FIRST POST of – “A Moment in Time” (Hazel)

jjaywmac's avatarJAYSPEAK

Welcome! This is my first attempt at “self-taping” a moment in time. She is a character, named “Hazel”. Be patient with me. I am getting this rusty machine up and running. In reviewing this video, the sound is off. Is it something I am doing? I taped it into my Mac on iMovie, save it to a file, uploaded it onto YouTube, transferred it onto WordPress, and uploaded it onto social media. So, somewhere there is a technical problem. Also, I am experimenting with all of this. So, I have problems to solve tech-wise and with my performances. I cannot control the my age. Sorry about that. So, we have to aim for characters. (sigh)

ALSO, wordpress has a new editor. And, I am posting my first attempt to make “A Moment in Time”. As I said last week, I plan to practice “self-taping ” so that I get better…

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FIRST POST of – “A Moment in Time” (Hazel)

Welcome! This is my first attempt at “self-taping” a moment in time. She is a character, named “Hazel”. Be patient with me. I am getting this rusty machine up and running. In reviewing this video, the sound is off. Is it something I am doing? I taped it into my Mac on iMovie, save it to a file, uploaded it onto YouTube, transferred it onto WordPress, and uploaded it onto social media. So, somewhere there is a technical problem. Also, I am experimenting with all of this. So, I have problems to solve tech-wise and with my performances. I cannot control the my age. Sorry about that. So, we have to aim for characters. (sigh)

ALSO, wordpress has a new editor. And, I am posting my first attempt to make “A Moment in Time”. As I said last week, I plan to practice “self-taping ” so that I get better at it for whatever. Actually, it gives me an opportunity to act in my own space in this tiny Studio apartment here in Paris! Big whoop! I still cannot believe that I am actually in Paris.

AND, if that were not enough (new video, new editor), I got an new haircut! I had my hair cut again this morning in a little out-of-the-way salon, and it was fun. Not high fashion or anything spectacular but I enjoyed going there and getting my hair done. It was a little salon named Fifi Art Coiff in the 5e. I don’t know the stylist’s name but I liked her. I had passed by it on my walks, walked in, made an appointment for Friday (today) and went in. Here it is, with hair and makeup.

AND, coming home, I saw a pret a manger on Saint Michel open and got a delicious fresh sandwich and a cookie for lunch. I also saw two dress shops with dresses I like to visit once I begin “shopping” once again. So, a lot is going on. Be prepared for weekly moments in time because I plan to work an hour a day on my “self’-taping. ” Fun times. Ok, I am working on all of it, especially my attitude. Stay tuned……….

Best, Jay

NOW! WHERE WAS I? IT WAS 1957…… AND, I WAS IN PARIS, FRANCE, AND I……

What I have on my mind today is NOT the news.  I am so alarmed and depressed about the news that I need to help myself “get a grip”.   I am walking and thinking and planning and thinking until I have OVERTHOUGHT everything.  Ouch.  I have time.  I am in Paris.  I am still alive, not dead.  Not sick.  What????  How dare I be not sick or dead or NOT feeling alive?  Haha!!   Well, Last night, I watched a SAG-AFTRA Streaming session about self-taping auditions.  And, I realized that I can do that.  I have to learn how to do it.  What if I got a role that I did from my apartment in Paris!!!!!   Why not?  I can try!!  I have time.  
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about art and what I can do to help myself get out of this deep funk I have been in since Steve died.  How?  What makes me feel good?  I know!
I know I love to act. It is not just “act”.  It is more than that.  Getting inside of another character and expressing a deep feeling, an observation, a momentary passing of an experience.  I have loved doing that since I was a little girl.  Maybe it was a deep need to communicate.  Really communicate with another human being.  I used to wish I had the freedom to explore that part of me.  Well, I have it now.  The freedom.  So, I plan to ponder this some more.  The passage below speaks to me.  I understand what he was saying.  At least, I think I do.  That said, I miss the creative experience.  Acting.   I am going to explore and try some things.  Maybe draw?  Paint?  Creative photography?  Stay tuned…..    
These are some shots from my roles in the past…..
A friend of mine posted this interview (see below) on Facebook. Marlon Brando says what I want to say!  I want to do this again.    This is what I experienced when I first started out.  But, I got sidetracked.  It is NOT too late.   The trick will be finding ways to do this at my age.  Not for show.  But, just for myself (I think) to recreate that feeing  that makes me feel so alive!!!   I may show some of it as I explore.  On Jayspeak.  As I said, stay tuned…….
Marlon Brando/Interview with James Grissom #LakeOfTheMind 
“I have found that most of us who want to act or write or make music or paint things or sculpt things are trying to remember, re-create, share, and pitifully hold on to a particular memory or memories that allowed us to continue living with some comfort. In everything I’ve done as an actor, I want to tell people, somehow, how it felt to feel my mother’s hand on my forehead when I was sick. I want to tell people how it felt when I protected my mother from my father’s rage. I want to tell people how it felt–how it changed my life–when my sister came to my aid, over and over again. Art is autobiography made flesh. Art is sending the message that life has merit, that people have merit. I think we should see things that make us all want to go out and live better and share the good things we have seen. I think we should, without ever meeting, let it be known that we are here to support and protect each other.”
–Marlon Brando/Interview with James Grissom #LakeOfTheMind 
Marlon Brando and his sister
(Photo of Marlon Brando and his sister Jocelyn)
WOW!!! YES!!!! I have work to do……….
Best, Jay
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EXPERIMENTS IN CREATIVITY!

 

I am excited because all of this zooming has given me an idea.  And, today is the beginning.  This video was /is an experiment for me to work out technical difficulties with iMovie, YouTube, and WordPress.  So, I will be getting all of it better as I learn more about it.   But, here it is!!!!The beginning. 

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I should have redone it, but I am dizzy from thinking so long, trying to figure all of this out.  I know. I know.  I should have done hair and makeup but that was my director’s fault.  “Au natural” is what that role requires.  AND, this is an attempt to return to acting, but as we all can see, everything is rusty, and I am not in my mid-30’s. And vanity re actresses is that they need to be “pretty”.  (sigh).  But, it takes courage to go online without makeup.  A “before” and “after”.  (sigh).  And, I need better lighting and voice work, memorize my lines, look up and lose the glasses  and………

What is on my mind?  Well, let’s see.  I am not sure.  I have a lot of thoughts, but none that seem particularly earthshaking.  The problem with writing a post every weekend is that I want it to be interesting to a reader.  For me, this week I got some great photos of pretty roses.  But they were in front of a florist.   And, they will come and go with the seasons.  I have not found a “rose garden” like the one that I had in Nice at the garden behind the Monastère de Cimiez. 

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I see beautiful buildings, but they are interesting but for a brief moment.  I have a lot of deep thoughts, but they are interesting only for a brief moment. 

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I hear beautiful music, but it is over when it finishes.  Ah, c’est la vie. Actually, I love living in Paris.  And, I haven’t really seen it yet.  I had four weeks before the virus hit town and I was in “lockdown”.  WOW.  How weird is that.    Now, several weeks later, I am trying to regroup.  Now, where was I?  What is next?  I don’t know.  But, inside, I feel I am in “turnaround”.  From what to what?  From not knowing to knowing!  It is on the tip of my consciousness. Haha.  Maybe I will get better at these creative videos.  I have a lot of ideas – favorite monologues, readings from my seven, published books, singing a song AT 83. Like “Time After Time”.

Janet - posing

I have gotten the writing bug back.  I am re-editing my favorite book,  “Janet Tallulah”, And, I am working on a new book, working title “Black Swan Rising – in PARIS.”  Or,   “Through the Eyes of a Black Swan in PARIS”.  I went through a down time when I first got here. I thought I would be seeing things and going places where I thought I would go, and things I thought I would do.  Oops.  Did not happen. May never happen.

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Life outside my window is changing.  Paris is changing.  My motivations are changing.   I keep asking myself each day if I am motivated to do something or finish something – just wandering up and down streets and regularly checking my motivations.  Now, I must put this in context.  I have been a driven, goal-oriented person all my life, and I did not relax much at all.  Now, that has all changed.

In my mind, I am finally connecting with the girl inside.  And, there are things that I have realized I don’t want to do, and people I realize I don’t really like.  And, all of that is OK.  I don’t have to do them, and I don’t have to like them.  Do I get bored and lonely?  Sometimes.

I don’t like women (or men) who are “know-it-alls”.  It seems like I have met a lot of those during this journey.  Am I one?  I don’t think so.  I don’t like people who are weird in their like and dislikes.  Weird how?  Weird to me.  That is an intuitive thing.   I know it when I see it.  I realize that I am jealous of people with money.  I am jealous of people who walk easily up and down steps.  I want to be able to afford a better apartment with a lovely view on a pretty street with trees.  It exists.  But, space and loveliness costs money.  I want to be able to walk and wear pretty shoes. (sigh)

And, yet I have a lot.  And, I am thankful for all of it. I am in PARIS.  I am not sick (knock on wood.  I love my family.  I love my friends. I love the law.  I love my writing.  I love my cat.  (Haha)  So expect me now to start acting on my own channels.  Why not?  I am excited because I have a LOT of ideas that will be fun to develop – interspersed with some gorgeous photos of Paris.

Stay tuned…….

 

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MAY FAVORITE PHOTOS OF MINE – PARIS! 6e AND 5e!

Today, I will treat you to some of my favorite photos that I have taken during the last two weeks of lockdown .  I am going to miss the empty streets without a lot of people and clear skies with birds chirping.  Yesterday, I went into some new streets in 5e and encountered some unpleasant people.  So, the tension is out there.  It is time for all of us to be careful.  Nerves are on edge.  Just sayin…….  Give it a week or two (or more) to calm down.  (Hopefully.) This is all exhausting.  And, during lockdown, I took a break from wine.  Not because of a reason other than I was too cheap to stock up on it and did not want to go to the grocery store.  So, my nerves could use a good glass of wine or two about now.  On Monday, the shops will open, but not the restaurants and cafes.  So, life will be a little different.  (A LOT)    Already, the rudeness is prevalent.  So, all the consideration that I got for a brief moment in time is gone.  (sigh.)  Meanwhile…….  the favorite photos.  You may have seen some of these before.  I think most of them are new. Sorry I cannot identify all of them.  I will try.

My neighborhood florist’s window.  Stanislas Draber, 19 rue Racine – 6e

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The Panteon.     5e up the street from me.

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I bought a bouquet of gorgeous tulips for Easter at Stanislas Draber.  He took a risk selling them to me (on the street).

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I was walking down a back street in 5e (avoiding people) and saw this building.  Frankly, I don’t think a lot of buildings are pretty.  But, this one caught my eye.  I wish I had gotten the top of it with more sky.  But, I like the photo, anyway.  I don’t know what the name of the street is.  For me, it is a “cut-through” .   But it goes by the Sorbonne and will be crowded once the students are back in class.  ???

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This is Odeon Square near my apartment.  I like photos of the sky and this shot is a “sky” picture.

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This is the University of Paris Philosophy Library of the Sorbonne.  I sometimes sit on the fountain in the area in front of this building and drink my fresh orange juice that I got a Carrefour for my walk.  It probably has another name, but I don’t know what it is.

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This is Church of Saint-Sulpice  I was looking for somewhere to light May candles for my family but everything was closed.

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Jardin of Luxembourg.  Up the street.  Gates are closed and locked.  This shot is from outside the iron gates.

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This is a statue of Auguste Compte, a French philosopher.  It is in the square where I drink my orange juice by a fountain.

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This is a church in 5e.  I just liked the shot.  Closed with a garden behind gates.

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The Seine down the street.  Petit Pont Bridge to the other side.  Paris 5e.

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The Odeon   Closed.  Gorgeous inside.  6e.  Down the street from me.  (sigh)

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It is not that easy to find flowers on my walks.  As I walked down Saint Germain in 6e, I saw these geraniums.

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I just like this shot of the Luxembourg Garden trees.  So, I will close with this one.

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So, you see, I am just walking for an hour, more “wandering” with my camera.  The shots are interesting to me and I enjoy the time spent outside.  I am hoping to go further once the cafes and restaurants open and I can sit and rest, get a coffee, and go to the rest room.  But, for now, I am staying 1 kilometre from home (rules of lockdown).  So, that is just a taste of Paris in May.  Springtime in Paris.  (sigh).  And, I am lucky that my friend is allowing me to rent her 6e Studio apartment for a year.  Stay tuned……

If you will,

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MEET LILLIAN! – Revised!

I have fleshed out this post and want to reblog it for those who are interested. Thanks. Jay

jjaywmac's avatarJAYSPEAK

MEET LILLIAN. Who?  Why?

Lillian is on my mind this week.   She was my aunt.  My mother’s sister.  I wrote about her over last weekend, but that post was too long, and Lillian “got lost in the shuffle.”  So, now, Lillian has a post of her own!  She matters because she mattered.  A woman before her time.  She never talked about it.  She just DID it.  I learned early in life to “stop talking about it. DO it.”  So, I did.  I have. And, I am.  But I digress……

LILLIAN DOROUGH MORGAN.  (1904 – 1990)

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Lillian was born in 1904.  During those days, girls were raised to get married.  And, if they could not find a man to take care of them, or be a teacher, or be a dutiful secretary, something that was “acceptable for a woman to do, it was difficult.  No woman dared to try to compete…

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THINK ABOUT IT!!! (Revised Edition)

jjaywmac's avatarJAYSPEAK

I have revised this post because I want to flesh it out some more.  As I said before, this week, I am beginning to think ahead, as I reflect.  From where I am sitting, I have a lot of questions. This one may require another cup of coffee.  Settle in.  The lockdown is still outside my  window in Paris.  SO, if you want/need to go to the beach or the bowling alley, this one is not for you. It is one from my heart and as political as I have gotten to date.  Sorry.  We both knew it was coming.  I just was not sure WHEN. 

Our first reopening (in France) happens on Monday, May 11 – one week from tomorrow.  I was able to buy my first mask at the Pharmacie yesterday.  (long story).   What is next?  I don’t know.  “I hesitate to speculate.” 

I am discouraged to…

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MEET LILLIAN! – Revised!

MEET LILLIAN. Who?  Why?

Lillian is on my mind this week.   She was my aunt.  My mother’s sister.  I wrote about her over last weekend, but that post was too long, and Lillian “got lost in the shuffle.”  So, now, Lillian has a post of her own!  She matters because she mattered.  A woman before her time.  She never talked about it.  She just DID it.  I learned early in life to “stop talking about it. DO it.”  So, I did.  I have. And, I am.  But I digress……

LILLIAN DOROUGH MORGAN.  (1904 – 1990)

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Lillian was born in 1904.  During those days, girls were raised to get married.  And, if they could not find a man to take care of them, or be a teacher, or be a dutiful secretary, something that was “acceptable for a woman to do, it was difficult.  No woman dared to try to compete in a man’s world.  Lillian did.  She went against the grain and and got work in a man’s world.  I am not sure how she made her choices.  She just did it – in a quiet, unobtrusive way.

I never realized all that she accomplished before. Let’s take a moment to go back in time to the early 1900’s.  Think of what was going in the world and in society in the USA during those years.  As I said before, in so many words, women were “chattel.” (a personal possession). Men ruled the Universe. And, during her lifetime, there were pandemics, two World Wars, the Great Depression, and more.  NOTE:  If you don’t value history and don’t care about what happened before your time, now is your time to stop reading this post.

Lillian was my mother’s younger sister and her best friend. My mother’s name was Anna Louise (called “Anna Lou”) (1902-2001). They were two of the five children of LILLIE WESTMORELAND (1880-1992) and TRAVIS GLENN DOROUGH (1875-1940).   (The other three girls were Ruth, Edna (died from peritonitis in 1929), and Rose). (I have a picture of Mother somewhere like this one. This is Lillian.)

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When Lillian and Anna Lou were very young, 1918 (ages 14 and 16), there was a bad pandemic. People were getting sick and dying.  (Like today.)  The world was frantically trying to find a vaccine.  (Like today.) The 1918 influenza pandemic was caused by an H1N1 virus with genes of avian origin (similar to today’s “bat”). Although there is not universal consensus regarding where the virus originated (unlike today), it spread worldwide during 1918-1919 and lasted for approximately two years.

In the United States, it was first identified in military personnel in spring 1918. It is estimated that about 500 million people or one-third of the world’s population became infected with this virus. The number of deaths was estimated to be at least 50 million worldwide with about 675,000 ( In the current pandemic, the U.S. is currently registering 76,000 deaths, as of May 7, 2020, and approximately 50 million worldwide). Mortality was high in people younger than 5 years old (unlike today), 20-40 years old (unlike today), and 65 years and older (like today – ME and most of my friends!!).

The high mortality in healthy people, including those in the 20-40 year age group, was a unique feature of the 1918 pandemic with no vaccine to protect against influenza infection and no antibiotics to treat secondary bacterial infections that can be associated with influenza infections.  Control efforts worldwide were limited to isolation, quarantine, good personal hygiene, use of disinfectants, and limitations of public gatherings, which were applied unevenly.  (Sound familiar????) So, Lillie, Glenn, and the girls stayed home and tried not to get sick!! (Sound familiar?)  And, to you healthy young people who want to go to the beaches and get a tattoo, “buyer beware”!  Germ warfare is on your home turf, turning neighbor against neighbor.  (Sound familiar?)  Read about World War II in Germany and France and Italy!!

So, all of Lillie’s girls were teenagers in 1918, except for Rose.  Susceptible.  And, Lillie and Glenn were 38 and 43.  Susceptible.  It lasted for TWO YEARS.  (Today, we are at 3-5 months, sorta, with a long time to go).  Can you imagine how scared they must have been?  Without radio, television, or social media to give them information. Newspapers, word of mouth.  Amidst that pandemic, Mother and Lillian grew up, went to college, and taught school.  I doubt they wanted to go to the beach or get a tattoo, or bowl or go to a music concert.  I DOUBT THEY WERE TOLD TO DRINK BLEACH!!!!

By 1920, the family had moved to Athens, GA.  And, Anna Lou and Lillian were at Maryville College.  I don’t know about the other girls.  In Athens, the girls all attended a private high school – the Lucy Cobb Institute in Athens, but they did not graduate from there because of financial considerations and moved back to their hometown of Royston, Georgia, eventually moving to Toccoa, GA.

Anna Lou-classmates-lillian 1920

(In this photo above, Lillian is #1 and Mother is #3).  As I said, Anna Lou and Lillian both attended and graduated from Maryville College (co-ed) in Maryville, TN, and Lillian graduated in 1927 with a B.A. degree.  She was a member and officer of Theta Epsilon, a literary society for female students.  She played on the “Girls Basketball Squad” and lettered during her senior year in college.  (She was a good athlete.) After college, Lillian moved to La Follette, TN where she taught high school.

Before Lillian got married, she participated with Mother and my aunt on my father’s side of the family and another woman I don’t know in a Terripin Derby staged in the Gainesville City Park, as part of the WWI centennial and the American Legion, part of “Georgia Images.”

Lillian and others - turtle race

At some point, she met and married a salesman – Ralph Morgan.  (Remind you of Linda in “Death of a Salesman”, written in 1948). She worked while she was married – worked as a “project” supervisor in government work in the Atlanta area.  The family gossip was that Ralph Morgan was a “compulsive liar.”

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At a time when women did NOT divorce, no matter what, and stayed home, no matter what, Lillian was working for the government, and, by 1944, Lillian and Ralph were divorced.  WOW. I don’t know the details.  In those days, people did not talk about “family matters).

On Nov. 9, 1944 she enlisted in the Women’s Army Corps for the duration of the war, plus 6 months. I was informed by my cousin Edna that her brother Preston (my first cousins, children of Ruth) was in the War as a pilot. And, Lillian wanted to show her support for her nephew Preston by joining up.

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 The war was over September 2, 1945.  (On the enlistment document her marital status is “divorced,” and it says she has dependents.  Since she never had any children, the dependents probably are her mother Lillie and possibly her youngest sister, Rose, and Rose’s young daughter Joan.  (In 1944, Rose was a widow with a teenage daughter.)

(What I know about Women and World War II:  The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. Desperate for personnel, the Army created the Women’s Army Auxiliary Corps (WAACS) in 1942, but the idea of women in the army was too new for many Americans to stomach. People turned against the women who were taking desk jobs and thus seemed to be freeing up people’s sons and husbands to be killed on the battlefields.   Rumors spread that WAACs were simply man-crazy; they were “khaki-wacky” and prone to getting pregnant. Recruiting fell off, but with a European invasion on the horizon, the country needed women in uniform more than ever. Army leaders recognized that they needed more WAACs than they could get, and also that the army could not use women in dangerous locations unless they received regular army benefits and protection in case they were captured.  So, in 1943, Congress created the Women’s Army Corps, and Lillian joined upon November 9, 1944. She was 40.)  Lillian’s decision of November 9, 1944, along with a similar decision by sixteen million other anonymous Americans– including the 350,000 other American women who also joined one of the other service branches—helped to defeat fascism. That decision that Lillian made to help America defend American democracy, still echoes amidst all of the existing chaos.

In 1949, Lillian’s name appears on a departing passenger list on the ship Queen of Bermuda, leaving from New York and going to Bermuda.  I don’t know anything or remember anything about any of this.  In 1949, I was 12.

 

My niece Debby remembers that Lillian obtained a master’s degree (in psychiatry, I think) at some point, and she worked for many years as a psychiatric social worker for the Veterans Administration. I remember that she also worked at the Federal Penitentiary – as a psychiatric social worker) for years.

She took care of Lillie for many, many years and was active in the Altrusa Club in Atlanta.  She loved genealogy and gardening.  I have her trowel.

In later life, Lillian and Lillie were quite entrepreneurial.  They had to support each other, and they also help out other members of the family who needed help (when they could).  And, I know that Mother helped them (when she could).  They lived in a large house on Peachtree Circle in Atlanta, GA and rented out an apartment in the basement and all rooms upstairs.  And, they also rented out a two-story concrete block building at the back of the property in which there were at least two apartments.

Lillian was frugal.  She saved her money.  And she was very “business-like”.  She really helped me and my sister Patricia (with private loans) when we needed help. She charged us interest, but it was low and fair.  We always paid her back.  She died of cancer before Lillie.  So Lillie had to be moved to a rest home where she died two years later.  Two amazing women.

She and Mother remained good friends throughout. All of the family were full of love and made all of us grandkids and great grandkids feel loved.  That was because they really loved all of us.  No “just being nice”.  How fortunate we all were.

unnamed-1Mama Dorough & LillianAS A WRAP, I am sorry that I did not value Lillian during her lifetime.   I didn’t.  I thought she was “bossy”.  I did not like her influence on Mother.  I thought Mother was “weak”, and I did not like her.  I was into myself, what I though, what I wanted, my ambitions, my dreams.  I liked Daddy.  It was ALL about him.  I wanted to be like him.  How little about our parents that we really know.  How little about Lillian and Lillie and Anna Lou and Jesse that I really knew or know.  And, I KNOW that my children do not know much about Janet and less about Darrell (their father).  C’est la vie.  “Oh, earth, you’re too wonderful for ‘anybody to realize you!”

“Cat’s In The Cradle”
My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you, Dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home, Dad
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok”
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home, Dad
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while”
He shook his head and said with a smile
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then, Dad
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin’ home son
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then, Dad
We’re gonna have a good time then.

–   Songwriters – Sandy and Harry Chapin

Best, Jay

Please help.  Thanks in advance.

 

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THINK ABOUT IT!!! (Revised Edition)

I have revised this post because I want to flesh it out some more.  As I said before, this week, I am beginning to think ahead, as I reflect.  From where I am sitting, I have a lot of questions. This one may require another cup of coffee.  Settle in.  The lockdown is still outside my  window in Paris.  SO, if you want/need to go to the beach or the bowling alley, this one is not for you. It is one from my heart and as political as I have gotten to date.  Sorry.  We both knew it was coming.  I just was not sure WHEN. 

Our first reopening (in France) happens on Monday, May 11 – one week from tomorrow.  I was able to buy my first mask at the Pharmacie yesterday.  (long story).   What is next?  I don’t know.  “I hesitate to speculate.” 

I am discouraged to see and hear and read about what is happening in my home country. – the USA.  It is easier (and feels safer, for now) to see what is happening from over here in Paris.  I am subject to the beat of another drummer, here in France.  AND, I am outside looking in re: the USA   As such, I hear international commentary as well as commentary in the USA. First of all, it is obvious that EVERYONE wants someone to blame. Social media is the worst.

“You may make mistakes, but you are not a failure until you start blaming someone else.”        – John Wooden

Even if it were possible to find the source actually responsible for this pandemic, it would not eliminate the pandemic.  That is factual data, not “fake news” (everyone’s go-to target).  Not everything is fake.  A “fake” faker.  A lot of it can be verified.  Like what?? 

Antietam, bloodiest day of Civil War: 2100 Americans dead; 1918 Pandemic: 675,000 Americans dead; Battle of the Bulge, the bloodiest single battle the US fought in WWII: 19,000 Americans dead; Vietnam War: 58,000 Americans dead; September 11: 2,977 Americans dead.

Coronavirus Pandemic on May 1, 2020:  65,000 Americans dead.

When I watch the news each night, I am amazed that in France and in the USA (plus, the world, in general) , I hear warnings about a  “second wave” that may peak in the fall during the flu season. In France, we are just getting better from the first wave.  In the USA, the first wave is still peaking.   A lot of people are dying but no one knows how many because most states are not counting.  They have NOT successfully lived through the worst part of the pandemic.  On the contrary, states are reopening because of the economy.   Not because anyone is dying.  Not important.  WHAT????????

In fact, all of these deaths are helping the economy.   WHAT??????   A member of a planning commission from the San Francisco area (I have been informed by an attorney colleague that the member of the planning commission is not from San Francisco city of county.  He is a planning commissioner in the small city of Antioch, an East Bay city in Contra Costa County, north of Oakland.)  and he took to Facebook to suggest we should just let coronavirus take its course. Lots of people would die, he wrote, primarily old and sick people, but that would take the pressure off Social Security and lower health care costs. There would be more jobs and housing available. And as for homeless people, when they died it would “fix what is a significant burden on our society….” WHAT????????   African Americans and Native Americans are badly susceptible to Covid-19.  Some groups are celebrating these deaths, and calling for their supporters to infect minorities with the virus. WHAT???????   Germ Warfare?????   Americans killing Americans?   Is America doing what Germany did?  1/3 of Americans are killing 1/3 of Americans while 1/3 of Americans watch?  Have we learned NOTHING from history?   WHAT??????????????

Many people I know are demanding society to open up again even though it will disproportionately kill some Americans at higher rates than others. Do people now believe that some people matter more than others?  Do older Americans (ME!!), Black Americans, Brown Americans, sick Americans, all matter less than healthy white Americans?  Today, they do, according to the narrative I am hearing and reading and observing.   I am a potential sacrifice.  Any one of us is a potential sacrifice if we disagree with what “the leader” says – whoever he/she is. 

Otherwise, it is tyranny. “Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of sick people; Tyranny is when you restrict the movement of healthy people”.    WHAT?????   Hello!!!  DO you know anything about tyranny – “a state under cruel and oppressive government?  Is it cruel and oppressive not to open beaches, not to be able to get your hair done, not to be able to get your nails done, not be able to bowl or get a tattoo, or not be able to go back to work?  READ HISTORY!!!  

Do people know anything about history?  Or care?  Life will teach us all.  I don’t claim to know it all, but it is difficult to watch the carnage caused by stupidity and selfishness.  “Rights” and freedoms” don’t exist unless there is a Constitution.   

People want state governors to bend to political pressure and State Governors who don’t bend to political pressure are wrong for trying to save lives.  The ECONOMY is more important!!!!  What?????   People’s lives are not important????  Well, if you think people’s lives are not important, then you must be a healthy, white American and NOT a potential sacrifice. 

OK.  You think people’s lives are not worth the economy because you are healthy, white, American, and not a potential  sacrifice, and you are willing to take the risk because you think you are in good shape.  Well, congratulations!!  You are well-positioned.  As luck would have it, Trump is the “Vector-in -Chief”.  AND, if you want to kill yourself (because of stupidity), there are plenty of opportunities to do so. Indeed, in responding to the COVID-19 pandemic and the question of when and how the nation’s economy should be reopened, the USA seems to have tapped the U.S. Strategic Stupid Reserve. Read history books about pandemics and tyrannical governments.  See what happened.  Does what happened before your lifetime not matter?????  

I read an excellent article this morning that started out with some history. “On July 4, 1775, just his second day serving as commander-in-chief of the American revolutionary forces, George Washington issued strict orders to prevent the spread of infection among his soldiers: “No person is to be allowed to go to Fresh-water pond a fishing or any other occasion as there may be a danger of introducing the small pox into the army.” As he wrote later that month to the president of the Continental Congress, John Hancock, he was exercising “the utmost Vigilance against this most dangerous Enemy.”   What was happening 1775 that prompted George Washington and John Hancock to say this.  Do you know? 

Frankly, I don’t think my opinions will cause much change in my friends and family and colleagues and acquaintances.  And, most of the time, I keep my opinions to myself when I am out and about.  But, as I said before, I am angry and it is painful to watch the carnage that is and will be because of bad decisions and short-sightedness. 

Is there anything I can do about it?  Maybe.  I am looking for ways to serve in some capacity.  I am looking for ways.  I don’t have answers at this time. I think that (other than a Jayspeak “rant”) talking and complaining and accusing and fighting is not something I can do.  I am doing what I can to stay alive.  I am obviously dispensable. I am pretty good at blaming.  Haha.  Aren’t we all!!   The problem is I am an action-prone Pollyanna. 

I follow a writer – Heather Cox Richardson – and enjoy her daily posts from which I learn a lot while helping me to make sense of what I see and hear in the news.  I find her to have an objective viewpoint and want to share selections from her posts from yesterday and today.  I have cherry-picked what I want to include here.  I give up trying to persuade family members and good friends to think the way I do.   It is not going to happen.  But, I want to clarify my own thinking so that I enjoy whatever I can during these turbulent times.

Jeff Kowalsky’s photograph of the “American Patriot Rally” at the Michigan statehouse on April 30 shows a large, bearded man, leaning forward, mouth open, screaming. Positioned between two police officers who are staring blankly ahead above their masks, he is focused on something they are preventing him from reaching: the legislature. His fury is palpable.   The idea that such a man is an “American Patriot” is the perverted outcome of a generations of political rhetoric that has celebrated a cartoon version of “individualism.” That rhetoric has served a purpose: to convince voters that an active government that regulates business, provides a basic social safety net, and promotes infrastructure—things most Americans actually like—is socialism.

Americans embraced an active government in the 1930s and 1940s to combat the Depression and fight World War Two, and by 1945, that government was hugely popular among members of both parties, but not with the businessmen who resented government interference in their industries. To get voters to turn against a system they liked, in the 1950s, leaders eager to destroy business regulation linked their mission to racism.

After the Supreme Court, headed by former Republican Governor of California Earl Warren, unanimously ruled that school segregation was unconstitutional, reactionaries determined to undercut the New Deal government told voters that this is what they had warned about all along: an activist state would redistribute white people’s money to black people through taxes, levied to do things like provide schools, or the troops necessary to protect the black youngsters trying to enroll in them.

That rhetoric resonated with certain white Americans because it echoed that of Reconstruction, when Democrats opposed to black rights insisted that Republican policies to level the playing field between formerly enslaved people and their white former owners were simply a redistribution of wealth. Money for roads and schools and hospitals that would now be accessible to black Americans would have to be paid for by tax levies. Since most property owners in the immediate aftermath of the Civil War were white, this meant a transfer of wealth from hardworking white taxpayers to lazy African Americans. As one reporter put it: socialism had come to South Carolina.

In contrast to the East, with this crushing system, stood the postwar West, where Democrats admired the cowboy. The actual work of a western cowboy in the short period of the heyday of cattle ranging from 1866 to 1886 was dangerous, low-paid, and dirty; the industry depended heavily on government supported-railroads and military support; and a third of the cowboys were men of color. But people eager to criticize the Republicans’ social welfare policies insisted that the cowboy was the true American individualist. Almost always white in this myth, he wanted nothing from government but to work hard as he tamed the land and the “savages” on it, provide for the wife and children he someday hoped to have, and be left alone. The image of the cowboy became such a dominant myth during Reconstruction that it turned Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show into the nation’s first mass entertainment spectacle.

It was no wonder then, that in the 1950s and 1960s, those eager to destroy an active government tapped into the image of the American cowboy as their symbol. Gunsmoke debuted on the new-fangled television in 1955, and by 1959, there were 30 prime time Westerns on TV. These westerns portrayed the mythical cowboy much as he had been after the Civil War: an independent white man fighting the “savages” of the plains to provide for his eventual family. A man who wanted nothing of government but to be left alone.

Arizona Senator Barry Goldwater, with his square jaw and white Stetson, tapped into this mythology as the Republican presidential candidate in 1964. He assured white southerners that the adjustment of race relations was an unlawful assumption of power by the federal government. So, too, was business regulation. Goldwater lost the election, but turned five deep South states from the Democratic Party to the Republican Party, a pattern Ronald Reagan capitalized on in 1980. Swapping his usual English riding outfit for jeans and a western saddle, Reagan personified the mythological American cowboy. He assured Americans that “Government is not the solution to our problem, government is the problem,” then began the process of dismantling the New Deal state, slashing taxes and programs to restore to glory the American individualist.

Reagan’s election saw the first gender gap in American voting, as women hesitated to sign on to a program that was working against their ability to provide for their families. Lots of men weren’t so sure they wanted to slash workers’ protections and government regulation of business, either. So those eager to reinforce the image of the American individualist against a socialist government upped their game. In 1984, we got Red Dawn, the bloodiest movie made up to that point, featuring high school boys in the West standing against an invasion of communists after the town government sells everyone out.

In 1992, the idea of a western individualist standing against an intrusive government got a real demonstration when government forces tried to arrest a former factory worker, Randy Weaver, who had failed to show up for a trial on a firearms charge, at Ruby Ridge, Idaho. An 11-day siege killed Weaver’s wife, fourteen-year-old son, and a deputy marshal. Far-right activists and neo-Nazis swarmed to Ruby Ridge to stop what they saw as the overreach of government as it attacked a man protecting his family.  The next year, government officers stormed the compound of a religious cult whose former members reported that their leader, David Koresh, was stockpiling weapons. A 51-day siege ended on April 19, 1993, in a gun battle and a fire that killed 76 people. Talk radio host Rush Limbaugh told his listeners that the government had invaded Waco to “murder” a citizen. The modern militia movement to protect individuals from government tyranny took off.

Now, having sown the wind, we are reaping the whirlwind. Anti-government cowboys are protesting the tyranny of government measures designed to protect citizens from dying. The right of governors and legislatures to protect health is well-established, of course, but that doesn’t matter to men steeped in the rhetoric of the past generation.  This now-famous image of the screaming “American Patriot” is a portrait of the failure of the individualist image. This is a man who punches down, not up, and who wants to have the power to decide whether his neighbors live or die. He is a bully and a coward. You know who’s brave? The doctors and nurses who get up every morning and go to their jobs. The bus drivers who have continued to work without either hazard pay or sufficient protection, at least 94 of whom we have lost to Covid-19. The janitors and housekeeping staff who combat the virus all day, every day. The meat cutters and fishermen, shippers, drivers and store clerks who are keeping us alive, some only because it is the only way they can feed their children, which makes it all the braver. The Navy sailors trying to contain the virus so they can complete their mission. The teachers who stay upbeat for the students they terribly miss. The parents who are so very tired as they try to work and teach and parent and shop, but who get up every morning and do it again. And, yes, the political leaders trying to legislate to protect us as a handful of screaming anti-government activists terrorize them… and the photographers who record it.  These true American Patriots– not a screaming bully whose “rights” require others to die– are the very good people Abraham Lincoln meant when he called for a government “of the people, by the people, for the people.”

LIncoln Statute

As a wrap, I was born in 1937.  My kids were born in the 1960’s. This narrative chronicles the times during which I lived. NOT MY KIDS.  I held hands with my boyfriend, watching Roy Rodgers and Gene Autry in westerns at the Ritz Theatre in Gainesville, Georgia.  Everyone I knew was a “Democrat”.  “Republican” was a dirty word.  I later acted in those westerns – Bonanza, Gunsmoke, and Centennial.  I was in school and a young actress and an attorney (fighting bullies) during all of those elections and presidents.  After I moved west, I voted for the person I liked – whatever party.   My children’s father was involved and possibly sacrificed for what he knew during Reagan years.  I remember Ruby Ridge and Waco.  This is up close and personal to me.  I will NEVER understand why young people think their “freedoms” come to them “by right”.  Don’t they still teach the Constitution in schools anymore?

I will close with some of Heather’s thoughts from yesterday for you to think about (if you are willing) and are still reading this post.  We are creating today’s history.  Will it be re-written?  Do we care?  Did the Romans care?  Did the Greeks?  Is the history we read accurate?  Did George Washington really say that? Is this really a “pandemic”?  Is it a hoax?  Is it a conspiracy?  We may never know.  Truth?   What is actually true?  Is what we see with our eyes and hear with our ears really true?  Is it what our leaders say is true? Is this classic gaslighting?  Do you know what that is?

“Where are the tax returns Trump promised to release? Where are the investigations of any of the literally dozens of accusations of rape and sexual assault made against Trump? Where is John Bolton’s book? Why is everyone who worked for Trump bound to secrecy? And key: where are the medical supplies the federal government has seized? Why is the use of Tara Reade’s accusation to controlling the political narrative?  Why is Biden to jumping through hoops and on the defensive?”

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Sorry for this insert, but, Hey, I can use/need the help.  

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THE NEW NORMAL

On my mind this Sunday morning, as I sit in my Studio in the heart of Paris, I am reflecting and rambling (and defrosting the refrigerator at the same time haha).

Take a look at the photograph featured above.  I have used my very favorite shot as the “featured image photograph”.   What do you see?   I see  (in the foreground) a large garbage container, the Seine River, the reflection of church and sky in the river, a couple of trees, a cloud-filled light and dark sky, some sun, silver linings, and Notre Dame Cathedral, as it now exists.  Did I miss anything?    This is Paris 2020.  A gorgeous shot!!!   My shot.  And, I think this photograph represents the NOW – April 26, 2020. 

This is the beginning of the new normal.  We are living during the time of the Pandemic-2020. 

This morning, I read a commentary that I liked very much.  It said that “history repeats itself because no-one learns from it.”  I don’t agree.  I think that a lot of people choose to remain self-centered at the cost of the community.  And, dub this “socialism”.  Ugh.  In other words, I don’t agree that no-one learns from it.  I think there will always be people who want to remain ignorant “lest they be altered by education”. 

I will admit that people can lack education and still be intelligent.   However, intelligence by itself doesn’t cut it. A person also must have smarts to manage the intelligence – a process that ends at time of death.  Not before.  AND, my hope is that there are more intelligent people with “smarts” (who may or may not be educated) who hope to make a better world for our children.  The world is changing, but it is up to us to decide how and for whom we make those decisions. That said, in my photographs, I try to capture our changing NOW world.  The photograph NOTRE DAME (see below) – THAT WAS  A “THEN” PHOTO (2015 – with Steve)

Notre Dame THEN

NOTRE DAME NOW.  Five years later.   Look at the picture again.  What have I missed?  I think that – intuitively – this photo says it all.  I don’t know where I was standing in 2015.  Down the street.  I will find it.  Just sayin……

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In my  NOW world photo, I have garbage, beautiful waters, lovely trees, clouds, skies, sun, silver linings.  And, I live in an all-inclusive world – Paris.  Yes, immigration is a problem.  Yes, there will always be immigrants. Yes, it is not easy. Yes, I am willing to compromise conveniences.  Yes, I want a better world for my children and grandchildren.  So, none of us knows what “the new normal” will be.  In other words, we KNOW that we don’t KNOW.  No one knows.  It has yet to be created.  Fingers crossed.

Now for some more of my NOW favorite photographs from my camera ((as you can see, I like to see the sky in my photographs.  It adds to the mood of the piece (for me)).

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I am writing more posts because I am in lockdown and writing more.  Period  Here, I have a good forum.  Sorta selective.  Life has good changes …  so far.  Haha.   Just sayin……. Stay tuned…….

Best, Jay  (I am posting a photo that makes me feel good – with light hair and makeup!!  This is one I like!

Oh, by the way,

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