JAYSPEAK

DOES IT FIT?

Does WHAT fit? This is about… the Operative Question for me has always been – Do I / THEY / HE / SHE / IT fit? My intuition has been one of my best friends throughout my life. And, slowly but surely, I have begun counting on it to lead the way. So, upon reflection, I have decided that the question I have asked myself since early life is, “Does it fit?” or “Do I fit?”. I am still asking it daily – “Does it fit?” Of course, there is no one to answer me other than my intuition. And, the answer is “Yes”, or “No”, or “The jury is still out.” (e.g. I am not sure yet.) That applies to clothes, people, situations, professions, furniture placement, shoes, friends, events, or (as my kids would say, “Whatever”. (sigh)

For me, Los Angeles fit! Gainesville, Georgia, didn’t. San Francisco didn’t. New York City didn’t. Atlanta didn’t. …as locales go. Pacific Palisades fit! Santa Monica didn’t. Marina Del Rey didn’t. Beverly Hills? Sorta – the jury is still out. Encino, CA, didn’t. And now, after much deliberation, I have decided that – in the South of France – Cap d’Ail fit. Roquebrune Cap Martin fit. Paris fits. Nice doesn’t. There is a list of other places nearby that don’t. No need to list them here. So, I want to live these years in a place that fits. And, bottom line, I usually don’t go back – once I decide that something doesn’t fit. That also applies to organizations and social events and religious institutions and religious beliefs and friends.

In six weeks, I have movers booked to move some things to Paris for me. I have rented what amounts to an Airbnb in the Sixth Arrondissement for a year. That will give me time “to look around” and find what’s next. So, I must definitely count on two moves ahead of me. No problem. I am just happy this owner will let me bring my piano. Most people are OK with a cat. A piano is problematic. This one is a “medium” Steinway in bad repair. (Long story for another time). So, I am divesting myself of worldly goods and keeping the piano. Amazing. Never thought I could do it. But I have and I am. That just says how much I want to move to Paris. I can’t afford two or more moves and stuff (furniture, art, pots and pans. Etc.)

A short word about Paris. ALL MY LIFE, I have identified with Paris. My earliest memory is when I was identifying as “Honey Bunch” and reading all of the Honey Bunch books by Helen Louise Thorndyke in that series. “Honey Bunch: A Little Girl in the City”. “Honey Bunch: Her First Visit on the Farm”. I thought Honey Bunch should go to Paris. Now, how did I know that Paris existed? I don’t remember.

And, when I was introduced to Eloise at the Plaza, I thought Eloise should visit a Paris hotel. It wasn’t that far from NYC. Ok, ok, just go with it.

And, it was on from there. High School, University of Wisconsin “Of Thee I Sing – part of Diana Devereaux, Conversational French classes, The Sorbonne, 1957 European Tour, 1998, 2008. Lots of dreams about, and fantasies of. Watercolors of. French movies. You get the picture. Now, all of it has changed. Well, so have I. It is time. I went (compliments of a dear friend) in October 2019 for a week to see if it fits. YES! It fits! I would go now, but the apartment has tenants. So, I have to wait. World and Body, please behave so that I can get there.

Regarding careers, I want to report that acting fits. Practicing Employment Litigation fit. (sexual harassment, discrimination, wrongful termination). Helping a damaged employee fight a bully fit. Now I have officially retired. And, I have received a Certificate of Inclusion in the “TOP 100 REGISTRY”. It reads, “This certificate is proudly presented to Jay W. MacIntosh, Esq. The above-named recipient is recognized for outstanding career achievement and exemplary leadership. This honor affirms and proclaims their inclusion in the Top 100 Registry. Dated July 11, 2019. No. 569403. My biography is now featured in the Featured Members of upcoming Top 100 Registry Publication that will be distributed worldwide to more than one hundred thousand subscribers.

Needless to say, this makes me very proud, looking back. At this point, I am living in the present and taking the next step! There is still more to do. There are places to go and people to see. I have NO IDEA of what lies ahead. I just keep taking the next step. (singing) “We’ve got a lot of livin’ to do. “

Now, a meme or two! My thanks to the original poster on Facebook.

Happy Holidays!

Best, Jay

TAKE A MOMENT: This “Green Thing”

Take a moment. To be honest, the French are pretty good about conservation and using less rather than more. But, back “home”, we members of the “Silent Generation” (born in the 1930’s) can identify. I don’t know who wrote it, but I really like what it has to say. So just take a moment aside from your busy day –

“Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.

The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, “We didn’t have this ‘green thing’ back in my earlier days.”

The young clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”

The older lady said that she was right our generation didn’t have the “green thing” in its day. The older lady went on to explain:

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. ((Note: I remember the green coca cola bottles as well as the milk bottles. Mother would leave out the empty milk bottles and the milkman would leave full ones. I lived in a “dry county” so no beer was available. Most families had one or two alcoholics in them, but it was hard liquor. Nothing “over the counter”. I had milk delivered in bottles, “Alta Dena”, after I moved to California (1968) for several years.)

But we didn’t have the “green thing” back in our day. Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn’t do the “green thing” back then. We walked up stairs because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn’t have the “green thing” in our day. (Yes, I remember. But, most of the time, we were handed out a used-book by the teacher. I was always glad when I got a good used-book. I never liked that brown paper cover. It came in after my time. And, when I got to college, I tried to buy “used books”. But, most of the time, they were new. Law School had great Used Books. Helped me get through some hard courses – note in the margins. Highlighting things to remember.)

Back then we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. (Note: I was so happy that I had a diaper service – cloth diapers always. And we had a dryer. Mother was so happy. The French hang clothes out. I do, too).

Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn’t have the “green thing” back in our day. (Mother made us dresses from the chicken-feed sacks which had pretty little flowers on them. I hated those dresses. But, we did not have a lot of money when I was really young. Daddy was just starting out. His financial success came later.)

Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. (We had a radio. I listened to Tom Mix, The Shadow, Fibber Mcgee and Molly, Jack Benny …..)

In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. (Mother had a beater with a wheel on top. You turn the wheel around, and two things on the bottom would mix it all together.)

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. (We saved old newspapers in a stack to wad up for numerous things.)

Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. (I loved pushing the lawn mower. Darrell made me stop when I got pregnant with Tracy because he was embarrassed that I was pregnant and pushing a lawn mower in the front yard. “What would the neighbors think?”)

We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she’s right; we didn’t have the “green thing” back then.” (Track meets and phys. ed. were always part of the school day. I always asked Mother if I could “play out”? That meant go outside to “play” kick-the-can” or “snakie-in-the gully or “Red Rover” or “Movie Star hopscotch or……).

– Author Unknown

This was a fun one to write. Not that I was ever “silent” in the “Silent Generation!!!”

Best, Jay

KEEP THE PONY!

“When things get tough, the tough get going.” (- Jesse Dickson Jewell (Daddy)) “With all this s_____ , there must be a pony here somewhere” (- Janet Tallulah Jewell (me)). “Is the glass half full or half empty?” (- I don’t remember). My family was big on metaphors/cliches/similes, especially Daddy and Mama Dorough (my grandmother). There are many others that come to mind, but the one I like is the one about the pony. “Cut the crap; Keep the Pony”. It has a certain ring to it. Reminds me of the following line from Coppola’s “The Godfather” – “Leave the gun, take the cannoli”. Well, not really. totally different! Hey, just go with it!

The Backstory: Steve, pure blooded Italian that he was, was always quoting lines from “The Godfather”. He was particularly fond of that line. So, when I looked up the backstory, this is what I found out. About 50 minutes into The Godfather, the scene begins with Mafia henchman Clemenza leaving his house and his wife shouting: “Don’t forget the cannoli”. Clemenza is played by the Bronx-born actor Richard S Castellano (“Richie”). Mafia henchmen Clemenza and Rocco get into a car with Paulie. They intend to kill him. Clemenza says that they are going to look for “mattresses” (safe houses) and directs Mafia henchman Paulie to drive to “309 West 43rd Street”. There follows a shot of the car driving in the countryside beyond New York. Clemenza asks to pull over to take “a leak”. Three shots are fired by Rocco into Paulie’s head. As Rocco gets out the car, Clemenza says: “Leave the gun – take the cannoli.” In later years, Coppola gave all credit to the actor: “Richie improvised the line,” he said. Neither the shooting script nor the novel mentions cannolis, but Coppola had his own childhood memories to draw this detail from: he remembered the specific white boxes that his father would bring home after work. That said, it was not Coppola who generated the line: Clemenza’s “Take the cannoli” line was an improvisation on the part of actor Richard Castellano, who portrayed him.

My improvisation with metaphors comes naturally to me as an actress, when I am not busy being something else (you-name-it! – writer, attorney, guest, friend, mother, expat, client, patient…… the labels go on and on). I just make it up as I go along. That’s when I remind myself, “KEEP THE PONY!” Huh? What?

Well-l-l-l-l-l, as I continue downsizing, I am coming across many items and patterns and fears and activities and people ….. that I want to keep and others that I want to “let go of”. And, at night, when I watch the news, I am finding it very hard to control my frustrations with the world these days. So, I have decided to try to fill my life with ponies. Just keep the Pony! Let go of the rest. That is when decision comes into the picture. And, the decisions I make depend upon my emotional temperature. And, when I take my emotional temperature, it is never the same. It fluctuates. But, often, a certain temperature keeps popping back up. And, BAM, that is when I take action. As Daddy would say, “Don’t talk about it! Take action!” “Do something, even if it is wrong!” “Do it, anyway!” And, on it goes. See what I mean? (sigh). Actually, saying to myself “Keep the Pony” works for just about everything – friends, family, events, goals, and a general streamlining of life itself – Only keep the Pony. For example, Missy is a Pony. My piano is a Pony. They both are keepers. Old magazines articles and pictures of me aren’t making the cut. Hey! It is working for me!

Meanwhile, I have leased and paid my security deposit on a small furnished Studio in Paris, starting February 1, 2020, in the 6e (Sixth Arrondissement). It is only for a year, but that will give me time to become acclimated to the City and to find a place that feels right for me. I LOVE the 6e, but it is expensive in that arrondissement. So, I will probably have to move and then move and then move. So, I must ONLY keep the Pony. And, the Pony will be the only thing that matters. The owner wants to move into the Studio, so she is waiting for a year to let me stay until I can look. I am very happy and appreciative. So, I need to “travel light”. That is when I ask myself, “Is this item a Pony?” And, that is the way I must work for the next two month. I still have December 2019 and January 2020 in Nice to downsize and I am now down to those items that I (up to now) thought I could not live without.

In the meantime, I got my 2020 Titre De Sejour (Identity card and “gold” to an expat).

and rode the new tram for the first time, yesterday.

And, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with a friend at a delicious restaurant in Old Town Bistro d’Antoine.

CCC4E3B3-2121-45F1-BE15-375EE9120A9F

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, on to Christmas – my favorite season!!! Stay tuned…….

BEST, JAY

MEMORIES REMAIN IN THE HEART

Some additional thoughts about downsizing. I have gotten some interesting comments about getting rid of things. But, moving will usually motivate people to get started. I just am a drastic case. I started with a lot, and I now have room physically for a little. Also, I don’t have anyone who wants my stuff but me. And I will always have my memories.

Selling only goes so far. One lady sold a purse. I have not even tried to sell clothes – sweaters, purses, shoes or other items. No, that is not true. I am trying to sell expensive NEW golf shoes (Steve and I were preparing to play a lot of golf) but no one wants them. I am now trying to sell his golf clubs but so far, no one wants them, either.

I am hoping that the Holidays will bring more buyers as people look for gifts for loved ones. I am now ready to let go of my nicer things – steak knives…

Mama Dorough’s Silverware. It is vintage silverplate.

Today, I posted 5 nice things. I have more to come. Somehow, getting rid of objects is easier for me than getting rid of old photographs of my parents and relatives and old photograph albums of everyone that I have EVER known. Haha. Somehow, it seems like it is proof that all of us actually existed. But, when I think about it, that doesn’t seem very healthy – mentally. So, I am still thinking about that one. My friend Susan posted a meme on Facebook this week that has me thinking.

Maybe that thought will help me throw out more old stuff – like old magazines, old newspaper articles, and such.

I now have four boxes of stuff – old birthday cards, old drawings by my kids when they were young, thousands of articles about Daddy, and such. I was always going to write a book about him. (sigh). I remember all of it. So, when I look at pictures or read an article, I realize that I am the only one who cares! And, and that thought, along with most of it, makes me cry. And crying makes my eyes puffy or gives me a headache. Haha.

Can I get the boxes down to three? Plus I have other boxes with saved stuff – all of Steve’s valuable N-Scale trains. Where am I going to put 8 boxes of stuff??? So, I am going to Paris with a damaged Steinway, 4 (hopefully 3) boxes of memories, photographs, and assorted stuff, two shelves of books!!!!!!!, a desk with computer/and printer, a work cart, 8 boxes of trains, a Panasonic Digital movie camera (that Steve used for depositions), Wayne Gretzky’s hockey stick, pots & pans, a lot of dish-ware & silverware, and a cat. Really, it is time to get a grip! (sigh.) Witness the photograph below – hanging on the wall. Wish me luck.

Best, Jay

NEW LIFE

This is one of those days when I have so many ideas for posts in my head that I don’t know where to start. The downsizing is taking on a life of its own and really a lot of fun. At first, I was just throwing things in the trash. I did that until I stopped because it wasn’t trash. Someone needed to have it. I know, I know. There are no Salvation Army and Good Will bins around here. There are places to “drop things off”, but you need a car to do that. OR, you need to be able to walk to the bin with a load of things.

SO, I started taking things down to the basement and leaving them by the building’s trash cans. In that way, someone unknown – in this big building with a lot of apartments – was getting something nice and unexpected. That made me feel good. Something I loved and still wanted was getting “new life” with someone else. And, the argument I gave myself, and am still giving myself, is “do you want to PAY to take this (whatever it is/was) to Paris?’ That argument would get me out the door and to the elevator to “-1”. Once I got back on the elevator and got back to my apartment, I would be fine.

This morning, I took down some office supplies (heavy-duty stapler and staples, hole -puncher, and other small things), a briefcase, a quilt and two pillows from Sarasota days, and some books I wanted. Haha. Whether I want it or not still enters the picture, but less and less as I count my pennies and know the size of the apartment and amount of storage in Paris. That helps me to “let go”.

PLUS, I have sold things on Facebook’s Market Place. That was scary at first, until I got the hang of it. Now, I am better at negotiating and dealing with the French. You would think that the people buying would be English-speaking. Most are French and so I am conversing in French. So far, so good. And, nice people have been buying my things. So far, I have made over 1,000 euros. That has helped me get to Paris, pay some bills, and given me a tad of a cushion during October and November (I got the left knee the gel shots – not covered by insurance).

I have all this silver from years of using on holidays when my children were young. Now, it takes up space and is very tarnished. My kids are long gone and don’t want silver goblets or silver-plated trays, bowls, gravy bowls, compotes, etc. So, I checked to see what was sterling, if anything. I am keeping that – tarnished as it is, and giving away the rest. I am not going to polish it and maybe some of the people in this building will be thrilled to have it. Imagine! Leaving tarnished silver-plated serving dishes by the trash bins. Someone ALWAYS takes it because I have checked. For some reason, that makes me happy.

When I first started posting items on Marketplace, I overpriced them until I realized that my things were special ONLY to me and not worth much of anything. That realization changed my pricing. I began to let things go “on the cheap” because I would not want to pay to take them to Paris, nor did I want to take the item downstairs to the trash room (even though that is my backup plan). I am NOT paying a mover to move things to a Paris studio without storage.

Often, I look items up on the internet to help with pricing. I was planning to sell a Delft vase that I bought at the Delft Factory in Holland for Mama Dorough in 1957. I gave it to her, and when she died, I got it back in her estate sale. When I discovered that it is the classic bird vase and is worth approximately $750, I decided to keep it. Haha. – unless I change my mind. This is the one for sale on the internet. The second one is mine from my purchase in 1957.

I also have a vase that is worth money (approximately, $200) because it is antique hand-painted flowers made in Italy. I am keeping that – unless I change my mind.

I am using my good Lenox china and Old Master silver. I feed Missy cat food on a Lenox gold rim saucer. Haha. Why not?

Finally, a word about Artworks and the Steinway piano (a future post of its own.) The piano goes!!!! No comment. As for the Artworks, Steve and I brought too much from the U.S. It cost a LOT. I know. My fault. AND, most of it was/is mine, paintings that I have had for many years.

I am finally letting a lot of it go, selling framed paintings and framed photographs. I am taking a few of my favorites to Paris. One French young man drove from Cannes with his Designer girlfriend to buy five of my favorites for his rentals and his home. His hobby – sailing. I was planning to take three of them to Paris, but the man wanted them and was excited to get them. I let them go. These paintings will have a “new life”. Hopefully, I will have a “new life”. AND, best of all, a lot of people will see and enjoy them. That made me excited, too, as I watched him take them to his car. Below are the paintings he chose, all painted by friends from my past, except for the sail boats – that was Steve’s love.

Ok, some appropriate memes and a cartoon or two.

Best, Jay

PARIS WEEK – the Movie

PARIS WEEK

Paris Week! Yes, I went to Paris on the train for six nights and seven days (two travel days). On Monday, October 21, 2019, I got on the TGV High Speed Train to Paris at Gare Nice Ville. My tickets were First Class because I wanted all the bells and whistles that First Class provided. I am not an experienced traveller AT ALL, much less in Europe. So, I was very nervous about all of it. Actually, I felt something akin to terror!! Haha! And, somehow, I got six days of clothes in a tiny overnight bag. Needless to say, I had nothing except black jeans and black t-shirts (plus black jacket, dark scarf, tiny purse, and Asics on my feet.) WOW! Amazing. I felt I looked terrible, but I didn’t care. I also had my cane for safety.

At some point, I relaxed. People were wonderful, helping me right and left. So, now, rather than give you a day by day itinerary, I will cut to the chase. I wanted a change and to see if I could live in Paris. I had been thinking about moving but I did not know much of anything about Paris. Visiting there and living there are very different. I knew that I needed to get better at living my life (since Steve’s death 3 years ago). Would Paris work? A friend helped me afford the trip. So, I went.

I did not push myself. I wandered through most days and ate two meals out every day – Table for One. I stayed in the 14th Arrondissement in a comfortable AirBnb Studio for One. I walked most places. Otherwise, I called Uber. Or I took a taxi. I did not want to get on a bus or do the steps at the Metro. I went to the grocery store, the Jardin de Luxembourg, to a pharmacie, to a small market, to meet friends (new friends), to the Shakespeare Book Store. It was all on the left bank. I like it best for me. Lots of reasons why – for another day.

I had two appointments (for apartments to rent) set up, but one rented before I got there and the other did not work for me. But, long story short – while I was there, my priorities shifted. I came alive. I had energy. I felt excited. I made lists. The “old me” returned. I remember how I felt when I passed the California Bar Exam and moved back to LA. I felt young and alive and excited about the future. No matter that I was 62, I felt 32! I cried a LOT while I was there, but I was SOOOO happy that I felt alive again. I KNEW it was for me.

But, how? How would I get there? My left knee hurt. My back hurt. I had problems with my Dossier for landlords. I got tired easily. I knew some people but who could I get to help me? And why would they help me? I was just an old woman who needed help.

Guess what !!!!!! They did. Everyone I met helped me. People went out of their way to help me. The taxi driver when I arrived at the train station, helped me open the large front door with a special code to the building. People were wonderful. And, the best news of all, my friend from Nice – Margaret Keith, from Selma, Alabama – who mainly lives in Paris (48 years) and owns property in Paris and Nice, said I can rent one of her apartments in the Sixth Arrondissement – a small studio in a great area. Actually, she was planning to move into it herself, but she said I can rent it for a year to help me “get in town” and find a place that works for me. HELLO!!!! I am truly blessed. I will be moving February 1, 2020, if all goes as planned, because there are tenants in it until January 20, students at the Sorbonne!

All of this still makes me cry a lot. I am happy, sad, and exhausted from all of the emotion involved. Now, I have three months to downsize, make changes, and plan for the next chapter. First thing I did when I returned last Sunday, was to see a knee doctor and get the gel shots for the left knee. I need the shots to help me get to Paris.

Yes, there are a lot of problems involved. Yes, I will need new doctors, dentist, pharmacie, supermarkets, stores. Yes, the weather is cold and rainy. Yes, there are a lot of tourists. Yes, there is a lot of traffic. Yes, there are pickpockets. Yes, it is necessary to watch out!! Ok. I am up to the task! I feel ALIVE!!! I am no longer depressed and “waiting to die”. Plus, I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck!! I lived in LA for 48 years!!!

There are pictures and lots more to this story, but that is enough for now. I made a movie, but I don’t think my readers watch them. Maybe I will post it in a separate Post – just the movie. But, this post lets you know that my Paris Week was a smash hit in all of its simplicity. My mantra is “simplify”. And, that is what I am doing – like it or not. And that is what I will do – simplify. Yes, I am simplifying. That is what one does when one is 82 and moving to Paris, France. Who knows what the future holds? But, that is the Plan, anyway. Stay tuned. …….

Best, Jay

DOWNSIZING -26 YEARS IN THE MAKING!

Since 1993 ((age 56), I have been continually downsizing. Lots of years spent accumulating. Now, it is the other way around. I have a lot of people ask me how I am doing it because they know the big houses I have had and lots of furniture and “stuff”. Plus, I saved everything “in case I would need it one day”. Well, that day never came. And, it is not over yet. And I want to tell you, it feels great.

I moved over 30 times in my life, taking a lot of “stuff” from house to house and accumulating more “stuff” along the way. For years, I did “fixers”, making enough money to support myself and my children. And, I thought of it as “props” to make each house pretty. But, moving stuff around is expensive. And, having closets and garages full of stuff takes up space that I needed for current activities. And, beautiful clothes did not get worn – and got wrinkled in a crowded closet.

I made the turn-around in 1993 when I moved from Muskingum Avenue in Pacific Palisades to a 2-bedroom small apartment on Oakhurst Drive in Beverly Hills. I remember feeling a sense of panic. I had to decide what was important to me. EVERYTHING. Well, there was not room for everything. So, I moved what I could into the apartment, stuffed clothes into small closets and started making trips to the trash. That was easier than driving to Santa Monica to the Salvation Army. Plus, once I made the turn-around from the trash cans to go back into the apartment, I did not have to see it anymore. And, I never went back to take things out of the trash – not that I did not want to a lot of times.

The next move was from Beverly Hills to Murica Aisle in Irvine, CA. I rented a condo to use while I was going to Whittier Law School. That was an even smaller space. So, I used the garage to store stuff and kept the car in a parking space. Dumb. When the weather started getting bad, I wanted to keep the car in the garage but there was not room. Haha. Even dumber. So, I started giving things away. I gave a lot of things to Craig and Jean. Blake took a few. He did not want my stuff. Trascey was already divorcing herself from the family at that point. So, she wanted nothing. I was in that condo until I moved back to LA to practice law and at some point, the car moved into the garage. Still LOTS of things in the condo. I was there for 4 ½ years.

When I decided to move back to LA, I moved into a tiny 2-bedroom apartment on Barrington Avenue in Brentwood. There was one small storage bin in the carport for me to use. So, I rented a large storage space in Westwood on Sepulveda, near Sports Club LA. The rent was high – $75 a month – to store some furniture that I HAD to keep and skiis and lots of boxes of “important” stuff. That is when Steve moved in with me into that tiny apartment in Brentwood. Haha. He had a few boxes of things (he did not have problems walking away from things – long story there). That is when we bought a condo in Westwood and Sarasota, Florida, and got married. We were there 4 years.

When the bottom fell out of the real estate market in 2009, we moved into a smaller apartment in Westwood and walked away from both condos. In 2013, we moved into a cheaper apartment in Encino,CA. Each time, Steve and I moved the stuff, most of it was mine. And, my Steinway piano (that I had since I was 12) was making each of these moves.

That is when Steve and I decided to move to the South of France. The moving expenses were high. So, Steve sold most of our furniture on Craig’s List. We took loads to the Salvation Army on Ventura, and STILL sent a lot of art, china, silver, pots & pans to France. PLUS, the Steinway piano. (sigh). Most of it mine. We moved into a 3-bedroom apartment on Cimiez and LOVED it. Somehow, all of our stuff fit. We were very happy there and felt we had made the right choice even though it was very expensive. Then, in a flash, he got sick and died (he had heart problems in the States – neither one of us considered them to be show-stoppers).

I had to move down – down the hill, down in size, down in income, down, down, down. Reality check after reality check. So, I started getting rid of things. I realized that I had stuff that nobody would ever want. Even if they wanted it, they would not pay to have it sent back to the U.S. And, I could die at a moment’s notice, like Steve, and in that case, my landlord would just want all of my stuff out so that he could rent the apartment again.

By this time, in 2017, I wanted everything that I had. I had given away the rest because I did not want to go through the agony for selling stuff to “foreigners” who spoke another language I could not understand. Haha. I WAS THE FOREIGNER WHO SPOKE ANOTHER LANGUAGE! Plus, I wanted all of it.

Well, I had and continue to have to find a way to let go of things I wanted/want. That is where I find myself right now. I am throwing away, giving away, and selling things I want but seldom use because of a variety of reasons – different lifestyle, different choices, different desires. And, now I want to move to expensive Paris. I want to live there before I die. It is important to me for several major reasons. So, I had better get going. I have no time to waste. And, I will never use a lot of this stuff. The boys don’t want any of it. And Trascey doesn’t want anything to do with any of us. Sad. Yes, I know, but true. And my landlord will just want it gone so he can re-rent the apartment.

Yesterday, I sold Steve’s favorite frying pan. He always used that to make delicious meat balls. I thought of it as a wonderful frying pan to make people happy. It made Steve and me happy. Now, it would make another woman happy. I hope. She made me happy. The woman who picked it up was lovely and told me I was very pretty. Imagine! That made my day!!! I don’t feel so pretty these days.

Tomorrow morning, I get on a high-speed train and go to Paris for a week (AirBnb), thanks to my lifelong friend, Jenny Hager. I need to be sure moving to Paris is what I want to do. And, I cannot afford a big apartment on my retirement income. So, lots of decisions ahead of me. I cannot take it all. What matters to me at this age? I don’t know yet. I know this, I LOVE using what I have without wanting more. I am still working on that one. Haha. I think a lot of things weighs you down. I feel lighter and younger. That works for me !

I will take pictures and try to keep you somewhat posted. Lots to think about. I am excited! Stay tuned…….

Best, JAY

RED LETTER DAYS

I keep taking a step at a time and scaring myself each time. Haha! This week has been a “doozy” (Family expression), saying to myself, “Well, when Isis attacks Paris after the Battle of Normandy, I hope I am not shopping at Chanel that day!” I keep thinking that cooler heads will prevail. NOT. A “friend” said to me two years ago, “Give him a chance.” NO. On an international news interview, one Trump supporter said, “Oh, that’s just Trump being Trump. His sense of humor.” This is a non-commentary cartoon, in answer,

AND, it’s Halloween! Where is my cellphone ?

Meanwhile, in another part of the forest – while Saddleback Ridge burns down, I am burying the lead- as Steve would say.

The Mini Cooper (2005/2015 – 2019)

On October 9, 2015, my Steve and I, along with our new “best friends” who helped us do everything, Slav and Andrea, went car shopping. Steve and Slav are car experts. So, is Andrea, sort of. I went along for the ride. The backstory is this:

In LA, Steve drove a BMW Z4, and I had a 2007 BMW convertible. We sold both of them to help finance our move to France on October 1, 2015. Shortly after our arrival, Slav found a 2005 Mini Cooper on a used car lot near Nice, and Steve wanted to get it. 75,000 (46,000+ miles) kilometers on it. We LOVED it and bought it, driving it home that day.

During the 11 months before Steve died, we took a lot of road trips, planning one exploratory weekend after another. When he died in August 2016 , our next trip was to be in October 2016 to Portofino, Italy. These are pictures taken during a trip to Villefrance sur Mer and St. Tropez.

Since that time, I have not put a lot of miles on the Mini. It currently has 78,000 kilometers (48,000 miles). And, on Thursday, I turned over the keys for Slav to sell because I no longer have a Drivers License. My California license expired on my birthday this year (March 30, 2019) and I need to get my French license. I tried to take the Code de la Route Test before my second knee replacement operation but had difficulty with paperwork. Since that time, I have made the decision to move to PARIS. I don’t need or want a car in Paris. So, ……. on October 10, 2019, I said goodbye to the Mini.

Will I ever have a license again? Maybe. I don’t know. The buses and trains in France are excellent, so we will see how it goes.

Needless to say, October 9, 2015 ,and October 10, 2019, are RED LETTER DAYS! Milestones in MY lifetime. But, this meme says it all for me as I face tomorrow, today.

BEST, JAY

THROUGH MY EYES …..

Those who know me know that I am not afraid of change. And, of late, I have been craving change of location – namely Paris. So as I begin the process of tackling all the matters that must be handled prior to a move, I found this post on Facebook. It makes sense to me – biased as I am!!! Especially since I have no one to oppose me but the cat!!! So, today, because I am dizzy from all of the conversations that are filling my head throughout the day and night, I will give you something to ponder (other than what I think about something). Haha. Women will probably agree with a lot of the things that the writer suggests (Another biased woman? … even though Coughlin is a man.) Men, on the other hand, will continue to make their choices about the best ways a woman can use her time and body. Just sayin……. “I love you [anyway], Chipper!”

This article was originally published on “Today Health & Wellness”. By Agnes Pawlowski

“If you’re a woman with a bit of life experience, you already know you’re the boss. You’re more likely to drive health care decisions in your family, control household spending, care for millennials and elders, start a business and initiate a divorce. You have the longevity advantage over men.

In other words, you rule.

But does the world know it? Older women can sometimes feel like they’re invisible to workplaces and businesses, but they’re actually the trailblazers others should be watching, says Joseph F. Coughlin, director of the AgeLab at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and author of the new book, “The Longevity Economy: Unlocking the World’s Fastest-Growing, Most Misunderstood Market.” As people get older, the future is female, he argues, with women better prepared for life after middle age than their male peers. “One of the greatest under-appreciated sources of innovation and new business may in fact be women over 50 with new ideas, lots of life ahead of them and with the verve to get it done,” Coughlin told TODAY.

He explained why older women will rule the world, why the future is female:

Coughlin: Women do more. They have more education than at any time in history. They’re likely to live longer. A woman is the researcher of the house. Women are far more likely to go online not just to do research for themselves, but be the go-to researcher for millennials, who identify their middle-aged mothers as their best friend.

She is the caregiver-in-chief. Women are caring for more parents than they had ever planned — their parents as well as their in-laws. Getting to 100 is so common now that we see birthday cards in the drugstore for centenarians. There may be three or four generations under the care of one matriarch.

A woman is the chief consumer officer of the house. She’s the one who knows what groceries are bought, what bills are being paid, how that house actually works. The majority of car purchases are directly influenced or done by women. If they’re luxury cars, the numbers go up even more. Home improvement is directed by the woman. Probably most striking is that 80-90 cents on the dollar of every healthcare decision is made by a woman.

Because of all these factors, she is likely to be the person who is closest to understanding what the new jobs and the opportunities of living longer, better are going to be.

Older women are driving relationships:

Coughlin: The number one divorce rate in the country is among the 50-plus, mostly initiated by the woman. When we talk to men about what they think retirement is going to be, it’s almost celebratory: If they’ve saved their money, they see it as a time to play golf, take that trip, buy that new car. And they often talk about spending time with their wives.

I can’t tell you how many women have told me, ‘I don’t know who this man is on my couch but I wish he would just go and get a job. I have routines, I have things to do and he’s always there and he’s always asking me what to do next.’

I think men, particularly those of us over 50, need to up our game. We really have to take a lesson from women that life is more than work; that we need to develop new interests and keep that romance going.

The relationship began decades earlier based upon what you brought to the table and what you created together. Suddenly in older age, men get so caught into a routine — partly because of our employment and lifestyle — that they forget that they need to continue to be exciting and delighting.

Older women are changing the workplace: Coughlin: The new women’s movement is entrepreneurship. When you’re young, you’re willing to join a large corporation and put up with the bureaucracy.

You do not have the patience to put up with that later on. [Right on!!] By the time you’re 40, 50 or 60, chances are you’ve raised a family, managed a home, you’ve got an education, and you have already done your corporate gig. [Note – That is when I went to Law School]

What we’re starting to see is that older women may be hitting a wall in many major corporations, and that is the corporations’ loss. They are becoming engines of innovation in their own right by starting consulting companies, new stores and online sites. Coughlin: Save money. Try to amass as many resources as possible. [Move to Paris!!!]

Take a cue from your mother’s generation and recognize social connections are as important as your financial wellbeing. Maintain that network of support — not just of people who can do something for you, but something that gives you meaning to life and engagement over the long term. Ask yourself: What are the little things that make you smile every day? Do you have access to them? Can you afford them? [Oops.] More importantly, can you identify them? Things that will give you quality of life over 100 years, not just the ability to live 100 years.” [Welllll, the ability helps – and the genes….]

By Agnes Pawlowski (originally published on “Today Health & Wellness”)

OK, I will admit, I want to live to be 111, like Mama Dorough. I am STILL trying to afford myself and move to Paris. (sigh) Stay tuned…….

Best, Jay

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: