Some days I am 100 percent in the USA . This week I was in Texas. I don’t like Texas. Never did. I have to remind myself that I live in Paris. Not glamorous like it sounds but alive still waking up in the mornings. I AM YOUNG AT HEART and have brain strokes and memories of my life and loves that are very selective. . And I am loving myself anyway and I now understand why my children have problems with me. And saying that I am sorry doesn’t do it. How could it? Okay, I don’t like what I did, but Life is giving me another chance. Good. At least today.

(The sound of one hand clapping)

No response?  Non-response is a powerful response and when people tell who they are – believe them.  I WANT TO wipe my slate clean.  And the butterfly goes into action OVER AND OVER AND OVER……

Chaos theory is sometimes known as ‘the butterfly effect,’ a term coined in an attempt to explain how small actions in a dynamic system like the atmosphere could trigger vast and unexpected changes. Edward Norton Lorenz, born in West Hartford, Connecticut, in 1917. He started out as a mathematician but turned to meteorology during World War II. In an attempt to explain why it’s so difficult to make a long-range weather forecast, he spawned chaos theory, one of the 20th century’s most revolutionary scientific ideas. He discovered the effect in the early 1960s while entering values into a computer weather prediction program; instead of entering the number to the full six decimal places, he rounded it to three to save time, and the resulting weather pattern was completely different. He first framed it as the effect a seagull’s wing has on the formation of a hurricane, but he changed it to the more poetic butterfly in his 1972 presentation, ‘Does the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas?’ Though the term dates back to 1972, the concept actually predates Lorenz’s discovery. Science fiction writers had been playing around with the idea for several years in their time-travel stories: Usually the hero goes back in time and makes some seemingly insignificant choice that ends up changing the course of history.”

Does it matter that my story is different from yours and your facts are different from mine but I thought of myself FIRST and it took money TO DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO, so I kept it and used it on private schools and trips for all of us AND – EXPENSES. Besides, I did not trust them. i am learning how to love. Is it too late?

Afraid ? Me. Too. So, refocus your energy and find that damn pony asap. BE THAT RENAISSANCE WOMAN. WHAT????? Or man?

Definition of Renaissance woman: a woman who is interested in and knows a lot about many things.

My grandchildren will probably see me as an old crone, if at all. Actually, they don’t acknowledge my existence. A woman who lives in another country and who may or may not still be alive. They will not know how I strived. They will not know of my grinding and will only see a few mere fruits of my earlier days’ work: – my books, my journals. Or nothing. Is it OKAY that they don’t know of much of my striving? Does any of this matter to anyone else?

And does it matter if it doesn’t matter?

Wellllll. I DO exist! I matter to me! I am in France. I don’t live in the USA. And, at any age, I look for ponies. I have ALWAYS done that . And money is front and center – STILL. So, I am looking for a pony because that butterfly is working overtime. I AM WORKING ON ‘”LOVE”

SO, this is my Plan. 

I want a big house on a tree-lined street in an excellent neighborhood in Paris or Brittany or Normandy– WITH A STAFF. A car with a driver; a chef and a cook; a caretaking couple; a garden with a gardener; a working fireplace; 2 dogs named Missy and Laurel and 2 cats names Tigger and Chipper. Fresh flowers on all tables and real wood and real brass. A Steinway pian in excellent shape; and guest rooms for friends and family.

You are trailing a beautiful pathway through this life.

An invisible, star-bright network of you.

All the times you touch the hearts of others –

are stars on that trail.

Every time you smile, 

give advice, 

show kindness –


all of them.

Your twinkly star-bright galaxy of you,

is growing every day,

reaching places that you have not even been to. 

But your energy has. 

In your words or your actions.

You’re snaking a shimmering path full of love, joy sincerity, kindness, companionship, loyalty and you-ness.

All over the place.

And you don’t even see it.

If you could, 

you would be mesmerised,

Sometimes, you want something to work out so badly, but remember ‘ you CAN NOT fit a square peg into a round hole’, so you just have to LET GO 🎈& MOVE ON to better things that ARE GOOD FOR YOU!! ( For Your Highest Good!!) … So EMBRACE THE NEW & give thanks for the LESSON you have been taught and also the BLESSINGS it has also brought you, such as Inner Change & Growth! No experience is ever wasted, it serves a PURPOSE and you will ALWAYS find a HIDDEN GEM 💎 within it!! 🙏🥰♥️✨🎈🕊☯️
NB. ANYTHING AT ALL IS POSSIBLE WITH The infinite intelligence.!🙏🕊💖💡☯️😇✨🦋⭐️🌈💎





This will be a creative endeavor attempt on this cool day in Paris. I want to share cartoons with you, but I want to write a paragraph about something that I have been thinking about.

As I have said many times on Jayspeak, I don’t like lies of any kind. Wellllllll. Maybe one or two here and there. But, I am known for being brutally frank – too frank – especially with facades and pretenses of any kind. Do you know someone who pretends to be something that they are NOT!. And you know the truth and they know you know the truth and yet they expect you to keep the secret. Oops. I do. I HATE THAT!!!! I am thinking about one person in particular. And when I called her out, she wrote me off as a friend not to be trusted. And, that really hurt me because she knew that I knew the truth. So, in these bizarre and mean-spirited times and with the threat of nuclear war and my fear of Covid and whatever, I am trying to let go. You see, we all look like we’re kinda nailing it, from the outside in. We all look ‘together’ sometimes. Catch us on the right day and hey, we look like we have it all. Because guess what, we learned to look that way a long time ago. We learned to hide our struggles behind a smile and whack on that mask every day. And actually, we are doing each other a favour when we show up at all and don’t die as an easy way out of this chaos,

Sunday funnies go digital. Mere Footprints in the sand.


P. S.


What if you didn’t wake up tomorrow and your soul is watching down thinking of all the things you didn’t get to do yet because you were too scared, or too fat, or too worried about money. And all the things you told yourself you weren’t good enough for, swam in front of your eyes, fighting for a place in the line, beside the words you didn’t say and the joy you forget to have.

My friend, there is absolutely no room for anything in your day, other than acceptance. You will never have enough money, or time, and you will certainly never have that perfect body the world told you you need to be happy.

And before you say it’s too late to embrace this thing we call life, no it is not. You can do it right where you are. Right this minute. Get outside, breathe, look at the trees, put your bare feet on the grass – hand on your heart to feel that pulse – and that’s it.

You’re living.

Keep that up.

Wait up for the moon sometimes or get up early to see a sunrise, just because you can.
Jump in the lake. Run, skip.
The things you need to feel alive are free and all around my friend.
You just have to see them.

Let in opportunity and say yes to the invitations that scare you a little, in a good way.
Say no to some of the things you force yourself to do, knowing they rinse you of your peace.

Life was never supposed to be a waiting room, it was supposed to be a hillside, with paths leading in every direction and mountains as far as the eye can see, hiding adventures and new friends behind them.

Don’t let yourself get to the end of this ride without having stopped to smell those beautiful roses.
That’s the only thing you need to fear in this life.
Everything else is all part of it.
It’s all just a messy, complicated, beautiful and terrifying part of it.

Chin up, throw your arms wide open
and let it be so.

Donna Ashworth

life #friends #inspire #words #poetry

This idea makes me happy ~

 “the Great Society” and laid out the vision of a country that did not confine itself to making money, but rather used its post–World War II prosperity to “enrich and elevate our national life.” That Great Society would demand an end to poverty and racial injustice. 

But it would do more than that, he promised: it would enable every child to learn and grow, and it would create a society where people would use their leisure time to build and reflect, where cities would not just answer physical needs and the demands of commerce, but would also serve “the desire for beauty and the hunger for community.” It would protect the natural world and would be “a place where men are more concerned with the quality of their goals than the quantity of their goods.” 

“But most of all,” he said, it would look forward. “[T]the Great Society is not a safe harbor, a resting place, a final objective, a finished work. It is a challenge constantly renewed, beckoning us toward a destiny where the meaning of our lives matches the marvelous products of our labor.”

I am game. Are you ?



Our miracle boy is 12!

Believing for Ben

Grandson Ben celebrated his 12th birthday this week, and I was so glad I was able to make the trip last weekend to watch him play in a soccer match and to celebrate early with him.

Ben does not remember anything at all about his health problems as a young child. When he was only 3, he was diagnosed with an arteriovenous fistula (a vascular abnormality) in his brain. It was a life-threatening condition, and he had two brain surgeries at the age of 4 and another surgery the following year, all done by the world-renowned New York doctor, Dr. Alex Berenstein, who developed the procedure for repairing AV fistulas in children. Ben was declared cured and has grown into a fine young man who excels academically, plays sports, and volunteers in his community.

This Spring he chose to play soccer rather than baseball, and I was able to watch…

View original post 109 more words


It is Friday the 13th – a Lucky Day for me!!!! For all of us. Plus it is Ben Holloway’s birthday. He is a miracle baby. And continues performing miracles day by day. And Katie and Joshua’s baby and Debby’s grand baby. And my sister Patricia’s great grandbaby. And my parents’ great, great grandbaby…… ad infinitum……..

Today, I awakened to an active mind going bonkers with ideas of things that are possibilities that I could do when I want to.  A River of Possibilities flowing in my direction – DON’T PUSH THE RIVER!  IT FLOWS BY ITSELF!!!!

I have been trying to decide what brings me joy……  Hmmmmmmm. (pondering)

This is another thought that is on my mind this morning – all my inspirations instruct me to love myself more and to be good to myself.  And right behind that thought is the thought that it is not all about ME, ME, ME.   Yes, it is.  OOPS. 

So today, I am going to ponder.  And I have gathered some memes to help me and my guests (you) to ponder.  So, pondering without comment…



HELP, please




This week, my brain opened the flood gates to memories, and I have had mind pictures flooding through my mind’s eye. Please take notice that there is NO PERFECT anything because we are all in process. That said, I have been the perfect mother and I have the perfect kids. I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING!!!! And I had the perfect mother and father who gave me exactly what I needed to thrive in this life. WHAT????????? But, you said….. I know but I have changed my mind.

My sons were the perfect parents to their children and gave them exactly what they needed to thrive.  Bottom line = WE ALL DID A GOOD JOB!!!!!!


My mother was great. She was full of vitality and wit and filled with charm and poise.  And she was soooo proud to be MRS. JESSE JEWELL.  Anna Lou Jewell.  She loved to laugh and tell a joke to make someone else laugh- with a bowl of hard candy on the kitchen table in case company came to call.   And everyone was welcome at her table. And she was soooo happy when I came home to visit.  And a wonderful cook. She prided herself with her desserts – taking recipes from Good Housekeeping and the newspapers.  And her mother passed down family recipes that she duplicated.   The recipes were intuition and feel.  Wow, she was perfect in all of that.  Excellent memories.  And Daddy was a perfect mother to me, too, teaching me life lessons and how to shake hands. He had a cliché for everything and taught me to show off. They were both very protective and kept me safe and sound. 

My Daughter Trascey was the best! She loved her family very much and kept her brothers safe. They would tease her, and she would tease them back. And she loved animals and had a lot of cats and kittens and aquariums and gerbilles and mice and guinea pigs and gardens and projects galore. She was very creative and an excellent writer. And artist. I had her art framed on the walls for years. She liked to sew and cook. She made a beautiful quilt which I have on my bed right now and made great gingerbread cookies and gingerbread men for holidays. And cake was her specialty. She would make all our birthday cakes. Wow, what a talent!!!

And Craig was the best.  He was artist and skilled at woodworking and fixing things.  I always asked his advice about everything.   We did fixers together.  Good looking and excellent worker.   Surfer and athlete.  I still have his woodwork on my shelf today. And, he has grown into an amazing man.  An amazing leader of men who helps people in need.  And he now builds his own dune buggies and races them in the desert, helping veterans along the way. He has always liked the military.  He has his own way with his children, and they are thriving so – the proof is in the pudding.   Wow, what a survivor and a thriver.

I have a list a mile long for Blake. He has been both mother and father to his children. He has an excellent sense of humor and loves music.  Had his own band for years and played guitar, sang, and had fun with friends.  he loved his brother and his sister, and they all protected each other.   Full of mischief. Loves dogs.  Loved his grandmother Nana Lou.  And she loved him. 

As you can see, I have chosen to leave out all the negatives.  In all three of my children, inside each one is that son and daughter that  I have described.  This is a love letter to my family who is alive and thriving today.  I will close with a post I saved –

“I asked an elderly man once what it was like to be old and to know the majority of his life was behind him. He told me that he has been the same age his entire life. He said the voice inside of his head had never aged. He has always just been the same boy. His mother’s son. He had always wondered when he would grow up and be an old man. He said he watched his body age and his faculties dull but the person he is inside never got tired. Never aged. Never changed.

Our spirits are eternal. Our souls are forever. The next time you encounter an elderly person, look at them and know they are still a child, just as you are still a child and children will always need love, attention and purpose.”

~ Author unknown



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Grab a coffee. This may take a while. This post matters – to ME. And I am sharing it with you. THIS IS ONE WAY TO LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED. There are many others.

Once upon a time, in a small town in the southern part of the United States, a town named Gainesville, Georgia, there lived a young couple, a beautiful young girl named Anna Louise, called “Anna Lou” and a handsome young man named Jesse Jewell – aka Mr. and Mrs. J.D. Jewell. They lived in a small 2-bedroom, 1 bath house on a country road to Cleveland, Georgia, outside of town – called Cleveland Road. In March 1937, Anna Lou was expecting her third baby. She was 34. Jesse had just turned 35 on March 13th. They had two girls, ages 5 and 7. Patricia was the oldest – she was 7. Barbara was two years younger – she was 5. Jesse was hoping for a boy. Anna Lou just wanted it over because this was her fourth try. After this baby, she did want to try for a boy any longer. Needless to say, Jesse wanted his boy. At that time, Jesse was helping his mother in a chicken feed store in town. The south was in the throes of a deep depression and everyone was doing his best to make a go of it. Franklin Roosevelt had just been re-elected for his second term as President of the United States and was frequently giving his “fireside chats” on the radio. Jesse and his mother were struggling to help the local farmers get feed for their chickens and the farmers were struggling to pay.

Across the “highway” on the other side of the street, lived the Lilly’s.  Johnny Lilly and Jesse had been best friends for years. And Evelyn, Johnny’s wife was also pregnant, expecting her first baby. She was expecting her baby in August.  So, in the evenings after work, Johnny and Evelyn would come over after supper and sit on Anna Lou and Jesse’s screened-in porch with Anna Lou and Jesse and talk until around 9:00 p.m.  At that time, Anna Lou would make sure the other two girls were in bed. 

Then, on March 30, a Tuesday morning at 11:30 a.m., Dr. Davis delivered another baby  girl to Anna Lou and Jesse Jewell.  They named her “Janet Tallulah”, after Jesse’s mother.  Anna Lou was glad it was over; Jesse ….  No boy.

That is the way it all began for me – March 30, 1937. I was not a boy. I just turned 85. Lots of life and years in between. I have been reminded of this many times during my life. Thornton Wilder’s “Our Town” and the speech that will remain indelible in my mind forever, “Let’s really look at one another!…It goes so fast. We don’t have time to look at one another. I didn’t realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed… Wait! One more look. Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover’s Corners….Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking….and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths….and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it–every, every minute? (Emily)”Thornton Wilder, Our Town. Bottom line. I did not think I was wanted. I was not a boy.

It started with a train whistle in the middle of the night in Gainesville Georgia. The train was on its way to New York. I / Janet Jewell wanted to get far, far away from my family who did not love me and never return. And I changed my name and mentally became another person for a lot of year. I tried too forget about my unhappiness. I left Gainesville Georgia in 1968 and moved to Los Angeles California.

Three unhappy marriages later, Flash forward to 2014 in Encino, California in the San Fernando valley. It started in 2014.  My fourth husband was a good friend and I loved him very much.  Happy marriage finally. 

But Steve wanted OUT of LA.. i loved LÀ.  Steve HATED it. So I -unbeknownst to me – made my move – this thrust / goal to get to Paris. Steve wanted to move back to Sarasota Florida. He lived there for some years after his mother died. I did not like Florida at all. I did NOT want to live there.  So I suggested that we move to France.  WHAT??????  Italy?  Steve was a fully – loaded  Italian. He would want duel citizenship. WHAT? HOW?  USA and Italian.  Okay. And we move to Formula One territory Grand Prix Monaco.  Okay. Nice France.  Okay. Deal. Deal. 

That is how it started. And we burned bridge after bridge . We left no trails to return 

Do not go where the path may lead,

Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail…

I did not know I was planning to stay but I was.  

Am I sorry?  Sometimes. I cannot believe that I burned the bridges and I did not want to return.

I set it up  

Remember “Janet had dreamed of living in Europe for years- as long as she could remember. Every time she heard the train whistle from her bedroom upstairs on green street circle in Gainesville Georgia. The train was on its way to New York where she would take a boat. And live somewhere beautiful.  With lots of trees. In a cozy happy home where people were loving and happy with everything.” I did not know what hugs were. I had never been hugged. 

So Janet began to help Steve get his Italian passport. It took two years. And Jay was an attorney and put her research skills to work.

Jay -my alter ego – subscribed to International Living magazine and Anglo Info website and found a realtor in Nice who was independent and would work with me to help me find a property to rent.  I was also a USA Real Estate Broker in California. I knew what I was doing .  I also watched House Hunters International a lot. Steve did not think we could find anything decent. We did and our contact helped us rent it, but  Steve wanted his Italian passport and he got it before we left for France. I had a trial until the last minute and we departed and arrived on October 1 2015. 

We made a bad decision on moving company. Big mistake. I went for cheapest. Never again. And major downsize and I still took too much. Plus I got rid of things I wanted. It is painful to remember what happened. 

Our contact met us at the airport and we were there ! We did not know that we were there for good and would never would return .   

Lots of decisions good and bad. But we did it and were very happy for 11 months. I was in love with Steve and life and Janet had made it to Europe at last. I was a happy camper!! Then Steve got double pneumonia. WHAT???? Cured but heart failed. He died. WHAT??? Noooooooooo. NOT OKAY!!!!!

I floundered until JANUARY, 2020 and moved to Paris. I arrived but was very rigid. Very scared. I didn’t know what to do. So I broke. Brain strokes. I have had to simplify everything. I did not know I had intended to burn my bridges. I had reached my goal. Oops. Now what . Damaged and broken in Paris, France, during a pandemic and regional war. Oops.  And no one wants anything to do with brain strokes.

“No one is a great poet because she is a miserable drunk. No one is a great poet because he has had a nervous breakdown. Suffering, however, can be experienced as a curse or a blessing; the luckiest is the one who can experience it as a blessing.” ~poet Carolyn Forché

So a blessing? YES!!$

(singing) “To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
And to run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
And to love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march, march into Hell
For that Heavenly cause

And I know if I’ll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage

To reach the unreachable
The unreachable star

And I’ll always dream the impossible dream
Yes, and I’ll reach the unreachable star.”

Cautiously optimistic, I realize that I burned all bridges. I am still processing that one. And Paris is just a big city with a lot of buildings.

At least that is one way to look at what happened…… I am sure there are others. Please forgive all of the mistakes. I am doing my best and plan to keep writing anyway.

Best, Jay





Today is my random rambling in case something speaks to you.

I have wonderful memories that POP! unexpected into my mind with a BAM and I try to remember who, when, what, and where. A puzzle game with my brain!   It’s fun!  And you can do it without brain strokes.  Free of charge to all genders.  Haha.  I call it “Bits and Pieces.” 

FIRST Ramble-  My niece Deb Prince Kroll writes a wonderful blog titled “unexpectedincommonhours “ and she posts her photos of nature in the world surrounding her life in the foothills of the mountains of North Georgia Blue Ridge mountains and finds matching quotations. I am using one of the quotes that applies to my brain puzzles. 

How strange it is, sometimes, which conversations or events stay with us while so much else melts as fast as April snow.” — Marlena De Blasi

Second ramble-

“She was damn happy to be alive.

She didn’t have millions in the bank.

She wasn’t at the top of the

corporate ladder and still her deepest

dreams.. though she pursued them

hadn’t yet come true. But still 

she was damn happy to be alive.

She had people to love; a roof over her head;

she had all the essentials for living;

water, gas electricity, food;

she could appreciate the flowers blooming,

the sun beaming and the skies blessing.

She had good books to read. 

She spoke to the moon at She was damn happy to be alive.

She didn’t have millions in the bank.

She wasn’t at the top of the

corporate ladder and still her deepest

dreams.. though she pursued them

hadn’t yet come true. But still 

she was damn happy to be alive.

She had people to love; a roof over her head;

she had all the essentials for living;

water, gas electricity, food;

she could appreciate the flowers blooming,

the sun beaming and the skies blessing.

She had good books to read. 

She spoke to the moon at night.

She often had a good sing in the shower.

And she lived her life with a touch of her own style.

The world’s mindless noise went quiet at the 

sight of her relentless joy. ~”.  S.C. Lourie

Third Ramble – This Easter, whether you are a religious person or not, I invite you to talk about resurrection. If you are one who has failed again and again to overcome addiction of any kind, resurrection says, “Life is worth trying again.”

If you are an outcast, facing rejection and ridicule, resurrection says, “It gets better.”

If you are someone who has played the game for so long that you cannot even imagine life beyond the charade, resurrection says, “Only when a seed falls into the ground like an acorn and can it become a tree or bear great fruit.”

In the end, resurrection is not about the walking dead; it is about those who have found new life.  The one that I find speaks to me is that I played the game for so long, that I must be reborn to bear great fruit. OOPS. “Figuratively-speaking” because I feel like I have hit rock bottom and am finding new life. 

Donna Ashworth words speak to me……


When you hit rock bottom, 

you know,

this is as low as you can get.

There is some comfort in this knowing,

that you’ve seen the deepest, 

the worst, of your depths.

You have some choices whilst you sit there, 

smashed against the cold hard surface.

You can stay, 

or you can see this is a base.

A base to build upon.

A solid, strong floor your new castle will rise up from.

If you are really clever, 

you can make rock bottom the surface,

that you build upon for ever more.

And you need never touch the rock again,

because you made yourself some stairs to climb up, 

should you ever fall. [Can I use a cane?]

The thing about rock bottom is that it’s hard,

And beautiful buildings are made of that.”

Donna  Ashworth

Fourth Ramble

“You get what you’re willing to accept. 

If you want to break multi-generational dysfunction, YOU will become the problem. 

You’ll receive all manner of distortion, projections, and history rewrites. (and in my case, made-up conspiracy theories)  This is especially true if you’re dealing with those who are suppressing guilt.  No matter. If you really want change, you have to stand solid, continue to own your truth, and not argue.  It’s not open for argument.

Allow the belittling mockery.   It’s just designed to draw you back in for more. 

Stand tall in yourself, you are learning to love and respect yourself. 

You’ll find some others like you.

You’re not alone……

And you’re awesome!”

  • Author Unknown


“You may not have noticed, but nothing is normal.

Yes restrictions are lifting and yes we are taking back our lives again.

But that feeling of ‘it being over’, never came.

Perhaps it never will.

Because we are different now.

Forever changed by the last two years, there really is no going back.

Some lost health, loved ones, some lost legacies, business.

Some lost their carefree beliefs that the world is a safe place.

But we all gained too.

We gained some time with ourselves that we may never have taken.

We gained a perspective shift, we know that life is a gift.

And it’s that we must focus on going forward.

You may not have noticed that nothing is normal.

Because you’re different now, 

your normal has shifted.”

  • Donna Ashworth

BEST, JAY (sorry for mistakes)





THIS IS MORE THAN YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW. And more than I EVER should put into writing. But, I am getting in touch with myself more each day and discovering things I really love about me . These are things that come to mind.  I have required some form of abuse since childhood.  I don’t know why but I chose friends who would criticize me and would treat me with disdain. I did not respect people who were nice to me. And I married men who would feed my needs for abuse. Each one put me down.  

Fast forward to Janet Jewell today at 85, living alone in an apartment in Paris France. WWIII is threatening and a pandemic is outside. Wow. What has happened??? Why has Janet chosen to emerge at this late date?

Janet speaks: “I want to go back and try it again. I want to do better at living my life.  I can’t?  I want to give Janet lots of love and encouragement. I want to have different friends, different husbands and surround myself with people who have love and character. I know who they are and were.  I know who they are now. So anger and high blood pressure propelled me upward and onward and boom. I crashed but did not burn.”

“I still am alive. It is not too late and I am not too old. I have hit bottom and I want to turn around. I may have lots of cracks but I am still Janet Jewell. So this is breaking news for you and me. Janet is back with brain strokes and a past history that is murky. I see names and don’t remember who they were/are. Oops. No matter. I remember the abuse. And I release the abusers and set them free.” MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST……

APRIL – ready or not . I am not ready. Winter just returned to Paris with snow, what ?????).  Plus lots of deadlines and birthdays and a wedding . Problems galore. And a war.

The good news is that I have discovered THERE IS NO ONE ELSE LIKE ME AT ALL AND THERE WON’T EVER BE. I AM UNIQUE!!!! Isn’t that wonderful????? And, I had a wonderful birthday and am glad it is over. I am officially 85. Woweeee. Thank you to Everyone for the birthday wishes on March 30. I had so much fun working with you. I hope I didn’t miss anyone. These birthdays are special, especially during these perilous times. As you may or may not know, I am living in Paris, France, and I am healing from brain strokes and a botched knee surgery. But, I am going to try to begin some kind of daily exercise after I get my booster to the booster. Wish me luck.

I want another booster because for over-80, it is recommended. The numbers out there are not good in Europe.   And, as a friend of mine said, “if I die because I touched my face, I am going to be pissed!”  HAHA.  We all want to have “vine leaves in our hair”, like Hedda Gabler’s boyfriend Eilert Lovborg.  She was pissed because he died drunk in a ditch. 

Yesterday was the first day of my new year. It is the beginning of my new journey. Feeling deep sadness and fear about the situation in Ukraine… I grew up during WWII.… and worry about WWIII.

And yet I am overflowing with gratitude…. the sunshine, the rain and the flowers; for my family… particularly my incredible sons who have grown up to be such fascinating men, ….and for my friends… whom I love and feel trusted by; for music… always for music…the great healer and my ability to write my blog almost every week for 6 years.

BREAKING NEWS: And I want to share with you a new discovery that I think is very interesting. A book by a friend of mine – Suzanne White.

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? THE NEW ASTROLOGY FOR THE 21ST CENTURY READS YOUR PERSONALITY AND DESCRIBES YOUR CHARACTER. This engaging book of character study based on Chinese and Western astrology combined, offers readers not 12 but 144 signs of the zodiac. By blending the two zodiacs, White has created a synthesis of the World’s Two Greatest Astrological systems. White’s accuracy with character reading is positively uncanny! You will wonder if she has been reading your mail. This book is a veritable treasure chest of insights into your own personality and that of everyone you know or meet up with in your lifetime. THE NEW ASTROLOGY FOR THE 21ST CENTURY is a keeper. You will refer back to it many times – for the rest of your life”  


On a totally different note, our ability to enjoy outdoor-dining in cold weather has come to an end, as the outdoor restaurant terrace heaters were banned in France as of April 1st. The measure is expected to save 500,000 tons of CO2 each year. When Covid-19 hit, the heaters were our godsend, enabling us to dine outdoors even in inclement cold weather. They wanted to enforce it a year ago, but postponed the inevitable. So now that we can safely be indoors once again, the ban is in full force. There are a few exceptions, however—”the closed tents of circuses and fairground activities; covered and closed mobile installations for temporary cultural, sporting or festive events; waiting areas in stations, ports and airports; bars, cafes, restaurants whose terraces are entirely ‘covered and closed on their sides by solid walls connected by an airtight joint to the upper wall

“As you sow, so shall you reap.”

“Ask and it shall be given to you, knock and the doors will be opened.”

As humans we’ve been provided with all the necessary ingredients in the recipe for a healthy and happy and a prosperous life and yet we’re still searching for a way to a better life. 

Demand what you want and expect to receive it and the universe will conspire on your behalf. Stop hoping and wishing. We must believe and demand and expect to receive what we want and things will start happening for us. 

I’m showing you the way. You don’t need to take my word for it, it’s based on the laws of the universe.

All blessings.

Springtime in Paris may bring April showers, but also days of glorious sunshine. So, come prepared with a parapluie (umbrella) as well as your lunettes (sunglasses). As Paris continues to reopen, expand, and welcome visitors there’s lots to do and see. Stay tuned……



Support JAYSPEAK, please. I need it.



Hellllo, Viêt Nam!!! I got here just in time!! The whole world is reeling again, and so am I . You should be so lucky to reach 85 because not everyone does. Let’s make it fun !! I am so happy that I will get there soon. Anyway, growing old is a real trip!!!! Well, indulge me. Thanks. March 30 is my birthday – my annual time to take stock. Where have I been (the list is long); where am I now (Paris); where am I going (?????); what matters to me at this time in my life (let’s think about it)? Is there a truth that fits my reality? Aphorism of the week – “Man keeps looking for a truth that fits his reality. Given our reality, the truth doesn’t fit. If you experience it, it’s the truth. The same thing believed is a lie. In life, understanding is the booby prize.” Say what?

85 is a big one. I have made it this far and wow, what a life I have lived. Lots to celebrate that others could not even dream of attaining. Unfortunately, 85 for a lot of people also signals a health dive. But, I am not the average octogenarian so there is room to barter with the gods, and destiny. I may not always be able to deal with my physical health, but I can my mental health and it is getting my attention.

Brain strokes have slowed me down and changed my everything. But I cannot think negative. Negative thoughts bring on the cortisol, which destroys healthy tissues, whereas pleasant or happy thoughts – even just contentment or reading a good book or watching something fun on netflix – bring on the soothing healing serotonin and other endorphins, the happy hormones. They heal the tissue and nerve endings.It is a fact. Thoughts are words, so look at my words – what am I telling myself? 

Am I focusing on the joys which I find in flowers, looking out my window, being in Paris (most of the time)…or on my maladies? Playing the piano is another gift and healer. Writing my blog is outstanding. Being in touch with other people is the other ingredient for health and longevity. I have got a lot to get me through the next years, and I truly believe that attitude is more important than any other thing in life. It determines our reality. That is not pollyanna talk, its quantum physics. So I am going to do this. I still have things to do and places to explore so plan to stay tuned.  

I think this is a good time for a favorite piece of poetry that sounds like good lyrics for a song:


“As time goes by, You will loosen your grip on that rock, The one you always thought was home. And you will realise that home is not a place, it’s a state of mind.

Let it go.

As time goes by, You will learn to see yourself more clearly, The girl who was always too much of one thing, And too little of another, was actually Everything she needed to be.

Let her out.

As time goes by, You will let the simple things become the big, And you will allow the big things to become the simple, And that readjustment will be, The day you really start to live,

Let it be.

As time goes by, you will be forced to say goodbye many times. And your soft little heart will shatter but, It will still beat and that will bring you, All the purpose you need.

Let it beat.

As time goes by, You will stop choosing wealth over peace, You will stop choosing money over time, And you will see that the treasures you need, Are in the smiles and the laughter.

Let them in.

As time goes by, The moments you remember when your life flashes past, Are never the awful memories my friend, it’s the joy,The summer nights, the lazy days with loved ones, The midnight chats and the morning hugs,

Let them happen.

Let them all happen.

  • By Donna Ashworth 

From ‘The Right Words’: 


#time #astimegoesby #atlast #wisdom #poetry #quotes #elenachelaruart #donnaashworth #donnaashworthbooks

Best, Jay





I am changing. I am making different choices. To what? I don’t know yet. But some things concern the following – Why do people choose the lie? When truth is in plain sight? Friends and relatives watch Tucker Carlson. Disbelieve the amazing growth of the economy and the list of positive changes in American life. AND, choose to believe Tucker Carlson? It is a conscious choice. I could go on and on because I feel bad for my desire for all people to get a chance.  Ok. You can label me however you choose to, but I don’t care. It is my blog and Jay is speaking. Just know that growing old is not easy. And not very fun, but I must say that I am surprised at myself. And, I am the one who is in the room with me. And, I must not cry because crying messes up my eyes. Clogged tear ducts.

Belief Systems. I am happy to say that I love democracy, and I don’t like autocratic people. Or régimes. I don’t want a king. No room for mistakes

And if a person believes that what Tucker Carlson says is true, then it is true for that person. And truth staring that person in the face is only the tip of the iceberg for that person. The truth is unknown and your guess is as good as mine . But I think this is what is happening.  Ugh.

I tend not to like that person.

I can see that the truth is happening with my own eyes. 

In acting class, I would try to get all complicated with emotional motivations, and Strasberg would say, “She’s cooking a turkey.  COOK THE DAMN TURKEY!!! The lines are said as she is cooking….”

Bottom line – you create your own reality and I do not want to spend my days living the negative. I cannot live with the negative. I need a pony in shit. The afternoon sun is shining in my patio door and it is warm and wonderful. The Neighborhood pigeons shit on my patio for good luck and I have a half full glass of water to drink. I am not a Pollyanna but I must surround myself with the good people and things. Not reality????? It is as real for me as your negativity is for you. I used to think reality checks were important. I still do but now I look for the lesson I need to learn to move on. What is life trying to get me to learn? What point have I been missing? I am still working on this one . I don’t like admitting that I am/ was wrong. Oops.

I need to find the positive in the aches and pains of getting old and the clear in dizzy. That is how I get through my day. Constantly remembering why I am grateful and happy to keep going in my adopted country and here to stay and choose to stay and missing my family and letting them go. Life will either teach them or it won’t.

It is all Cheap Speech. I don’t want to participate in cheap speech, e.g. lies Cheap Speech. I cannot control what others do. Is there anything that we can do?

“The most important steps to counter cheap speech are the hardest to take. We need to rebuild civil society to strengthen reliable intermediaries and institutions that engage in truth telling. As a starting point, think of all the institutions Mr. Trump tried to undermine: the free press, the opposition party, his own party, the judiciary and the F.B.I., to name just a few. And we need an educational effort — including among older Americans, who are actually the most likely to spread political misinformation — to inculcate the values of truth, respect for science and the rule of law.

This is easier said than done. It will require an all-hands-on-deck mobilization and not just the government: civics groups, bar and professional associations, religious institutions, labor unions and businesses all have a role to play.

The future of American democracy in the cheap speech era is hardly ensured. We don’t have all the solutions and can’t even foresee political problems that will come with the next technological shift. But legal and political action taken now has the best chance of giving voters the tools to make competent decisions and reject election lies that will continue to spew forth on every platform that can be built to threaten the foundation of our democracy.”

– – (author unknown)

This is my thought for this morning as I start this new day with a hot cup of coffee. I have edited it to read nuclear instead of atomic because today is different than before. The following are the words of C.S. Lewis –

“In one way we think a great deal too much of the nuclear bomb. “How are we to live in a  nuclear age?” I am tempted to reply: “Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents.” In other words, do not let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation. ⁣

Believe me, dear sir or madam, you and all whom you love were already sentenced to death before the nuclear bomb was invented: and quite a high percentage of us were going to die in unpleasant ways. We had, indeed, one very great advantage over our ancestors – anesthetics; but we have that still. It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world which already bristled with such chances and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.⁣

This is the first point to be made: and the first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together. If we are all going to be destroyed by a nuclear bomb, I let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things – praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts – not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds.”


Know yourself, they say 

and don’t be led astray

but how can I know who I am 

when I’m different every day.

Some days I am the smart one 

with the answers people need 

and some days I’m the strong one 

standing up to take the lead.

On other days I’m sure 

that if the wind blew me too hard 

I would shatter like a glass

into a million tiny shards.

And on those days I cower 

and I hide out from the world

waiting on my inner child

to blossom and unfurl.

And each day I’m surprised 

by the newness that I see

the things I’m finding out

the complexity of me.

So how to know yourself 

when you’re all things rolled in one? 

you simply must decide

to love whatever you become.

By Donna Ashworth


You’ve been getting older since the day you were born.

You wished it faster for many a year, 

now you wish it would slow down and stop.

But asking your body to stop getting older, is begging for your growth to stop too.

Your growth as a human, as a soul.

For it’s only when you accept how time affects your body, that you can actually reap the benefits of the wisdom it brings with it.

Each line is a lesson learned or a hardship endured.

Those frown lines were once worries which you fought through.

Or perhaps it’s a line of laughter, a wonderful mark to bear.

Each grey hair is a shimmering stripe of life you have earned.

A story you can share with those who need to hear how you survived.

Your tale could be their saving.

Your purpose as a woman is to age my friend, 

to grow more wise, more powerful, more beautiful.

Let the world see the beauty time has in store for you.

Trust that you are who you are meant to be now.

It’s time.

You’ve been ‘growing’ older, since the day you were born, 

what a wonderful thing.

—By Donna Ashworth

Mr. Rogers –

“As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has or ever will have something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.”  

This Week

Maybe you could start this week with a brave heart,

Leave the failures of the past on your pillow when you wake.

Maybe you could start this week with a clean slate.

Fresh eyes,

And hope in your soul.

Maybe you could start this week by congratulating yourself on getting through,

So many weeks.

So many times.

So many wiped slates.

So many bold new beginnings.

Maybe you could start this week,

With kindness.

For yourself,


Just to see, if the thing you have been waiting for,

Was always yours to give,


And not out there, in someone else’s hands,

After all.

By Donna Ashworth

Best, Jay and thanks to the writers I have used to make my point. And, apologies for mistakes.


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