Just some of my thoughts and frustrations. I am taking a microscope to my life these days. Looking at everything with new eyes.  Who is doing what and how?  Covid has taken its toll on me.  Other people in their 80’s seem younger than I feel.  Why?  Friends are playing golf.  Others are wearing stilettos.  Others are going up and down stairs with no problem.  Oops.  Well, on the contrary, I was a late bloomer.  I got married at age 68 to my fourth husband (long story).  I thought I was invincible. Guess what? I am not!

I moved to France when I was 78.  And all of that time I had high blood pressure and lots of allergies to the medicines. BUT, I kept seeing doctors and pushing forward. SPOILER ALERT!!! I saw my doctor yesterday and some new medicine to try because my blood pressure needs to get a grip. It never got the memo. I NEED TO GET A GRIP!

Shoulda, coulda, woulda…….  I can give you lots of reasons why, but that does not solve the problem.  This is the problem.  I am exhausted and don’t feel like doing much of anything, much less exercising.  I have fought back and fought back and fought back.  Trying to ‘LIVE EVERY MOMENT TO ITS FULLEST. And, I have finally had to let go.  Not willingly, mind you.  Covid made me do it. Vertigo from brain strokes made me do it. High blood pressure made me do it. So now, I am making the best of it, trying to stay positive and motivate myself to take action.

Actually, lots of good things are happening.  I have a list.  And flowers make everything better. Besides, old is 100 or SO. 80-95 is “senior” or “elderly”. So, this Senior is still collecting photographs and paintings and memes.  But this elderly person still has lots of fears – falling, running out of money, getting sick, having to move to a cheaper place and such.  But she is holding her own.  No stairs. No stilettos.  No golf.   But she is alive and had time in Paris, surviving/thriving during a Pandemic.  Lots of “but-s” and  “on the contrary-s”

I am looking forward to the Oscars.  I have always been hostage to politically correct liberal propaganda.  I loved Nomadland. The Acting is incredible in all of the nominations.  I get most of the films in Paris with my subscription to Eurobox.  And, of course, I always wonder if I would still be working if I had not practiced law.  But coulda, woulda, shoulda.    Now I just want to walk and handle stairs and don’t feel like exercising.  Oops. 

I am having an apricot tarte for lunch with coffee with a chicken sandwich for dinner with a glass of my favorite wine. I did not buy any flowers. It was too much to carry. Flowers make everything better. So just some pictures I like for this moment in time.

Best, Jay (not a great picture of me but current. i am getting color with makeup soon. Not today. Not tomorrow. But, soon. I think I am brave to post on here. )

Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.

One thought on “SPEND A MOMENT of TIME WITH ME…….

  1. Please try yoga, Jay, for your blood pressure and for exercise. Yoga breathing once learned, is permanent. Find a true yogini, someone who has been trained by a master, in hatha yoga.


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