JAYSPEAK

Fear of Change

I am going back to my apartment in Paris again because the hospital is says my health is good now. It has been several months since I have tried to get to my apartment. Can I be brave enough????

Encouragement? Prayers? Luck?

A thought I like

I wouldn’t really say that I’m the bravest soul out there. In fact, there’s been a lot of times when I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring or where I was headed in life.. And that was very unsettling to me sometimes. I’d pretend that I was okay with change and the unknown, but the truth was that it scared me to death. I knew where I wanted to end up and who I wanted to be, but it was the path ahead that remained unknown. I learned something along the way, though. Bravery isn’t the absence of fear, but the decision to keep going despite being afraid.. And that’s exactly where I’m at. I want to keep growing, evolving and becoming a better person.. I can see all the people saying I can’t change or focusing on all the things that I’ve done wrong and the bad choices I’ve made. They’ll say that I can’t change, I won’t be able to accomplish my goals.. And what I’ve learned is that they don’t know me at all. They’re too afraid to step outside their comfort zone and be brave in the ways that I’m choosing.. So they can’t fathom what I want and who I’ll become.. Because they’ll stay safe in their little worlds putting me down and criticizing me. Let them. I don’t need anyone’s permission and approval to find my wings and become the best version of myself. They can have their empty dreams of material things and lackluster nights spent doing the same things over and over.. Never changing anything but the car they’re driving or the clothes they’re wearing. I’m not here for such small dreams. I want more. I need more. And one day, when I’ve finally figured out where I’m headed and well on my way to happiness and fulfillment.. I’ll just look back at the ones who never really believed in me at all. “You said I couldn’t, right?” I’ll just smile with pride.. “Watch me now.” And I’ll never look back, Because my dreams never had expirations… and me? I will keep proving to myself.. That each and every day, I can be brave, strong and free, Becoming more and more, The person I’ve worked so hard to become. |ravenwolf

Best, JAY

MidAugust for Steve

It seems that everything is stacked against me and anything that could go wrong..does.

There are a lot of days when I get up and I have no idea how I’m going to make it through the day.

I’m worried, I’m afraid and I doubt myself in those moments sometimes..

But somehow, those are the days when j look in the mirror and pause.

I take a deep breath, clench my fists and remind myself just who I am.

How I’ve survived so much to get to where I am now and how strong I’ve become.

I took a long look at the person I’ve fought to become and I smile with pride.

Most people would have quit.

Many others wouldn’t have made it to where I am..

But then,

I’m not like the rest of them.

I’m a warrior with a heart of gold and the will to survive.

Maybe things don’t always turn out like I want them to be, but I always get what I need when I need it and I make it work.

I’m a survivor, a scrapper, a fighter.

I pick up the pieces like I have so many times before and I figure it out.

I won’t tell you it’s glamorous and pretty how I get through the hard times..

But it doesn’t have to be.

What matters is that at the end of the day, I’m still standing.

Maybe I’m bruised and beaten up a little bit..and that’s okay.

I’ll regroup and recover and rise again tomorrow, renewed and determined to grow and get better.

So, that’s just what I do.

And when the first light of a new day finds me, there’s a smile on my face a renewed vigor in my soul.

No matter how the day goes or the challenges that face me,

I’ll get through it all.

With character, strength and grace.

Most of all, I do it my way.

I’ve got this..and I always will.

|ravenwolf

Thought for the end of July

Half of me is filled with bursting words
and half of me is painfully shy.

I crave solitude yet also crave people.

I want to pour life and love into everything
yet also nurture my self-care and go gently.

I want to live within the rush of primal, intuitive decision, yet also wish to sit and contemplate.

This is the messiness of life – that we all carry multitudes, so must sit with the shifts.

We are complicated creatures, and ultimately,
the balance comes from this understanding.

Be water.
Flowing, flexible and soft.
Subtly powerful and open.
Wild and serene.
Able to accept all changes,
yet still led by the pull of steady tides.

It is enough.

~Victoria Erickson

Best, Jay

People are just people

We are all people …

just people, human …

a little good and a little bad;

like people are …

Someone said that “if we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us face, we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance and care …”

The thing is, we can’t see that deeply into another’s heart.

Not always and never completely.

But that shouldn’t be a prerequisite,

nor a hindrance for being more gentle, kind and understanding.

It is a choice.

Plain and simple

Best Jay

Thought for July 22, 2023

I know you’ve wanted your life to be different for some time now, but it’s hard taking that first step, I know.

You’ve been stuck in a rut for too long and everything you have has been crying out for change.

You know what you have to do, maybe even know some of what it may take.

Maybe you’re afraid or unsure if you have what it takes to change..

Whether it’s your life, your friends, your career..whatever you’re facing, you can do this.

I won’t tell you it will be easy, or that it won’t hurt a little, but anything worth having won’t be painless.

Change hurts, growth can be painful.

But you’re worth it.

Your happiness is worth it.

You’ve been selling yourself short and settling for far too long.

Stop, step back and take a deep breath.

This is your life and you deserve more.

It’s okay to be afraid, it’s okay to be unsure ..but it’ll never be okay to stay in a room place you weren’t meant to be.

Take back your life, stand up strong and take responsibility for your happiness.

No more excuses or settling..you’re not a victim of your life.

You’re a beautiful, vibrant soul full of love and hope, so stop dwelling in what has been and start taking the small steps to a better you and a happier future.

Each day that passes is another chance lost to start your journey.

This is your time and your new chapter.

Pick up the pen and start writing the brightest and happiest story of your life..

Let go of the guilt, the fear and the defeat.

Get up and do something about your life, because only you know what will make you happy.

Don’t have a life full of regret and “what if.”

Take this chance to become who you were meant to be and seek your happiness.

It’s all right there waiting for you- you’re not alone and you got this.

Cast off those claws that you’ve used to dig your way out of rock bottom and discover the wings that have been waiting for you all along.

Start today, start small,

And most of all, it all starts with you.

|ravenwolf

Best, Jay

Adding to my Tour de Paris hospitals – Foch – outside of Paris toward Normandy

I had blood in my head between the rim and the brain and a special surgery was required.ugh

Well ,,, I am not giving up…

Yet!

Fears

I know you’ve wanted your life to be different for some time now, but it’s hard taking that first step, I know.

You’ve been stuck in a rut for too long and everything you have has been crying out for change.

You know what you have to do, maybe even know some of what it may take.

Maybe you’re afraid or unsure if you have what it takes to change..

Whether it’s your life, your friends, your career..whatever you’re facing, you can do this.

I won’t tell you it will be easy, or that it won’t hurt a little, but anything worth having won’t be painless.

Change hurts, growth can be painful.

But you’re worth it.

Your happiness is worth it.

You’ve been selling yourself short and settling for far too long.

Stop, step back and take a deep breath.

This is your life and you deserve more.

It’s okay to be afraid, it’s okay to be unsure ..but it’ll never be okay to stay in a room place you weren’t meant to be.

Take back your life, stand up strong and take responsibility for your happiness.

No more excuses or settling..you’re not a victim of your life.

You’re a beautiful, vibrant soul full of love and hope, so stop dwelling in what has been and start taking the small steps to a better you and a happier future.

Each day that passes is another chance lost to start your journey.

This is your time and your new chapter.

Pick up the pen and start writing the brightest and happiest story of your life..

Let go of the guilt, the fear and the defeat.

Get up and do something about your life, because only you know what will make you happy.

Don’t have a life full of regret and “what if.”

Take this chance to become who you were meant to be and seek your happiness.

It’s all right there waiting for you- you’re not alone and you got this.

Cast off those claws that you’ve used to dig your way out of rock bottom and discover the wings that have been waiting for you all along.

Start today, start small,

And most of all, it all starts with you.

|Best, Jay

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Two Achilles Heel – impatience and Anger

0n my mind this week is that I have a problem with impatience and anger and call it my Achilles Heel any suggestions on what to do ?

I hope no one ever promised you it would be easy….because the most important journey, my love is done alone.

You’ll go through phases of sadness when you realize that things should have been different. You’ll struggle with some realities you never knew before.

You’ll uncover secrets that will leave you wishing had stayed buried.

But in the end, the journey to finding who you truly are….that starts now, regardless of your past, regardless how you were raised, regardless of previous relationships.

Right here, in this very moment is where you decide your next step, you decide your story everyday.

It’s a new day and a brand new beautiful week, so do the necessary work to let go of the past, to use what you learn as possible lessons moving forward, but don’t dwell there.

Tell your mind to move along.

Experience the sadness, even the happiness of past memories and then leave them where they are. ~

~Amy~

Coffee, Poetry and a Lil Bit of Me

Anger_

Your soul knows what you need. It knows which way to go. Listen carefully to those uneasy feelings you get. Those are signs. Notice headaches, and if your gut hurts or when you’re extra tired. Certain relationships will become draining. Or you’ll notice you’ve become addicted to their recognition and validation so much that you forget your internal compass. Your soul knows this and will relentlessly steer you to your true path.

You will likely need to leave a few folks behind because they’ve clipped your wings with assumptions and labels. You’ve played the game for so long that they see you through their eyes, and it isn’t pretty. It’s tinted with pity, envy, jealousy, or anger. This is a sneaky, sticky form of dominance to keep you small. It will hurt when you recognize this, but staying will keep you trapped, and you’ll hurt more.

Best Jay

God’s Plan

I have made plans of what is next all of my life and I need to know what God’s plan is for me now.

I have fallen down four times and I need to stop and get a grip on my life!

The problem is that I don’t know how and I keep falling

I am sick of Paris and hospitals.

One thought is .

“Heal yourself with the light of the sun and the rays of the moon. With the sound of the river and the waterfall. With the swaying of the sea and the fluttering of birds.

Heal yourself with mint, neem and eucalyptus.

Sweeten with lavender, rosemary and chamomile.

Embrace yourself with the cocoa bean and a touch of cinnamon.

Put love in tea instead of sugar and drink it looking at the stars.

Heal yourself with the kisses that the wind gives you and the hugs of the rain.

Get strong with your bare feet on the ground and with everything that comes from it.

Be smarter every day by listening to your intuition, looking at the world with the eye of your forehead. Heal yourself! Forget hospitals and falling down

Another idea that comes to me is—/

Could this be God’s Plan

I want to provide a Safe Haven for my people and family who need to feel safe in today’s chaotic world. I have named it Chez Clarissa and these are the details:

(I dont know if this will work – mixing the currencies of two countries but I am going to try because I need to get started and I have people to help me with international currencies)

Two story townhouse on a tree lined street in a gated community in an excellent neighborhood in Paris with a full staff of eight or nine saleries

– care taking couple of family with child in studio upstairs and salary to be negotiated

-chef

– soo chef in studio off kitchen

Gardener

Accountant

Personal Assistant

Driver and Mercedes

Couple on call for day trips

I want to help people feel safe in France!

And finally I want to share this thought with you

Someone said to me

I Hey you…

Yes, I’m talking to you.

You know you’ve been telling yourself what you can’t do, how you’re too old for this and too tired for that.

Well, you’re wrong.

I know life has been bumpy and you’ve been knocked down, but lift your head, open your eyes and get up.

Don’t you dare give up on your dreams and everything you’ve wanted.

There’s so much life and love in you that you haven’t even realized yet…

So it’s time to stop making excuses and start making plans.

I’m not telling you that it’s going to be easy, fast or painless.

I’m telling you that you can do it and that it’s worth it.

Nothing worth having ever comes easily, and your dreams and desires aren’t any different.

You’ve known what you wanted and who you’ve wanted to be for a long time..

Now it’s time to get up, dust yourself off and start moving forward.

Stop looking over your shoulder and holding onto the painful past.

Remember the lessons but let go of the pain.

It’s not doing anything but weighing you down.

You are capable of more than you know, but you’re going to have to start believing in yourself- even if it’s a little bit at a time.

One step after another, day after day…you’ll get where you’re meant to be.

Maybe it won’t be where you thought you wanted to be, but you’ll realize it’s where you need to be.

Learn.

Love.

Live.

Grow.

Turn the page and start a new chapter.

You are worthy of great things, beautiful love and wonderful tomorrows.

Now open your eyes and start becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be.

You can’t catch your dreams if you’re standing still.

Fly, darling, fly.

You’ll soon find your wings..

And you’ll be glad you never gave up.

Anything is possible if you just believe.

Is this what I need to do?

Best, Jay

Just my opinion on Hospitals

On my mind is that I don’t like hospitals.

It is like a little city of busy people with blinders on, doing their jobs and not looking at anything else. Just showing up and clocking in and out. Robots.

I want out! Only there is no door…

It is a trap.

I suspect foul play. To get government money. I have seen this before as an attorney and could not prove it ..

So many questions and difficult to prove

So I am sorry I fell in my apartment and some one called an ambulance that took me to a hospital.

Everyone wants evidence.

In the emergency room someone stole my money and gave me medicine without checking my allergies.

So don’t fall asleep at the wheel.

It is all a risk.

Steve did it and he is dead

Daddy did it and he is dead.

Rough seas make good sailors.

————

Ugh!

————

I hope no one ever promised you it would be easy….because the most important journey, my love is done alone.

You’ll go through phases of sadness when you realize that things should have been different. You’ll struggle with some realities you never knew before.

You’ll uncover secrets that will leave you wishing had stayed buried.

But in the end, the journey to finding who you truly are….that starts now, regardless of your past, regardless how you were raised, regardless of previous relationships.

Right here, in this very moment is where you decide your next step, you decide your story everyday.

It’s a new day and a brand new beautiful week, so do the necessary work to let go of the past, to use what you learn as possible lessons moving forward, but don’t dwell there.

Tell your mind to move along.

Experience the sadness, even the happiness of past memories and then leave them where they are.

~Amy~

———

But don’t go to the hospital !!!

Best, Jay

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