JAYSPEAK

His name was “Jesse”. I called him “Daddy”. It has been written “It is dangerous to say that one man in less than two decades changed the eating and food purchasing habits of the United States, saved many farmers from bankruptcy, helped found a national industry. Almost any citizen of North Georgia will readily admit that one man was at least the leading instrument, the planner and stimulating agent for this phenomenal development, and that his name was ‘Jesse Dickson Jewell’ ” . A friend said that he was born “before his time”. On the contrary, he was born at the perfect time and was able to help a lot of people.

During the last year of confinement, I have been doing a lot of thinking in Paris, about my life, my life choices, my family, what actually happened, the myths surrounding what actually happened, and the things I will NEVER KNOW – or rather, I only know pieces of a puzzle. (sigh) Memories mixed with facts mixed with speculation. THUS, “JANET’S STORY OF ‘JESSE’ ”

Get a cup of coffee. This may take a while. Some of it is factual. Some is Janet’s story or what happened.

A moment to recap – He was born in Gainesville, Georgia on March 13, 1902, to Mary Tallulah Dickson Jewell and Edgar Herman Jewell – their third child and second son. He grew up in Gainesville and attended local public schools through high school. His father committed suicide when he was seven (on July 19, 1909), when he was in the second grade.

Five years later, when he was in the 7th grade, his mother remarried Leonard Loudermilk, a handsome, young widower with five children of his own. They all lived together in Mary’s big house and Leonard helped with the family business (a Feed and Fertilizer Store).  Mary Tallulah and Leonard got all of the children (10) to help around the house and also hired a woman to help. I don’t know if she lived there or not.  I doubt it.    

All of the kids graduated from High School and started or graduated from college. 

Jesse went for a short time to the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, and also was a Kappa Alpha at Georgia Tech for a period of time.   He did not graduate.  He went home to help his mother and stepfather to run the Feed and Fertilizer Store.

The South was in a depression, and people were struggling. His mother was struggling. And, remember, this was a time when women did not work!! I don’t know when that store opened but it supplied farmers with feed and fertilizer “ALL YEAR ‘ROUND” for their animals and crops.  

But the store did not sell the feed or fertilizer when the farmers had no money to buy it.  The farmers in the area had hogs, cows, and chickens.  Crops were grown to feed the family, not to sell. Some were – cotton, peanuts, tobacco, peaches.  But everything was a tough sell.  The land was worn out.  And, on top of that, a devastating tornado wrecked the town in April 1936.

Jesse was hitting brick walls.  Did he give up?  NO.  With youthful enthusiasm, he started using common sense.

If the farmers could not buy the feed or fertilizer because they did not have any money, he had to help them get money so he could help his mother sell feed and fertilizer.  How? 

Pick an animal.  He picked chickens (hogs and cows were too big) Help the farmers get chickens to feed and raise. 

Step 1.  Get baby chickens to farmers. 

So, he figured out how to get baby chickens to farmers to raise.  (Somebody loaned him some money to get some baby chickens to begin this project with a few willing farmers.   Did his family do it?   I don’t know.) Somehow, he had resources.  It was a risk.  He gambled.  He GAVE them some chickens and GAVE them some feed.  Most farmers were unwilling, and landowners objected.  EVERYONE WAS SKEPTICAL. He was desperate.  A few agreed to go along. Then, he waited.

Step 2. When the chickens become “broiler” size (approximately 12 weeks), BUY them back from the farmer(s) at a market price.  With that money, the farmer could pay him back for the baby chickens and feed and still have a profit left.  

IT WORKED!!!

Farmers signed up.  People began to have money in their pockets.  Shops in town began to thrive. Jesse had helped his mother.  The feed store would be okay.

People then built hatcheries, more feed stores, and places for processing of the broiler-size chickens for market. 

The entire area changed. 

Jesse said, “Help others.  That’s the only way a man can help himself.”

And, from there, Jesse continued to use common sense.  It continued to work.  After that, I don’t know how he helped Mary Tallulah and Leonard.  He did. I just know that we visited them for over an hour EVERY SUNDAY FOR YEARS.  He was into sharing.  So, I can believe he shared the wealth with them.  I saw the love he had for his mother. 

So for all he did, we can thank Mary Tallulah Dickson.

Yes, he had problems. Yes, the story takes twists and turns.  But, all of it is huge and in the history books. Yes, I know the rest of the story, but this is major. And, important for me to think through. Thank you for sharing this time with me.

Best, Jay (the picture below was the picture in an ad that Daddy bought and put into the Gainesville High School Class of 1955 yearbook in my graduating class from High School.)

March is my birthday month. And every March, like clockwork, I begin to change in some way or other. Things feel different. Why? I don’t know. And this March is not different. Things are changing. So, I am thinking out loud. Bear with me. First, the questions: Am I imagining it?  Why? Because, I don’t feel like talking right now; in fact, nobody seems to want to talk right now. Messages are brief and replies late or no reply. Group chats are no longer pinging all night long. Is it me?

It’s everyone. We are spent. We have nothing left to say. We are tired of saying, ‘I can’t wait for this to end’. “I want the cafes to open.” So I mostly say nothing.  “Bonjour’” and take a walk if I feel like it.  I get through each day. But, help is on the way.

I read, “This is a state of being like no other we have ever known because we are all going through it together but so very far apart. ” So, hang in there, my friend. Help is coming. So, when the mood strikes, send out all those messages and don’t feel you have to apologise for being quiet. No one is judging.

Some thoughts for today (a too-windy March day in Paris)

Pietro Annigoni (1910-1988), “The young Mary Magdalene” (1967), charcoal. Pietro Annigoni (1910-1988) was an Italian portraitist and a fresco painter influenced by the Italian Renaissance.  He was nicknamed by the press of his time as “the painter of queens”.  His portrait of Queen II from 1956 is very famous

Beautiful and young? Right? Wrong.

 “Always keep in mind that the skin wrinkles, hair turns white, days turn into years. But what is important does not change; your strength and conviction have no age. Your spirit is the glue of any spider web. Behind each finish line there is a starting line. Behind every success there is another disappointment. As long as you are alive, feel alive. If you miss what you did, go back to doing it. Don’t live on yellowed photos … Insist, even if everyone expects him to quit. Do not let the iron in you rust. Make sure that instead of compassion, they bring you respect.

 When, due to the years, you will not be able to run, walk fast. When you can not walk fast, walk. When you can’t walk, use the cane. But never hold back! ” -Mother Teresa of Calcutta, “Dedicated to women”

 

 

On my bucket list, today, Lake Como in Italy. SAVE MY PLACE!

Springtime at the Eiffel Tower in Paris! With flowers.

I don’t have any words of wisdom today because I don’t like a lot of wind. But, so be it. March has winds. And, I love March. So…..

I doubt I can change the world, but I will try- little by little. So, can you. “Rough Seas make good sailors.” “Go to it!” I don’ t “believe, I KNOW.

Forgive all of the memes but I like them. They remind me when I have lost my way. And, I am posting a picture of me from a few years ago. I am not comfortable posting a current one. Too vain. I am working on all of it – skin, body, mind, spirit, hair, eyes and it is working. Good for me!! I still don’t have the vaccine (high demand in Paris), so I am still social distancing. But help is on the way. Thanks for all of it. It is a good life.

Best, Jay

Today, I have gotten a cup of coffee to spend some time with you. Nothing special, just some things that are on my mind along with a good cup of Joe. I don’t plan to discuss politics although that is what is on my mind these days, (along with a thousand other things). As one of my friends (who shall remain nameless) says, “what I do not abide is a mindset of ruination..and the unmitigated gall of balking for the sake of not working toward coaction.” She said a lot more things that I agree with but I plan this post to be about sharing lovely photos with you. I still plan a good article regarding J. D. Jewell, Inc. (Daddy), but that will be written at another time.

By the way, I am very proud to announce that my Jayspeak’s current stats are 11 visitors and 44,000 views. WOW! Thank you, Everyone.

So today, I am just treading water. Plus, I enjoy posting these photos. I don’t personally know any of the photographers but I only took a couple of them. They are beautiful (I think), and must not go unnoticed. This is my favorite.

They are all favorites. So, I will let you choose your favorites.

That is enough for now. I took the flowers but not the WOW ones. I am exploring ways to frame some of mine and do a “showing” in a gallery, but I think that takes a lot of money. And, besides, I don’t know how to do it. I would need help with all of it. But, some of my photos are great and need a market. Any tips are appreciated if someone knows how to do this. I have seen photographers do great “showings” of their work and I want to know how to do that. Does anyone know?

And now a closing thought about “my month of March” (my birth month).

Best, Jay

They ALL deserve roses. If you are just tuning in, I started this post last weekend. It gives you a tad of background. And I stopped the timing on that post with Ed Jewell’s suicide. His oldest son (age 9, going on 10) called Beamus (Ed, Jr.) found him that morning, hanging in the barn. This photo is a picture of my grandmother taken when she was an art teacher at Brenau College in Gainesville, Georgia. She was in her 20’s. And I still have a water color of hers on my wall beside my bed in Paris.

After that, someway, Mary Tallulah Dickson Jewell met and married Leonard Loudermilk in Atlanta and a Baptist preacher and two witnesses on July 23, 1914, blending two families that had five children each, and went home from Atlanta that day to a group of 10 children (ages 15 – 4), who had all been through their own individual experiences – five who suffered the death of their mother and five who experience the suicide of their father.  Let’s figure out the various ages of those kids.   First, let’s list them:  the Jewell kids were Mary (born June 1898), Edgar, Jr. (born August 1899, aka “Beamus”), Jesse (born March 1902) , Furman (born October 1903), and Margaret (born August 1904). The Loudermilk kids are listed below. Dennis Loudermilk was the oldest (February 1898 -15 at remarriage)and then Mary Jewell (June 16, 1898 – 15 at remarriage was next. The youngest was Ida Mae Loudermilk, (January 17, 1910 – 4 at remarriage.)

ON the morning of July 19, 1909, that fateful morning when each child’s father was found hanging in the barn, Mary, the oldest, had just turned 11 in June.   Beamus was 9 and would be 10 in August, the next month – he is the one who found his father.  Jesse (my father) was 7 in March.   His younger brother Furman was 5 – he would be 6 in October.  Margaret, their baby sister, was 4.  She would be 5 in August.  WOW.  Talk about a trauma.  And, if he were suffering from drugs anyway, imagine the craziness that comes from drugs and alcohol.  WOW.  In other words, those kids were very young. And, their mother, was 37. The deceased father ED JEWELL was 52.

Questions? What did she do for money?  Did she and Ed already have the feed and fertilizer store at that time?  How did she manage with those 5 little children and the shame of that death? I don’t know.  But somehow, she did.  And they did.  For five years.  But somehow, she met and decided to marry Leonard Loudermilk on July 23,1914 in Atlanta, at the age of 42. How did she meet him? I don’t know. They are all dead. No one left records. So, let’s take a minute to see what we know about Leonard. I have a few photos.

Leonard Loudermilk was born (October 1875) in Habersham County and grew up and fell in love with a local girl Malala Sisk.    He married her at the age of 22.  Malala was two years older and beautiful, and I image they were excited and In love because their wedding day was Valentine’s Day 1897 (romantic day).  They moved to Gainesville in Hall County when he got a job, managing a company mill store for two cotton mills in Hall County. 

And they had five children together.  Who were their kids?  The oldest was Dennis, (born February 1898).  The next was another boy, Joe (born September 1899).  The next was another boy Hershel, born March 1902, and then a girl Ruby (born November 1906. And the baby was another girl Ida Mae (born January 1910). The above photo is a photo of Leonard and Malala and their oldest three boys.

Malala died on July 28, 1913, from cancer. She was a young 40.   At the time of her death, Dennis was 14, Joe was 13, Hershel was 11.  Ruby was 6.  Ida Mae was 3.  Just babies.  Left for Leonard to raise alone.  From what I think, Leonard was a good man and loved his wife and kids.  I believe he missed Malala very much and wanted the best for her kids.  How sad.  Somehow, he met a widow – Tallulah Dickson Jewell, with five kids of her own.  They decided to marry and blend the two families.

Mary Tallulah had a big house with five bedrooms and two baths, so the twelve of them lived there.  It was struck by lightning in a tornado in 1936 and burned.  All of the children had married by then, except Beamus, who still lived with them.    I don’t know what year this photo below was taken, but the kids look young. It is taken on the steps of the big house before the tornado in 1936 destroyed it. I was born in 1937. All of this happened when I was not present. Or even conceived. I just took it all for granted when I was young. I am now so sorry that I did not ask more questions. And, that I did not show more love and respect.

Another timing to note –  after Malala’s death, Leonard remarried one year.  (Malala died July 28, 1913 – remarriage was July 23, 1914.)    Mary remarried 5 years after Ed’s death (July 19, 1909 – remarriage July 23, 1914).  Mary Dickson was 42.  Leonard was 39.  That fact tells me that they both needed each other, in love or not.  So, they contracted to join forces to help all of the children at risk here.  WOW.   And they did.  And they managed to rear them and send 9 of them to college. Together they were quite a team. Now, if that is not love, I don’t know it.  Two adults during pandemics and world wars, working together to help families and each other.  WOW.  

Now. I want to write about Daddy and his need to help his mother and step father through hard times. I have a theory that I want to explore. So, stay turned. It requires its own day. He was quite a man. And this story is unusual and full of love and family and amazing strength during trauma. The true American spirit. It inspires me. I lived it and did not appreciate at the time. I took it for granted. HOW WRONG OF ME. I apologized for not being clearer about all of this. I still have a lot of blurred vision and want to write this with this MAC that keeps jumping around. But, I am amazed at all of these people who lived this amazing story during wars and hard times. And, each child has a successful story. I will only write about Daddy.

Best, Jay (this is hard to write because the computer jumps around and I am doing the best I can. Sorry. I want to get it written. I don’t had the energy for a book. But, blog posts let me do something, at least. I need a ghost writer. And hair and makeup. And I love this young picture of me. What an interesting life I have had. )

This is what is on my mind….   Since I have been staying inside for lockdowns, I have been doing a lot of thinking, as you know.  And so, my treks are in planning stage.  I plan to do more research of this area when I feel better about being outside.  I feel like I am “home”, and, I have several places I plan to go when it gets warmer.  I need to go.  Why?  I don’t know why.  I just do. 

I love the building in the above picture. Wow. And, spring is here and in the air.  I can feel it.  Buds are appearing on trees, and different flowers are in the plant shops.  And it is light longer during the day.  Great!  I love spring.  Hope and new life are within reach. AND, it is my year – The Chinese Year of the Ox! A good one for me, for sure.

I have thought a lot about my family of late. You know, you only have one family and every family has issues. My Thought for the DAY: Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, and your values become your destiny.

As a result of looking at my destiny, I have begun to understand more things.  I think that is good.  I have done a lot of research about Daddy’s mother, and now things have made more sense to me.  I was planning to write about my findings, but I am rethinking that.  Maybe things are better left unsaid.  Maybe.  I am still thinking about it.  It is a wonderful story of strength, love, and forgiveness.  It is a wonderful story of choices and priorities.  My plan was to do a “Once upon a time….”.   And, I would have fun writing it.  This was her wedding dress. She married June 1, 1897.

Daddy was an amazing man.  So was his mother.  And I understand his father now.  Even more than people remember.  I have discovered it.   And it all makes sense to me.  I am very happy that I know now.  Secrets that adults keep from children.  I know the secrets.  And, I love them for keeping them from me. 

Plus, these things don’t mean anything to others.  They have their own family secrets.  But, somehow, it matters.  Daddy did a lot to help entire area, and now it all makes sense to me.  I lived it.  And I am a dying generation.  So, maybe it needs to be told.  Maybe.  I need strength and energy to write it.  So, we’ll see.  Pray for me to be about to do this if I am supposed to.  Through my eyes……

You see, when you start trying to recreate someone else’s world, you get outside of yourself and see through different eyes.  I have always enjoyed doing that.  That is why I loved acting so much. In working with Daddy and his mother, Mary Tallulah Dickson, I recreated her world and childbirth, and five little babies she loved, and how she dealt with those problems in her world at that time in a small town in Georgia.  Most of her family of origin lived in Texas at the time.  The family moved to Texas (Wharton County – in the middle of nowhere – LAMPASAS, TX (near Houston) when she was 10. And at that time, she cooked and cleaned for her father, her stepmother, and three more half-siblings. She was born in 1872 in the middle of nowhere, Alabama (Pine Level), on a plantation. Her real mother died in childbirth when she was 4.  (1874)And, she cared for her brothers and sister a long time because she was the oldest.  Three siblings and later – three half-siblings.  It was a lot of work.

So when she went to teach art at a private girls’ college in another state, she was glad to get away from all of that.  Now, you cannot just imagine what it was like without remembering a different world.  Things were rough.   Life was raw.  Indians.  Woods.   No television or machines.  No cars.  How did she learn to paint- watercolor?  I don’t know.  Why did she apply to that college? I don’t know.  Why did they accept her?  I don’t know.  She was tall.   Pretty.  Strong-willed. She probably “surrendered” about that time. My thoughts on “surrender” – “Surrender is the ultimate sign of strength and the foundation for a spiritual life. Surrendering affirms that we are no longer willing to live in pain. It expresses a deep desire to transcend our struggles and transform our negative emotions. It commands a life beyond our egos, beyond that part of ourselves that is continually reminding us that we are separate, different and alone. Surrendering allows us to return to our true nature and move effortlessly through the cosmic dance called life. It’s a powerful statement that proclaims the perfect order of the universe.–

Fell in love or became interested in a party boy – the son of a Baptist preacher.  He was 20 years older than she was.  Moody.  Experimented with the drugs of that day – opium.  I don’t know if I have a picture of him. She helped him with a feed store. And, fertilizer store.  At a time when women did not work.  But, she did.  They had five little babies, Two girls and three boys.  And, he kept trying to kill himself.  She kept all of it running.  And, they bought a big house with a lot of bedrooms and a barn.  She was terrified he would kill himself.  She reallly loved her babies. And, one night he did.  Hung himself in the barn.  Ugh.  Oh, the shame of all of it!  And one of the babies (a son), found his father hanging in the barn the next morning, July 19, 1909.  Talk about trauma.  Image living with that picture in your mind forever.  My uncle Beamus, his namesake, did. Ed, Jr. (Uncle Beamus) was almost 10 at the time.

Well, what happened after that is a story of survival that is so full of love and strength and giving that I still cry when I think of the beauty and the strength of it.  Above are her pictures.  She was in her 20’s at that time.  Tall.  Straight as an arrow. Strong. Relentless in her love and protection for her five babies. Mary was the oldest. She was 11.

Ok.  That just gives you a taste of my world in my mind as I look out my window over Paris. 

I feel the presence of Mary Tallulah in my blood.  Giving me strength.  Helping me through my fear.  Wow.  What a heritage.  From Tyrone County in Ireland.  And, Scotland.  I need to visit there. Hope to.

Stay tuned. Wait until you hear my version of what it was like being young in my home growing up, and what Daddy had to deal with…… Along with Mother and the three of us girls. From a feed and fertilizer store to an international company and business. Wow!

Love from my home in Paris, Jay

ON my mind today are several things.   Tomorrow is my grandson Mark’s birthday, and I am thinking of how I loved his birth on Valentine’s Day. Tomorrow, he will be 27. He will forever be my valentine.

AND, I am working on a piece to publish about my amazing grandmother (Daddy’s mother – Mary Tallulah Dickson Jewell Loudermilk) that I find so interesting.  But I am still doing research.  It is an amazing love story that has inspired me all my life.  And I am channeling her at the moment because I need some of her strength as I struggle with several matters.  It is true.  I feel her presence, even though I know that sounds weird.  Who cares!!!  It seems to be working and I can believe what I choose. 

Meanwhile (as Stephen Colbert would say), on another subject, …I learned not to “trust” at an early age.  HOW?  And in spite of everything that happened around me, I continued to trust and to get hurt!  I was born trusting.  Are people born trusting?  Or born not trusting?  I don’t know. But I think I was born trusting because I got so hurt when I was very young.  I know.  I know.  Weird.  But I was told a different truth from reality. I was devastated when I discovered a different truth.  I could not believe THE BIG LIE.  What?  Sound familiar?  Well, it was MY big lie.  What happened?  (I always HATED it. and STILL wish it was not true.)  The problem is:  I don’t forgive or forget.  I have discovered that I hold grudges. Now, I know better, it just “happens”. Haha.  

When I was young, I sucked my right thumb.  All relatives disapproved.  I was TOO OLD to be sucking my thumb with a pink blanket with white reindeer on it.  My parents bought a wire thumb guard and taped it to my right hand.  They were afraid I would have buck teeth.  Plus, the shame of it.  What would the neighbors think?  Ugh.  So, Mother took away my pink blanket.  WHAT?????  When I craved my pink blanket, Mother told me she burned it in that back yard.    WHAT?????  How could anyone be so mean?   Scarred for life, I wept myself to sleep most nights.  I finally got over it, and no longer wanted to suck my thumb.  I was not a happy camper.

My life at 2 was over at age 3.  And I vowed to hate my mother for life.  Tried and convicted for meanness to me.  Only me.  Not my two sisters. Then, a couple of years later, I was going through a dining room chest of drawers and there it was!!!! My pink blanket.  NOT BURNED!

On some level, I understood, but I still feel that pain of betrayal.  And I am hit in the NEWS every day with that reality – THE BIG LIE.  Yes, I watch the news.  Yes, I still trust.  Yes, I still get hurt.  I think I practiced law to “grow a thicker skin” with the lies of clients, bosses, defense attorneys, witnesses, and judges.  I grew a thicker skin; but I knew that I had to keep my guard up.  AT ALL TIMES.  It is exhausting.  But I still remember that pain of betrayal throughout my life. And, I continue to work on forgiving and forgetting.  Sorry.  Memes and joke and photos that speak to me and a share or two or three. I don’t take back any of it.

Best, Jay from Paris with love.