JAYSPEAK

ON MY MIND THIS MORNING (August 15, 2020)…..

“Without freedom, you have nothing left.” (from Hong Kong.) I quit! “This year, “character is on the ballot.” I agree. “No one sees us. It is like we don’t exist.” (from Belarus).

Bottom line, I have reached overload. MY being “emotionally vested” has reached a saturation point. Sorta.

But, I cannot love, care, and be a nice person all at the same time, so I must simplify and choose. I cannot do it all.

As far as I am concerned, most of us don’t know how good we have it. We should be so lucky to have honest people helping us. And, if we turn it down and become a one-party system because of a man and a group of men who cheat, we deserve all the harm that comes our way. Sorry But character is on the ballot. And without freedom, we have nothing left. And, our character is currently questionable. We are in danger of becoming a one-party state. I heard an international commentator say that the problem with America is not the leadership, but the American people who vote leaders into power.

I must take time out. I am trying to move and it is very difficult. I have no energy. And, I am so discouraged by the news EVERYWHERE. I am on Facebook less because ….. well, you know why because. I watch the news less. And, you know why because. I pack…. and pack…. and pack….. and STILL have too much.

OK.

I don’t want to write how I feel. I will feel better AFTER this move this week. I am very concerned because the space is small. And I have things that are problems – the piano, the cat, the trains, dishes, silver, furs, jewelry. All things I cannot part with. Not yet.

Wish me luck.

No one in France wants this stuff. I see people with huge homes in the USA and big cars. I have let all of that go. But, I am still holding on to the last vestiges of what I used to think was “me”. Haha. NO.

The news reminds me daily that I may have to pick up and go suddenly. Without warning. You may, too. All of us in our complacency, blithely thinking that things will get better.

Things may get worse.

OK. I will sign off for now because I am not in a very good space right now. Stay tuned………..

Best, Jay

AUGUST (sigh)

It is still August and tomorrow is Steve’s 70th Birthday. He died when he was 66. We got married when he was 55. Haha. So young. I loved it!!! We were just kids and did not know it. Then, I was supposed to go first!!! Haha. Beware “making a lot of plans”. Love to all. Jay

JAYSPEAK

August 2020. August has become a difficult month for me. “Bittersweet”. I think that is the correct use of that word. First of all, it was full of birthdays when I was growing up. Lots of good friends had birthdays in August. As my friends and I have grown apart through the years, I began to celebrate my first marriage to Darrell MacIntyre. We were married on August 17, 1957. When that marriage was over, I tried to forget about August 17, 1957, and celebrated a lot of birthdays in August.

It is hot in August. I am always glad when September arrives. June and July are better do-nothing summer months for me. August is “get ready to go back to school” month. Summer is winding down. Who had/still have birthdays? Carole. Alice. Rosemary. Here is a picture of Rosemary. We have lost touch. So have Alice and I. …

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AUGUST (sigh)

I married Steve Orlandella in August 2005. We were planning a fun October wedding with family and friends but decided to “elope” to Las Vegas and the Bellagio Hotel for an August date, determined by when his family would come. August 7, 2005, on a Sunday. So that is what we did, and it was a WONDERFUL weekend. No honeymoon. Well, life with Steve was an ongoing honeymoon. No problem.

FAST FORWARD TO AUGUST 2016 – Steve got sick (similar to Covid 19) and went into the hospital on August 2, 2016.

Then, Steve’s birthday was August 11. A group of us with Steve’s visiting sister Kris had dinner in his honor. At the time, he was getting better.

Steve was in the hospital for the month of August. (Got better; then got worse.)

Steve died on August 31, 2016. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

_____________

I buried him in Boston with his family in August 2018.

In Nice, France, August is a very hot month. In Paris, France, August is a very hot month. Nothing (much) in France is air-conditioned. I was NOT in an air-conditioned apartments in Nice. I am NOT in an air-conditioned apartment now. I don’t do well in excessive heat. AND, ALL of Europe goes “on holiday” during August. Restaurants close for the month. Shops close for the month. People are out of town. Doctors are out of the office. Life stops.

So, I am struggling right now. No one is returning my calls or my emails. My walks are full of fences and closed gates and signs on doors. It is hard to do anything. And, I am trying to move, stop services, start services. No one is doing what they say they will do. I am very frustrated. And, I fear for myself, my family, my daughter-in-law teachers, my friends, hurricanes, fires, viruses, stocks. Oh, dear me. “It is what it is”. Ugh.

Yesterday, I went to lunch with a girlfriend to celebrate my memories of a fun day in August. We had a good time. Good food. Lots of laughs. “Bittersweet.”

I did not take any photos.

August 2020.

This meme makes me feel somewhat better. Not much. (sigh)

Best, Jay “IT IS WHAT IT IS.” – (sigh)

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STARTING OVER…….AGAIN……….

JAYSPEAK

I am starting over. Today is August 2, 2020, and it is a new day for me. Why? OK, here goes…. Some of this is repetitive to those who “follow” Jayspeak. But, a lot of it is not.

That said, during July, I had a bunch of tests plus an MRI to find out why I am so dizzy and feel so bad. I was terrified to find out the results, hoping it was not a tumor. One doctor told me I probably had a tumor in my left ear. What?????? With the virus and trying to survive in general, I MAY HAVE A TUMOR????? She did not know and wanted to find out. SO DID I!! NOTHING. They found nothing. There is nothing wrong with me! WHAT?? Nothing is wrong with me.??? Great!! Ok, all of this has been going on. Terror, then relief. Frustration, then not frustrated.

Main…

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STARTING OVER…….AGAIN……….

I am starting over. Today is August 2, 2020, and it is a new day for me. Why? OK, here goes…. Some of this is repetitive to those who “follow” Jayspeak. But, a lot of it is not.

Main reason —— I am moving……. again.

A bit of the back story – my deal with my current landlord (a friend who is back and forth between Paris and Nice) was that I could stay here until I found an apartment. It is not easy to rent an apartment in Paris for expats. Most people and real estate agents require a “dossier” and “guarantors” and things I don’t have. AND, they don’t want a tenant to be 83.

SO, in the middle of a pandemic – at the age of 83, and without dossier or guarantor, I start looking for another apartment. Haha. Welllll, my thinking was that owners wanted rent/income. Therefore owners needed tenants to pay rent, and NO ONE was movin IN or OUT of France. No one was moving! I could pay the rent. And, I contacted the owner. BINGO!

Right away, I found one I like! And yesterday, I signed all of the contracts and paid the security deposit and the first month’s rent. It has some nature nearby (the Bois du Boulogne – “woods”) and one bedroom with two elevators and a balcony on the 5th floor. It is in the 16eme arrondissement in the auteuil area (for those of you who know Paris). I like the owners. That will be my new home. I hope I get to stay put for awhile, anyway.

Now, for those of you who know the 6eme (busy and touristy and college town with the Sorbonne), the 16eme is very different (residential). The lifestyle will be very different. I think that will be good for me. Why? After spending a LOT of time researching dizziness, I think a lot of it is emotional. I think I am longing for a lifestyle that feels right for me – large city in a nice residential area. LA, living in Pacific Palisades or Brentwood or Westwood or Beverly Hills. I hope so anyway. I need to give it a try.

So, my work is cut out for me. I need to get a grip, get into regular physical therapy, balance my crystals, exercise, improve my outlook, wear a mask, wash my hands, ……. WHAT???? That is TOO hard. ALL of Paris has a café society. I must find a new café, fix the balcony for Missy, find new doctors, find movers, new physical therapy, new, new, new. New neighborhood. Begin again. Ouch.

I gave notice to my current landlord that I will be out by September 1,2020. So, it is all ahead of me…..again.

Actually, this is all good news. I think Missy and I will both get better. This Studio has been perfect for my 7 months here. But, this is not for either of us. Now, where I am going has problems, too, but so be it. I will find a way.

More than you ever wanted to know. So, Jayspeak will keep you informed. I don’t want to post any photos at this point because they are not good. And, I have not taken my own photos. This is the front of the building.

This is a listing photo of the kitchen.

This is the ad that caught my attention:

“Auteuil district. Furnished (or unfurnished) 2 room apartment 47 m² on a quiet, bright street. Possibility of shared accommodation without hindrance – double access – Bathroom, wc and entrance – from the bedroom and the living room.
Standing building with garden, 5th floor, 2 elevators, Entrance-Library, Living room with sofa, Flat screen, telephone socket, table for 4, 4 chairs, buffet – Fully equipped kitchen, dishwasher, refrigerator, freezer, microwave, 4-burner gas cooker + oven, extractor hood, coffee maker, crockery, vacuum cleaner, ironing board and iron, bed and toilet linen possible – Bedroom with double bed, Bathroom (washing machine) and Dressing room – separate wc wash-hand basin ( cupboard). Collective heating – Building access 1st digicode, then a 2nd digicode, intercom, security guard on site. Close to all shops, Auteuil market. Close to the Bois de Boulogne, close to Roland Garros.” And the Auteuil Market!

That works! Now, I know nothing much about this area, but it looks very interesting. It has an amazing history. And the Bois du Boulogne looks great. So, to be continued. Stay tuned.

Best, Jay

FROM WHERE I SIT……..

“Democracy is not a state. It is an act, and each generation must do its part to help build what we called the Beloved Community, a nation and world society at peace with itself. Ordinary people with extraordinary vision can redeem the soul of America by getting in what I call good trouble, necessary trouble. Voting and participating in the democratic process are key.” Though I may not be here with you, I urge you to answer the highest calling of your heart and stand up for what you truly believe. In my life I have done all I can to demonstrate that the way of peace, the way of love and nonviolence is the more excellent way. Now it is your turn to let freedom ring.” – Representative John Lewis.

From where I sit this week, these words from John Lewis are inspiring and reverberate throughout my soul. Even with all of the chaos that is penetrating throughout the world. His words are a beacon of light at the other end of the tunnel. For me. All of this what “from and for and about” me. Haha. Why?

I am starting over. Tomorrow is August 1, 2020, and it is a new day for me. Why? OK, here goes….

During July, I had a bunch of tests plus an MRI to find out why I am so dizzy and feel so bad. I was terrified to find out the results, hoping it was not a tumor. One doctor told me I probably had a tumor in my left ear. What?????? With the virus and trying to survive in general, I MAY HAVE A TUMOR????? She did not know and wanted to find out. SO DID I?????

NOTHING. They found nothing. There is nothing wrong with me! WHAT????? Nothing is wrong with me.??? How can that be????? Ok, all of this is going on. Terror and relief. Frustration. Why? I must move. My deal with my current landlord, a friend, is that I can stay here until I find an apartment – for a year. The year is up in the middle of winter (which in Paris is dreary). Plus, it is not easy to rent an apartment at all in Paris for expats. Most people and real estate agents require a “dossier” and “guarantors” and things I don’t have. AND, they don’t want a tenant to be 83. In the middle of the pandemic – at the age of 83 and without a dossier or a guarantor, I started looking. Haha. My thinking was that owners wanted tenants (to pay a rent) and no one was moving in or out of France. I could pay the rent.

I found one I like. What were/are my requirements? Some nature nearby and one bedroom in Paris – not too high up with an elevator. The apartment I found is a one bedroom on the 5^th floor with two elevators near the Bois du Boulogne.

Lots of nature. I like the owner. But the lease is not yet signed. So, hopefully, that will be my new home.

The lifestyle will be very different. I think that will be good for me. Why? After spending a LOT of time researching dizziness, a lot of it is emotional. So, my work is cut out for me. I need to get a grip, get into regular physical therapy, balance my crystals, exercise, improve my outlook, wear a mask, wash my hands, ……. WHAT???? That is TOO hard. Plus, I am beginning to like the 6e and its “café society.” Well, ALL of Paris has a café society. I must find a new café, new doctors, new physical therapy, new, new, new. New neighborhood. Begin again.

STOP liking where you are. The deal was that you would move. Period. End of story.

So, that is what is going on from where I sit. I am not going to die from an ear tumor. I don’t have one. And, so far, I don’t have the virus. I am mostly staying inside or social distancing and wearing a mask and washing my hands a lot. And, if I don’t move into this apartment – in a residential area near the woods, I will find another one and try to convince the owner that I am an honest, nice person at age 83 (a good tenant). And, time is of the essence because “the second wave is coming.” Remember, happiness is the journey. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy your life.

More than you ever wanted to know from where I sit.

P.S. I will try to get interesting photos wherever I am. But, they will not be photos of the 6e. So, while I am still here, here are some beauties (I think.)

Best, Jay

Donation – Beginning Again in PARIS)

Thanks for helping me afford where I am going AGAIN in Paris. I will do my best! Thanks, Jay

$50.00

THE PIANO

JAYSPEAK

When I was a young girl, I took a lot of lessons – speech, voice, piano, baton twirling, dance (ballet, tap, jazz), swimming, diving, tennis. And I was in a lot of recitals and loved being a “show-off”.

janet-posing

I was good at most of them. Actually, I was good at a lot of things (especially sports), but I excelled at piano. I could not play by ear, but I would practice a lot. And I had a good teacher who would encourage me, and she would give me pieces to learn that were very hard. And, I learned them. Her name was Martha Finger Stratton. And, I am friends with her beautiful daughter Ellen Stratton Mcallister on Facebook to this day.

unnamed-2 Ellen Stratton

So, when I was around 10 or so, Daddy bought me a Steinway medium grand piano. This is a photo of what it looked like. It was built by…

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THE PIANO

So, when I was around 10 or so, Daddy bought me a Steinway medium grand piano. This is a photo of what it looked like. It was built by Steinway himself in NYC in 1946. It has a serial number. One family owner for all these years. Gorgeous sound.

I loved playing on it. I would practice for hours. I continued playing until I graduated from High School, and in the spring of 1955, I gave a private voice and piano recital and had approximately 150 guests to attend. As a finale, Martha and I played a two piano concerto. A lot of people came. Below is a fun picture of me in High School, probably 1954 or 1955. Haha. Mother’s Cadillac. I had my driver’s license so I had to be 16 or over.

Over the years, the piano sat in the “Music Room” (un-played). After Daddy died in 1975, Mother promised to leave me the piano when she died. I asked her to give it to me in advance of her death. She did – as part of my inheritance. I received it sometime in the 1980’s by shipment by moving van to California. I have had it ever since, moving it from house to house. This photo is in Nice.

Now, it sits with me in this tiny Studio in Paris, France.

It has had physical damage. It needs a lot of things – all of them expensive. All my friends and acquaintances tell me to get rid of it. I don’t want to. I have not played it for years. Why? Because I have lived in apartments with neighbors who don’t want to hear me “practice”. Because it has to be moved up lots of steps by movers who know what they are doing. Expensive. Because it requires Steinway parts. Expensive.

I wish I had a Sugar Daddy. I wish I had someone who would pay for the piano to be restored by Steinway, and I could play it in a beautiful apartment in Paris, France, until I die. Then that person could have it to sell or to keep. Wouldn’t that be wonderful??? But alas and alack. A PiPe Dream. I have a lot of pipe dreams.

I considered selling it now AS IS and get some money to live on. I don’t know what to do. I am thinking, thinking, and looking for an investor. I doubt I am Sugar Daddy material. Haha. And, I am thinking of moving into an apartment on the sixth floor. What to do about Missy and the balcony?

The piano and space? And, physical therapy!! And I worry about a virus and what’s going on in the White House. I know who I am going to vote for. And, I am profoundly grateful that I have discovered so many people who care as deeply as I do about my country. Anyway, it is a lot. Stay tuned…….

Best, Jay

Donation PIANO

None of this is easy. Thanks, Jay

$50.00

JOHN LEWIS, DAN RATHER, AND JESSE JEWELL CHICKENS Ramblings…..

JAYSPEAK

As you know (if you have been keeping up with the news), our democracy is under attack. And many of us are weary and afraid of what’s to come. I am. Irrational anger. Vicious hate. Meanness. Greed. Someone said that we can still be friends, even if we don’t agree. Uh, no. And, no one is going to give up control without a fight. Brace yourself.

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JOHN LEWIS, DAN RATHER, AND JESSE JEWELL CHICKENS Ramblings…..

John Lewis was my peer. He was actually three years younger than I am – born in a segregated deep South (Troy, Alabama), like I was (Gainesville, Georgia). I KNOW the world he lived in. Well, not really. I was the blue-eyed blonde living in a big house, and he was the son of a share-cropper. But, I grew up in it and knew what was happening in real time. But, how dare I compare my life to what he lived through!!!! I could not possibly ever know. How dare any of us know what it was to live in a pre-war Germany under the rise of Hitler?!!!! We cannot possibly ever know what it was like. Or to leave a war-torn Libya, fleeing from tyranny. Or Mexico. Or Brazil! But, John Lewis?

How did he do all he did? What courage!!! Lewis said, “When you lose fear, you are free.” I don’t think I have ever lost my fear. I was afraid through all of it. A scaredy cat! I just did it anyway. And, I got into trouble a lot of the time. Now, when I am in the twilight years of my life, I don’t think I have ever NOT been afraid to make some noise. Yet, I made noise. I tried to NOT make waves. I made waves. I did NOT want to confront, yet I confronted.

I got better at all of it when I was practicing law, but now I am back to processing fear. Here in Paris. Especially, with health on the wane. I have felt misunderstood. Mistreated. Always making it about myself. I have found myself feeling despair. Becoming bitter. Becoming hostile. It is time for me to be hopeful, be optimistic. I need to make some noise and get in good trouble again. I must find a way to make a way out of no way. Just do it anyway. I have been inspired by John Lewis’ life and words, especially now. I followed a little of his life. And, now, I am hearing more of his words. I think I have more to give before it is over for me.

John Lewis said, “You must be able and prepared to give until you cannot give any more. We must use our time and our space on this little planet that we call Earth to make a lasting contribution, to leave it a little better than we found it, and now that need is greater than ever before. Do not get lost in a sea of despair. Do not become bitter or hostile. Be hopeful, be optimistic. Never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble. We will find a way to make a way out of no way.”

Just a lot of “ramblings”. And, segueing to Dan Rather, as I ponder the status of things……

Dan Rather wrote this and I am posting it here because it says what I would say (if I had the gift of words), and says it more elegantly than I could say it. He is approximately five years older than I am, born in Texas (another Southerner, sorta. Another peer, sorta.) and I am in that certain age and stage of life to understand what he means.

“I sit locked in a self-imposed isolation as a deadly virus surges outside. Time frames for returning to any hope of a faint echo of normalcy stretch into the many months or years. This distant horizon strikes particularly deep for those of us at a certain age and stage of life. Our nation is adrift amidst rocky shoals with cruel incompetence as our captain and enabling cravenness as the first mate.

What a perilous time to live.

I know I am extremely fortunate. Neither the roof over my head nor the food on my table are in doubt. I have the privilege of protecting myself and my loved ones more than many. We don’t work in meat processing plants, or distribution warehouses, or even in hospitals. I strive to keep habits and schedules, but hours bleed and to-do lists go unchecked.

What a moment to contemplate the future.

The basic tenets of decency, truthfulness, and compassion are torn across our political divide. We see scientists denigrated and charlatans exalted. We see the rule of law and the norms of our democracy debased for personal gain. We see our allies bullied and our adversaries coddled.

What a time to be an American.

But that’s just it. It is a time to be an American, to contemplate our future, and to live. We have had very dark days in the past. We have had deep, systemic injustices. We have faced daunting odds. And women and men of courage, of ingenuity, of resolve have stood up time and time again. They have said some version of, “we will not abide.” It is our duty to not abide either.

From the streets, to newsrooms, to online social and political activism, I see countless millions of Americans who are not abiding. We are living through damage, loss, and sadness that could have been avoided. Much trauma lies ahead. But I know most of my fellow citizens agree that this shall not be us.

I desperately wished this was not our lot. I wish so many things. I wish the hospital wards were empty. I wish kids were having a summer and could go to school safely. I wish small businesses weren’t closing. Heck, I wish I was at a baseball game trying to not have the mustard drip on my pants. That’s not where we are.

We must be true to ourselves to recognize that much of what we are seeing now was not only the product of the last few months or even the last three-plus years. We have big problems, wherever we look. But we see them now. And we must do the hard work to fix them, not only through the ballot box but through the energy of our hearts and power of our imaginations. Whatever despair I might feel is tempered with a hope that is growing within me. I will not abide, and I believe most Americans will not abide either. Courage.” – Dan Rather.

And, now for the Ramble of the rambles…….

… a thought about my father, Jesse Jewell and a chicken. (I was always called “Jesse Jewell’s little chicken”)

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I’ve been told by my many sources, good sources – they’re very good sources – that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it’s a really good road. It’s a beautiful road. It is the most beautiful road ever built. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the…thing in the…you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JESSE JEWELL: The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hard working American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

– author unknown with thanks to the poster I have stolen it from….

I always heard that the chicken crossed the road “to get to the other side.” Maybe that is not true in today’s world.

And, now for a favorite meme.!

Best, Jay (Have a good one!)

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