What is going on in my mind?

I believe that Joe Biden is not perfect.  It doesn’t matter.

I believe that Nancy Pelosi is not perfect.  It doesn’t matter.

I believe that Donald Trump is bad for the world – not just USA, not just Democracy, not just for the economy, not just for the workers, not just for the office of the President of the United States. It matters.

We are not perfect. They are not perfect. It is not perfect. It doesn’t matter.

I believe that a lot of my friends and relatives have values I don’t like. It matters.

We will never return to the way we were. It doesn’t matter.

What matters?

What matters to YOU?


Then go for it. 

There may not be a lot of time “to think about it.”

(There is no “right” answer.)

OK, I may not be on the right track here, but I do realize that a lot of things that I drive myself crazy worrying about don’t really have matter or don’t happen. Yes, I agree that I don’t have any solutions, but I think that we all have an intuition and seldom live by it. I think a lot of people don’t even know what they think, much less have the courage to live by it. I think a lot of people live by rules they “think they should think”. But that doesn’t make them right or make the rules matter.

Where am I going with this? (IF you are still reading)

As you know, I just moved into another apartment in Paris.  So?  Well, this entire venture is an experiment.  When Steve and I made the decision to move to France, we both examined what mattered to us.  We did not agree on a lot of it, but we agreed on most of it and went for it!!

Steve died in Nice, France.

So, I moved from Nice to Paris!

(“Why are you moving to Paris? It is crowded. The weather is terrible. The people are not friendly. ” ) (“I want to. I am hoping it will jolt me back to life. It matters. I am dying in Nice – giving up.”

I was not happy in Nice.  I was not happy at first in Paris. 

Why?  I missed myself.  Inside, I did not feel like “myself”.  How was I going to help myself? 

Now, I have used my intuition during all of this.  I saw an ad.  I answered it from my heart.  The landlord and I “clicked”.  I’m here.  And, I am waking up happy. That is the bottom line.  It is a long story.  There were/are a LOT of snags.  But I am aware that I am waking up happy.  “Happy” is not a good word. But I am waking up with that wonderful familiar feeling that I had for years that I used to have.  Yes, the world is a mess.  Yes, my health is a mess.  Yes, my life is a mess.  But I have ideas.  I have desires.  I have wants.  I have dreams, again.  I look into the mirror and say, “Hello, Janet.  Welcome back.”

I will fill all of this in as I go along, but for now, I have taken a few “before” pictures. I am still working on my environment, my “home”, my special space that matters to me. But I have had a lot of friends ask me to take pictures. So, here goes. The “After” will take time and creativity. But I am game! I have met my neighbors (sorta) and joined some great organizations. I have new friends that I really like. There are major problem with all of it, but today, it is good. I just hope there are still quality tomorrows – for a while, anyway. Yes, it matters.

YES. I was right. It is working! (Knock on Wood!!) Stay tuned……

Best, Jay




Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.

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