This is what is on my mind this morning.  Something happened this week that made me very angry.  And, hurt.  So, when I woke up, I wrote down some words that kept running through my mind – THAT WAS THEN. THIS IS NOW.  The “then” I once knew –  no longer exists.  This is NOW.  The new normal? I am hoping that this concept  may be something for your consideration in these times of confinement and attempts at moving on to whatever is next.  

Is there such a thing as “normal”?   Things feel different.  AND, there is no going back.  So, I went for a long walk and took lots of pictures.  Therapy.  Stopped at Paul’s and got a coffee and some fresh orange juice “for take-out”.  I also got a fresh pastry, a chicken salad, and a cookie for later.  It’s a new day! Then, I got upset at my getting upset.  Haha.  Why all of this “drama”?  

Janet - posing

I had a person who was once important to me “then”, say things to me in response to my “Stockdale Paradox” post that let me know that he is not to be a part of my “now”.   CLICK!   Ever.  CLICK AND BLOCK!   Yes, I heard the “click” (written about in former posts)!  That was a reality check for me.  SO, when I write “there is no past, there is only the present moment”, I must listen to my own voice.  Who is part of my NOW?  I don’t have or need a fan page.  I don’t need for everyone to “like” me.  Will I become angry and bitter and unlikeable?  Maybe.  I know a lot of people who are angry and bitter and unlikeable, and they don’t seem to care.  Rude and uncaring.  They are not my friends.  

Posting this blog does not give people license to tell me off.  I have often said that if you don’t like what I have to say, DON’T READ IT.  Go somewhere else.  I have a lot of people who don’t want to hear what I have to say.  They haven’t wanted to hear what I have to say FOR YEARS.  That is not new news.  Haha.  Leave. Go away.  And, now, with the “THAT WAS THEN; THIS IS NOW new normal (sigh), it is not that I can afford to lose my friends, my relatives, my whoever-will-take-me-in, I can’t!  But I also cannot live with myself otherwise. 

We are all having to make choices because of chaos.  Is it politics?  Not all of it.  But I must admit that politics and the virus are playing big roles in creating the chaos.  I definitely don’t choose politics over friends.  I never have.  However, I knew from 2016 that anyone who supports Trump is questionable as my friend.  And, if those people still think he is doing a good job, I question their intelligence, their morals, and/or their discernment.  I don’t think it is possible to “cherry-pick” things you like/support about Trump.  True, each person is entitled to his/her own opinion (until that entitlement is taken away).   BUT I question whether I will remain that person’s friend – not that that person cares.  Haha.   But, I like me, and she is the person I live with. And, I want to really like my friends.  As well as be a good friend.   And, I want Missy to like me.  That is why I feed her and talk to her a lot.  Haha.  

I think people who criticize me personally think I am someone they used to know, not like I am today.  I have changed.  (Thank goodness)   We were – or might have been – friends “then”.   Not, NOW.  They want me to be who I was “then”.  They want me to agree with, to reflect, their position.  If they know me at all (most of my readers are not people I know),  They want me to be who they think I am……  

Wellllllll, that is not going to happen.  I hate bullies.  I hated bullies in grammar school, high school, college, and on and on.  I can name the high school bullies to this day.  I knew them then; I know them now.  I knew in 2016 and before, during the reality show and ‘”People” magazine, that is Trump was/is a bully. And a racist.  And, if you support, or overlook the fact that he is a bully and a racist (and a misogynist, xenophobe, liar, adulterer, narcissist, and more), you are no friend of mine.  Trump lashes out at elite organs of his own government — namely justice, intelligence officials and bureaucrats who trade in fact and traditional notions of US national interests. If there’s a rule, he will break it. If there’s a custom, he will infringe it to preserve his image as ultimate outsider and disruptor. Even when he is the ultimate authority.-And if you are willing to overlook all of that, you are the “intelligent” hypocrites I thought you were and are and will be. As we used to say in the South – “two-faced”.  That word doesn’t begin to say what I really think.  

So, for those who like my NOW, I want to post some photos.  For those who want to criticize me, go away.  We don’t need each other. Ever.

I am not taking the time to identify the photos. Just know that I am behind the camera.  I walked 1.7 miles.  During my therapy session this morning, as I was trying to calm myself down, I took over 50 photos in my passionate pursuit of peace.  Here are some of my favorites. The flowers are all in locked gardens.  So, you will have to go with the architecture and the trees and the sky.  I should know what something is and its significance, but I don’t.  Sorry, PARIS IN PROCESS…..Haha.  Or as I said at the beginning —   That was then; this is NOW.  

I passed a grammar school as I was walking down some street -not sure of the name but I think I was walking down Rue de St. Jacques toward the Seine.


and this plaque was on the wall.  Translation:  “In memory of children, students of this school, deported from 1942 to 1944 because they were born Jewish, innocent victims of Nazi barbarism with the active complicity from the Vichy Government.  They were exterminated in the Death Camps.   Never forget them.  October 5, 2002.”  I am still reeling from that reality – of where I was standing.  The school is closed now for lockdown but still in operation.


unnamed-3 copyunnamed-2unnamed-9 copy 2unnamed-7 copy

unnamed-9 copyunnamed-2 copy 3unnamed-8unnamed-1unnamed-12unnamed-13

unnamed copy 4unnamed-10 copy 2unnamed-22

Best, Jay   (I apologize for the ranting.  This was an important post for me to write.  I am NOT asking for agreement or argument.)





Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.

6 thoughts on ““THAT WAS THEN; THIS IS NOW”

  1. I have a question – and this is a QUESTION, not a judgment.
    – just so you know, although I am a moderate Republican, I do not like Trump’s ways, either, but I do not think anyone because of their exercising their Constitutional rights is wrong. I practiced law for decades, emphasis on Constitutional Due Process.

    anyway here’s my question- you wrote:

    “However, I knew from 2016 that anyone who supports Trump is questionable as my friend. And, if those people still think he is doing a good job, I question their intelligence, their morals, their discernment. ……”.

    and then you wrote:

    “I think people who criticize me personally because of my posts are not like I am.”

    Do you think that this last sentence criticizes all Trump supporters personally?

    and, although I agree with you on many things, is my intelligence, etc questionable?

    frankly, I like hearing both sides of the issue – how else can I come to an informed opinion?
    maybe my mercurial views come from the fact that I lived a great part of my life in Germany, went to school in France, and have experienced socialism at its worst – maybe that’s why I thoroughly enjoy especially my friends whose views differ from mine.

    best regards to you and Princess Missy – she’s such a cute little lady


    1. Sharon, thanks for reading my post. As I said, I am not open to agreement or argument, definitely not a constitutional argument. I am speaking from my own experience. That is what I thought in 2016 from my own experience and the people I was talking to at that time. And, that is what I am thinking now from my own experiences. This is an opinion piece, and I am expressing my opinions – right or wrong. I did not know you before. And, I don’t know you now. Thanks, Jay


Comments are closed.


The days of our lives


Welcome to My World!


-Chase the Stories



Chris Rogers The Actor

SAG-AFTRA Actor, WordPress Presenter, & Public Speaker

The Grief Reality

Normalising the conversation about Grief.

Writing about...Writing

Some coffee, a keyboard and my soul! My first true friends!

john pavlovitz

Stuff That Needs To Be Said

An Hour From Paris

Annabel Simms

Sweet Peach

A Southern Lifestyle Blog


A little something for you.

Be Inspired..!!

Listen to your inner self..it has all the answers..

Out My Window

musings by Sara Somers

Copyrights and Wrongs

A blog from the Law Office of Larry Zerner about copyright and entertainment law matters

Suz Learns @ Behind the Postcard

This season: Cycling through Europe.

%d bloggers like this: