JAYSPEAK

THIS IS MY WORLD AND WELCOME TO IT – AGAIN!!!

In my Universal Bubble here, I am into my third week of recovery at La Serena Convalescence Center here in Nice, France, after my second knee replacement surgery, on June 27, 2019. A bit of background to connect the dots (Remember Connecting the dots when you were a child?) I had a knee replacement on September 27, 2018, because I had lost most of the cartilage in my right knee and was having difficulty walking, especially going up and down steps. (My left knee also has problems, but it is better than my right.) My general practitioner referred me to Dr. Olivier Castillo, telling me he was an excellent Orthopaedic Surgeon. I liked Dr. Castillo and got the shots in both knees in January 2017 and 2018. It helped but I still had problems. So, I made the decision to have the knee replacement surgery in September 2018, which I did. It was very expensive for me.

Nothing seemed to be going right. Lots of pain and limping. My right knee turned out and my right leg seemed shorter than my left. It got worse. Well-meaning friends would scold me for limping and encourage me to walk more. Every time I saw Dr. Castillo, I complained about the limp and the pain. And, he would scold me for not walking more and tell me to drop the cane and walk at least 40 minutes EVERY day. He would test my ability to flex my knee. I had excellent flexibility. He would exclaim, “SUPER”. Dictate something in French into his computer, and tell me to come back in a month and charge me. 55 euros for the visit. Needless to say, I was discouraged. I could not walk without a cane. And, I had a limp and lots of pain.

Before my six month checkup, I had to get X-rays. When, I got them, I was shocked to see that I was right – the knees had very different numbers. No wonder I had a limp. I showed the x-rays to friends and ALL of them encouraged me to get a second opinion. I decided to see Dr. Castillo for my six-month checkup in March 2019 before doing so (getting a second opinion), and he looked at my x-rays. I told him I could not walk without a cane and had a lot of pain. He asked me to flex. I could flex. No problem. I just could NOT walk. That is when Dr. Castillo made a choice. To address the problem or to sweep it under the table. In my opinion, he made the wrong choice. He swept it under the table by ignoring it as a problem. He exclaimed, “SUPER!” Told me to take something for my pain and that he would see me in six months.

I left his office, made an appointment to see my general practitioner, got a referral to see Dr. Alain Mandrino, an expert’s expert, (the referral is a requirement in France for it to be covered by the French Medical Plan), made an appointment with Dr. Mandrino for late April 2019. He did not have an opening for almost 4 weeks. When I finally saw him, he looked at the same x-rays that Dr. Castillo had seen. He got a measuring instrument of some sort. Wrote down something and turned to me. He said words to the effect, “your knees are 13 degrees off. The prothesis is incorrect for a woman of your age and is doing damage to your leg every time you walk on it. It must be replaced as soon as possible. ” I set a date for late June (June 27) because my son and daughter-in-law were coming to Nice in June. I wanted to be able to get around while they were here.

Craig and Jean came in June. I was able to do a few things with them. And, I had a two-hour surgery on June 27, with Dr. Mandrino. He repaired and replaced my right knee Prothesis. After the surgery, he explained to me what had happened and showed me the x-rays taken by the Hospital just before the surgery. So, I had before and after x-rays. There it was! Clear as a bell. The wrong prothesis had pushed bone out of place, turned my leg to the right, and was damaging my entire body as I tried to compensate in order to move. It would not fix itself. It would get worse over time. I WAS PERMANENTLY LAME. I am still trying to process this unfortunate happenstance of events.

All of this has been very expensive. I do not have this kind of money. And, as an attorney, my first thought has been to sue. But, French law is completely unknown to me. So, I will give this time and attention after I get better and try to figure out finances. Do French attorneys do work on a contingency? I hope so. And, as Paul Harvey would say, “And now, you know the rest of the story!!” (Remember Paul Harvey? Am I dating myself? So?)

I cannot say enough good things about La Serena Convalescence Center. This is my second time here. I don’t know what happened, but last time, it was terrible. Now, it is terrific. It could be that I have changed, but it also seems like the Center has made improvements. I was here in October 2018, and I was miserable. the staff was unpleasant, and the food was terrible. I did not like my surgeon or my therapist. I had daily disputes with many of the nurses and a run-in with the head nurse. One thing- the Room with a View was great. Other than that, I would rate it C- .

This time, I rate it A+ . The Room with a View is still great (different room). The staff is friendly; the room is air-conditioned with a patio and a view, AND the food is excellent. Frankly, I think they have a new director, new Staff doctors and a different dietician. Now, granted, it could be that I have changed and have become more “French” so I have different expectations. But, I think it is more than that. Plus, last time, I did not like my surgeon. This time, I have a different surgeon. Last time, I did not like my physical therapist – arrogant man with an attitude. Ugh. This time, I like my therapist. She seems to know what she is doing. So, a lot depends on the luck of the draw. Or, maybe it is the respect for the referring surgeon – his office makes all of the reservations for their patients. Ugh. Talk about lack of control. Doctors have a lot of power in France. Maybe they have a lot of power in the U.S. But, here, it seems different. In the States, I have a better feel for things. I am in a learning curve, here. Slowly but surely.

Now, the decision is when to go home. Sooner or later. I will probably go home sooner because I want to. The better decision would be to go home later. Do more therapy. Walk more here. Let the excellent staff tend to me. As I said, I will probably go home sooner because I want to. After that, I am on my own. No medicine. No one to clean my room, no excellent therapy, no room visits by doctors and nurses. No one to take my blood pressure or temperature. No three hot excellent meals a day. Am I crazy? Well, maybe not crazy, but a tad head-strong. I miss Missy.

I miss my patio and my refrigerator. I don’t miss the heat and grocery shopping. But, all that said, I will probably go home as soon as the stitches are out. Why? Because I want to. And once I get home, I will try to remember how to walk – again!! Without a cane. At least, 40 minutes every day!! Find a good therapist. Or use the one I used before. I sort of like her. Not great. Not terrible. She could not help me. My problem before, as it was, was not fixable as it was. It is now fixed!! My legs match!! I can walk (slowly) without a cane!!

So, now on to what is next. First, lots of patience working with myself and relearning how to do the basics – walk, go out at night, go up and down steps, wear sandals, grocery shop. We are reinventing the wheel here. Going full circle. Then, once I can do basics (hopefully, six months or so), focus on moving to Paris. That is where I always wanted to be, since Day 1. Now, everyone here (in Nice), says, “Why Paris? The weather is terrible; the city has changed; you will be sorry.

Well, when I moved to Los Angeles from Gainesville, Georgia, I did not love Los Angeles. The weather was/is nice but far from perfect. The city was a mess with lots of smog (1968). The country was a mess, what with the flower children, drugs, and the Viet Nam War. I did not go there because I “liked” it. I went there because it had what I needed – I needed to get my PhD in Theatre History and I had been accepted by UCLA graduate school (one of the few graduate schools in the U.S. that had a PhD in Drama (Theatre History)) at that time. And, I held a teaching position in a branch of the University of Georgia that was a PhD position. I had to have a Ph.D. Also, I had secret aspirations of becoming an actress in professional film and television. I could either go to Los Angeles or New York. Mother did not want me moving her grandchildren to New York. It wasn’t “safe” there. As if Los Angeles were safe. Haha. NOT!! So, I moved to Los Angeles.

Why Paris? … because it has what I need. I LOVE Nice. Nice was Steve’s love. Paris has always been mine. Let’s face it. I am in the final years of my life. I cannot waste time. I still want to see, to learn, to meet people, to explore. I NEED to engage in life more before I engage in death. Steve’s unexpected death knocked the wind out of my sails. That, and two knee surgeries because of incompetence. But, it has now been four years, three years since his death. That is long enough to be in a rut. Time to make hay while the sun shines. Or something like that. I and my “mixed metaphors”. As Daddy would say, “Rough seas make good sailors.” So, while we are reinventing the wheel and going full circle here, except for unforeseen circumstances, Paris is next!!! For better or for worse. Stay tuned……

P.S. I have more pictures that I have tried to upload, but something is going on with WordPress. It won’t accept the uploads. (sigh)

BEST, JAY

Writer’s Quote Wednesday: Dorothy Thompson

This a re-blog from a post by my niece, Deb Prince Kroll. I like it and now I share it with you. Deb’s blog is http://www.unexpectedincommonhours.wordpress.com

Unexpected in common hours

American journalist and news broadcaster Dorothy Thompson (July 9, 1893 – January 30, 1961) was one of the most respected women of her time. The first woman to head a foreign news bureau of any importance, she met and interviewed Adolf Hitler in 1931, and three years later became the first journalist to be expelled from Nazi Germany. Featured on the cover of Time magazine in 1939, Thompson was declared to be, along with Eleanor Roosevelt, one of the most influential women in the U.S. In addition to writing for several publications and broadcasting for NBC radio, she authored over 20 books.

“No people ever recognize their dictator in advance. He never stands for election on the platform of dictatorship. He always represents himself as the instrument [of] the Incorporated National Will. … When our dictator turns up you can depend on it that he will be one of the…

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ANTHONY BOURDAIN (1956 – 2018)

I came upon this article in a unusual way – by way of Facebook, in the middle of the night, unable to sleep in an uncomfortable bed at my Convalescence Center after my second knee surgery on June 27th. (The Universe is teaching me the art of patience AGAIN and AGAIN! Patience is not my strong suit!!) Anthony Bourdain’s thoughts about travel. Actually, I was not familiar with Bourdain prior to his death. I have subsequently come to know him through his work and the world’s admiration of this man. Why did he want to die? Such an extraordinary man! What happened that caused him so much despair? That thought plagues me often. Anyway, I saved this post because I think it is something to share.

This was written by MAYA KACHROO-LEVINE for the online version of Travel and Leisure.

“I have printed out copy of Anthony Bourdain’s first New Yorker article, “Don’t Eat Before Reading This”, in my desk drawer. Sometimes I forget it’s there, and sometimes it gets crushed by external hard drives, travel brochures, or extraneous chords. But every so often, when I’m sick of working, I’ll clean out my desk and start reading the crumpled pages. And almost instantly, I am thrown by the way Bourdain sculpts sentences, by his matter-of-fact humor, and by how timeless his words are. Bourdain’s work hooks me instantly, and offers answers to questions I didn’t even know I had.

Much of Anthony Bourdain’s writing advocates for experiencing culture through food, and exploring the lesser-known sights of new cities. And those ideas have helped informed how I travel. Whether you’re a fan of his written work and are searching for “Kitchen Confidential” quotes, or you’re more partial to watching Parts Unknown, there’s a piece of his wisdom to suit every appetite. These 52 Anthony Bourdain quotes about life will broaden your travel horizons and inspire you on your next journey.

“It seems that the more places I see and experience, the bigger I realize the world to be. The more I become aware of, the more I realize how relatively little I know of it, how many places I have still to go, how much more there is to learn.”

“Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life — and travel — leaves marks on you.”

“The journey is part of the experience — an expression of the seriousness of one’s intent. One doesn’t take the A train to Mecca.”

“If you’re twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you to travel – as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on floors if you have to. Find out how other people live and eat and cook. Learn from them — wherever you go.”

“If I’m an advocate for anything, it’s to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. The extent to which you can walk in someone else’s shoes or at least eat their food, it’s a plus for everybody. Open your mind, get up off the couch, move.”

“Travel is about the gorgeous feeling of teetering in the unknown.”

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”

“It’s an irritating reality that many places and events defy description. Angkor Wat and Machu Picchu, for instance, seem to demand silence, like a love affair you can never talk about. For a while after, you fumble for words, trying vainly to assemble a private narrative, an explanation, a comfortable way to frame where you’ve been and what’s happened. In the end, you’re just happy you were there — with your eyes open — and lived to see it.”

“I’m a big believer in winging it. I’m a big believer that you’re never going to find perfect city travel experience or the perfect meal without a constant willingness to experience a bad one. Letting the happy accident happen is what a lot of vacation itineraries miss, I think, and I’m always trying to push people to allow those things to happen rather than stick to some rigid itinerary.”

“Do we really want to travel in hermetically sealed popemobiles through the rural provinces of France, Mexico and the Far East, eating only in Hard Rock Cafes and McDonald’s? Or do we want to eat without fear, tearing into the local stew, the humble taqueria’s mystery meat, the sincerely offered gift of a lightly grilled fish head?”

“Drink heavily with locals whenever possible.”

“Nothing unexpected or wonderful is likely to happen if you have an itinerary in Paris filled with the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower.”

“Plans should be ephemeral, so be prepared to move away from them.”

“You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together.”

“Barbecue may not be the road to world peace, but it’s a start.”

“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”

“I, personally, think there is a real danger of taking food too seriously. Food should be part of the bigger picture.”

“I think food, culture, people and landscape are all absolutely inseparable.”

“The mishandling of food and equipment with panache was always admired; to some extent, this remains true to this day.”

“I learned a long time ago that trying to micromanage the perfect vacation is always a disaster. That leads to terrible times.”

“I’ve long believed that good food, good eating, is all about risk. Whether we’re talking about unpasteurized Stilton, raw oysters or working for organized crime ‘associates,’ food, for me, has always been an adventure”

“Good food is very often, even most often, simple food.”

“An egg in anything makes it better.”

“But I do think the idea that basic cooking skills are a virtue, that the ability to feed yourself and a few others with proficiency should be taught to every young man and woman as a fundamental skill, should become as vital to growing up as learning to wipe one’s own ass, cross the street by oneself, or be trusted with money.”

“The way you make an omelet reveals your character.”

“An ounce of sauce covers a multitude of sins.”

“And now to sleep, to dream. . . perchance to fart.”

“Food is everything we are. It’s an extension of nationalist feeling, ethnic feeling, your personal history, your province, your region, your tribe, your grandma. It’s inseparable from those from the get-go.”

“Meals make the society, hold the fabric together in lots of ways that were charming and interesting and intoxicating to me. The perfect meal, or the best meals, occur in a context that frequently has very little to do with the food itself.”

“For me, the cooking life has been a long love affair, with moments both sublime and ridiculous.”

“You have to be romantic to invest yourself, your money, and your time in cheese.”

“Generally speaking, the good stuff comes in on Tuesday: the seafood is fresh, the supply of prepared food is new, and the chef, presumably, is relaxed after his day off.”

“You can dress brunch up with all the focaccia, smoked salmon, and caviar in the world, but it’s still breakfast.”

“I am not afraid to look like an idiot.”

“There is no Final Resting Place of the Mind.”

“I’m through being cool. Or, more accurately, I’m through entertaining the notion that anybody could even consider the possibility of coolness emanating from or residing anywhere near me.”

“Skills can be taught. Character you either have or you don’t have.”

“Luck is not a business model.”

“But I’m simply not going to deceive anybody about the life as I’ve seen it. It’s all here: the good, the bad and the ugly.”

“I don’t have to agree with you to like you or respect you.”

“If you’re a writer, particularly if you’re a writer or a storyteller of any kind, there is something already kind of monstrously wrong with you.”

“If I believe in anything, it is doubt. The root cause of all life’s problems is looking for a simple f—ing answer.”

“Perhaps wisdom. . . is realizing how small I am, and unwise, and how far I have yet to go.”

“Without new ideas, success can become stale.”

“What are our expectations? Which of the things we desire are within reach? If not now, when? And will there be some left for me?”

“Give the people you work with or deal with or have relationships with the respect to show up at the time you said you were going to. And by that I mean, every day, always and forever. Always be on time.”

“I have a tattoo on my arm, that says, in ancient Greek, ‘I am certain of nothing.’ I think that’s a good operating principle. ‘ ”

Anthony Bourdain
Discovery Channel/Kobal/REX/Shutterstock
Anthony Bourdain Quotes about Life

BY MAYA KACHROO-LEVINE , TRAVELANDLEISURE.COM

JUNE 25, 2019

Best, Jay

THE SIXTH OF JULY! CARTOONS & NO COMMENTARY!!

BACK WHEN (1978) when I was having a love affair with the theatre and acting, I saw a play at the Mark Taper Forum in Los Angeles. It made a lasting impression on me. I thought about it a lot yesterday. Actually, ever since then, I think of it every fifth of July – the day after the Fourth! Fifth of July is a 1978 play by Lanford Wilson. Set in rural Missouri in 1977, it revolves around the Talley family and their friends, and focuses on the disillusionment in the wake of the Vietnam War. It premiered on Broadway in 1980 and was later produced as a made-for-television movie. The play is part of the Talley Trilogy, a series of Wilson plays revolving around the Talley family of Lebanon, Missouri. The other plays, both set on July 4, 1944, are Talley’s Folly, a one-act dialogue between Sally Talley and her husband-to-be, Matthew Friedman, and Talley & Son, the story of a power struggle between Sally’s father and grandfather. Ah, I love theater and theater people. Through art, always trying to make the world a better place!!!

Today, it is the sixth of July!! I hesitate to write this blog because – what with 7.1 earthquakes, U.S. tanks, airports in the Revolutionary War, a Seaview, hot dogs, and baseball, I feel guilty sitting in a bubble in a convalescence center here in Nice, being waited on by doctors and nurses “hand and foot”. I really am at a loss for words. Well, not really. I am NEVER at a loss of words. Many times, I feel it is better to keep my mouth shut, because —- well, because there is a limit to what I can do and I am an expat. So, I am posting things that make commentary with little to NO COMMENTARY from me. Many times, that is the most effective way to say what is in my heart.

Best, Jay

UPDATE – WONDERFUL MOMENTS aka MIRACLES! -“SIX DAYS IN JUNE, 2019”

YES!! Six wonderful days in June!! I loved every moment. The arrival, the family dinners, and the farewell. Those moments were precious to me. Just knowing they were down the street was comforting to me. Getting to hug them both. Seeing their happy faces in the pictures they were posting for friends back home. It all made me very happy and gave me memories that I will keep in my heart forever. The back story is long and arduous. More than I will write in this blog. But, to see my son at age 58, a successful business man, coming across the street with his beautiful wife Jean and a big suitcase made my heart leap with joy.

I did not know how they would like Nice or France or French ways of doing things. No problems at all. They explored, met people, traveled on the train to Monaco, and maximized every moment.

AND, they walked everywhere (except for the train to Monaco), ate when they got hungry and swam (in the Sea) when they felt like it!

When you live here like I do (almost four years), it is quite different. My lifestyle has settled down to a routine. But, Steve and I explored like that when we arrived. And, I think they had fun and will, hopefully, have good memories. I know they were glad to go home. Haha. They were exhausted from all that exercise. But, nothing slowed them down. (By the way, I cannot take credit for ANY of the photography. I did not feel like taking pictures. I was memorizing looks, smiles, and faces – all special to me during that weekend when time stopped for me.

Best, Jay

PARTY OF ONE

I read an article the other day that included a “Loners’ Manifesto.” So, I made a note to write about it because I can be a reluctant socializer. Steve was the same way. We both preferred staying home. Now that he is gone, I am still a reluctant socializer. From time to time, I have thought that I should “link and connect”. So I have joined some local expat groups, like The American Club of the Riviera and International Women’s Club of the Riviera. I’m often secretly pleased when social plans are called off. Sometimes, I just don’t go. I am not much one for “hanging out”. I love silence. Maybe a little classical music, but I always like silence. And small talk gets boring. So, I can relate to author Anneli Rufus, who recounted in Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto:

“When parents on TV shows punished their kids by ordering them to go to their rooms, I was confused. I loved my room. Being there behind a locked door was a treat. To me a punishment was being ordered to play Yahtzee with my cousin Louis.”

Asocial tendencies like these get a bad “rep”. But there are a lot of us who simply prefer being alone and like “alone time”. AND, there is emerging research that suggests there are upsides to being reclusive – finally. YES!!

One key benefit is improved creativity. Gregory Feist, who focuses on the psychology of creativity at California’s San Jose State University, has found that personality traits commonly associated with creativity are receptiveness to new thoughts and experiences, confidence, and possibly “a preference for being alone”, thus having a lesser interest in socializing in order to spend time alone working on his/her craft. Solitude allows for the reflection and observation necessary for that creative process. It does for me. That doesn’t preclude being with others. I simply prefer being alone Both. That gives me just enough interaction.

PLUS, solitude is important for mental focus. The brain’s state is of active mental rest without distraction. Day-dreaming and giving free rein to a wandering mind not only helps with focus in the long term but strengthens your sense of both yourself and others. Nurturing a few solid relationships without feeling the need to constantly populate my life with chattering voices ultimately may be better for me. YES!

And, some thoughts that have given me pause this week (Thanks to the original posters on Facebook):

Craig and Jean are in town. YES! And, my second knee replacement surgery is in a week from Thursday!! Look forward, not backwards. Let go. It’s all good.

Best, Jay

Wonderful Moments aka Miracles!

Today is one of those wonderful moments when the weather, the world, and the apartment are all going haywire, but that is OK!! My son and daughter-in-law are coming to Nice!! He and Jean will only be here for a few days, but that is OK. I can’t do what I used to be able to do, but that is OK. My apartment is not as clean as it should/could be, but that is OK. I look like a mess – my hair needs color, my nails need work, my weight needs work, but that is OK. I feel like a mess, but that is OK. I am concerned about the upcoming surgery in two weeks and my frustration with using a cane, but that is OK. I don’t think they will like France, but that is OK. I will (try to) listen more and talk less (with my usual opinionated conversations), and I may fail, but that is OK. No matter what happens, it will all be OK. He is coming. It has been a difficult time for me. It has been a difficult life for him. It has been difficult for Jean. I’ll admit it. But, we are all OK. He is alive, and Jean is alive, and Tyler and Jamie are both OK. Somehow, we have all made it to this point in time. And, we are going to have one wonderful weekend together in Nice, France (of all places) I am very grateful and feel very blessed. Just a word of encouragement to those of you who feel despair. Hang in there.

Say out loud what you want to happen. Then, let go. REALLY let go. Nothing to lose. Well…… maybe. But, the French say, “C’est la vie!”

Best, Jay

UP THE HILL!

The Park. The Monastery. The garden. The ancient city. It is all there – up the hill from my house. A mere bus ride away. In the park, there is a track that circles it. Runner, walkers, bicyclists, all use the track. And, in doing so, they pass the remains of the ancient Roman city of Cemenelum, at the heart of a splendid olive grove. The Matisse Museum is also there, as well as Matisse’s grave. Matisse is buried in the Cemetery next to the Monastery, which is next to the Park. And, next to all of it is one of the most beautiful Gardens that I have ever seen with roses galore!!

When Steve and I moved there in October 2015, little did we know how we both would come to love it! It became “home” to us, and we were happy. Little did we know that the Universe had other plans for us. Before my move down into town, I spent two wonderful years by the park. I went there almost daily. But, since my move, I have hesitated to revisit. Why? I am not sure. It is a mere bus ride up the hill.

On Friday, I went back for a short visit. My new knee doctor’s office is up there and also the anaesthesiologist’s. Also, the new hospital – St. George, and the Convalescence Center – La Serena. It was a beautiful day, so I got off the bus at the Park and went to the Cafe to get a sandwich after my appointment with the anaesthesiologist. It all felt very familiar. And, sad. Yet, wonderful. Emotions galore! I started taking photos. YES! I remember doing this! YES! I wanted to visit the garden, but I will have to save that for another day. Walking is still a work-in-progress. Stay tuned. Here are some of my favorites…..

It was wonderful to be back!! And, while there, I realized that I have moved on. Really moved on. I now have new dreams and plans and new things I love and want to do. That said, I will ALWAYS love Cimiez and Steve. SO, I got my camera handy so that I could take some photographs. It is time to “get a grip”. Let go of “knee-jerk reactions”. Get use to taking pictures with a cane. It is still going to be around a bit longer. AND, time’s a-fleeting. AND, no one is coming to save me – literally, not aesthetically. Damn!

I love trees. Always have. Anyway, it was fun to be there with my wonderful memories. More to come.

Best, Jay

ACTIVE OR PASSIVE VOICE – PLANS!

This is one of those days when I will write something, but as I start this blank document, I am not sure where this post is going. There are a LOT of things I DON’T want to write about, so let’s see what I include. For no good reason, I feel good this morning. That makes me happy just because it makes me happy. I still am having difficulty walking, so it will be an “at home” day, which is just fine with me. I LOVE having nowhere to go. It gives me a chance to write in my Journal, contemplate the Universe, and contemplate life in general. Plus, I have a hot cup of coffee and a fresh croissant and Missy to keep me company.

AND, my mind – which never stops. Haha. It is cloudy and sprinkling rain. A perfect day to write.

Life in Nice has taken on a “normalcy”. Is there such a word? I am accustomed to “my neighborhood”, and shopkeepers now smile and wave. Many times, someone I know says, “Bonjour. Ca va?” That means “Hello, how are you?” I reply, “Ca va bien, merci.” That means, “I am fine, thank you.” Then, I say, “Et vous?” (“And you?”). “Bien, merci.” Lots of “merci’s” and “bonjour’s”. After that, you are on your own because I am still working on understanding the French language with the weird pronunciation of everything. I would understand more if the person would write it down, and I could see what they are trying to say. Needless to say, I read it better than I can understand it. I can speak it better than I can understand it. That is a “work in progress”.

I haven’t written much about my knee because – first of all – it is not interesting, and – second of all – it is so distressing to me. Would this have happened in the United States? I don’t know. Would Steve have died in the United States? I don’t know. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. We were/are not in the United States, and I don’t plan on coming back any time soon. Sorry. I like it here in France. BUT, I need to be able to walk!! For those of you who don’t know, I had knee replacement surgery on September 27, 2018, and the orthopedic surgeon I used was highly recommended by my GP (General Practitioner). And, when I asked others, people said he was excellent. NOT. Maybe he is excellent for others. But, for me, an 82-year-old woman (sigh), he put a prothesis into my knee for a much younger person. As a result, it is 13 degrees off. My right leg turns out and is shorter than my left. I look “lame”. I am “lame”. It must be replaced as soon as possible because I am doing damage to my legs whenever I walk.

Oops. I just talked about what I was NOT going to discuss. But, you can see how disgusting this is – that I must do the SAME surgery twice because the first doctor was —- what? Lots of questions. Did he know and do it anyway? Did he think he was doing it right? Did he not get that memo? What? In the U.S., I would see if I have a lawsuit. Not so fast in France. Plus, it takes money to sue. And, I don’t think that doctor intentionally put the wrong prothesis into my knee. He was happy and said, “SUPER!” because my knee has great flexibility. It does! I can bend it great. I just cannot WALK! (Ugh.) No fun. (sigh)

SOOOOO, at a time in my life when I need to maximize every moment because EVERY moment is precious, I am being taught “patience”. Ugh. I am not a very patient person – you may have noticed. I want to go on my SeaTreks. Dine at the Cannes Film Festival. Explore castles with lots of steps. Swim in the Sea. Take a train to Monaco for the Grand Prix. Explore and move to Paris. (Don’t worry, I will still visit the Sea a LOT!) You get the picture. So, I don’t have a lot of fresh pictures to show you or exciting topics for blog posts. And, I don’t think many of you care what I think about things. Haha. Besides, I am not sure what I think about any of this. “So, what do you do?”, you ask.

I meet fun friends for lunch at favorite restaurants. I watch what I eat and drink because I still have to get myself and my cane back home. And, doing hair and makeup gives me reality checks galore. Haha. But all that is doable. One of my favorite Michelin restaurants is “Le Bistro Gourmand”. I went there this week with my good friend Cynthia. Great food, good atmosphere. And a few current pictures with the obligatory “selfie”.

I post post-it’s all over the apartment to encourage me – “TAKE ACTION!!”, “DO IT ANYWAY”!! Notice how all post-it’s are in “Active|Voice”, not “Passive”, e.g. A Plan Made or Action to be Taken!! (Note to Self: Practice using sentences in the Active Voice. Avoid Passive Voice whenever possible. “I did it!”; not, “It was done by me.”)

I work a lot at my computer, practicing law – Active California Law license, Current Law Clients and Cases and Entertainment Law Contracts, and continuing education as required by the California Bar (practicing law from Nice and eventually from Paris), Blogs, French, Research.

I work on my next book with a working title of “After Steve Died”, transcribing and adding to my Journal notes that I wrote from August 31, 2016, up to this morning. I write in it every day. I won’t change any names – like in “Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1”, so my thoughts might offend some people as they did before. Well, Breaking News!!! I am entitled to my OWN thoughts and refuse to live to please other people. Period, end of story. But, I plan to “temper” what I say. In “Journal”, I did a literal translation of what I thought at that point in time (50 years ago), and it did not go well. As the French would say, “C’est la vie!”. “Journal” has since been “tempered”. The original one remains in my computer files, in the “Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1” folder. (sigh)

I followed the Cannes Film Festival. It just ended. I cut and pasted this from an article I read and don’t know who wrote it. I went back to get the author’s name to give credit, and I could not find it. So, the Author is Unknown. Sorry. Here are the winners. Wonderful international filmmakers. Future Plan: Attend. Participate!

“The 72nd Cannes Film festival had lots of big names: Tarantino, Almodovar, Malick. In the end, Alejandro González Iñarritu’s jury opted for the smaller names, women, and the issues of poverty, displacement, and inequality.

Not that South Korea’s Joon-ho Bong is small – he’s a four-time winner of the Busan Film Critic Association and a five-time nominee at Cannes. And, this year, he led the pack, taking the Palme d’Or – the first for his country- for Parasite, the story of a poor family who gets entangled with a wealthy clan.

The Grand Prix went to Cannes’ first black female filmmaker in the history of the festival – Mati Diop and her Atlantics, which focuses on the broken lives of refugees. The Jury Prize was a tie between Ladj Li’s Les Misérables – another take on the plight of displacement and what awaits refugees on the outskirts of big European cities, like Paris – and Kleber Mendonça Filho and Juliano Dornelles’ Bacurau, a dystopian thriller about hunting poor humans for sport.

Brazil had a particularly good year on the Croisette, with Karim Aïnouz taking the best film award at Un Certain Regard for his The Invisible Life of Eurídice Gusmão, and the Mendonça-Dornelles duo scooping the Jury prize – a bright, encouraging moment in a dark time for arts and culture in the country, under the new administration. Presenting a tie for the jury prize, filmmaker Michael Moore told the crowd, “Trump is the lie that enables more lying.”

The acting awards went to Little Joe’s Emily Beecham and Pain and Glory’s Antonio Banderas. Banderas dedicated his award to Almodóvar, saying “People think we live in a red carpet, but it’s not true. We suffer a lot, we sacrifice, and there is a lot of pain behind an actor of any kind. But there is also glory, and this is my night of glory,”

Writer-director Céline Sciamma received the screenplay award for Portrait of a Lady on Fire, which explores art through the female gaze. The director award went to Cannes darlings Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne for another refugee tale, Young Ahmed.

The Camera d’Or for first time director went to Guatemalan Cesar Diaz for his drama Our Mothers, about an anthropologist searching for his father in a country torn by civil war.

Iñárritu’s jury that included French author-artist-director Enki Bilal, French director Robin Campillo, Senegalese actress-director Maimouna N’Diaye, American actress Elle Fanning, Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos, Polish director Paweł Pawlikowski, American director Kelly Reichardt, and Italian director Alice Rohrwacher.

COMPETITION

Palme d’Or: Parasite, Bong Joon-ho

Grand Prix: Atlantics, Mati Diop

Director: Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne, Young Ahmed

Actor: Antonio Banderas, Pain and Glory

Actress: Emily Beecham, Little Joe

Jury Prize — TIE: Les Misérables, Ladj Ly; Bacurau, Kleber Mendonça Filho

Screenplay: Céline Sciamma, Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Special Mention: Elia Suleiman, It Must Be Heaven

OTHER PRIZES

Camera d’Or: Our Mothers, Cesar Diaz

Short Films Palme d’Or: The Distance Between the Sky and Us, Vasilis Kekatos

Short Films Special Mention: Monster God, Agustina San Martin

Golden Eye Documentary Prize: For Sama

Ecumenical Jury Prize: Hidden Life, Terrence Malick

Queer Palm: Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Céline Sciamma

UN CERTAIN REGARD

Un Certain Regard Award: The Invisible Life of Eurídice Gusmão, Karim Aïnouz

Jury Prize: Fire Will Come, Oliver Laxe

Best Director: Kantemir Balagov, Beanpole

Best Performance: Chiara Mastroianni, On a Magical Night

Best Screenplay: Meryem Benm’Barek, Sofia

Special Jury Prize: Albert Serra, Liberté

Special Jury Mention Joan of Arc, Bruno Dumont

Coup de Coeur Award: A Brother’s Love, Monia Chokri; The Climb, Michael Angelo Covino

DIRECTORS’ FORTNIGHT

Society of Dramatic Authors and Composers Prize: An Easy Girl, Rebecca Zlotowski

Europa Cinemas Label: Alice and the Mayor, Nicolas Parisier”

-AUTHOR UNKNOWN (sorry)

I think plans at necessary to stay engaged in life. Maybe not for others. For me. YES! It is easy to stay home, spread doom and gloom, stay in bed until noon and watch soap operas. Ugh. No, I plan to move to Paris, get an agent, get new head shots, and explore the international film industry! At the same time, I will practice law in the U.S. from a Paris address. Ok, OK. Maybe these are pipe dreams, but I am entitled to my OWN pipe dreams. I will NOT retire and move into a comfortable apartment with a big patio and room for a garden in the South of France and contemplate the Sea. (Sigh.) What is wrong with me? Well, choose the uncomfortable. Otherwise, I will just sit down, have a bunch of knee surgeries, feel sorry for myself, not get fat from the tiny portions of delicious French cuisine they serve here, and drink French wine. Enjoy life and good friends. Haha. Spare me that comfort!!! (Just kidding!)

See. I told you we would enjoy a few minutes together – that is, if you have read this far. Meanwhile, I am looking forward to seeing my son Craig and my daughter-in-law, Jean, in 3 weeks.

After that, I have plans………. Stay tuned. I will close with a thought for today.

Best, Jay

A FAVORITE THREAD – CARTOONS & COMMENTARIES

I love to write this thread of posts. It is fun!! And, I can hide behind the cartoons to make my comments about a lot of the things I am currently observing on and off the news and/or the internet. At this point in my life, I am not up to a lot of confrontations. I have enough confrontations right here in Nice, adapting to the French way of doing things and trying to communicate to solve problems. But, that has nothing to do with my passion for all of it! The good news is that my brain is very active and my memory is excellent!! And, I have excellent friends who are engaging in their conversations and inspiring with their knowledge of the world. And, I am looking forward to more of that in the days and years to come “if the Good Lord’s willing and the crick don’t rise….“

Anyway, a moment of reflection – my 1955 graduating class at GHS (Gainesville High School, Gainesville, Georgia) still meets every month for a breakfast get-together. They are all full of vim and vigor!! Witty and laughing a lot – the ones who are still around! I sometimes receive a classmate’s witty emails of an upcoming breakfast at Longstreet Cafe. This month, I received a commentary that I have read before, and I think is fun. Yes, I remember all of this. I am not saying it is good or bad. Just – that is the way it was, growing up in a small town – which I did. So, it is going into my “Commentaries” part of this post. The actual author of this piece is unknown.

TO ALL OF US WHO SURVIVED THE 1930�s, 40�s, and50�s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank-While they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs

Covered with bright colored
Lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets,
And, when we rode our bikes,
We had baseball caps,
Not helmets, on our heads.

As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar.
And we weren’t overweight.
WHY?
Because we were always outside playing … that’s why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day…

And, we were OKAY.

We would spend hours building
Our go-carts out of scraps and
then ride them down the hill,
Only to find out that we forgot about brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not
Have Play Stations, Nintendo
and X-boxes. There were
No video games,
No 150 channels on cable,
No video movies
Or DVDs,
No surround-sound orCDs,
No cell phones,
No personal computers,
No Internet and
No chat rooms.
WE HAD FRIENDS
And we went
Outside and found them!

We fell out of
trees, got cut,
Broke bones and
Lost teeth,
And there were
No lawsuits
From those accidents.

We would get
Spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand,
And no one would call child services to report abuse.

We ate worms,
And mud pies
Made from dirt,
And
The worms did
Not live in us forever.

We were given
BB guns for our 10th birthdays,
22 rifles for our 12th, rode horses,
made up games with sticks and
tennis balls, and
— although we were
Told it would happen- we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes
Or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell,
or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts
And not everyone
Made the team.
Those who didn’t
Had to learn
To deal with
Disappointment.
Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out
If we broke the law was unheard of …
They actually sided with the law!

These generations have
Produced some of the best risk-takers,
Problem solvers, and
Inventors ever.

The past 60 to 85 years
Have seen an explosion
of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom,
Failure, success and responsibility,
and we learned
How to deal with it all.

If YOU are One of those born
Between 1925-1955, CONGRATULATIONS!!

– Author Unknown

And, now for some of my Cartoon Non-Commentaries!!!

And, now you know a little bit more about me. I know, I know – not that you asked!!! But, I had fun! Hopefully, you found a chuckle or two. Lots is going on around town – the Cannes Film Festival; the Monaco Grand Prix!!! Yellow Vests galore! I have been to Cannes (2017 and 2018), and I went to the Grand Prix with Steve (2016). I am studying the Cannes Film Festival online (I am a member of a Facebook Group) to get familiar with these fascinating international personalities and longing to go back into acting (not that I ever left) and to go back to the Grand Prix on Race Day!

Stay tuned…… Sending love…..

Best, Jay

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