ON Wednesday, January 13, 2021, a man “installed himself” on the train tracks outside of Antibes, FRANCE, and stopped all trains for four hours.  For some reason, I thought this was funny!  I actually laughed out loud and thought he should try a less painful way to commit suicide and then it dawned on me – he was probably protesting something.  In France, everyone has a protest.  I guess that is the world over.  Duh. But, I have not a protest.  OK, maybe I do.  I don’t like this tub or this mattress.  Haha.  That is funny.  Good. My sense of humor is returning.  Sorta.

ON Thursday, January 14, 2021, (today), I am celebrating quietly my sister Barbara’s birthday.  She would be 89.  She died 21 years ago, about this time, in late January 2000, and was my “Mother De Facto”.   What? What is that? This requires a moment of pause:

No one gives us a book of rules about parenting.  Thus, none of us really know how to do it. Love.  That is enough.  NO, IT ISN’T!!!!!  It requires a lot more.  I don’t think my mother got the memo.  Thus, I did not get a memo.   But Barbara did. She was a natural at a lot of things. Amazing soul.  She had difficulty in having children of her own and lived a very painful life, but she had love for all of us, especially me. 

My mother was very confused about a lot of everything.  Thus, she took the lead from her husband – Daddy.  And he was a full-time job. (long story) As a result, I was raised in a “sink-or-swim” mode.  I raised my kids in a sink-or-swim mode.  I don’t recommend it. 

But a moment on the side of love and caring, Happy Birthday, Barbara!  I miss you very much. 

And now, at 83 (going on 84), I still think I am sinking or swimming -as are my kids.  (sigh) BUT, I cannot complain about the locale.  I LOVE living in Paris.  I think.  I like cafes open and the virus gone and the trains running.  I could do without the protests.  And I don’t want a lot of people “installing themselves” on the tracks.  Oh well, ……  At least, they are not storming the government buildings, YET…………… And, I am ALWAYS happy when I wake up and know where I am!!!

A helpful rule of thumb that makes sense to me:

“Huge numbers of our population believe in a complete alternate reality. Alternate facts, as it were.  

But just as intensely as I believe they are deluded, they think I am the one who is deluded. Maybe I am. So how can I be confident in my perception? It can be quite difficult.  

But, I have found that in times of political confusion, particularly when emotions are running high and creating tunnel vision, the presence of Nazis can be an extremely helpful indicator.  

If I am attending a local demonstration or event and I see Nazis…neo-Nazis, casual Nazis, master race Nazis, or the latest-whatever-uber-mythology-Nazis, I figure out which side they are on.  

And if they are on my side of the demonstration? I am on the wrong side.  

It is tough to argue moral equivalence when I am standing next to a Nazi. Look to my right.  Is there a guy wearing a 6MWE (6 million wasn’t enough) t-shirt? I am on the wrong side. Look to my left.  If that guy is wearing a Camp Auschwitz t-shirt? Wrong side.  Are Speakers being applauded for referring to things that Hitler got right? Wrong side. Team-spirit face paint and hat with animal horns?

This is actually an unclear indicator that could mean anything, but safest to keep my distance from that guy anyway, even at a football game. However, I can always, always, always rely on the presence of Nazis as a guiding light through a fog of disinformation. 

Some things are relative, and politics can absolutely have its opposing sides and grey areas.  But evil and good are absolute. As are the lessons of history. So, just look for the Nazis, (even in France) and make your own decisions.”     – Author Unknown

And another post I want to share with you because it speaks to me A LOT:

“In my youth, I was told that by the time we reached this point in the future, things would be very, very different. But, examined thoroughly, the future is definitely here. (Insert your own age. I am 83.)

In just about every way aside from being limited to terrestrial experiences, the phone I’m currently holding is superior in every measurable way to the communicators used in Star Trek, no matter what version of Trek you’re talking about, the most contemporary vision of which isn’t due for over 200 years from now. I have access to more music, more television programs and more movies than I would have ever had shelving for, at stunning clarity and quality, and I can play them from almost any device in this house from screens large enough to share with the family to ones small enough that they are for my eyes only, and at every scale the clarity of the image and quality of the sound can be virtually equal.

Sitting in my living room, I can call out in the open air and change the color, intensity, and number of lights operating in that room. I have the equivalent multimedia tools to create my own content that would have been the envy of most complete television stations just 25 years ago.

And yet, there is so much to life that hasn’t changed since I was born in 19(37), so much that should have changed long ago but is being held back by the forces that make money the way things are, and refuse to allow progress in those arenas.

So the future is here, but it’s this bizarre conglomeration of capabilities unimagined when I was young and concepts that were tired when I was born.” – Author Unknown

I hear commentators describe Trump as delusional but I disagree. I think that Trump knows exactly what he is doing.

Is this new?  Nope.  Not new.  Much older than we are. “Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.” ― Voltaire (French writer)

Well, this one was fun to write on this rainy day in Paris. And, I will add that while in lockdown, I did not cut or color my hair after many years of hair and makeup. So, yesterday, I wandered into a salon (on my trip to the Pharmacie) and a guy from Romania named “Tony” cut my natural hair. I am still adjusting to the look. I will probably color it again, but this below is a record of what it looks like at this moment in time, with a touch (too much) of Facetune. Haha. There was a time when I was young and I made a headshot of my “look”. It was different and pretty. But, I am biased. Here it is.

But the one below was made last night. Both are “au natural” except for makeup above. The scars on my face below – melanoma in 2013,

Love, Jay

You Know what this is for……

Thanks in advance.


Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.


  1. No, I did not know that. She thought that we were subjected to “religious abuse” in the Baptist Church. And was furious at Mother and Daddy for making us go there. Haha. But, she loved you like a daughter. So that’s a nice thing to know. Love, Janet


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