WHAT????? This is not new news. I am not healthy. I have had several brain strokes that are making me upset. Affecting my health and my pocketbook. YIKES! There is nothing like a brain stroke that can get your attention. It impacts EVERY MOMENT of my life. People either ignore it, say get over it (you are in Paris, for God’s sake!), just keep keeping on, do yoga, take deep breaths, exercise more, get a personal trainer, do physical therapy, take blood pressure medicine, put tea tree oil on cotton into your bad ear, come to the USA for better medical care, ……..

NO ONE OFFERS TO HELP. THEY CANNOT. The only thing anyone can do is to help financially. And, a few nice people have offered to help me financially. A few. There is nothing that anyone can do. I am flying SOLO here. Yet, I am not dying. I keep waking up each morning. Dizzy. And, my day begins…..

Well, nothing is wrong with my mind. Or my memory. Or my ability to think. And, I am intelligent enough to know that health and longevity don’t come about on their own.  – They need a little help.  Can a person grow and heal at age 84?  YES.  I KNOW a person can do it.   There is NO limit to how healthy, how well, how energized, I can feel. 

BUT I must have a plan.   I must be a planner. Even if I stumble, fall. Failure is not an option. Why? Because I keep waking up each morning with a day ahead of me. I must write down specifically how I want to be and feel.   What is my ideal of how I want to be and feel in all of it? How should I begin.


All of my life, I have made lists. Yes, I MAKE LISTS.  A person never outgrows making lists.  I came out of the womb making list of what I was going to do that day.  At 84, at 64, at 44, at 24, at 12, I was making a list of what I was going to do that day.

Yesterday, I knew that I was going to do my best to take a practice walk, talking photos and taking baby steps toward living outside of captivity with a foggy brain and eating breakfast at the local patisserie.  I must not worry about the toilet or anything else. That would be my goal. That is what I did. 

The day before, I knew that I wanted to eat an omelet somewhere open.  Not everything is open yet.   And I must plan my trips according to toilettes.  I cannot go somewhere without an accessible toilet.  Or it must be close to home. So I have limitations.  And my plan must include my limitations.   

And I plan my dinners. Wine or not? TV shows. Last night, I binged watched “Halston”.  I had wine.  And so it goes. 

NOW this may be too much “planning” for most people.  But that is my way.  And, it has worked for Janet Jewell (ME) all my life. 

Now, I don’t always make a written list, but I have in mind what I want to do, if I can. Unless something unexpected happens.  Maybe that is why I have had brain strokes.  It does not matter why.  I have them, and I am trying to heal and grow. 

I set goals.  Small ones.  Goals that I can accomplish, taking baby steps.  I love my lists. Lists have lists.  Categories have lists.  Thoughts have lists.  And I have no problems with not accomplishing something that is on a list.  I just erase it.  I like pencils. Pencils have erasers.  I love erasers.  Haha.  I love trash cans.  I throw a lot of things away.  I empty a lot of garbage.  I adjust to the inspiration of the moment. Or I try to.  But I don’t like knee jerk reactions.  And I don’t like last-minute anything.  Oops.  I like exploring. And walking new streets.  So, this is a lot of contradictions.   Oops. 

Well, the goal is to grow and heal.  So, I am making lists of what I think might work.  And I am taking a lot of time to think these days.  No choice. 

I want to begin using my name again. Janet Jewell.  Isn’t that beautiful? Why did I change it legally?  I know why.  But now is the time to begin using it again.  Né Jewell.    If not now, when? AND, if I am going to keep waking up each morning, I must plan to live. I have 11 items on my TO DO list. And they are all “subject to change without notice.”

Now, that has gone on a To Do list.  And it may or may not happen.  But I don’t have to remember it.  My memory is great.  I am proud of my memory.  I am simply dizzy most of the time.  So, I am trying to train my brain to work when I am dizzy.  I think it is happening.  Each day I practice, it seems better.    

When I wake up in the morning, I am so happy that I woke up, I get excited that I have another day to do stuff.

“Out of this situation only good will come, everything is resolved for the highest good of all involved. I let go and all is well in my world. I am safe. And so it is.” 


 you got this 


Best Jay

Please Help with the Budget.

I have had HUGE expenses that I did not anticipate. Please help. Thanks in advance, Janet Jewell aka Jay


Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.


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