I felt like writing this morning.

Facades fascinate me.  I grew up in a house filled with pretence secrets galore. Doesn’t everyone ?   I wanted people to be real. But alas and alack nobody was or even wanted to be. So I decided to go on a mission to get real. At least with my friends.  Oops, I did not make friends and I did not influence people. Thanks, Dale Carnegie! 

And a woman I loved very much for years was living in a beautiful big house in a posh neighborhood in Los Angeles and everything was broken inside. I tried to make her real and wanted to know why everything was broken. I fAILED MISERABLY. It did not work. And Daddy tried to tell me that I did not get it. People need their dreams and their illusions and the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence. Besides , she doesn’t care that things are broken because she doesn’t want to fix them. She does not use them . Why did I need her to fix them. I wanted to use them but I did not live there. Hmmm

I still have my problems with people pretending to be who they are not. The SELL.  Or saying one thing and doing another BUT that is my problem, not theirs.

So , you get to choose who you want to be – real or façade?  I have been both during my lifetime. But I like real better than pretentious . Usually in a group, there are one or two real people but not many. So I have to pick and choose . And get picked and chosen. And the one with money is like a magnet and gets chosen every time . I got chosen when I had money.  Ugh.  

I have been rich and I have been poor relatively and I prefer rich. They call the shots and have power. But become mean in the process so the trick is to get rich and stay humble . But I don’t like a pretend with a façade – like the wizard of oz. But nobody cares what I like. I care. I matter.

Why do I care ?  Let it go.  Who cares? What does it matter ??  Okay I can now overthink that . 

Just love them for whoever they are . Love the facades. Let it go. Ugh. Can I change at this late date? Okay I will try.

Best, Jay


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Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.


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