Do you know what I mean by “true colors”?  When someone shows you their “true colors”, what should you do with the new information?  It could be something you have suspected for a long time.  And now you have confirmation?  Withdraw?  Set boundaries?  Confront?  I don’t have answers.  I have tried all three.  With some, I withdraw.  From others, I try to set boundaries. That usually doesn’t work.  I NEVER confront.  It does no good.

What are my true colors? I don’t think that I hide anything very well. Haha. I just blurt it all out there!!! I try to. But I don’t think it works. One of my sons thinks I don’t “get it”. I am like a cat chasing its tail. Always want to be somewhere I am not!! Yes. What’s your point? I have ALWAYS been like that. University of Wisconsin, Early marriage, kids right away, actress, attorney, writer. Career woman before her time. Always pushing the envelope. Trusting when I don’t “get it“ right away. Duh. I never caught on to jokes. I couldn’t remember punch lines. I am sharing with you an article that I borrowed from the Internet. I think it says what I would say to myself if I could because I am learning how to trust myself and to make my own decisions.

I am in negotiations on a Nice apartment, unable to thrive in Paris, and struggling with money and health issues in my 80’s. I get very scared. I like to think that this is a conversation that my Higher Self [I have named her “Helen”] has with this frightened little girl – Janet as she searches for her next mission in life. And I dedicate it to my next chapter – CHAPTER 11 – Return to Nice. Here it is.

“Yes.  You are strong enough to survive this.

I know it seems like your world is over and maybe you can’t find the light right now, but hang in there. 

I know your soul is weary and you feel like you can’t keep going, but don’t stop.

Your happiness may seem so far away, but it’s not as far as you might think.

Yes, the nights can be long and you don’t have any answers, but you don’t have to.


Take a moment and remember what all you’ve survived before now.

You’ve been through the fire and always found your way..your courage has been forged in the flames that tried to take you down.

Remember that- you’re a warrior who will continue to rise again.

It’s time to find your magic again and listen to your heart.

It knows the way, but you’ve gotten so weary that you’ve lost the path.

If you’ve lost faith in yourself and your strength is waning, know that you’re not alone.

You’re loved, you’re enough and I believe in you.

It’s always darkest before dawn and this is your time to start again.

Every end is a new beginning and your next chapter will be magical..

You just have to start believing in you like I do.

Like all the people in your life do.

I know you’re reading this and wondering how you’ll make it through this, I’m telling you..

You got this.

You are meant for more than to simply fizzle out like a dampened flicker of light.

You’re a wildfire capable of setting your soul and life on fire again.

Take my hand and let’s start climbing out of the darkness, day by day. [step by step]

I know you’ve been looking for a sign, something to believe in..

Well, this is it.  Today is your wake up call and this is where you start again- you’re strong enough and you’re worth it.  It won’t be easy and it won’t be fast, but it will change your life if you’re ready.  These words were meant for you.

Are you ready to start again?

Believe, you, your destiny and most of all, in that you are meant for more.

Beginning today..get up, step up and start remembering the magic and dreams you lost along the way.

Anything’s possible if you just believe..

And I believe in you.❤️

Credit for this belongs to:

And now for some cartoons without commentary. You don’t have to “get it”.

And, one day, it just clicks…. I am realizing what’s important and what isn’t. I am learning to think more of me and just how far I have come. And I smile. I smile because I keep waking up in the morning . I smile because I am proud of myself and the person I have fought to become. On to Chapter 11. Bring it on.

Best, Jay



Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.

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