This morning I woke up upset, after hearing the news. I know better than to read news before bed.  (sigh)  I am writing this at this moment because I want to……  And, I have some pictures to post……       So what is going on?   (This post is not intended as a “feel good” post.   I apologize in advance to those who are offended.  …..whatever…..)  I was reminded last night of something that happened when I was much younger that I will never forget (forgive me while I go back into my past – which I seem to do a lot of these days. This is not a memory that I am very proud of.) 

As a lot of you know, I was into metaphysics for many years.  I went regularly to astrologers and psychics.  (I know, I know.  No comment.)  Anyway, one of the astrologers that I went to regularly was a woman who lived in Burbank.  Her name was Tish LeRoy (I think. It was a long time ago.)  I also went to a psychic who was good friends with Susan Strasberg (daughter of Lee).  And, all of them were very interested in Jim Jones.  As a result, I went with them, wanting to be included with all of these “celebrities” and “all-knowing” people, to hear him speak at some place (a church of some sort) in downtown Los Angeles. We sat in the balcony and watched as Jim Jones “healed” people downstairs.  (That was the day of Oral Roberts.  Ugh.) 

I must say that Jim Jones had the ability to convince people that he was really healing people.  And, they were doing what he said and suggested.  I was not convinced or otherwise.  I was going along with the crowd to be included.  At some point, I smelled foul and stopped going with the group to events.  I still wanted to be included, but, for some reason, I stopped going.  At that point, I was not thinking “cult” or “followers”. I only questioned the healing, the fake charades of crowd-pleasing and the gullibility of my new “friends”.  I did not believe ANY of it.  And, I wondered why they did.   Did they know something that I did not know? 

At some point, I knew that Tish and her daughters were moving to somewhere in Northern California outside of San Francisco to be near Jim Jones. What????  Why????  My concern was that I would need to find another good astrologer (for a couple of times a year). 

Then, one day I was sitting at home, on the sofa, reading the newspaper. I was shocked to read about Jonestown, the People’s Church, Kool Aid, and mass suicide of over 900.  I read the list of names and saw the names of Tish LeRoy and her two children.  I sat in disbelief.  It was in November 1978.  It really upset me that I had attended his Los Angeles meetings. I felt dirty.  Ashamed. And, gullible.  I did not want my family to know.  Ever.  And, for the record, this is the first time I have let myself think about it for a long time. (This is not a memory I am proud of.)

Last night, hearing the words of Donald Trump about drinking disinfectant to help the virus, I immediately thought of Jim Jones and the Kool Aid – on a grander scale???? And I knew there would be a lot of people like Tish LeRoy, willing to follow his advice or “suggestion”.    I often think of Tish’s two children.  Blind trust. Trusting their mother. I thought of my children.  And the responsibility of trust.  Truth goes out the window.  And, on my mind this morning are words that I read during the middle of the night, “You cannot escape the crazy in the White House.”  “A deep state is being created. ” “There is no transparency.”  Oh, dear me.  Thus, much worry during the night….  Plus, an upset wake-up.  

So, this morning, I got dressed and walked out the door.  That was a start.   These are photos that I am posting because I want to – in no particular order.  And, a meme or two that I want to include.  So, if you have stayed with me this far, thank you.  I did not feel like doing any of it.  But, I made myself do it anyway, and I feel better.  I care.  



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As you can see, I bought myself some yellow tulips (at the grocery store) and two plants that I have named “Felicia” and “John”, for no good reason.  (I read somewhere that a good thing to do is to buy living plants and give them a name….) Haha.  Just go with it……

Best, Jay   …. whatever……. 

Janet - posing……





Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.

8 thoughts on “ON MY MIND THIS MORNING……

  1. I was listening to the press briefing when Trump said that about injecting bleach or disinfectants into the body, and I could not believe my ears! The first thing I thought of was Jim Jones and the Kool Aid. And I remembered that you once told me about attending that church.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LOVE the photo of you at the end!! You were an actress even before you were in your teen years!! Glad you are getting out daily and continuing with your photography. Much love to you, Aunt Janet. –Judy in Albuquerque–

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is a great post, Jay. I just saw a headline this morning and didn’t pay any attention just thought ‘no one is stupid enough to believe that’ and went on with my day. You are so right. Some of the most interesting people believe because they want to believe in something, anything that will cure them. You got my little brain cells moving. Sara

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Good Morning, I read your blog and thought deeply how you could have ended up if you had continued with Jones, so sad.i hope you feel better this morning.you are not the only one that has done things we regret, so don’t feel ashamed. You are a good, intelligent person. I admire. Your spunk to live in Paris, not knowing many people, I don’t guess and making a new life.i hope you’ll quit looking In the rear view mirror. I will be 81 on May 5 th and live alone, too I don’t compare with you living in a other country where the language is difficult at times.
        We have been corresponding for years now, even before your love passed I read you blog the other day about your friends or nit your frinds and wondered if you considered me a friend or not, even though we have never met, yet we went to the same schools.
        I would like to be included as a friend , I have said many prayers for Steve, for you and I care about you.i hope you friend me on your Facebook page.
        You have many talents and I enjoy your pictures and blogs. I stay in more than I need to, I need a cane to help me out as I have a double pacemaker that prevents me from long walks and stairs. I’m sorry I got so long winded , but don’t let Trump & politicians upset you as they are all crazy. The times we are living in are not good, there so much evil, greed, and God will handle it.
        You are welcome to advise me as to the status of our friendship.
        Stay happy. 😘


      2. Marie, I did not delete your post but I waited to approve it for publication. And, that you think I will respond by a threat to cancel a non-existent payment on PayPal tells me that you think money will buy my response. Well, you are right. I am responding. In reply to the status of our friendship, I don’t consider you a friend. On the contrary, you are not my friend. You have told me ever since I have known you on Facebook and otherwise what you think of me. And, I remember ALL of it. At first, Kim Campbell was part of the conversation. But, Kim and I will always remain friends even though we disagree about a lot of things. We have a history together that is important. Kim would never attack me personally. She almost did at one point, but stopped short. Your attacks on me were and have been personal. And your threats. I unfriended you when you said I was narcissistic and did not have sufficient love left for my daughter, Tracy. You are probably right. I am narcissistic and need more love for my children, if any. Good for you. You called it as you saw it. But, that hurt. I don’t want to be hurt or personally attacked. I have not blocked you, but I will if I have to. I don’t want your suggestions about life. I don’t want to hear anything from you. You are NOT my friend. But, this goes much deeper than that. You don’t like me. I get it! You have told me so several times. I have a list of people in Gainesville who don’t like me. It is no problem because I don’t like them, either. Plus, I hold grudges, and I remember personal insults. And, I don’t “forgive” people. I especially remember insults. And always will. Jay


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