Holiday “Ponderings” Between the Holidays…..

Today, I have a lot of things on my mind.  First of all, December 27 is an important day in my life (for some unknown reason).  Mother died on this day, Darrell took his life (or was murdered) on this day, and a former husband was born on this day.  He will be 83.  AND, most important of all, France started giving the Covid-19 shots today.  I am looking forward to my turn.  And that brings me to several thoughts that I am pondering today, with a meme or photo here and there.

Wondering……  This week, I made several notes about things I want to discuss with you on Jayspeak.  Welllll, as you know, it is a one-sided discussion because I don’t really like different opinions.  A little.  Not a whole lot.  Sorry.  The problem is – I take things personally. And even though I try not to, I do.  And I hold grudges. So, if you are still reading, ……. 

Topics are, 1) taking turns; 2) why I think people want to believe conspiracy theories; 3) True colors; 4) whatever happens, happens & going with the flow; 5) the Rule Book; 6) None of the presents are for you; 7) expecting too much & respect.  So, I am sharing with you some of my current observations.  Please TAKE NOTICE these are subject to change without notice.     

  1. I was taught to “wait your turn”.  “Wait your turn” assumes there is someone giving “turns”.  What if there is no one giving “turns” and, as a result, your turn does not “come up”.  Maybe we should not teach our kids to wait.  NO.  Don’t wait.  Go get what you want!  If not, you’ll be sorry.  What if you are NOT sorry – for any of it.  Manners to wait?  Good manners?  Maybe.  For whom?   For what?  God? Teachings of Christ?  Just wondering……  Hmmmmmm.
  • I believe that people want to believe conspiracy theories.  I think conspiracy theories have been around as long as the game of “gossip”.  Did you ever play “gossip “as a child?   It was one of the first games I played.  It goes like this – everyone sits around in a circle.  The first person makes up something.  He/she whispers into the person’s ear siting next him/her.  And each person passes it to the next.   After it has passed around the circle, it is said out loud.  And it is always changed!  Distorted.  So, the message is not accurate. Let’s call it – a lie.   And people like to believe lies. Especially people who lie themselves.   In other words, if I know this much, then what do I NOT know that is being kept from me.  So, I could make up whatever I want to make up and spread it around.   I have had people do that to me and about me.  Sew doubt. And I have witnessed it done to people.  About Daddy. About his family.  Children about parents.  Wives about husbands.  It doesn’t represent the truth.  Lies. And people believe it.  They want to believe it.  And act on it. Propaganda?   You get the picture. 
  • People always show their “true colors”.  You don’t have to say or do anything.  Just sit and observe.  I have met people and suspected things immediately.  One, in particular, comes to mind.  And her “niceness” and innocence and pretense not to know what to do, I did not believe – for a minute.  I thought she was probably mean and a manipulator.  It wasn’t long before I saw her true colors.  I was right! Dumb as a fox!!!! And, I watched her manipulate! Don’t get me started on hypocrisy!!!! The world is full of ducks. Long story for another time. True Colors.
  • Whatever happens, happens and going with the flow is not that easy to do.  Maybe it not even desirable.  I don’t think “whatever” is a good approach.  Maybe.  I am still thinking about that one. Duh.
  • The Rule Book.  Being raised in the South and in the First Baptist Church, there was a Rule Book.  Bible?  Mother and Daddy?  The neighbors?  My friends?  Their parents.  Dr. Spock.  It was very confusing.  The Rule Book kept changing. And, when I went to the University of Wisconsin, the Rule Book changed again, and again,  and again.  The Rules keep changing.  I try to keep up but it is hard. And what to do when there are no apparent rules. Or when anything goes. That is the worst! Ugh. And, a book told me Good Girls Don’t Get AHead; Gutsy Girls Do. Break a rule every day. Huh? What????
  • Fear that none of the presents are for me.  That was my fear as a child.  Being left out.  Forgotten.  So, to work with my concern, I wrapped books and put them under the tree with my name on them from Santa.  No comment. 
  • And, lastly, expecting too much.  I need to do an entire post about “expectations” or “unfulfilled expectations” .  That is a biggie.  And that worst part of it is that I am to blame.  Ugh. Duh?

Now none of these are earthshaking. Each one is obvious. It just that they are on my mind – Christmas past, memories, lies, expectations and disappointment. You get the picture.

For Christmas, I did my “roast” for me.  And a boiler of chicken soup is on the stove right now.  (It is a cold, windy day in Paris). 

For today’s New Year’s Resolution, I am resolving to watch old comedies on TV.  Films.  Last night, I watched “Birdcage”.  I need to laugh more.  It was Cy’s idea.  So, I am open for comedy suggestions.  Good ones. 

So, these are my Holiday ponderings.  I am my own best friend these days.  And a myriad of Social media “friends”.  I am thankful for Facebook. It helps me feel like I have company.  Go figure.  And I am trying to take photographs but most of the time, I forget when I am walking.  Plus, it is cold. 

Below is a photograph I “arranged” to post on social media that I call “A Christmas Memory.”  It has my piano, Steve’s Kerry Hallam’s lithograph of Cannes, Mother’s Christmas ornaments, Mama Dorough’s wooden bowl, Tommy and Jimmye’s wedding gift to Steve and me of a crystal vase, roses. 

Best, Jay (Below is a picture I like from many years ago. ) I remember when.

Just for No Good Reason!


Published by jjaywmac

Jay W. MacIntosh (born Janet Tallulah Jewell) is a retired attorney, actress, and writer from the United States, living in Paris, France. She is a member of the California Bar and selected to the 2018, 2019, 2020 Southern California Super Lawyers list. She holds a Master’s Degree in Drama from the University of Georgia and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, Phi Kappa Phi, and Zodiac Scholastic Society. As an actress, she is a member of The Actors Studio, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (ATAS), SAG-AFTRA, and ASCAP, performing in film and television in the United States and France. Her published works include Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1, Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 2, The Origins of George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy, Moments in Time, Capturing Beauty, JAYSPEAK on the Côte d’Azur, and Janet Tallulah.

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