On My Mind this 4th of December…… I am pondering how I want to justify to myself, and to you, my strong feelings about friends who are no longer “friends” and I miss them. Best friends? I thought we were. Well, we know that facts are not feelings. They don’t even « pretend « to be caring. The problem is that I miss them. And this week I am treading water because I poured out my heart last week.

I know that I should let it go, but I don’t want to. I liked it better when people pretended to be my friend. I don’t like this blatant honesty of distance, this “true colors”. Especially at Christmas. People used to be civil to each other. At least, I thought they did. Mutual respect. I liked that the Wizard of Oz was a belief. They believed he was real. And that was fun. I liked the yellow brick road. And, at 84, the reality is that my memories are all I will have until I don’t anymore. So, it seems to me that it is better to pretend than to just walk away. I don’t like to walk away.

I have my fantasy of a two-story townhouse on a tree-lined street in Paris with a staff. And a garden with a gardener. And, all of my children with their significant others are upstairs in bedrooms, and all of us at a table in the dining area eating a meal together, and being respectful to each other. Hey, I can dream, can’t I? I can dream anything I want to. And I want to believe that fantasy. That thought makes me happy. And, being happy helps my physical condition. I think that is a fact. Make up your own dreams.

So, I collect pictures and memes from Facebook. And I pretend a lot – Actress that I am. Hey, there are a lot of us living alone without someone special in our lives, who don’t paint or are dealing with something or other. I used to watch the news. But, the news is terrifying. So, I plan to enjoy Christmas movies and comedies for this month. And pretend “as if” I have all the people still in my life that I have loved over the years. I “thought” we were friends and that meant something. To me it did. But, not to another. Facades. Spinning a yarn.

No, I have not lost my mind. But, I am alive.. I am dealing with brain strokes that come and go. So, I am finding ways to have fun in this apartment. During a Pandemic. With vertigo. So here are some No Comment Commentaries.

Best, Jay

support JAYSPEAK


Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.


  1. Hey, I read this one and enjoyed it. It’s been 2 weeks so I am beginning to look at screens again for a very short time.
    Thinking of you and appreciate your support. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹


Comments are closed.


The days of our lives


Welcome to My World!


-Chase the Stories



Chris Rogers The Actor

SAG-AFTRA Actor, WordPress Presenter, & Public Speaker

The Grief Reality

Normalising the conversation about Grief.

Writing about...Writing

Some coffee, a keyboard and my soul! My first true friends!

john pavlovitz

Stuff That Needs To Be Said

An Hour From Paris

Annabel Simms

Sweet Peach

A Southern Lifestyle Blog


A little something for you.

Be Inspired..!!

Listen to your inner has all the answers..

Out My Window

musings by Sara Somers

Copyrights and Wrongs

A blog from the Law Office of Larry Zerner about copyright and entertainment law matters

Suz Learns @ Behind the Postcard

This season: Cycling through Europe.

%d bloggers like this: