I am excited because all of this zooming has given me an idea. And, today is the beginning. This video was /is an experiment for me to work out technical difficulties with iMovie, YouTube, and WordPress. So, I will be getting all of it better as I learn more about it. But, here it is!!!!The beginning.
I should have redone it, but I am dizzy from thinking so long, trying to figure all of this out. I know. I know. I should have done hair and makeup but that was my director’s fault. “Au natural” is what that role requires. AND, this is an attempt to return to acting, but as we all can see, everything is rusty, and I am not in my mid-30’s. And vanity re actresses is that they need to be “pretty”. (sigh). But, it takes courage to go online without makeup. A “before” and “after”. (sigh). And, I need better lighting and voice work, memorize my lines, look up and lose the glasses and………
What is on my mind? Well, let’s see. I am not sure. I have a lot of thoughts, but none that seem particularly earthshaking. The problem with writing a post every weekend is that I want it to be interesting to a reader. For me, this week I got some great photos of pretty roses. But they were in front of a florist. And, they will come and go with the seasons. I have not found a “rose garden” like the one that I had in Nice at the garden behind the Monastère de Cimiez.
I see beautiful buildings, but they are interesting but for a brief moment. I have a lot of deep thoughts, but they are interesting only for a brief moment.
I hear beautiful music, but it is over when it finishes. Ah, c’est la vie. Actually, I love living in Paris. And, I haven’t really seen it yet. I had four weeks before the virus hit town and I was in “lockdown”. WOW. How weird is that. Now, several weeks later, I am trying to regroup. Now, where was I? What is next? I don’t know. But, inside, I feel I am in “turnaround”. From what to what? From not knowing to knowing! It is on the tip of my consciousness. Haha. Maybe I will get better at these creative videos. I have a lot of ideas – favorite monologues, readings from my seven, published books, singing a song AT 83. Like “Time After Time”.
I have gotten the writing bug back. I am re-editing my favorite book, “Janet Tallulah”, And, I am working on a new book, working title “Black Swan Rising – in PARIS.” Or, “Through the Eyes of a Black Swan in PARIS”. I went through a down time when I first got here. I thought I would be seeing things and going places where I thought I would go, and things I thought I would do. Oops. Did not happen. May never happen.
Life outside my window is changing. Paris is changing. My motivations are changing. I keep asking myself each day if I am motivated to do something or finish something – just wandering up and down streets and regularly checking my motivations. Now, I must put this in context. I have been a driven, goal-oriented person all my life, and I did not relax much at all. Now, that has all changed.
In my mind, I am finally connecting with the girl inside. And, there are things that I have realized I don’t want to do, and people I realize I don’t really like. And, all of that is OK. I don’t have to do them, and I don’t have to like them. Do I get bored and lonely? Sometimes.
I don’t like women (or men) who are “know-it-alls”. It seems like I have met a lot of those during this journey. Am I one? I don’t think so. I don’t like people who are weird in their like and dislikes. Weird how? Weird to me. That is an intuitive thing. I know it when I see it. I realize that I am jealous of people with money. I am jealous of people who walk easily up and down steps. I want to be able to afford a better apartment with a lovely view on a pretty street with trees. It exists. But, space and loveliness costs money. I want to be able to walk and wear pretty shoes. (sigh)
And, yet I have a lot. And, I am thankful for all of it. I am in PARIS. I am not sick (knock on wood. I love my family. I love my friends. I love the law. I love my writing. I love my cat. (Haha) So expect me now to start acting on my own channels. Why not? I am excited because I have a LOT of ideas that will be fun to develop – interspersed with some gorgeous photos of Paris.