I am thinking about my thoughts about Mother’s Day, and I plan to think out loud today with you – as a treat to myself as a mother. I have earned my badge. I don’t get a gold star or an A+. I was a young mother, getting pregnant when I was only 19 and having a baby at 20 and another one at 24 and another one at 27. I am now 84. That’s a lot of years being a mother. So, I have lots of years that I have watched the “Mother’s Day” roll around that sun. And Hallmark has made the most of it. And See’s Candies
Some Thoughts About “MOTHERS DAY”
During my years growing up, I sent my mother a syrupy card each year and sent her a rose bush to plant in the yard from a local florist – like clockwork. It did not matter how angry I was at her for many of those years. I did it! That was what I was “supposed”‘ to do. So, when I had children of my own, I expected a syrupy card and a gift. Each year! Haha. Well, it did not happen. The problem?
I did not get the Rule Book on how to be a mother or to raise children. Or the Rule Book on how to be a parent. Oh, yes, I knew it took a lot of Love, but sometimes, that was hard to give to my children. For me, anyway. And it was definitely hard to give to my mother. She taught me how to self-destruct.
My mother did not know how to be a parent. And I don’t believe she knew how to show love, either. And I am not sure she meant well. She was worse to my sister Patricia. I grew up to be the woman I am in spite of my mother and thanks to Daddy. I will never know what happened in her life to make her that way. The same goes for my children. They have their own problems. Hmmmm. So where does that leave us? It leaves me at a loss of how is the best way to celebrate (if at all) “Mother’s Day”. It has every year.
I can always look at my shortcomings as a mother. I have been my worst critic, alongside my mother and my children and their families. And I am still trying to overcome the negative scripts Mother put into my head.
But I can also look at my successes as a mother. And the successes of my children and their families. I have gotten criticisms throughout the process. I still do.
But the fact remains- I WAS and AM a mother. And I have that in common with all mothers. Good, bad, OR indifferent. We are “mothers’. And we should be celebrated. AND we cannot break any rules. THERE IS NO RULE BOOK!!!!
Motherhood is a time of extremes – highs and lows- from beginning – ad infinitum. I don’t think it is just “mother’s instinct” to know what to do. None of us KNOWS what to do. Maybe.
In all honesty, I feel genuine love for my children that is there in my heart. I do and always did feel like a Mama Bear protecting my cubs. No matter what they did or do. Or feel. Or how they treat me. AND THERE IS NO RULE BOOK!!!! And the love lives on long after death. In memories – real and/or fabricated. I just love them. Period, end of story. And positivity is a choice.
Mothers’ Day itself has always been a sad DAY for me. – People pretending to say things they don’t mean. Or not. Maybe there is “worth” in that. Pretending you care. At least, Trying not to hurt. As a result, we mothers learn early how to ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES. At least, I did. And, you can’t have it all ways. If you are a mother, the chances are good that you are the villain in someone else’s story.
So, I don’t have any answers. I only wish there was a Rule Book so that I would know when I was breaking the rules. So I could have something to blame instead of my mother.
So, Here’s to all Mothers and Mother-wanna-BE’s and those wonderful people who mothered me without the title.
I apologize in advance if I have offended you. Especially since it is now “in vogue” to LIE about everything, and if a lie doesn’t come to mind, MAKE IT UP. Fine. It all went fine. Does it matter? I think so. But, what do I know? Just a lot of years of being a mother. I love my children. They are strong independent good people who are doing the best they can without a Rule Book. We all are.
So how can the past help us frame a different future? Rewrite negative programming? Nature is resilient. Think about that on this Mother’s Day!!
Best, Jay and Happy Mother’s Day!