What I have on my mind today is NOT the news.  I am so alarmed and depressed about the news that I need to help myself “get a grip”.   I am walking and thinking and planning and thinking until I have OVERTHOUGHT everything.  Ouch.  I have time.  I am in Paris.  I am still alive, not dead.  Not sick.  What????  How dare I be not sick or dead or NOT feeling alive?  Haha!!   Well, Last night, I watched a SAG-AFTRA Streaming session about self-taping auditions.  And, I realized that I can do that.  I have to learn how to do it.  What if I got a role that I did from my apartment in Paris!!!!!   Why not?  I can try!!  I have time.  
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about art and what I can do to help myself get out of this deep funk I have been in since Steve died.  How?  What makes me feel good?  I know!
I know I love to act. It is not just “act”.  It is more than that.  Getting inside of another character and expressing a deep feeling, an observation, a momentary passing of an experience.  I have loved doing that since I was a little girl.  Maybe it was a deep need to communicate.  Really communicate with another human being.  I used to wish I had the freedom to explore that part of me.  Well, I have it now.  The freedom.  So, I plan to ponder this some more.  The passage below speaks to me.  I understand what he was saying.  At least, I think I do.  That said, I miss the creative experience.  Acting.   I am going to explore and try some things.  Maybe draw?  Paint?  Creative photography?  Stay tuned…..    
These are some shots from my roles in the past…..
A friend of mine posted this interview (see below) on Facebook. Marlon Brando says what I want to say!  I want to do this again.    This is what I experienced when I first started out.  But, I got sidetracked.  It is NOT too late.   The trick will be finding ways to do this at my age.  Not for show.  But, just for myself (I think) to recreate that feeing  that makes me feel so alive!!!   I may show some of it as I explore.  On Jayspeak.  As I said, stay tuned…….
Marlon Brando/Interview with James Grissom #LakeOfTheMind 
“I have found that most of us who want to act or write or make music or paint things or sculpt things are trying to remember, re-create, share, and pitifully hold on to a particular memory or memories that allowed us to continue living with some comfort. In everything I’ve done as an actor, I want to tell people, somehow, how it felt to feel my mother’s hand on my forehead when I was sick. I want to tell people how it felt when I protected my mother from my father’s rage. I want to tell people how it felt–how it changed my life–when my sister came to my aid, over and over again. Art is autobiography made flesh. Art is sending the message that life has merit, that people have merit. I think we should see things that make us all want to go out and live better and share the good things we have seen. I think we should, without ever meeting, let it be known that we are here to support and protect each other.”
–Marlon Brando/Interview with James Grissom #LakeOfTheMind 
Marlon Brando and his sister
(Photo of Marlon Brando and his sister Jocelyn)
WOW!!! YES!!!! I have work to do……….
Best, Jay

Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.

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