician but turned to meteorology during World War II. In an attempt to explain why it’s so difficult to make a long-range weather forecast, he spawned chaos theory, one of the 20th century’s most revolutionary scientific ideas. He discovered the effect in the early 1960s while entering values into a computer weather prediction program; instead of entering the number to the full six decimal places, he rounded it to three to save time, and the resulting weather pattern was completely different. He first framed it as the effect a seagull’s wing has on the formation of a hurricane, but he changed it to the more poetic butterfly in his 1972 presentation, ‘Does the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas?’ Though the term dates back to 1972, the concept actually predates Lorenz’s discovery. Science fiction writers had been playing around with the idea for several years in their time-travel stories: Usually the hero goes back in time and makes some seemingly insignificant choice that ends up changing the course of history.”

Does it matter that my story is different from yours and your facts are different from mine but I thought of myself FIRST and it took money TO DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO, so I kept it and used it on private schools and trips for all of us AND – EXPENSES. Besides, I did not trust them. i am learning how to love. Is it too late?

Afraid ? Me. Too. So, refocus your energy and find that damn pony asap. BE THAT RENAISSANCE WOMAN. WHAT????? Or man?

Definition of Renaissance woman: a woman who is interested in and knows a lot about many things.

My grandchildren will probably see me as an old crone, if at all. Actually, they don’t acknowledge my existence. A woman who lives in another country and who may or may not still be alive. They will not know how I strived. They will not know of my grinding and will only see a few mere fruits of my earlier days’ work: – my books, my journals. Or nothing. Is it OKAY that they don’t know of much of my striving? Does any of this matter to anyone else?

And does it matter if it doesn’t matter?

Wellllll. I DO exist! I matter to me! I am in France. I don’t live in the USA. And, at any age, I look for ponies. I have ALWAYS done that . And money is front and center – STILL. So, I am looking for a pony because that butterfly is working overtime. I AM WORKING ON ‘”LOVE”

SO, this is my Plan. 

I want a big house on a tree-lined street in an excellent neighborhood in Paris or Brittany or Normandy– WITH A STAFF. A car with a driver; a chef and a cook; a caretaking couple; a garden with a gardener; a working fireplace; 2 dogs named Missy and Laurel and 2 cats names Tigger and Chipper. Fresh flowers on all tables and real wood and real brass. A Steinway pian in excellent shape; and guest rooms for friends and family.

You are trailing a beautiful pathway through this life.

An invisible, star-bright network of you.

All the times you touch the hearts of others –

are stars on that trail.

Every time you smile, 

give advice, 

show kindness –

stars, 

all of them.

Your twinkly star-bright galaxy of you,

is growing every day,

reaching places that you have not even been to. 

But your energy has. 

In your words or your actions.

You’re snaking a shimmering path full of love, joy sincerity, kindness, companionship, loyalty and you-ness.

All over the place.

And you don’t even see it.

If you could, 

you would be mesmerised,

Sometimes, you want something to work out so badly, but remember ‘ you CAN NOT fit a square peg into a round hole’, so you just have to LET GO 🎈& MOVE ON to better things that ARE GOOD FOR YOU!! ( For Your Highest Good!!) … So EMBRACE THE NEW & give thanks for the LESSON you have been taught and also the BLESSINGS it has also brought you, such as Inner Change & Growth! No experience is ever wasted, it serves a PURPOSE and you will ALWAYS find a HIDDEN GEM 💎 within it!! 🙏🥰♥️✨🎈🕊☯️
You can affirm … “ I LET GO AND WALK INTO NEW HORIZONS, WHERE ALL MY ABUNDANCE IS WAITING FOR ME!🙏
NB. ANYTHING AT ALL IS POSSIBLE WITH The infinite intelligence.!🙏🕊💖💡☯️😇✨🦋⭐️🌈💎

BEST, JAY

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FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

This will be a creative endeavor attempt on this cool day in Paris. I want to share cartoons with you, but I want to write a paragraph about something that I have been thinking about.

As I have said many times on Jayspeak, I don’t like lies of any kind. Wellllllll. Maybe one or two here and there. But, I am known for being brutally frank – too frank – especially with facades and pretenses of any kind. Do you know someone who pretends to be something that they are NOT!. And you know the truth and they know you know the truth and yet they expect you to keep the secret. Oops. I do. I HATE THAT!!!! I am thinking about one person in particular. And when I called her out, she wrote me off as a friend not to be trusted. And, that really hurt me because she knew that I knew the truth. So, in these bizarre and mean-spirited times and with the threat of nuclear war and my fear of Covid and whatever, I am trying to let go. You see, we all look like we’re kinda nailing it, from the outside in. We all look ‘together’ sometimes. Catch us on the right day and hey, we look like we have it all. Because guess what, we learned to look that way a long time ago. We learned to hide our struggles behind a smile and whack on that mask every day. And actually, we are doing each other a favour when we show up at all and don’t die as an easy way out of this chaos,

Sunday funnies go digital. Mere Footprints in the sand.

BEST, JAY

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NO WAITING ROOM

What if you didn’t wake up tomorrow and your soul is watching down thinking of all the things you didn’t get to do yet because you were too scared, or too fat, or too worried about money. And all the things you told yourself you weren’t good enough for, swam in front of your eyes, fighting for a place in the line, beside the words you didn’t say and the joy you forget to have.

My friend, there is absolutely no room for anything in your day, other than acceptance. You will never have enough money, or time, and you will certainly never have that perfect body the world told you you need to be happy.

And before you say it’s too late to embrace this thing we call life, no it is not. You can do it right where you are. Right this minute. Get outside, breathe, look at the trees, put your bare feet on the grass – hand on your heart to feel that pulse – and that’s it.

You’re living.

Keep that up.

Wait up for the moon sometimes or get up early to see a sunrise, just because you can.
Jump in the lake. Run, skip.
The things you need to feel alive are free and all around my friend.
You just have to see them.

Let in opportunity and say yes to the invitations that scare you a little, in a good way.
Say no to some of the things you force yourself to do, knowing they rinse you of your peace.

Life was never supposed to be a waiting room, it was supposed to be a hillside, with paths leading in every direction and mountains as far as the eye can see, hiding adventures and new friends behind them.

Don’t let yourself get to the end of this ride without having stopped to smell those beautiful roses.
That’s the only thing you need to fear in this life.
Everything else is all part of it.
It’s all just a messy, complicated, beautiful and terrifying part of it.

Chin up, throw your arms wide open
and let it be so.

Donna Ashworth

life #friends #inspire #words #poetry

This idea makes me happy ~

 “the Great Society” and laid out the vision of a country that did not confine itself to making money, but rather used its post–World War II prosperity to “enrich and elevate our national life.” That Great Society would demand an end to poverty and racial injustice. 

But it would do more than that, he promised: it would enable every child to learn and grow, and it would create a society where people would use their leisure time to build and reflect, where cities would not just answer physical needs and the demands of commerce, but would also serve “the desire for beauty and the hunger for community.” It would protect the natural world and would be “a place where men are more concerned with the quality of their goals than the quantity of their goods.” 

“But most of all,” he said, it would look forward. “[T]the Great Society is not a safe harbor, a resting place, a final objective, a finished work. It is a challenge constantly renewed, beckoning us toward a destiny where the meaning of our lives matches the marvelous products of our labor.”

I am game. Are you ?

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Our miracle boy is 12!

Believing for Ben

Grandson Ben celebrated his 12th birthday this week, and I was so glad I was able to make the trip last weekend to watch him play in a soccer match and to celebrate early with him.



Ben does not remember anything at all about his health problems as a young child. When he was only 3, he was diagnosed with an arteriovenous fistula (a vascular abnormality) in his brain. It was a life-threatening condition, and he had two brain surgeries at the age of 4 and another surgery the following year, all done by the world-renowned New York doctor, Dr. Alex Berenstein, who developed the procedure for repairing AV fistulas in children. Ben was declared cured and has grown into a fine young man who excels academically, plays sports, and volunteers in his community.

This Spring he chose to play soccer rather than baseball, and I was able to watch…

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PONDERINGS- NO COMMENT

It is Friday the 13th – a Lucky Day for me!!!! For all of us. Plus it is Ben Holloway’s birthday. He is a miracle baby. And continues performing miracles day by day. And Katie and Joshua’s baby and Debby’s grand baby. And my sister Patricia’s great grandbaby. And my parents’ great, great grandbaby…… ad infinitum……..

Today, I awakened to an active mind going bonkers with ideas of things that are possibilities that I could do when I want to.  A River of Possibilities flowing in my direction – DON’T PUSH THE RIVER!  IT FLOWS BY ITSELF!!!!

I have been trying to decide what brings me joy……  Hmmmmmmm. (pondering)

This is another thought that is on my mind this morning – all my inspirations instruct me to love myself more and to be good to myself.  And right behind that thought is the thought that it is not all about ME, ME, ME.   Yes, it is.  OOPS. 

So today, I am going to ponder.  And I have gathered some memes to help me and my guests (you) to ponder.  So, pondering without comment…

BEST, JAY

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A LOVE LETTER ON USA MOTHER’S DAY ‘22

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, EVERYBODY!  YES, YOU TOO ALL YOU MENBOYS!

This week, my brain opened the flood gates to memories, and I have had mind pictures flooding through my mind’s eye. Please take notice that there is NO PERFECT anything because we are all in process. That said, I have been the perfect mother and I have the perfect kids. I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING!!!! And I had the perfect mother and father who gave me exactly what I needed to thrive in this life. WHAT????????? But, you said….. I know but I have changed my mind.

My sons were the perfect parents to their children and gave them exactly what they needed to thrive.  Bottom line = WE ALL DID A GOOD JOB!!!!!!

WOW!  WHAT A REVELATION!!!  WE CAN ALL TAKE A BOW.

My mother was great. She was full of vitality and wit and filled with charm and poise.  And she was soooo proud to be MRS. JESSE JEWELL.  Anna Lou Jewell.  She loved to laugh and tell a joke to make someone else laugh- with a bowl of hard candy on the kitchen table in case company came to call.   And everyone was welcome at her table. And she was soooo happy when I came home to visit.  And a wonderful cook. She prided herself with her desserts – taking recipes from Good Housekeeping and the newspapers.  And her mother passed down family recipes that she duplicated.   The recipes were intuition and feel.  Wow, she was perfect in all of that.  Excellent memories.  And Daddy was a perfect mother to me, too, teaching me life lessons and how to shake hands. He had a cliché for everything and taught me to show off. They were both very protective and kept me safe and sound. 

My Daughter Trascey was the best! She loved her family very much and kept her brothers safe. They would tease her, and she would tease them back. And she loved animals and had a lot of cats and kittens and aquariums and gerbilles and mice and guinea pigs and gardens and projects galore. She was very creative and an excellent writer. And artist. I had her art framed on the walls for years. She liked to sew and cook. She made a beautiful quilt which I have on my bed right now and made great gingerbread cookies and gingerbread men for holidays. And cake was her specialty. She would make all our birthday cakes. Wow, what a talent!!!

And Craig was the best.  He was artist and skilled at woodworking and fixing things.  I always asked his advice about everything.   We did fixers together.  Good looking and excellent worker.   Surfer and athlete.  I still have his woodwork on my shelf today. And, he has grown into an amazing man.  An amazing leader of men who helps people in need.  And he now builds his own dune buggies and races them in the desert, helping veterans along the way. He has always liked the military.  He has his own way with his children, and they are thriving so – the proof is in the pudding.   Wow, what a survivor and a thriver.

I have a list a mile long for Blake. He has been both mother and father to his children. He has an excellent sense of humor and loves music.  Had his own band for years and played guitar, sang, and had fun with friends.  he loved his brother and his sister, and they all protected each other.   Full of mischief. Loves dogs.  Loved his grandmother Nana Lou.  And she loved him. 

As you can see, I have chosen to leave out all the negatives.  In all three of my children, inside each one is that son and daughter that  I have described.  This is a love letter to my family who is alive and thriving today.  I will close with a post I saved –

“I asked an elderly man once what it was like to be old and to know the majority of his life was behind him. He told me that he has been the same age his entire life. He said the voice inside of his head had never aged. He has always just been the same boy. His mother’s son. He had always wondered when he would grow up and be an old man. He said he watched his body age and his faculties dull but the person he is inside never got tired. Never aged. Never changed.

Our spirits are eternal. Our souls are forever. The next time you encounter an elderly person, look at them and know they are still a child, just as you are still a child and children will always need love, attention and purpose.”

~ Author unknown

BEST, JAY

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A MIDNIGHT TRAIN THROUGH GEORGIA!

Grab a coffee. This may take a while. This post matters – to ME. And I am sharing it with you. THIS IS ONE WAY TO LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED. There are many others.

Once upon a time, in a small town in the southern part of the United States, a town named Gainesville, Georgia, there lived a young couple, a beautiful young girl named Anna Louise, called “Anna Lou” and a handsome young man named Jesse Jewell – aka Mr. and Mrs. J.D. Jewell. They lived in a small 2-bedroom, 1 bath house on a country road to Cleveland, Georgia, outside of town – called Cleveland Road. In March 1937, Anna Lou was expecting her third baby. She was 34. Jesse had just turned 35 on March 13th. They had two girls, ages 5 and 7. Patricia was the oldest – she was 7. Barbara was two years younger – she was 5. Jesse was hoping for a boy. Anna Lou just wanted it over because this was her fourth try. After this baby, she did want to try for a boy any longer. Needless to say, Jesse wanted his boy. At that time, Jesse was helping his mother in a chicken feed store in town. The south was in the throes of a deep depression and everyone was doing his best to make a go of it. Franklin Roosevelt had just been re-elected for his second term as President of the United States and was frequently giving his “fireside chats” on the radio. Jesse and his mother were struggling to help the local farmers get feed for their chickens and the farmers were struggling to pay.

Across the “highway” on the other side of the street, lived the Lilly’s.  Johnny Lilly and Jesse had been best friends for years. And Evelyn, Johnny’s wife was also pregnant, expecting her first baby. She was expecting her baby in August.  So, in the evenings after work, Johnny and Evelyn would come over after supper and sit on Anna Lou and Jesse’s screened-in porch with Anna Lou and Jesse and talk until around 9:00 p.m.  At that time, Anna Lou would make sure the other two girls were in bed. 

Then, on March 30, a Tuesday morning at 11:30 a.m., Dr. Davis delivered another baby  girl to Anna Lou and Jesse Jewell.  They named her “Janet Tallulah”, after Jesse’s mother.  Anna Lou was glad it was over; Jesse ….  No boy.

That is the way it all began for me – March 30, 1937. I was not a boy. I just turned 85. Lots of life and years in between. I have been reminded of this many times during my life. Thornton Wilder’s “Our Town” and the speech that will remain indelible in my mind forever, “Let’s really look at one another!…It goes so fast. We don’t have time to look at one another. I didn’t realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed… Wait! One more look. Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover’s Corners….Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking….and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths….and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it–every, every minute? (Emily)”Thornton Wilder, Our Town. Bottom line. I did not think I was wanted. I was not a boy.

It started with a train whistle in the middle of the night in Gainesville Georgia. The train was on its way to New York. I / Janet Jewell wanted to get far, far away from my family who did not love me and never return. And I changed my name and mentally became another person for a lot of year. I tried too forget about my unhappiness. I left Gainesville Georgia in 1968 and moved to Los Angeles California.

Three unhappy marriages later, Flash forward to 2014 in Encino, California in the San Fernando valley. It started in 2014.  My fourth husband was a good friend and I loved him very much.  Happy marriage finally. 

But Steve wanted OUT of LA.. i loved LÀ.  Steve HATED it. So I -unbeknownst to me – made my move – this thrust / goal to get to Paris. Steve wanted to move back to Sarasota Florida. He lived there for some years after his mother died. I did not like Florida at all. I did NOT want to live there.  So I suggested that we move to France.  WHAT??????  Italy?  Steve was a fully – loaded  Italian. He would want duel citizenship. WHAT? HOW?  USA and Italian.  Okay. And we move to Formula One territory Grand Prix Monaco.  Okay. Nice France.  Okay. Deal. Deal. 

That is how it started. And we burned bridge after bridge . We left no trails to return 

Do not go where the path may lead,

Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail…

I did not know I was planning to stay but I was.  

Am I sorry?  Sometimes. I cannot believe that I burned the bridges and I did not want to return.

I set it up  

Remember “Janet had dreamed of living in Europe for years- as long as she could remember. Every time she heard the train whistle from her bedroom upstairs on green street circle in Gainesville Georgia. The train was on its way to New York where she would take a boat. And live somewhere beautiful.  With lots of trees. In a cozy happy home where people were loving and happy with everything.” I did not know what hugs were. I had never been hugged. 

So Janet began to help Steve get his Italian passport. It took two years. And Jay was an attorney and put her research skills to work.

Jay -my alter ego – subscribed to International Living magazine and Anglo Info website and found a realtor in Nice who was independent and would work with me to help me find a property to rent.  I was also a USA Real Estate Broker in California. I knew what I was doing .  I also watched House Hunters International a lot. Steve did not think we could find anything decent. We did and our contact helped us rent it, but  Steve wanted his Italian passport and he got it before we left for France. I had a trial until the last minute and we departed and arrived on October 1 2015. 

We made a bad decision on moving company. Big mistake. I went for cheapest. Never again. And major downsize and I still took too much. Plus I got rid of things I wanted. It is painful to remember what happened. 

Our contact met us at the airport and we were there ! We did not know that we were there for good and would never would return .   

Lots of decisions good and bad. But we did it and were very happy for 11 months. I was in love with Steve and life and Janet had made it to Europe at last. I was a happy camper!! Then Steve got double pneumonia. WHAT???? Cured but heart failed. He died. WHAT??? Noooooooooo. NOT OKAY!!!!!

I floundered until JANUARY, 2020 and moved to Paris. I arrived but was very rigid. Very scared. I didn’t know what to do. So I broke. Brain strokes. I have had to simplify everything. I did not know I had intended to burn my bridges. I had reached my goal. Oops. Now what . Damaged and broken in Paris, France, during a pandemic and regional war. Oops.  And no one wants anything to do with brain strokes.

“No one is a great poet because she is a miserable drunk. No one is a great poet because he has had a nervous breakdown. Suffering, however, can be experienced as a curse or a blessing; the luckiest is the one who can experience it as a blessing.” ~poet Carolyn Forché

So a blessing? YES!!$

(singing) “To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
And to run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
And to love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march, march into Hell
For that Heavenly cause

And I know if I’ll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage

To reach the unreachable
The unreachable star

And I’ll always dream the impossible dream
Yes, and I’ll reach the unreachable star.”

Cautiously optimistic, I realize that I burned all bridges. I am still processing that one. And Paris is just a big city with a lot of buildings.

At least that is one way to look at what happened…… I am sure there are others. Please forgive all of the mistakes. I am doing my best and plan to keep writing anyway.

Best, Jay

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DAYS OF OUR LIVES

The days of our lives

ALTAIR THEATRE - Concepts

New Entertainment Industry Company

JAYSPEAK

Welcome to My World!

WORDKET

-Chase the Stories

RL WEB

MAKING LIFE BETTER

Chris Rogers The Actor

SAG-AFTRA Actor, WordPress Presenter, & Public Speaker

The Grief Reality

Normalising the conversation about Grief.

john pavlovitz

Stuff That Needs To Be Said

An Hour From Paris

Annabel Simms

Sweet Peach

A Southern Lifestyle Blog

ALYAZYA

A little something for you.

Be Inspired..!!

Listen to your inner self..it has all the answers..

Out My Window

musings by Sara Somers

Copyrights and Wrongs

A blog from the Law Office of Larry Zerner about copyright and entertainment law matters

Suz Learns French - While I Run

Writing the Reals - Behind the Postcard

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