Facetune_19-04-2018-10-50-31Today, I am trying to “let go”.  Don’t misunderstand, I do this every day!! It is my nature to hold on and try to control. Haha. If you don’t believe me, ask my kids.  And, when things don’t go the way I want, I try to “fix” it, and when I cannot, I get “upset”.  (There is no good word for what I get.)  That’s why I have been running and now walking most of my life.  When I am out on the pavement or track or dirt road or…. I let go. 

This week, I got upset about my name – Jay W. MacIntosh. For those who don’t know (which is most everyone), it is a “made-up” name. No, I am not Scotch. No, “Jay” is NOT “Mr.” MacIntosh. When Steve was alive, his name was Felice Steven Orlandella. We would get mail for Mrs. Felice Orlandella and Mr. Jay MacIntosh. Ugh. We would both get “upset”.  Why did I chose a male name? WELL, first of all, it is NOT a male name. Why does everyone assume gender? NO, I won’t put an “e” on Jay.  It is 100% numerology, given to me by a psychic/numerologist in 1972. Yes, I know, psychics are a bunch of poppycock unless you believe in them. And, I did in 1972. BIG MISTAKE. I should have stayed with “Janet Jewell”, my maiden name. But, I digress….

This week, I got a communication from the California State Bar, “Dear Mr. MacIntosh”. NO!  I corrected them. I got a communication from The Actors Studio, “Dear Mr. MacIntosh”.  NOOOOO!  It took a lot of work and heart for me to become a lawyer and pass the hardest bar exam in the whole world.  I am a woman, and I WANT CREDIT FOR IT.  It took a lot of work and talent for me to get accepted by Lee Strasberg in order to become a lifelong member of The Actors Studio. I am a woman, and I WANT CREDIT FOR IT.   This week, I also got this communication, “Dear Mr. MacIntosh, As you know, you are a VIP listee with Marquis Who’s Who. Based on your impressive background, you were recently selected to receive our Albert Nelson Marquis Lifetime Achievement Award. “

There it is. I will always be remembered as a man. My entire life is for naught. Ugh. OK, maybe that is a tad dramatic. But, it does concern me.  And, there is nothing I can do about it.  I must “let go” of wanting credit for things I do or have done.  Ugh.  I spend hours making videos of family and friends to post for someone’s birthday, and Facebook gets credit for it.  Ugh.  NO, I DID IT.  I want credit. Ugh. EGO is the good news and the bad news.  Beware it becoming a tragic flaw. 

Now – this week’s cartoon commentary on the state of affairs of things.  Hold on, here we go!!  I was proud of Mark, considering….



BASEBALL works!   I miss my in-house expert.  (sigh)

IMG_2442Plus, this year’s Masters produced some surprises.   


Patrick Reed needs a good PR guy.  OR, he can take a lesson from Trump.  


And, the state of women is constantly on my mind, especially since I will be forever remembered as “Mr. MacIntosh”.  (sigh)


What philosophy to adopt in these “golden years”?


EGO, I told you so!  You heard it here first!!  Haha.  At least, nobody thinks he is a woman.


AND, as I said, “80” is the new “60”.  Life begins at “40”. Or, something like that!!



And, with the knowledge that things change, why don’t we pay attention?  There is NO WAY to let go of this one.  I am going to HOLD ON to this one as long as I am on this earth.



And, now a word from our sponsor…  A memo to the French, from me.


Best, Jay


Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.

2 thoughts on “A MIXED BAG

  1. P.S. That is a beautiful picture of you dressed in black. You also have a beautiful 😃smile.. I’m very surprised that one of those French guys hasn’t grabbed you. I liked your post and pictures very much. My comment above comes from my silly, happy mood today. I’m too old to act serious. 😜


  2. Is Jay a common name?
    Jay is a common given name and nickname. It may be a nickname for James, Javonne, Jamie, Jacob, Jared, Joaquin, Javad, Jeremy, Jeffrey, John, Jonathan, Joseph, Jason, Jordan, Justin, etc. In Hindu-influenced cultures, Jay or Jai is a common first name for a male derived from the Sanskrit for “win” or “victory.” Sorry !
    McIntyre is from Scotland on the Family Crest & Coat Of Arms,
    On Ancestry has a Family Tree for Jewell. You are in that tree I read about.
    I think Janet Jewell is a beautiful name. My name is complicated, I was born Marie Myers, married a West and divorced him and then married a Howard and when he passed, I went to court and changed my name BACK to West to match my kids, and a few years later, I married my handsome Brazilian doctor whose name is de Albuquerque! He passed away 4 years ago, so I will just keep my legal name.
    I hope you found some humor in all this 🙂 It’s a MIXED BAG !!!

    Liked by 1 person

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