JUNE 2020 BEGINS…….Jay speaks, Fresh Air, Flowers, PARIS………(sigh)

JAYSPEAK

STATUS UPDATE!!   It has been a very busy week!   A good week.  I am beginning to come alive again.  (Sigh)  Finally!   I got a good knee doctor who is going to help me, and he has started the left knee shots that are already helping me walk better.  I bought a red dress!!!!!! That is important. Now, I need the shoes.  (All I have are pants suits for court.  Haha.  And walking clothes and Asics!)   Also, I now have a housekeeper.   My landlord got me a new refrigerator (the one that was here was freezing all of my food.)   

These may seem like small things but getting settled is important.  And, I started a difficult French class to prepare me to take residency exams.  I am determined to get better at comprehending French.  I MUST be able to understand it.  I can speak it so that I can…

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JUNE 2020 BEGINS…….Jay speaks, Fresh Air, Flowers, PARIS………(sigh)

STATUS UPDATE!!   It has been a very busy week!   A good week.  I am beginning to come alive again.  (Sigh)  Finally!   I got a good knee doctor who is going to help me, and he has started the left knee shots that are already helping me walk better.  I bought a red dress!!!!!! That is important. Now, I need the shoes.  (All I have are pants suits for court.  Haha.  And walking clothes and Asics!)   Also, I now have a housekeeper.   My landlord got me a new refrigerator (the one that was here was freezing all of my food.)   

These may seem like small things but getting settled is important.  And, I started a difficult French class to prepare me to take residency exams.  I am determined to get better at comprehending French.  I MUST be able to understand it.  I can speak it so that I can be understood, and I have been able to read it for a long time.   BuT I CANNOT understand it when someone tells me something.  That makes all phone calls difficult.  And, most things here require a phone call or three.  And, it is wonderful having the cafes and restaurants open on the patios.  I have not eaten out a lot because I don’t want to spend the money, but I have enjoyed some breakfasts.  And, they are wonderful!  All in good time. 

So those are big things.  Walks, breakfasts, photos, classes, challenges, and new people.  I am now in a conversation group with a couple of other women in Paris as a support group.  I volunteered to run as a delegate for the European Democrats Abroad, but I decided not to do that.  It is all too upsetting.  And, right now, I want to work on my French. 

MONDAY was a holiday and my grandson Tyler’s birthday.  And, I had some nice exchanges with him.  He is now 22. I was happy and thankful about that.  

A loud shout out to all of you who read my blog and a big thank-you from me.  I now have 8, 400 visitors and 38,700 views, as of today.  That is wonderful.  I will be trying to find ways to make my thoughts and photos more interesting at a time when we all need a breath of fresh air.  We ALL need to breathe.

Bottom line, I am beginning to “get a grip”.  It has taken 4 months and has been quite an adjustment for me.  I am not sure why it has been so difficult.  But it has.  I think I was fighting everything.  I have a tendency to do that.  Not cooperate.   Not sure why.  Stubborn.  I am now trying to be nicer person.  Ugh.  Sorta.  Haha.  And, I had had several zoom meetings with SAG events, other French expat events, and a writer who is doing a book about Georgia and including information about my father in it. 

I have begun to make choices about everything.  It is interesting because I am beginning to know what I want to spend time on.  And, things are beginning to get clear.  Sorta.  It is easy to throw things away.  It is easy to say no.  It Is easy to unfriend.  It is easy to eat alone.  You get my point.   I have confidence in my choices.  That’s a biggie.  And, I am not afraid of losing friends. 

I don’t know. It feels different.  Everything feels different.  I took some favorite photos this week that I want you to see.  Some flower photos are great!  And, I have walked through the Jardins de Luxembourg almost every day.  I have a LOT of things I want to do, but I will do them ALL in good time.  And, if I don’t, so be it. 

I am sorry that Donald Trump is president of the United States.  I am sorry that there is a fence around the white house.  I am sorry that people are so mean to each other.  And, there is a long list of things for which I am sorry.  But there are at the same time, there is a long list of things for which I am happy and thankful.  Yes, BLACK LIVES MATTER.  They always did to me when I lived in Georgia (growing up) and still do.  I fought for their civil rights as an attorney and have left behind me in Los Angeles some outstanding attorneys are carrying the torch for me fighting for justice and civil rights!

So here are some favorite photos for the first week in June 2020.  What a year so far!!! Ouch!

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THE SENATE

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LE ROSTAND

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GORGEOUS FLOWERS!!!

 

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Donation – Beginning Again in PARIS)

Thanks for helping me afford where I am going AGAIN in Paris. I will do my best! Thanks, Jay

$50.00

FYI, I am going to start signing off with Helena’s headshots from 2017.  They are still my favorites and I like the looks.  You may have seen some of them, but I shall use the favorites of mine. I need to find a good photographer in Paris.  Or maybe get Helena again.  Her boyfriend lives near me.  That works!!!  Thanks.

Best, Jay,

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Taking a Knee In Support

Last night, I was not having a good night and, as a result, I had trouble going to sleep. And, I kept reading about events happening in Paris, London, Russia, Iran, Germany, China, and in the USA. until I managed to work up a high state of anxiety and despair.  And, somehow, when I read this poem, I calmed down.  So, I am posting it here, in case you might need to calm your soul.  And then this morning, I resolved to beat “death in life”.  To live while I am alive, no matter what.  In other words, let go.  These are things that are beyond our control.  Beyond my control, at least.  I will do what I can.  But, maybe the best some of us can do is to live life while we are alive.  Many thanks to my friend who posted this piece on social media.  She often knows just what to say in her postings.  (I think.)

The Laughing Heart – by Charles Bukowski
your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.
You might be saying to me, “But you are in Paris. ”  Believe me, I cannot escape from my thoughts.  And, my mind works overtime.  I read this this morning on the Internet.  It has been 43 years since I was 40.  So, double everything!  I am sharing it with you (with a few corrections by me).
What are some warnings that should come with being over 40?  
This is the age that starts mirroring your past, most recent and present lifestyle!
I have friends who have smoked for years. Its effects are clearly showing.
I have friends who have drunk alcohol frequently. Its effects are clearly showing.
I have friends who have used drugs often. Its effects are clearly showing.
I have friends who have followed an unhealthy lifestyle and eating habits. Its effects are clearly showing.
I also have friends who have followed a healthy lifestyle including eating healthy and exercising regularly. Its effects are clearly showing.
It is up to you how you live your life but remember that around 40 no makeup or spandex will hide your lifestyle.
Live wisely!
(by Peter T Mayer – I’m 41 and most of my friends are around 40 or above 40 years old so this fact I guess qualifies me to answer this question.)
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Taking a knee,
Best, Jay

“It’s going to be a bumpy [ride]!”

This morning, it is even worse. I follow a historian online and this greeted me this morning:
“If we cannot yet fully know the dynamics of the protests, there are a few things we do know.

First, the protests have wiped from public discussion all the major stories that were distressing Trump: the deadly toll of the coronavirus and his administration’s abysmal response to the pandemic, the skyrocketing unemployment as the economy falters, and Friday’s revelations about his 2016 campaign team’s collaboration with Russian spies.

Second, the president has gone missing in the midst of this crisis. While presidents traditionally speak to the nation to try to reassure Americans in such times, neither he nor Republican leaders are trying to calm the nation.”

JAYSPEAK

Yes, fasten your seatbelts. This morning is full of good news and HORRIBLE news.  I feel good and horrible.  Just when I think that things cannot get worse in the USA, things get worse.  This is the quote that greeted me this morning:

“The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born: now is the time of monsters.”      ― Antonio Gramsci

Who was Antonio Gramsci, you ask? Antonio Francesco Gramsci was an Italian Intellectual, born in Ales, Italy in 1891. He wrote on political theory, sociology and linguistics and died in Rome on April 27, 1937 (almost one month after I was born).   

Yes, it does seem like the old world is dying and the new world is a mess.  And, the leaders are a mess and often behave like monsters.  But, the good news (for me, anyway) is that the Jardin de Luxembourg…

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“It’s going to be a bumpy [ride]!”

Yes, fasten your seatbelts. This morning is full of good news and HORRIBLE news.  I feel good and horrible.  Just when I think that things cannot get worse in the USA, things get worse.  This is the quote that greeted me this morning:

“The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born: now is the time of monsters.”      ― Antonio Gramsci

Who was Antonio Gramsci, you ask? Antonio Francesco Gramsci was an Italian Intellectual, born in Ales, Italy in 1891. He wrote on political theory, sociology and linguistics and died in Rome on April 27, 1937 (almost one month after I was born).   

Yes, it does seem like the old world is dying and the new world is a mess.  And, the leaders are a mess and often behave like monsters. A historian who I follow online said this about the rioting:

If we cannot yet fully know the dynamics of the protests, there are a few things we do know.

First, the protests have wiped from public discussion all the major stories that were distressing Trump: the deadly toll of the coronavirus and his administration’s abysmal response to the pandemic, the skyrocketing unemployment as the economy falters, and Friday’s revelations about his 2016 campaign team’s collaboration with Russian spies.

Second, the president has gone missing in the midst of this crisis. While presidents traditionally speak to the nation to try to reassure Americans in such times, neither he nor Republican leaders are trying to calm the nation.”

But, the good news (for me, anyway) is that the Jardin de Luxembourg is open for the first time since lockdown.  Two months or so.  This morning, I walked in the Park!!!!   And, the cafes and restaurants are opening on Tuesday – just outside patios.  No problem.  Gorgeous days in Paris.  Unbelievable weather.  Sunshine.  So, I took a lot of pictures in the Jardin.  And, the neighborhood florist has gorgeous roses outside.  Listen.  We have to take it where we can get it!!!!!!  People were smiling at each other.  The guard at the Senate was smiling.  People were walking and jogging and visibly happy to be ‘liberated’ and in the park.  So, I am going to post happy pictures just because I want to. 

First, some roses to get us started. FYI, I stopped and smelled the roses.

The gates were open for the first time!!!

I am definitely happy that I can just sit down in the Jardin and do nothing. Just “BE” , surrounded by trees and green grass, on a bench. I miss being surrounded by nature. So, I will try to share some thoughts that have been on my mind of late. I know that many of us expats want to “do” something to help. I read the postings of my friends on social media. And, these are a few of my thoughts.

It is going to get worse before it gets better – whatever that is. I shudder when I think of the possibilities. So pay close and discreet attention to what is occurring in your environment. Do the right thing. Take stock. Use discretion and tact in these tense times. Be that international diplomat. Pay sharp attention. Don’t lose your concentration. Look for ways to bring opposites into harmony. And, most of all, honor your intuition.

I am not asking you to agree with me. Just be open and flexible as to what lies ahead. We don’t have to “like” it. Stay strong. And, tighten your seat belts. This may turn out to be an opportunity in disguise.

Best, Jay

Donation PIANO

None of this is easy. Thanks, Jay

$50.00

TAKE TWO! A JAYSPEAK MOMENT!!

I have corrected this post and think it needs a reblog. Thanks in advance. Jay

JAYSPEAK

Jay, speaking here! I have been thinking a lot about what people are saying and doing. Also, I am thinking about expectations. AND, ego and lots of things. But, I mainly want to say that I have enjoyed this time inside this tiny Studio in Paris. I have been working a lot on myself and my self-taping. As a result, I have been called “narcissistic” and “delusional” and probably other things. Well, I am now trying to bloom where I have been planted. And, trying to find ways to do that. I am working hard to get beyond my ego because “Ego is the Enemy.” And, people’s expectations are unrealistic (I think). There is NO WAY POSSIBLE to please everyone who has an opinion these days. And, what we are going through is nothing compared to a LOT of people.

Where am I going with this? Remember, we are in…

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TAKE TWO! A JAYSPEAK MOMENT!!

Jay, speaking here! I have been thinking a lot about what people are saying and doing. Also, I am thinking about expectations. AND, ego and lots of things. But, I mainly want to say that I have enjoyed this time inside this tiny Studio in Paris. I have been working a lot on myself and my self-taping. As a result, I have been called “narcissistic” and “delusional” and probably other things. Well, I am now trying to bloom where I have been planted. And, trying to find ways to do that. I am working hard to get beyond my ego because “Ego is the Enemy.” And, people’s expectations are unrealistic (I think). There is NO WAY POSSIBLE to please everyone who has an opinion these days. And, what we are going through is nothing compared to a LOT of people.

Where am I going with this? Remember, we are in the middle of the biggest angst, game changer any of us has ever known because it is worldwide and unpredictable. An enemy we can’t see. Everyone is crisis. Which brings me to something that I want to point out. I have lived longer than a lot of you. And, I sorta “have a clue”. But I doubt a lot of you do. So, take a moment to get a small amount of perspective.

Daddy and Mother were born in 1902. On their 12th birthday, World War I started, and ended when they were 16.  Later in the year, a Spanish Flu epidemic hit the planet and ran until their 18th birthday. On their 27th birthday, the Great Depression began. Unemployment hit 25%, the World GDP dropped 27%. That ran until they were married and ages 31 with a little girl (Patricia Ann Jewell). The country nearly collapsed along with the world economy. When they turned 37, they had three little girls (Patricia, Barbara, and Janet), and World War II started. They weren’t even over the hill yet. On their 39th birthday, the United States was fully pulled into WWII until they were 43.  At 48, the Korean War started. At 53, the Vietnam War began. When they were 60, the Cuban Missile Crisis threatened to end life on the planet as they knew it. When they turned 73, the Vietnam War finally ended. 

Perspective is amazing. Yes, we are in a challenging time nowadays. Try to remember everything that those born in 1902 endured and accomplished, and have faith that we will endure as well. Let’s be smart, and help each other out – we will get through all of this. MEET DADDY. MEET MOTHER.

(NO PERFORMANCE TODAY. JUST SOME THOUGHTS DURING INTERMISSION)

BEST, JAY

Donation – Beginning Again in PARIS)

Thanks for helping me afford where I am going AGAIN in Paris. I will do my best! Thanks, Jay

$50.00

FIRST POST of – “A Moment in Time” (Hazel)

JAYSPEAK

Welcome! This is my first attempt at “self-taping” a moment in time. She is a character, named “Hazel”. Be patient with me. I am getting this rusty machine up and running. In reviewing this video, the sound is off. Is it something I am doing? I taped it into my Mac on iMovie, save it to a file, uploaded it onto YouTube, transferred it onto WordPress, and uploaded it onto social media. So, somewhere there is a technical problem. Also, I am experimenting with all of this. So, I have problems to solve tech-wise and with my performances. I cannot control the my age. Sorry about that. So, we have to aim for characters. (sigh)

ALSO, wordpress has a new editor. And, I am posting my first attempt to make “A Moment in Time”. As I said last week, I plan to practice “self-taping ” so that I get better…

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FIRST POST of – “A Moment in Time” (Hazel)

Welcome! This is my first attempt at “self-taping” a moment in time. She is a character, named “Hazel”. Be patient with me. I am getting this rusty machine up and running. In reviewing this video, the sound is off. Is it something I am doing? I taped it into my Mac on iMovie, save it to a file, uploaded it onto YouTube, transferred it onto WordPress, and uploaded it onto social media. So, somewhere there is a technical problem. Also, I am experimenting with all of this. So, I have problems to solve tech-wise and with my performances. I cannot control the my age. Sorry about that. So, we have to aim for characters. (sigh)

ALSO, wordpress has a new editor. And, I am posting my first attempt to make “A Moment in Time”. As I said last week, I plan to practice “self-taping ” so that I get better at it for whatever. Actually, it gives me an opportunity to act in my own space in this tiny Studio apartment here in Paris! Big whoop! I still cannot believe that I am actually in Paris.

AND, if that were not enough (new video, new editor), I got an new haircut! I had my hair cut again this morning in a little out-of-the-way salon, and it was fun. Not high fashion or anything spectacular but I enjoyed going there and getting my hair done. It was a little salon named Fifi Art Coiff in the 5e. I don’t know the stylist’s name but I liked her. I had passed by it on my walks, walked in, made an appointment for Friday (today) and went in. Here it is, with hair and makeup.

AND, coming home, I saw a pret a manger on Saint Michel open and got a delicious fresh sandwich and a cookie for lunch. I also saw two dress shops with dresses I like to visit once I begin “shopping” once again. So, a lot is going on. Be prepared for weekly moments in time because I plan to work an hour a day on my “self’-taping. ” Fun times. Ok, I am working on all of it, especially my attitude. Stay tuned……….

Best, Jay

NOW! WHERE WAS I? IT WAS 1957…… AND, I WAS IN PARIS, FRANCE, AND I……

What I have on my mind today is NOT the news.  I am so alarmed and depressed about the news that I need to help myself “get a grip”.   I am walking and thinking and planning and thinking until I have OVERTHOUGHT everything.  Ouch.  I have time.  I am in Paris.  I am still alive, not dead.  Not sick.  What????  How dare I be not sick or dead or NOT feeling alive?  Haha!!   Well, Last night, I watched a SAG-AFTRA Streaming session about self-taping auditions.  And, I realized that I can do that.  I have to learn how to do it.  What if I got a role that I did from my apartment in Paris!!!!!   Why not?  I can try!!  I have time.  
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about art and what I can do to help myself get out of this deep funk I have been in since Steve died.  How?  What makes me feel good?  I know!
I know I love to act. It is not just “act”.  It is more than that.  Getting inside of another character and expressing a deep feeling, an observation, a momentary passing of an experience.  I have loved doing that since I was a little girl.  Maybe it was a deep need to communicate.  Really communicate with another human being.  I used to wish I had the freedom to explore that part of me.  Well, I have it now.  The freedom.  So, I plan to ponder this some more.  The passage below speaks to me.  I understand what he was saying.  At least, I think I do.  That said, I miss the creative experience.  Acting.   I am going to explore and try some things.  Maybe draw?  Paint?  Creative photography?  Stay tuned…..    
These are some shots from my roles in the past…..
A friend of mine posted this interview (see below) on Facebook. Marlon Brando says what I want to say!  I want to do this again.    This is what I experienced when I first started out.  But, I got sidetracked.  It is NOT too late.   The trick will be finding ways to do this at my age.  Not for show.  But, just for myself (I think) to recreate that feeing  that makes me feel so alive!!!   I may show some of it as I explore.  On Jayspeak.  As I said, stay tuned…….
Marlon Brando/Interview with James Grissom #LakeOfTheMind 
“I have found that most of us who want to act or write or make music or paint things or sculpt things are trying to remember, re-create, share, and pitifully hold on to a particular memory or memories that allowed us to continue living with some comfort. In everything I’ve done as an actor, I want to tell people, somehow, how it felt to feel my mother’s hand on my forehead when I was sick. I want to tell people how it felt when I protected my mother from my father’s rage. I want to tell people how it felt–how it changed my life–when my sister came to my aid, over and over again. Art is autobiography made flesh. Art is sending the message that life has merit, that people have merit. I think we should see things that make us all want to go out and live better and share the good things we have seen. I think we should, without ever meeting, let it be known that we are here to support and protect each other.”
–Marlon Brando/Interview with James Grissom #LakeOfTheMind 
Marlon Brando and his sister
(Photo of Marlon Brando and his sister Jocelyn)
WOW!!! YES!!!! I have work to do……….
Best, Jay
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