JAYSPEAK

I owe myself an apology—for having tolerated something I never deserved.
I’ve spent a large part of my life trying to be kind,
even when most people didn’t deserve it.
I forgave too quickly.
I understood too deeply.
I gave second chances (and third, and fourth),
because I believed in the goodness of others.

But lately, I’ve realized how exhausting—and painful—it is
to always put other people’s feelings first,
while neglecting my own.

I was so busy “being kind”
that I let people cross boundaries that should never have been touched.
I smiled through disrespect,
nodded while being ignored,
and stayed silent as little pieces of me were taken away.

Little by little, I lost myself,
trying to protect everyone… except me.

And now?
Now I see things clearly:

I deserve an apology—from myself.
I’ve carried so much pain inside,
all while shielding others from feeling even a fraction of it.
I gave away pieces of my heart to those who never truly appreciated them,
until I found myself empty, fragmented.

I endured mistreatment,
pretending it was okay,
just to keep the peace.

But here’s the truth:
It wasn’t okay.
Not for me.

It’s sad, isn’t it?
I practiced kindness until it became a weapon against me.
Until people began taking advantage of the love I gave so freely.
And somewhere along the way,
I forgot to offer that same compassion to myself.

Maybe the problem isn’t being kind,
but giving endlessly,
without setting boundaries,
without protecting yourself,
until you disappear to make space for others.

So today, I apologize to myself
for every ignored tear,
for every crossed line,
for every time I chose others over me.

I’m sorry for tolerating the unacceptable,
for believing I had to shrink to make room for someone else.

From this day forward,
I will protect myself the way I’ve always protected others.
I will reclaim the parts of me I gave away too freely.
And I will remind myself, every single day,
that kindness starts at home—with me.

Because if I don’t stand up for myself,
who will?