BRAINSTORMING WITH MY READERS – (warning) It has been a rough week.

I have a lot of things on my mind.  I have been trying to decide what topic I want to “brainstorm” with you today.  These are several that I have on my mind.  1) Inside the Bubble, looking out”; 2) WOW, Dorothy, we are not in Kansas anymore.”; 3) The Buck Stops Here; 4) Bad Cops are bad cops all over the world.  – Bullies in the making; for starters.  What strikes my fancy? 

I was planning to write about the Bubble, but I think I feel more compelled to write about bully-wannabe’s. Maybe I will include a tad of all of them.   But, first, some foundation.  I have hated bullies all my life.  In my small Southern town, there were bullies everywhere.  And throughout my life. I was bullied by men, boys, older women, teachers, school principals, girlfriends, older girls, camp counselors, strangers, husbands, mother-in-laws — a lot of people.  The opposite of “bullied” was “nice”.  He was nice.  She was nice.  They were nice. 

Growing up in Gainesville, the cops were always nice.  Redneck guys were bullies, usually.  (They were called “rednecks” because they always seem to have red necks.)  They bullied each other and others.  “Tough guys.”  I hated them.  Spouting a bunch of generalizations to show how tough they were.  These guys were always white.  The black guys were always nice, even though everything was segregated in those days in my hometown.  Heaven knows what was happening to them. I did not know.  I saw how mother treated them.  I saw how other whites treated them. It wasn’t “nice”.

So when I became a college professor and Chairman of the Division of Humanities, I took charge.  I don’t think you would call me a bully.  But I took charge.  So, sorta into my power over students and other teachers. Especially since I was a woman in a man’s position.  I did not take any nonsense. 

Then, when I became an actress, I was bullied BY EVERYONE.  By the A.D. (Assistant Director), on down the line.  The casting director was the worst.  Well, casting has little to no power, so as low man on the totem pole, casting took it out on actors – unless the actor was a star or a big deal of some sort.  But actors take it because actors want to work.  The bullying was rampart.  Me, too; me, too; me, too!!!    Bullying is always passed down the line.  Now, the worst of the worst, was to be found in corporations – from the executives to the supervisors to the employees to the women( from the men) to kicking the dogs or punishing the cat to shooting the baby elephant ON DOWN THE LINE.  UGH!  I hate/hated it. 

So, yesterday, in Paris, I went to the Prefecture to see if I could find a “nice” person who would help me.  NOOOOO.  I found a lot of bullies.  The waiter in the café next door was nice.  The maître D helped me get a taxi home.  They were nice.  But I soon realized (once again) that the buck stops here.  My world can fall apart, but I must help myself – inside my bubble. And, as my son said to me, “Our summer was good.  Just watching the world fall apart from the comfort of our bubble.” But, HEY, Dorothy, we are not in Kansas anymore.   This is Paris!  Get over it!  “Losers” and “sucker’s that we all are.  And, You can’t go home again.  There is no “home”.  And, if you think there is, you just don’t realize that you are existing inside a bubble, looking out.  And, to those of you who think Trump is going to “fix” anything, you are losers and suckers INSIDE OF A Huge Bubble. You don’t have to join the military to prove it.   

OK, enough.  This has been a rough week. So, what to do? I look for roses. Hey, it is what I do.  I look for interesting skies.  I look for a star, or a moon, or an interesting restaurant. 

Yes, I will admit it.   I am a sucker for pretty things.  I am a sucker for flowers. 

I invite the unknown and then am bewildered when people are not “nice”, and they are often not. DUH! So, what do we do with all this inside information?  Nothing.  Look for the silver linings.  See blue birds over the white cliffs of Dover, tomorrow, just you wait and see.  Create a happy bubble. You can create any kind of bubble you want to.  Believe what you want.  It is your universe to create.  Note to Self:  Don’t forget this is a creative bubble.  It can burst when pricked. 

Sorry.  It has been a rough week.  So, a few pretty photos and a couple of memes. And, I make no apologies for any of this.  Hey!  It is my blog.  Nobody said it would be easy.  AND, rough seas make good sailors.  (Those were for my kids and grandkids.)

Best, Jay

10-DAY STATUS UPDATE!

JAYSPEAK

ON MY MIND, I have now been in my new home for 10 days. So, this morning, I went out for groceries, vowing to get in some exercise. I tried some new streets and began to feel better. The air is cool and “brisk”, and fall is in the air. I am glad that the move is behind me. I walked 1.3 miles – not a lot but a start. I did not do much of anything during the move, and I have not felt good. But I must help myself help myself. I got Wi-Fi and began watching some of the depressing news. Again. Ugh. And, then I had a reality check. Again.

What have I done for 10 days? What reality check?

I have been very busy. Doing what??? I have been figuring things out, getting WiFi, figuring out machines, getting groceries. Dumping garbage. I went to the…

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10-DAY STATUS UPDATE!

ON MY MIND, I have now been in my new home for 10 days.  So, this morning, I went out for groceries, vowing to get in some exercise.  I tried some new streets and began to feel better.  The air is cool and “brisk”, and fall is in the air.  I am glad that the move is behind me.  I walked 1.3 miles – not a lot but a start.  I did not do much of anything during the move, and I have not felt good.  But I must help myself help myself.  I got Wi-Fi and began watching some of the depressing news.  Again.  Ugh.  And, then I had a reality check.  Again. 

What have I done for 10 days?  What reality check?

I have been very busy.  Doing what???  I have been figuring things out, getting WiFi, figuring out machines, getting groceries. Dumping garbage. I went to the street market. I got a pedicure. I said goodbye to Rue Racine and the 6e.  I ended services at the old place. I started services in the new place. I took lots of naps, feeling exhausted a lot. (I cannot use the balcony because of the cat. I cannot hang the art because the man to hang art is on vacation. The man to cat proof balcony is on vacation.) Most things are on hold until September, October.  I am not into trying restaurants yet.  I am seeing a new doctor this week. Missy is better but not good. She needs a vet. I have lots of invitations but little energy. So I am keeping it simple.

Reality Check? I need to enjoy the process NOW. You see, I have usually thought that “as soon as I get everything fixed, I would enjoy myself.” No. I cannot wait. I must enjoy the search. In other words, I need to help myself get everything fixed, enjoy the “fixing”, myself included. How? Walk a little every day. Breathe. Walk. Drink water. Enjoy all of it. Don’t wait. Enjoy it now. Last night, I saw the moon and some stars. I look at the sky a lot. People here are amazed that I moved away from the 6e. I like nature. Less buildings and more air. Well, I cannot explain it. It is a feeling. Inside. My reality check is that I cannot wait to enjoy all of it AFTER it is fixed. I cannot wait.

People have been wonderful.  Very helpful.  I am seeing my pretty things anew.  I see things differently.  Everything feels new.  The fall feels new. Here are some photographs I wanted to take. No good reason.

From Uber taking me from the new to close out the old.
Reflections and the Sky
Just a pretty buildng.
Found some roses.
MIssy is great company but lots of problems.

Reality Check! Enjoy it now. Most of you know how I feel about the USA right now. I don’t need agreement from any of you. But, even if Trump wins in 2020, he cannot stop the future from coming. AND, it will be a world we will not be able to control. AND, if history is any guide, when that happens, hopefully, Americans will rally and the USA will restore the principle of equality before the law, and push America into the future.

Best, Jay

I DID IT!!!

JAYSPEAK

Well, I will admit that I am overwhelmed. It takes a lot, but I have done it this time! I moved from the tiny Studio in the 6th Arrondissement to a larger place in the 16th Arrondissement. And, all of it through terror, back pain, and worry. But, I did it! There were times when I thought I would pass out, but I didn’t. The movers were great! They could see that I was struggling and helped me every step of the way – making me sit down and bringing me a sandwich and 7up. They packed most of my things and unpacked them when I arrived. Of course, I don’t know where anything is, but they dealt with boxes and packing materials. I will find things as time goes by. I love the kitchen and the view and the living room and the bathroom and the bedroom! I have…

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I DID IT!!!

Well, I will admit that I am overwhelmed. It takes a lot, but I have done it this time! I moved from the tiny Studio in the 6th Arrondissement to a larger place in the 16th Arrondissement. And, all of it through terror, back pain, and worry. But, I did it! There were times when I thought I would pass out, but I didn’t. The movers were great! They could see that I was struggling and helped me every step of the way – making me sit down and bringing me a sandwich and 7up. They packed most of my things and unpacked them when I arrived. Of course, I don’t know where anything is, but they dealt with boxes and packing materials. I will find things as time goes by. I love the kitchen and the view and the living room and the bathroom and the bedroom! I have space for things in the closet. It faces west and the sunset. I would prefer morning sun. But, afternoon will be fine. I will get used to it. The piano fits. It is not where I thought it would go, but the professional piano movers put it where they could. It is fine.

Now, I feel like I have been hit by a truck! Time will make it all better. I moved on Wednesday. And, Thursday and Friday were days of adjustment. No wifi yet, so not television. I am operating off of “hotspot”. It works fine for now. Hopefully, wifi on Thursday. The cat is fine. All doors are shut. I am on the 5th floor so I don’t want any dead cats. Somehow, I will get the balcony and the windows fixed, but that is in process. So, this is just me saying hello. Last week was the “before”. This is the “after”. And, now, I am where I wanted to be. For years. The question is —- Now What? Haha. Beware getting what you always wanted. Well, that is a thought for another day.

Meanwhile, this morning I tried to do a bit of exploring and take some pictures. I took some pictures of the lobby to the building. And, walked to the village. EVERYTHING IS CLOSED. Well, some things are open but not much. I will be glad when September comes and life resumes in Paris. I went to the market, ate breakfast, and walked home. Haha, I had to lie down. But, I did it! All in good time. So, I will post some pictures. Not great, but I will try to fill in as time goes by. Everything has its learning curve. Just figuring out how the dishwasher works is a challenge. And, I am terrified of the gas stove. I need to boil water. And, I don’t want to light a match. Haha. Ok. No explanation. Figure it out.

That’s enough for now. Stay tuned…….

Best, Jay

ON MY MIND THIS MORNING (August 15, 2020)…..

JAYSPEAK

“Without freedom, you have nothing left.” (from Hong Kong.) I quit! “This year, “character is on the ballot.” I agree. “No one sees us. It is like we don’t exist.” (from Belarus).

Bottom line, I have reached overload. MY being “emotionally vested” has reached a saturation point. Sorta.

But, I cannot love, care, and be a nice person all at the same time, so I must simplify and choose. I cannot do it all.

As far as I am concerned, most of us don’t know how good we have it.  We should be so lucky to have honest people helping us.  And, if we turn it down and become a one-party system because of a man and a group of men who cheat, we deserve all the harm that comes our way.  Sorry   But character is on the ballot.  And without freedom, we have nothing left. And, our character is…

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ON MY MIND THIS MORNING (August 15, 2020)…..

“Without freedom, you have nothing left.”  (from Hong Kong.)  I quit!  “This year, “character is on the ballot.”  I agree.  “No one sees us. It is like we don’t exist.”  (from Belarus). 

Bottom line, I have reached overload.  MY being “emotionally vested” has reached a saturation point.  Sorta. 

But, I cannot love, care, and be a nice person all at the same time, so I must simplify and choose.  I cannot do it all. 

As far as I am concerned, most of us don’t know how good we have it. We should be so lucky to have honest people helping us. And, if we turn it down and become a one-party system because of a man and a group of men who cheat, we deserve all the harm that comes our way. Sorry But character is on the ballot. And without freedom, we have nothing left. And, our character is currently questionable. We are in danger of becoming a one-party state. I heard an international commentator say that the problem with America is not the leadership, but the American people who vote leaders into power.

I must take time out. I am trying to move and it is very difficult. I have no energy. And, I am so discouraged by the news EVERYWHERE. I am on Facebook less because ….. well, you know why because. I watch the news less. And, you know why because. I pack…. and pack…. and pack….. and STILL have too much.

OK.

I don’t want to write how I feel. I will feel better AFTER this move this week. I am very concerned because the space is small. And I have things that are problems – the piano, the cat, the trains, dishes, silver, furs, jewelry. All things I cannot part with. Not yet.

Wish me luck.

No one in France wants this stuff. I see people with huge homes in the USA and big cars. I have let all of that go. But, I am still holding on to the last vestiges of what I used to think was “me”. Haha. NO.

The news reminds me daily that I may have to pick up and go suddenly. Without warning. You may, too. All of us in our complacency, blithely thinking that things will get better.

Things may get worse.

OK. I will sign off for now because I am not in a very good space right now. Stay tuned………..

Best, Jay

AUGUST (sigh)

It is still August and tomorrow is Steve’s 70th Birthday. He died when he was 66. We got married when he was 55. Haha. So young. I loved it!!! We were just kids and did not know it. Then, I was supposed to go first!!! Haha. Beware “making a lot of plans”. Love to all. Jay

JAYSPEAK

August 2020.  August has become a difficult month for me.  “Bittersweet”.  I think that is the correct use of that word.   First of all, it was full of birthdays when I was growing up.  Lots of good friends had birthdays in August.  As my friends and I have grown apart through the years, I  began to celebrate my first marriage to Darrell MacIntyre.  We were married on August 17, 1957.  When that marriage was over, I tried to forget about August 17, 1957, and celebrated a lot of birthdays in August. 

It is hot in August. I am always glad when September arrives.  June and July are better do-nothing summer months for me.  August is “get ready to go back to school” month.  Summer is winding down. Who had/still have birthdays?  Carole. Alice. Rosemary.  Here is a picture of Rosemary.  We have lost touch. So have Alice and I. …

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AUGUST (sigh)

August 2020.  August has become a difficult month for me.  “Bittersweet”.  I think that is the correct use of that word.   First of all, it was full of birthdays when I was growing up.  Lots of good friends had birthdays in August.  As my friends and I have grown apart through the years, I  began to celebrate my first marriage to Darrell MacIntyre.  We were married on August 17, 1957.  When that marriage was over, I tried to forget about August 17, 1957, and celebrated a lot of birthdays in August. 

It is hot in August. I am always glad when September arrives.  June and July are better do-nothing summer months for me.  August is “get ready to go back to school” month.  Summer is winding down. Who had/still have birthdays?  Carole. Alice. Rosemary.  Here is a picture of Rosemary.  We have lost touch. So have Alice and I.  I still stay in touch with Carole. I miss Alice and Rosemary.  All of us are in our “golden years”

Rosemary

I married Steve Orlandella in August 2005. We were planning a fun October wedding with family and friends but decided to “elope” to Las Vegas and the Bellagio Hotel for an August date, determined by when his family would come.  August 7, 2005, on a Sunday.  So that is what we did, and it was a WONDERFUL weekend.  No honeymoon.  Well, life with Steve was an ongoing honeymoon. No problem.

Wedding

 

060

FAST FORWARD TO AUGUST 2016 – Steve got sick (similar to Covid 19) and went into the hospital on August 2, 2016.

Then, Steve’s birthday was August 11. A group of us with Steve’s visiting sister Kris  had dinner in his honor. At the time, he was getting better.

Group at dinner2

Chris

Steve was in the hospital for the month of August. (Got better; then got worse.)

janet & steve

 

Steve hospital

 

Steve died on August 31, 2016.  Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

 

_____________

I buried him in Boston with his family in August 2018.

Orlandella

IMG_1016

IMG_1404

In Nice, France, August is a very hot month.  In Paris, France, August is a very hot month.  Nothing (much) in France is air-conditioned. I was NOT in an air-conditioned apartments in Nice.  I am NOT in an air-conditioned apartment now.   I don’t do well in excessive heat. AND, ALL of Europe goes “on holiday” during August.  Restaurants close for the month.  Shops close for the month.  People are out of town.  Doctors are out of the office.  Life stops. 

IMG-5926

So, I am struggling right now.  No one is returning my calls or my emails.  My walks are full of fences and closed gates and signs on doors.  It is hard to do anything.  And, I am trying to move, stop services, start services.  No one is doing what they say they will do.  I am very frustrated.  And, I fear for myself, my family, my daughter-in-law teachers, my friends, hurricanes, fires, viruses, stocks.  Oh, dear me.  “It is what it is”.  Ugh.  

Yesterday, I went to lunch with a girlfriend to celebrate my memories of a fun day in August.  We had a good time.  Good food. Lots of laughs.  “Bittersweet.”

042

I did not take any photos.

August 2020.  

This meme makes me feel somewhat better.  Not much. (sigh)

IMG-5941

Best, Jay  “IT IS WHAT IT IS.”   – (sigh)

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STARTING OVER…….AGAIN……….

JAYSPEAK

I am starting over. Today is August 2, 2020, and it is a new day for me. Why? OK, here goes…. Some of this is repetitive to those who “follow” Jayspeak. But, a lot of it is not.

That said, during July, I had a bunch of tests plus an MRI to find out why I am so dizzy and feel so bad. I was terrified to find out the results, hoping it was not a tumor. One doctor told me I probably had a tumor in my left ear. What?????? With the virus and trying to survive in general, I MAY HAVE A TUMOR????? She did not know and wanted to find out. SO DID I!! NOTHING. They found nothing. There is nothing wrong with me! WHAT?? Nothing is wrong with me.??? Great!! Ok, all of this has been going on. Terror, then relief. Frustration, then not frustrated.

Main…

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