JAYSPEAK

Going Home

I am going back to my apartment in Paris again because the hospital is says my health is good now. It has been several months since I have tried to get to my apartment. Can I be brave enough????

Encouragement? Prayers? Luck?

A thought I like

I wouldn’t really say that I’m the bravest soul out there. In fact, there’s been a lot of times when I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring or where I was headed in life.. And that was very unsettling to me sometimes. I’d pretend that I was okay with change and the unknown, but the truth was that it scared me to death. I knew where I wanted to end up and who I wanted to be, but it was the path ahead that remained unknown. I learned something along the way, though. Bravery isn’t the absence of fear, but the decision to keep going despite being afraid.. And that’s exactly where I’m at. I want to keep growing, evolving and becoming a better person.. I can see all the people saying I can’t change or focusing on all the things that I’ve done wrong and the bad choices I’ve made. They’ll say that I can’t change, I won’t be able to accomplish my goals.. And what I’ve learned is that they don’t know me at all. They’re too afraid to step outside their comfort zone and be brave in the ways that I’m choosing.. So they can’t fathom what I want and who I’ll become.. Because they’ll stay safe in their little worlds putting me down and criticizing me. Let them. I don’t need anyone’s permission and approval to find my wings and become the best version of myself. They can have their empty dreams of material things and lackluster nights spent doing the same things over and over.. Never changing anything but the car they’re driving or the clothes they’re wearing. I’m not here for such small dreams. I want more. I need more. And one day, when I’ve finally figured out where I’m headed and well on my way to happiness and fulfillment.. I’ll just look back at the ones who never really believed in me at all. “You said I couldn’t, right?” I’ll just smile with pride.. “Watch me now.” And I’ll never look back, Because my dreams never had expirations… and me? I will keep proving to myself.. That each and every day, I can be brave, strong and free, Becoming more and more, The person I’ve worked so hard to become. |ravenwolf

Best, JAY

Thoughts on September 9

Yes, I went down the wrong roads and made all the bad choices, I ended up in places I never should have been-in ways that tore my spirit apart. Truth be told, I don’t know how I got so down and out, Nor how I made it out intact and still whole. At the end of my rope and hating who I’d become, I hit rock bottom. Everyone counted me out and no one gave me a chance… Even I didn’t know how to dig myself out of the hole.. But you know, That’s the thing about a spirit that won’t give up. I don’t know how to quit and I’m meant to become more in spite of my rough start. It was never meant to be the end of my story, I just had to begin a new chapter- one where the Phoenix rises from the ashes. I pulled myself up, dusted myself off then fought and clawed my way back. I didn’t ask for help and no one offered me a hand, but that was what I needed to forge my own courage and build my own strength. My dreams didn’t have an expiration and I wasn’t going to quit on them or myself. I know I’m a mess sometimes, A bit of a broken soul with glimpses of beauty stashed in between, But I’m good with that. I made my way, earned my place and I’m fighting to make my story a success. I’ve got a lot of love to give and a passionate fire that can’t be quenched. Sometimes, you realize along the way that you don’t set out to be strong and courageous, But when you’re left holding the pieces of a life gone wrong, Those are the only choices you have left. It’s not that I’ll ever be heroic, strong and amazing like the fabled stories of heroes and lovers, But at least I’ll write my story my way, and that’s what matters most of all. I don’t have to set the world on fire, just be on fire for my life- The kind of flames that make your heart and soul feel totally alive. I may be beautifully broken and wonderfully imperfect, But I’m still standing. I’m still strong. I figured where I needed to go and what it would take to get there, so I made a choice: I didn’t ever go looking for a hero- I decided instead to become the hero of my own story.. One small victory at a time..my way.

Best, Jay

Let Go. Let God.

HELLO SEPTEMBER, THE SEASON OF LETTING GO And so begins the season of letting go, when Mother Nature shows us all, how it’s done. Let go, free yourself, shake it off, drop it, give way for the new. Create space for new thoughts, new ideas, new adventures and new connections, by shedding the dead weight you’ve been carrying around, for so long. And whilst you are there, being reborn and renewed, let go of old anxieties too. Let go of any doubts, fears or beliefs which no longer serve you well. Release bitterness or past hurts which feast on your beauty. Be brave, Don’t fear the nakedness as your leaves slip away. Mother Nature doesn’t, watch and learn. Donna Ashworth

Best, Jay

Meet the New Janet

The Janet who entered this hospital is not the Janet who is going home. Would you like to meet her?

Yes, I know we’ve crossed paths before, but the person you think I am isn’t here anymore. I’ve changed, grown, evolved – you pick the word because you have no idea who I am now. Very few do. And the moment that you stop trying to define me in terms of how I used to be is when we will get along just fine. Allow me to reintroduce myself. Please don’t try to fit me into any boxes or definitions of who you think I am- just accept me as I am and embrace the person I’m becoming.. Because I am. I’ve stopped doubting myself, putting myself down and thinking I wasn’t good enough. I am and always will be more than enough. I deserve the best and I’m not settling for being an option or the scraps of anyone’s attention anymore. I’m changing the game and stepping up my standards.. So, if you can elevate who you are, how you treat me and your character, Then we will be just fine.. But if you expect the same ol nonsense from me that you get from everyone else- including the old me… Well, then, you’re about to be disappointed. I don’t roll that way anymore. Higher class, higher expectations and higher standards are not just a choice for me anymore.. They’re part of who I am. So, if you’re willing to step up, speak up and man up, then let’s dance. Otherwise, please stop standing in the doorway.. Either go or stay, love me or don’t, but choose your path. I’m never going to wait around or anyone to decide if I’m worth it. I’m worth everything- It’s up to you if you’re able to understand that, be that and accept that. I do. And that will always be what matters most to me.

Best, Janet

Fear of Change

I am going back to my apartment in Paris again because the hospital is says my health is good now. It has been several months since I have tried to get to my apartment. Can I be brave enough????

Encouragement? Prayers? Luck?

A thought I like

Best, JAY

MidAugust for Steve

It seems that everything is stacked against me and anything that could go wrong..does.

There are a lot of days when I get up and I have no idea how I’m going to make it through the day.

I’m worried, I’m afraid and I doubt myself in those moments sometimes..

But somehow, those are the days when j look in the mirror and pause.

I take a deep breath, clench my fists and remind myself just who I am.

How I’ve survived so much to get to where I am now and how strong I’ve become.

I took a long look at the person I’ve fought to become and I smile with pride.

Most people would have quit.

Many others wouldn’t have made it to where I am..

But then,

I’m not like the rest of them.

I’m a warrior with a heart of gold and the will to survive.

Maybe things don’t always turn out like I want them to be, but I always get what I need when I need it and I make it work.

I’m a survivor, a scrapper, a fighter.

I pick up the pieces like I have so many times before and I figure it out.

I won’t tell you it’s glamorous and pretty how I get through the hard times..

But it doesn’t have to be.

What matters is that at the end of the day, I’m still standing.

Maybe I’m bruised and beaten up a little bit..and that’s okay.

I’ll regroup and recover and rise again tomorrow, renewed and determined to grow and get better.

So, that’s just what I do.

And when the first light of a new day finds me, there’s a smile on my face a renewed vigor in my soul.

No matter how the day goes or the challenges that face me,

I’ll get through it all.

With character, strength and grace.

Most of all, I do it my way.

I’ve got this..and I always will.

|ravenwolf

Thought for the end of July

Half of me is filled with bursting words
and half of me is painfully shy.

I crave solitude yet also crave people.

I want to pour life and love into everything
yet also nurture my self-care and go gently.

I want to live within the rush of primal, intuitive decision, yet also wish to sit and contemplate.

This is the messiness of life – that we all carry multitudes, so must sit with the shifts.

We are complicated creatures, and ultimately,
the balance comes from this understanding.

Be water.
Flowing, flexible and soft.
Subtly powerful and open.
Wild and serene.
Able to accept all changes,
yet still led by the pull of steady tides.

It is enough.

~Victoria Erickson

Best, Jay

People are just people

We are all people …

just people, human …

a little good and a little bad;

like people are …

Someone said that “if we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us face, we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance and care …”

The thing is, we can’t see that deeply into another’s heart.

Not always and never completely.

But that shouldn’t be a prerequisite,

nor a hindrance for being more gentle, kind and understanding.

It is a choice.

Plain and simple

Best Jay

Thought for July 22, 2023

I know you’ve wanted your life to be different for some time now, but it’s hard taking that first step, I know.

You’ve been stuck in a rut for too long and everything you have has been crying out for change.

You know what you have to do, maybe even know some of what it may take.

Maybe you’re afraid or unsure if you have what it takes to change..

Whether it’s your life, your friends, your career..whatever you’re facing, you can do this.

I won’t tell you it will be easy, or that it won’t hurt a little, but anything worth having won’t be painless.

Change hurts, growth can be painful.

But you’re worth it.

Your happiness is worth it.

You’ve been selling yourself short and settling for far too long.

Stop, step back and take a deep breath.

This is your life and you deserve more.

It’s okay to be afraid, it’s okay to be unsure ..but it’ll never be okay to stay in a room place you weren’t meant to be.

Take back your life, stand up strong and take responsibility for your happiness.

No more excuses or settling..you’re not a victim of your life.

You’re a beautiful, vibrant soul full of love and hope, so stop dwelling in what has been and start taking the small steps to a better you and a happier future.

Each day that passes is another chance lost to start your journey.

This is your time and your new chapter.

Pick up the pen and start writing the brightest and happiest story of your life..

Let go of the guilt, the fear and the defeat.

Get up and do something about your life, because only you know what will make you happy.

Don’t have a life full of regret and “what if.”

Take this chance to become who you were meant to be and seek your happiness.

It’s all right there waiting for you- you’re not alone and you got this.

Cast off those claws that you’ve used to dig your way out of rock bottom and discover the wings that have been waiting for you all along.

Start today, start small,

And most of all, it all starts with you.

|ravenwolf

Best, Jay

Adding to my Tour de Paris hospitals – Foch – outside of Paris toward Normandy

I had blood in my head between the rim and the brain and a special surgery was required.ugh

Well ,,, I am not giving up…

Yet!

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