JAYSPEAK

I know you’ve wanted your life to be different for some time now, but it’s hard taking that first step, I know.

You’ve been stuck in a rut for too long and everything you have has been crying out for change.

You know what you have to do, maybe even know some of what it may take.

Maybe you’re afraid or unsure if you have what it takes to change..

Whether it’s your life, your friends, your career..whatever you’re facing, you can do this.

I won’t tell you it will be easy, or that it won’t hurt a little, but anything worth having won’t be painless.

Change hurts, growth can be painful.

But you’re worth it.

Your happiness is worth it.

You’ve been selling yourself short and settling for far too long.

Stop, step back and take a deep breath.

This is your life and you deserve more.

It’s okay to be afraid, it’s okay to be unsure ..but it’ll never be okay to stay in a room place you weren’t meant to be.

Take back your life, stand up strong and take responsibility for your happiness.

No more excuses or settling..you’re not a victim of your life.

You’re a beautiful, vibrant soul full of love and hope, so stop dwelling in what has been and start taking the small steps to a better you and a happier future.

Each day that passes is another chance lost to start your journey.

This is your time and your new chapter.

Pick up the pen and start writing the brightest and happiest story of your life..

Let go of the guilt, the fear and the defeat.

Get up and do something about your life, because only you know what will make you happy.

Don’t have a life full of regret and “what if.”

Take this chance to become who you were meant to be and seek your happiness.

It’s all right there waiting for you- you’re not alone and you got this.

Cast off those claws that you’ve used to dig your way out of rock bottom and discover the wings that have been waiting for you all along.

Start today, start small,

And most of all, it all starts with you.

|Best, Jay

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0n my mind this week is that I have a problem with impatience and anger and call it my Achilles Heel any suggestions on what to do ?

I hope no one ever promised you it would be easy….because the most important journey, my love is done alone. 

You’ll go through phases of sadness when you realize that things should have been different. You’ll struggle with some realities you never knew before. 

You’ll uncover secrets that will leave you wishing had stayed buried. 

But in the end, the journey to finding who you truly are….that starts now, regardless of your past, regardless how you were raised, regardless of previous relationships. 

Right here, in this very moment is where you decide your next step, you decide your story everyday. 

It’s a new day and a brand new beautiful week, so do the necessary work to let go of the past, to use what you learn as possible lessons moving forward, but don’t dwell there. 

Tell your mind to move along. 

Experience the sadness, even the happiness of past memories and then leave them where they are. ~

~Amy~

Coffee, Poetry and a Lil Bit of Me

Anger_

Your soul knows what you need. It knows which way to go. Listen carefully to those uneasy feelings you get. Those are signs. Notice headaches, and if your gut hurts or when you’re extra tired. Certain relationships will become draining. Or you’ll notice you’ve become addicted to their recognition and validation so much that you forget your internal compass. Your soul knows this and will relentlessly steer you to your true path. 

You will likely need to leave a few folks behind because they’ve clipped your wings with assumptions and labels. You’ve played the game for so long that they see you through their eyes, and it isn’t pretty. It’s tinted with pity, envy, jealousy, or anger. This is a sneaky, sticky form of dominance to keep you small. It will hurt when you recognize this, but staying will keep you trapped, and you’ll hurt more.

Best Jay

On my mind is that I don’t like hospitals. 

It is like a little city of busy people with blinders on, doing their jobs and not looking at anything else. Just showing up and clocking in and out. Robots.

I want out!  Only there is no door…

It is a trap.

I suspect foul play. To get government money.  I have seen this before as an attorney and could not prove it ..

So many questions and difficult to prove 

So I am sorry I fell in my apartment and some one called an ambulance that took me to a hospital.

Everyone wants evidence.  

In the emergency room someone stole my money and gave me medicine without checking my allergies.

So don’t fall asleep at the wheel.

It is all a risk.

Steve did it and he is dead 

Daddy did it and he is dead.

Rough seas make good sailors.

————

Ugh!

————

I hope no one ever promised you it would be easy….because the most important journey, my love is done alone. 

You’ll go through phases of sadness when you realize that things should have been different. You’ll struggle with some realities you never knew before. 

You’ll uncover secrets that will leave you wishing had stayed buried. 

But in the end, the journey to finding who you truly are….that starts now, regardless of your past, regardless how you were raised, regardless of previous relationships.

Right here, in this very moment is where you decide your next step, you decide your story everyday. 

It’s a new day and a brand new beautiful week, so do the necessary work to let go of the past, to use what you learn as possible lessons moving forward, but don’t dwell there. 

Tell your mind to move along. 

Experience the sadness, even the happiness of past memories and then leave them where they are. 

~Amy~

———

Your soul knows what you need. It knows which way to go. Listen carefully to those uneasy feelings you get. Those are signs. Notice headaches, and if your gut hurts or when you’re extra tired. Certain relationships will become draining. Or you’ll notice you’ve become addicted to their recognition and validation so much that you forget your internal compass. Your soul knows this and will relentlessly steer you to your true path. 

But don’t go to the hospital !!! 

Best, Jay

On my mind this Sunday morning is I must be willing to go through the Period of Adjustment for me when I get home.  I have a lot of ideas to try.  For instance…

I must be very careful.  Especially going to the toilet!

And no drinking wine. Lots of water!

Plus many other things.

Here in the hospital are a lot of people in the hall that wave when they walk by and I get three delicious meals a day!

So, why do I want to go back to the apartment?

Because I need to try to help myself again. 

I don’t want to live in a hospital anymore. So I need to go through a period of adjustment because I don’t have people to help me.

I could pay someone. 

That’s my delimma!!!!!

I don’t want just anyone but I need help

In case I fall again.

Fear of being alone and alive during the day and night without family or friends nearby. 

But I don’t want to die and I am scared to live. 

Oops. 

A thought …..

The TRUTH is, that all of the ‘STUFF’ here on earth we work so hard to buy and accumulate … does not mean a thing.

At the end of the day … people will be cleaning out our ‘STUFF’, going through our ‘STUFF’, figuring out what to do with all of our ‘STUFF’…

This ‘STUFF’ we’ve accumulated in our life.

The only thing of VALUE that remains, are the MEMORIES and what we deposit into others.

May we all learn to spend less time accumulating ‘STUFF’ and spend way more time making MEMORIES.

But that doesn’t solve my problem of fear.

Faith is the answer.

Believe in something 

What? I dont know

Pick something.

———-

“I know that I have less time to live than I have lived.

I feel like a child who was given a box of chocolates. He enjoys eating it, and when he sees that there is not much left, he starts to eat them with a special taste.

I have no time for endless lectures on public laws – nothing will change. And there is no desire to argue with fools who do not act according to their age. And there’s no time to battle the gray. I don’t attend meetings where egos are inflated and I can’t stand manipulators.

I am disturbed by envious people who try to vilify the most capable to grab their positions, talents and achievements.

I have too little time to discuss headlines – my soul is in a hurry.

Too few candies left in the box.

So I will go through a period of adjustment . Period! End of story !!!

Best, Jay

A shoutout to everyone who is trying right now…

Trying to do the right thing.

Trying to stay open.

Trying to keep going.

Trying to hold on.

Trying to let go.

Trying to find their flow.

Trying to stay afloat.

Trying to meet each new day.

Trying to find their balance.

Trying to love themselves.

Trying new things and new ways.

I see you.

I’m there too.

We’re in this together ..

~ S.C. Lourie ~

On my mind this week is —-it is time to start over again and again and again and. ….

Each day is different …..

Each time is scary ….

But I do it anyway!

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this place, just trying to survive my life.

It’s been a mishmash of an emotional rollercoaster with spots of joy mixed in.

It’s been hard to keep going sometimes, never knowing what challenges the day would throw at me.

After a while, I stopped living and started just trying to make it..

And that’s a terrible place to be.

There’s very little joy in the deepest darkness and I found myself stuck there.

But throughout it all, no matter where my steps took me, I always lifted my head and tried to find the light.

I knew it was out there, I just kept getting blindsided by all the disasters life could muster.

One thing was certain.

I had to grow.

I had to change.

I had to transform who I was and how I thought to rise above the struggles that threatened to consume me.

Step by step, day by day, I climbed out of rock bottom and started seeing the light.

Okay, so I live in Paris.   It does not matter.

Nice is prettier . 

But Paris is Paris is Paris…. The city of light. The city of love.  Ugh.

“She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,

Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she’d been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs

And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.

“She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they’d listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,

Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she’d been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs

And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe 

Is it time for you to start over ??

Let’s do it anyway.

Best, Jay

I am astounded by the incompetence of the nurses on this floor of this hospital and I have stopped expecting them to help the patients 

Breakfast was thrown at me and pills left on my tray. I had no help getting to the toilet and cleaning 

I went to kini and complained about everything. And it is only 11 o clock. And a nurse just changed my bed linens and I already done Duo

I want to go home 

Ugh 

Somehow I have made it through this day and I will get through tomorrow.But I don’t know how I will ever get back home again. 

I dread tonight and sleeping in my pee.

I want to go home.

The bed is comfortable and the bedroom is private and the food is good-,, but I don’t trust anyone here to help me .

I want to go home.

I think I will be fine at home but I need to try and get my apartment in order . 

As I sit and think about my life-

Where I’ve been, what I’ve done..even the challenges I’ve faced-

Something stands out at me every time.

There were many times that I’ve wanted something so badly…

Whether it was a new job, a potential love, even the small things, too,

I always ended up finding my way to something better than what I set out to get.

At the time, all I could focus on was that I was disappointed and discouraged about not getting what I wanted…

But now that time has passed,

I realize that everything happens for a reason..

And it’s always because I deserved better.

A better love story, a higher quality job, even a more appealing future.

Every door that closed led me to the door I was always meant to enter.

Truthfully, I couldn’t be more thankful for the broken hearts that taught me and strengthened me, dead ends that opened my eyes and setbacks that turned into comebacks.

I couldn’t see it at the time, but everything happens the way it is meant to..

And that’s not comforting when you’re hurting.

But the older I’ve gotten and the more stuff that I’ve been through, I realize that the bigger picture of my life isn’t something I’ll always see when I’m in the middle of a struggle.

I have to hold onto the fact that I deserve the best out of life and I’m never going to settle for less.

So, as I sit back and take a sip of my drink, I can’t help but smile just a little.

Every broken road has led me right to where I’m meant to be..

And I’m going to make the most out of every opportunity, each day and all the dreams I have for myself…

I’m worth that…and so much more

———

Doing the work consciously and opening our minds and hearts to love and compassion is what heals. 

Making the unconscious, conscious and allowing the flow of our emotions, thoughts and sensations is what heals. 

Breathing through the need to understand and allowing the body’s consciousness to awaken and guide us back to earth, is what heals. 

Accepting all versions of ourselves from the space of unconditional love, grace and forgiveness is what heals. 

Allowing the answers to flow and letting go of our own need to control time, relationships and space is what heals. 

When we show up every day with a fresh breath of faith and appreciation for a conscious and healthy soul and body presence in harmony with our Divine Essence, our Truth, God and Creation, we are healing, we are grounded and we allow ourselves to evolve and enlighten the path for others. 

Healing needs Acceptance, Love and Accountability. 

Healing is the consistent Question: What is this Situation trying to teach me? 

Healing needs us to walk the talk. 

Healing is the Mental Approach: Yes, I Can. 

Healing is the Journey: Thank You. 

Sending love to you from Paris.

Best, Jay

On my mind today is how wonderful some nurses are and how terrible and mean others are.

Last night, I had a mean one.

As a result, I did not sleep well. And today I don’t feel well.

I don’t like mean nurses.

My concern is that I am being abusing my body to help me get better and stronger while doctors want me to take medication for my heart and pumping my body with medication. 

I don’t like doctors.

I don’t like medicine.

I like healthy food and vitamins.

I know it’s hard to believe in yourself because you’ve been downtrodden and at rock bottom for so long.

But this is where you start your comeback.

This is the chapter in your life that changes your life..

And it’s all up to you.

Before you say I’m naive, that I don’t know how hard it is or that I don’t know what it means to be tired..

I do.

I’ve been where you are and I made a choice to rise from the ashes of the old life that I burned down..

So, it’s your turn to choose to rise up or stay down.

Whatever your dreams are, no matter how big or how small,

You’ve got this.

Learn to dance.

Start a new career.

Skydive.

And when you get to that point where you’re scared and maybe it even hurts a little..

Keep going.

Your best days, your loudest laughter and deepest loves are still ahead of you.

Stop saying what could go wrong and start believing what could go right.

It’s your life.

You’ve got one shot.

Make it a memorable one.

In the end, it’s all up to you.

Ugh.

Can I do it today and tomorrow?

I am going to try. Wish me luck 

No choice because I don’t want to die 

Period!!

Best, Jay

This is on my mind this week…..

My Flat Tire Theory!

Two cars are on a one-lane road traveling very fast and headed for a head-on collision 

One car has a flat tire and has to pull off the road to repair the tire.  The other car goes speeding past, avoiding the head-on collision .

Often things happen and plans are changed ????? God’s watching out for us!

I fell and had to go to the hospital and do physical therapy to get stronger and better   !!!!!

God’s work ?

I don’t know.

And so,

She decided to go on a journey

with her baggage.

She carried all of it

to the land

that nurtured the soles of her feet.

She wore a tiny crown.  

Because her baggage

as much as it had been a weight and

a secret; a shame,

and messy embarrassment

was also that which made her to be

who she was!

So she ritualized it. 

She took a deep breath

deeper than Lake Baikal 

in Siberia and spoke,

“I declare my baggage

a celebration of myself!”

The winds swelled like a pregnant sea. 

and licked her face

kissing away her salty tears.

The moon cried

out of gratitude 

that something so small

could carry so much honesty.

She realized that her journey

would go easier

and be lighter

if she released what she no longer needed.

She was attached to her baggage!

How would she dispose of it?

She sorted and piled up the stories

and the pieces

and took away only what could fit 

into one small bag.

She stood with her back 

to the weight of old things

and waited

for the song of the universe 

to guide her further.

~Stasha Ginsburg

And so, 

today she stopped hiding it.

She decided to go on a journey

with her baggage.

She carried all of it

to the land

that nurtured the soles of her feet.

She wore a tiny crown.  

Because her baggage

as much as it had been a weight and

a secret; a shame, 

and messy embarrassment

was also that which made her to be

who she was!

So she ritualized it. 

She took a deep breath

deeper than Lake Baikal 

in Siberia and spoke,

“I declare my baggage

a celebration of myself!”

The winds swelled like a pregnant sea. 

and licked her face

kissing away her salty tears.

The moon cried

out of gratitude 

that something so small

could carry so much honesty.

She realized that her journey

would go easier

and be lighter

if she released what she no longer needed.

She was attached to her baggage!

How would she dispose of it?

She sorted and piled up the stories

and the pieces

and took away only what could fit 

into one small bag.

She stood with her back 

to the weight of old things

and waited

for the song of the universe 

to guide her further.

~Stasha Ginsburg

~~~~,

Stop telling yourself all the cants you’ve made yourself believe.

You’re better than that, so shrinking yourself for the expectations of others or because you’re afraid will never be enough for you.

It’s okay to be scared..

That means you’re alive- in fact, we’re all scared at first.

Before you do it, it may seem impossible or implausible,

And that’s okay, too.

Please don’t tell me that you’re too old, too tired, too beaten down or too weak.

I know it’s hard to believe in yourself because you’ve been downtrodden and at rock bottom for so long.

But this is where you start your comeback.

This is the chapter in your life that changes your life..

And it’s all up to you.

Before you say I’m naive, that I don’t know how hard it is or that I don’t know what it means to be tired..

I do.

I’ve been where you are and I made a choice to rise from the ashes of the old life that I burned down..

So, it’s your turn to choose to rise up or stay down.

Whatever your dreams are, no matter how big or how small,

You’ve got this.

Learn to dance.

Start a new career.

Skydive.

And when you get to that point where you’re scared and maybe it even hurts a little..

Keep going.

Your best days, your loudest laughter and deepest loves are still ahead of you.

Stop saying what could go wrong and start believing what could go right.

It’s your life.

You’ve got one shot.

Make it a memorable one.

In the end, it’s all up to you.

|ravenwolf

Best, Jay