This is my world and welcome to it! What is on my mind this weekend?

Lots. I have settled into my new home in Paris, 16e. I like it. It is not perfect (by a long shot) but the feeling is right. That is what is important. But, right now, I am staying in and staying put for the time-being. No choice. Good. I don’t have to choose. I tend to overdo, and I cannot trust myself to choose to do nothing. But, right now, I have no choice. The virus is outside, and I have gotten some bad health news. Sorta. Maybe it is good news. Sorta. It is The News that I have been expecting since I flew out of LA and into the greater world on October 1, 2015, with my husband Steve to “do something else”. Neither one of us would use the word “retire”. My doctor in LA told me that I was at risk with my trial schedule for a heart attack or stroke. Daddy had a stroke. I paid no attention. So, it was with reluctance that I flew out of a city I loved and a profession I loved – the law.

A specialist yesterday told me that I had a small stroke in October 2018 after my failed first knee replacement surgery! He called it a “vascular accident”. I remember the rehabilitation nurses’ concern for my blood pressure at the time. I assured them that my numbers run high and that I was fine. Not fine. Vertigo and dizziness since then. Was that because of a “vascular accident” in the left ear to the brain? (That is the French way of telling me in English that I had had a stroke. And, that I would not die, but I have to do therapy to retrain my brain. And, my ignoring it was going to make it get worse. ) On September 25th, something got worse. I felt it happen. So, Willy Loman (Biff and Happy), “attention must be paid”! But, frankly, doctors looked at my MRI in July, 2020 and said they could not see anything wrong. I looked it up on YouTube videos and everyone says something different. No one knows. But EVERYONE is taking a guess. I can pick and choose.

Well. I am finally where I have wanted to be for a lot of my life – Paris – (especially in my heart and head), and I must take it easy. How does one take it easy? Time to learn. I am sorry to unload this on you at this time when the world is having a meltdown, but hey! Why not??? Besides, I am in PARIS! The perfect place for meltdowns! (just kidding.) So on this World Mental Health Day , I say it is ok not to be okay. So, as I said, “This is my World and Welcome to it!” So, while the rest of the world is having meltdowns, I will deal with my small corner of this vast universe. I don’t like “stroke”. I don’t like “die”. so, I shall do the kini and see what happens.

So, this weekend, Missy and I are taking it easy. Her expensive balcony is fixed, and she is not paying any attention to it. And, I am practicing working basics with my brain, like my handwriting, swallowing, and other easy stuff. Haha. So that is on my mind this morning. I will be into doctors for a while. Ouch ($$$) and relearning how to do things. I will make this work for a while longer – as long as I think I can and still be safe. And I am having fun! Sorta. Hey! I could be miserable. Remember, it is all a choice. ….beats pictures of food. Roses would work! Or donations to help with doctor bills. Sometimes I add that link. I did today because, yesterday, I saw a specialist. Frankly, I don’t know how to stay safe. Do you? “It is the ‘luck of the draw'”!


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Doctors and other basics – Missy

50.00 $

Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.

7 thoughts on “5 YEARS LATER…PARIS – OCTOBER 2020

  1. Oh my. I just now read this. I am so sorry. Becky recently found out that she had a small stroke. Dad had two small strokes over 30 years ago, with no lasting effects. Please, please do whatever you can to take care of yourself, and follow the doctors’ instructions. Sending much love and hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on JAYSPEAK and commented:

    At 40, Franz Kafka (1883-1924), who never married and had no children, walked through the park in Berlin when he met a girl who was crying because she had lost her favourite doll. She and Kafka searched for the doll unsuccessfully.
    Kafka told her to meet him there the next day and they would come back to look for her.
    The next day, when they had not yet found the doll, Kafka gave the girl a letter “written” by the doll saying “please don’t cry. I took a trip to see the world. I will write to you about my adventures.”
    Thus began a story which continued until the end of Kafka’s life.
    During their meetings, Kafka read the letters of the doll carefully written with adventures and conversations that the girl found adorable.
    Finally, Kafka brought back the doll (he bought one) that had returned to Berlin.
    “It doesn’t look like my doll at all,” said the girl.
    Kafka handed her another letter in which the doll wrote: “my travels have changed me.” the little girl hugged the new doll and brought her happy home.
    A year later Kafka died.
    Many years later, the now-adult girl found a letter inside the doll. In the tiny letter signed by Kafka it was written:
    “Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way.”
    – Spiritual Awakenings

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Sorry to hear about this, but you are a very tough lady and a true inspiration. You will overcome. All the best to you and Missy. I got a do-it-yourself balcony netting for my 3 cats — not as classy as yours, but it works.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. My netting is like the apartment next door. This building has restrictions and I okay with it. As long as it works !


  4. Dear Jay, I know of what you speak. Please pay attention to what the doctors have said. I have had three over the last five years – the first major, then two more “transient ischemic incidents” in the same place that required hospitalization and rehab. All the same place. No lasting fx. Take your meds, be safe. 💗

    Liked by 1 person

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