JAYSPEAK

New chapter coming up!

She never meant to go down the hard roads that she did, it’s just how her life turned out. She didn’t choose her story.. Her story chose her. It’s been a tale of heartache and heartbreak, falls and failures, struggle and loss. But even more than that, her story is one of rising from the ashes, getting stronger with very mistake and becoming more beautiful after she was broken. They’ll call her distant, cold or unforgiving- that’s just because they don’t bother to try to see past her steely facade.. Not to keep others out, but to protect herself. She’s been hurt countless times before by lovers, friends and even family.. And she has a bitter taste in her mouth from it. So, maybe she doesn’t welcome everyone into her life with open arms, not because she’s standoffish, but because she’s more careful now who she lets get close to her. She vowed never again to let the people who didn’t deserve her time or love past her walls.. anyone who has gotten close to her has earned it- she’s worth that and so much more. Most people don’t understand her and men always seem to have an opinion about her, but then, weaker people always put down the strongest souls that they can’t tame. She’s not changing to please anyone and she’s not pretending to be anything she isn’t. She’s real, passionate and always there for the people she loves.. The rest have to prove they’re worth her affection. Maybe she’s not the most popular person, but she’d rather have a few amazing friends than countless fake ones. So, don’t mistake her tough exterior- she has a heart of gold and the deepest of souls.. But she will always keep her head, standards and hopes high, because she’s driven to be better and always rise above the struggle of every day life. So, when you meet her, take in the beauty of a woman that’s been born again and broken in the fire of her life. She’s one of a kind and rightfully so- she’s survived what most never could, And she’s done it with a smile on her face and love in her heart. She’ll always be that one lady that can’t be defined, contained or easily understood.. Just the way she likes it. She is and will always be .. Unforgettable.

Easy to Love

“Am I easy to love? If someone asked me that, I wouldn’t know how to answer. Maybe some days I’m easier to love than others. I don’t think a person is easy to love 100% of the time. Everyone has good days and bad days. Everyone has their moments. Somedays I’m a whirlwind of emotions. The highs, the lows. Over thinking, over feeling, allowing thoughts & emotions to run wild in my mind. Questioning everything, reading into everything. Sometimes making small things into bigger things they shouldn’t have ever become. Somedays I’m quiet. Very quiet. That’s how he knows something is up. Something is bothering me. When I’m upset, stressed, or something is bothering me I’m very quiet. It’s almost like my words are stolen from me. Kept hidden under lock and key until I want them to come out. There’s days I need reassurance. Even though I know the answer, it’s reassuring to hear the words. Plus it makes me feel good. Somedays I rile and tease to get a rise out of him. It’s fun for me to see him get all antsy. All in good sensual fun. Somedays I’m sad and in a spiraled down state that only he knows to get me out of- with how he calms me and talks about memories we had that makes me smile or grin. Other days I’m my humorous happy fun-loving self making him laugh in his work day. There’s days I put the psychology hat on and be the advice giver. Then there’s days I’m a storm. A wild feminine soul with emotions and thoughts heightened where everything I feel is at a tornadoes strength. Other days I’m a calm turquoise sea taking everything in stride. There’s no in betweens. I’m either black or white. There’s no grey areas. He gets everything I am. The soul mate, the passionate lover, the confidant, the best friend, the advisor, my delicate femininity, the wild rhapsody soul, the strong willed force of nature, the little girl inside the woman, the comedian, very intune and affectionate, honest and raw, the sadness and pain, the uninhibited love. He gets it all. So am I easy to love? I think the answer is….you’re only easy to love with the right person. The right person will take every facet and part of your being, your mind, and soul…and understand all those things at a level where there’s so much familiarity, it’s like they’ve known you for years. They feel you’re a part of them, their other half. Those are the ones that find it easy to love you. The ones that are meant to be with you. The ones who accept you for who you are and try not to change you. They accept your dark and your light. The ones not right for you will never know how to love you and find you easy to love. The right one will find you easy to love naturally. Like he loves me.”

And on the 7th day….

I wanted to find a lighthearted title for this week’s Substack. For the last week, I worked eight, nine, ten hours a day unmaking a world that I had …
And on the 7th day….

Do we create monsters???

As children we’re convinced That monsters hide beneath our beds But as adults we soon realise That they walk the streets instead It’s not their face that’s monstrous It’s their loathing and their lies For it isn’t how they look – The monster’s who they are inside And at first we tiptoe round them Terrified to make a noise But slowly, very surely We are bound to find our voice But as fear gives way to anger And our loathing multiplies We start becoming monstrous And we think we’re justified But flames won’t put out fire Water will not halt a flood And we cannot stop the monsters By behaving as they would You see, anyone that’s ever Loved somebody else before Knows no matter how much hate we feel Love always matters more So though you’re brave to fight them And your courage makes you tough Don’t fight them out of hate But to protect the things you love And when life gets too scary Promise me you will make sure That you won’t become a monster But you’ll still learn how to roar!

Best, Jay

Inner Strength

She isn’t strong because that’s what she wanted to be.. She didn’t choose her story- In fact, it chose her. She holds herself together with beautiful composure and magnificent courage.. For as the world thinks she has it all under control, she’s almost dying inside at every turn. But that’s what separates her from the rest- you’ll never see her break down, lose her cool or fall apart. The facade she has mastered is evident to everyone she meets, yet the woman who cries herself to sleep- if she can sleep at all- is a person that they would never believe exists. To all that know her, she’s a beacon of glowing hope and strength, for her extraordinary courage in ordinary situations isn’t because she’s being heroic.. Well, not in the ways that anyone would think…it’s just who she is. If people knew the struggles she has overcome, the pain she has endured and the mountains she’s climbed, they would be amazed. The woman that falls apart behind closed doors is the same smiling face that greets the world every morning. She hurts in ways most will never understand and braves the pain with a resolve that would bring most men to their knees.. But that’s just who she is and how she lives. She wasn’t given any other choice, so she does what she has to do to keep moving forward with a pep in her step and a light in her heart.. Pain has almost wrecked her more times than she knows and still, she carries on. She feels every broken heart and every harsh word. The difference between her and the rest? She doesn’t let the pain break her. She’s so many things – warrior, survivor and dreamer.. But she’s so much more than that. When all she wants to do is fall apart, she unfurls her wings and flies higher. That’s who she is and what she will always be: A strong woman.. Amazing, resilient and free.

JAY W. MACINTOSH
75016 Paris, France
Email: jaywmacintosh@gmail.com

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Best, Jay

The most beautiful gift

She’s not cold or distant, she’s anything but everything they would have you believe. No, she doesn’t let anyone take advantage of her and she won’t let just anyone past her walls..but she has her reasons. Everything that she is and everything that she has learned has come from a life of struggle and heartache.. even the battles she’s fought to become who she wanted to be. She’s made bad decisions and she’s chosen the wrong people to love, but it never kept her from holding her head high and still believing in love. People that don’t try to understand her or see past her steely resolve will always misinterpret her facade as hostile or bitter, but they couldn’t be more wrong. She’s had to learn how to protect her heart from all the people that she used to let hurt her. She’s had to fight for her happiness every step of the way, so she’s learned to appreciate the joy in all the moments of life- both big and small. She’s had to claw, battle and dig deep to make it through some of her days.. But she’s still standing. More than that, she’s got a smile on her face and fire in her heart. Life can’t bring her down- it already tried that and failed. She’s been through hell and back, that’s how she became the fire that sparks her spirit. She’s not easy to love or quick to know, but she’s worth the effort- any effort- because a woman like her doesn’t come around often. Those who seek to love her must have patience, truth and authenticity in their actions or she’ll walk away. She’s been lied to, hurt and broken so many times that she’s lost count.. But that’s what made her strong, that’s what forged her strong will. She’s learned her worth the hard way after being put down, mistreated and taken for granted- she vowed long ago to never let anyone treat her that way again. People think because of her smile and gentle laugh that she’s just like everyone else.. And they’re so very wrong. She’s the fire you don’t forget and the diamond that sparkles after all the struggles. She’ll never settle, be disrespected or be treated as just another option. Rain or shine, bad days or good, she’s always true to her word and real in her actions. She doesn’t need a partner, charity or pity.. She knows who she is and what she wants.. Love- for herself, for her people and for the things that matter. So, when you meet her, just accept her as she is and love her how you can.. To know her, love her and be a part of her life is to appreciate someone very special. After all, the strongest people can often have the deepest love of all.. Cherish that love, for if she chooses to share that side of her with you, That’s the most beautiful gift of all: Her heart.

Happy Birthday Jay, Janet, Mom, Grandma and……

It’s wonderful to be 87 because it is old in experience and not too to old to have time ahead! Besides, I will always be young at heart

« Little Janet Jewell from Gainesville, Georgia »

Aires/Peach/Little chicken and more ……

March 30, 1937

It all started and wow what a great lifetime!!!!! I feel very blessed.

Love wins the Day

JAY W. MACINTOSH
75016 Paris, France
Email: jaywmacintosh@gmail.com

My Way🎶

Yes, I went down the wrong roads and made all the bad choices, I ended up in places I never should have been-in ways that tore my spirit apart. Truth be told, I don’t know how I got so down and out, Nor how I made it out intact and still whole. At the end of my rope and hating who I’d become, I hit rock bottom. Everyone counted me out and no one gave me a chance… Even I didn’t know how to dig myself out of the hole.. But you know, That’s the thing about a spirit that won’t give up. I don’t know how to quit and I’m meant to become more in spite of my rough start. It was never meant to be the end of my story, I just had to begin a new chapter- one where the Phoenix rises from the ashes. I pulled myself up, dusted myself off then fought and clawed my way back. I didn’t ask for help and no one offered me a hand, but that was what I needed to forge my own courage and build my own strength. My dreams didn’t have an expiration and I wasn’t going to quit on them or myself. I know I’m a mess sometimes, A bit of a broken soul with glimpses of beauty stashed in between, But I’m good with that. I made my way, earned my place and I’m fighting to make my story a success. I’ve got a lot of love to give and a passionate fire that can’t be quenched. Sometimes, you realize along the way that you don’t set out to be strong and courageous, But when you’re left holding the pieces of a life gone wrong, Those are the only choices you have left. It’s not that I’ll ever be heroic, strong and amazing like the fabled stories of heroes and lovers, But at least I’ll write my story my way, and that’s what matters most of all. I don’t have to set the world on fire, just be on fire for my life- The kind of flames that make your heart and soul feel totally alive. I may be beautifully broken and wonderfully imperfect, But I’m still standing. I’m still strong. I figured where I needed to go and what it would take to get there, so I made a choice: I didn’t ever go looking for a hero- I decided instead to become the hero of my own story.. One small victory at a time..my way…..

Best, Jay

Words that are Important

I know that I have less to live than I have lived.
I feel like a child who was given a box of chocolates. He enjoys eating it, and when he sees that there is not much left, he starts to eat them with a special taste.
I have no time for endless lectures on public laws – nothing will change. And there is no desire to argue with fools who do not act according to their age. And there’s no time to battle the gray. I don’t attend meetings where egos are inflated and I can’t stand manipulators.
I am disturbed by envious people who try to vilify the most capable to grab their positions, talents and achievements.
I have too little time to discuss headlines – my soul is in a hurry.
Too few candies left in the box.
I’m interested in human people. People who laugh at their mistakes are those who are successful, who understand their calling and don’t hide from responsibility. Who defends human dignity and wants to be on the side of truth, justice, righteousness. This is what living is for.
I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch the hearts of others. Who, through the blows of fate, was able to rise and maintain the softness of the soul.
Yes, I hustle, I hustle to live with the intensity that only maturity can give. I’ll eat all the candy I have left – they’ll taste better than the ones I already ate.
My goal is to reach the end in harmony with myself, my loved ones and my conscience.
I thought I had two lives, but it turned out to be only one, and it needs to be lived with dignity!

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