JAYSPEAK

A PHILOSOPHICAL MOMENT….

Often, I think of philosophical concepts that interest me, like “the sound of one hand clapping” or “creativity is intelligence having fun” or “obligation can be a prison” or the philosopher Lao Tzu’s question he asked over 2500 years ago that perfectly describes the spirit phase, “Can you step back from your own mind and thus understand all things? Giving birth and nourishing, having without possessing, acting with no expectations, leading and not trying to control?”

Most of the time, it is easier to post pictures of the Mediterranean Sea or of few roses or of an interesting moment about my life in France. I try to avoid writing about politics or religion or my frustrations with the political climate in the U.S. Yes, I know, I know. Some nights, I post commentaries on Facebook and delete them at 3 a.m. after the evening news and dinner wine have worn off. Yes, maybe a comment here and there or a cartoon or two. But, I don’t like the inevitable resulting attacks and insults.

Today is different. These thoughts have filled my mind for a long time – especially during the period during which I practiced law, “fighting for justice” for the worker or employee against bully-supervisors or corporate executives. Now, even more so, with the Trump administration taking drastic actions against policies and procedures I believed were the basic beliefs and founding blocks of the United States of America. It is too long and arduous a task to try to explain to you when and how I arrived at being interested in this subject. Just know that I am and have been for many years.

The question is this: Does the end justify the means? My answer: It is according to which side you are on. Clients would say to me, “I want justice.” Other attorneys would say, “We are fighting for justice!” What is justice? Well, it is according to which side you are on. From where I sit, not all “means” are permissible. But…. according to whom or to what? The Civil Code? The Supreme Court? The Company Policies and Procedures? The Bible? God? Allah? The employee? The Company Executives? If the end justifies the means, it follows the means must be justified. And, the means is justified – according to which side you are on. Ugh.

Most of my life, people have said the end does NOT justify the means. “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” Matthew 7:12. What about the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki “to save lives”? What about the Civil War? In the American Civil War of 1861-65, for example, both sides engaged in similar acts of violence. But one side was fighting to defend slavery and the other to end it. It appears that every ruling class in the world operates on the assumption that the end justifies the means – according to which side you are on. And, now, the United States is consumed with immigration arguments, as is Germany, Italy, and Spain. Plus, other countries. People in power risk the lives of millions of ordinary soldiers on both sides in order to control some market, some bit of land, or some slice of power. Is this the chief function of official morality? Is it immoral to kill in peacetime but a sacred duty to kill in war? Is it impermissible for strikers to use force to stop a scab crossing a picket line but obligatory for a police officer to use force to break up that same picket line? And, the list goes on.

Note to Readers: This is NOT a debate. Just a few observations and rhetorical questions. Please DO NOT try to tell me what to think. It is too late for that….

Best, Jay

PAMELA’S BIRTHDAY!

June 19th is my friend Pamela Keilson’s birthday. To celebrate, Pamela, Margaret Keith, and I got luncheon reservations at La Chevre d’Or in Eze. The three of us took the 82 bus from Nice to Eze, excited about spending the day celebrating Pamela life at one of the most gorgeous spots on earth. Needless to say, we had fun, laughing a lot at everything. Things went wrong – my knee hurt; the bus was FULL of people; it was hot as hell; a complaining taxi-driver drove us up the hill; steps were EVERYWHERE; the food was salty; Pamela’s dog kept drinking water and peeing; I talked too loud; Pamela accidentally left her gift at the bus stop back to Nice; the bus was FULL of people; it was hot as hell; I bitched about my knee…. Things went right – I made it there and back; the taxi was free; people loved the dog; waiters brought lots of water; food was good; wine was delicious; people were patient, the view was great; we laughed a lot; people got up and gave us their seats…. A wonderful day!

Best, Jay

A TIME TO REMEMBER

I was born in 1937. This is true. I remember as if it were yesterday.

A Gentle Reminder

“Born in the 1930s and early 40s, we exist as a very special age group.

We are the smallest group of children born since the early 1900s.

We are the last generation, climbing out of the depression, who can remember the winds of war and the impact of a world at war which rattled the structure of our daily lives for years.

We are the last to remember ration books for everything from gas to sugar to shoes to stoves.

We saved tin foil and poured fat into tin cans.

We saw cars up on blocks because tires weren’t available.

We can remember milk being delivered to our house early in the morning and placed in the “milk box” on the porch.

We are the last to see the gold stars in the front windows of our grieving neighbors whose sons died in the War.

We saw the ‘boys’ home from the war, build their little houses.

We are the last generation who spent childhood without
television; instead, we imagined what we heard on the radio.

As we all like to brag, with no TV, we spent our childhood
“playing outside”.

There was no little league.

There was no city playground for kids.

The lack of television in our early years meant, for most of us, that we had little real understanding of what the world was like.

On Saturday afternoons, the movies, gave us newsreels sandwiched in between westerns and cartoons.

Telephones were one to a house, often shared (party Lines) and hung on the wall in the kitchen (no cares about privacy).

Computers were called calculators, they were hand cranked; typewriters were driven by pounding fingers, throwing the carriage, and changing the ribbon.

The ‘INTERNET’ and ‘GOOGLE’ were words that did not exist.

Newspapers and magazines were written for adults and the news was broadcast on our radio in the evening by Gabriel Heatter and later Paul Harvey.

As we grew up, the country was exploding with growth.

The G.I. Bill gave returning veterans the means to get an
education and spurred colleges to grow.

VA loans fanned a housing boom.

Pent up demand coupled with new installment
payment plans opened many factories for work.

New highways would bring jobs and mobility.

The veterans joined civic clubs and became active in politics.

The radio network expanded from 3 stations to thousands.

Our parents were suddenly free from the confines of the depression and the war, and they threw themselves into exploring opportunities they had never imagined.

We weren’t neglected, but we weren’t today’s all-consuming family focus.

They were glad we played by ourselves until the street lights came on.

They were busy discovering the post war world.

We entered a world of overflowing plenty and opportunity; a world where we were welcomed, enjoyed ourselves and felt secure in our future. Although depression poverty was deeply remembered.

Polio was still a crippler.

We came of age in the 50s and 60s.

The Korean War was a dark passage in the early 50s and by mid-decade school children were ducking under desks for Air-Raid training.

Russia built the “Iron Curtain” and China became Red China .

Eisenhower sent the first ‘Army Advisers’ to Vietnam.

Castro took over in Cuba and Khrushchev came to power.

We are the last generation to experience an interlude when there were no threats to our homeland. The war was over and the cold war, terrorism, “global warming”, and perpetual economic insecurity had yet to haunt life with unease.

Only our generation can remember both a time of great war, and a time when our world was secure and full of bright promise and plenty. lived through both.

We grew up at the best possible time, a time when the world was getting better. not worse.

We are “The Last”

More than 99 % of us are either retired or are deceased, and we feel privileged to have ‘lived in the best of times’!”

I don’t recognize the world today. It is not the America I remember and loved.

Best, Jay

A DAY BY THE SEA IN ANTIBES

On Saturday, June 16, 2018, two of my U.S. expat friends, Pamela Keilson (from San Francisco) and Margaret Keith (from Selma, Alabama), drove with me to a fun event by the Sea in Antibes, hosted by The American Club of the Riviera (ACR). Antibes is the home to Port Vauban, the largest yachting harbor in Europe, which can accommodate boats of more than 100 meters.

ACR was holding its June event, starting with a private guided walking tour of the famous Picasso Museum. Antibes was build upon the foundations of the ancient Greek town of Antipolis. In the 12th century, Monaco’s ruling family, the Grimaldi’s, constructed The Chateau Grimaldi, which faces the Mediterranean Sea above the rampart walls that were built to protect the city. In 1946, the Chateau was the home of the artist Pablo Picasso for six months. Today, the Chateau is The Picasso Museum, the first of many museums in the world dedicated to Picasso. Picasso himself donated works to the Museum, and in 1990, his widow Jacqueline Picasso bequeathed works to the Museum. Between you and me, I am not a fan of walking tours, especially with my bad knee. Steps EVERYWHERE. But, I was interested in finding out about the Museum so I did my best. Picasso has always been one of my favorites.

We also toured the Antibes Cathedral – Notre Dame de la Plateas and walked by the Harbor, into the streets of Old Town. The weather was gorgeous!!

We ended up at the Restaurant Le Phenicia for a Lebanese Meze (Lunch) Delicious! This is the Restaurant.

This is the view!! WOW!!

Probably one of the best results of this day for me is that I have now made the decision to have a knee replacement. I was miserable trying to keep up with the requirements of the day – walking. I still had fun, but … you know what I mean.

Best, Jay

A MEMORY IN MARSEILLE – JUNE 9, 2016

On June 8, 2016, Steve and I drove to Marseille to spend the night so that we would be in town early the next morning to meet his Auntie Gloria and cousin, Erica. They were passing through Marseille on a Carnival Cruise, and we all wanted to spend time together for a day. We had rented a Blacklane town-car for the occasion and made luncheon reservations in Aix-en-Provence at a lovely garden restaurant. The entire day was delightful! At the time, we did not write about that day or post a lot of photos. And, neither one of us had started writing our blogs. So, I am posting these memories today – better late that never. Posthumously, for Steve. He loved his “Auntie Gloria” very much and this was a special day for all of us. Along with the photos is a movie I made, just for fun and to post on my channel on YouTube. Let’s say – The pictures speak for them selves. A fun day for all of us.

Best, Jay

RAMBLING….

Oftentimes, I don’t know what to write when it comes time for my weekly Jayspeak post. Today is one of those days. It has been a difficult two years for me since Steve died. I have succeeded in putting on a brave face and taken steps to rebuild a life in a country that is foreign to me. I don’t wear the tragedy of Steve’s death like a “badge” like I have seen others do. But, I still find each day full of challenges, like trying to be nice when I meet new people so I won’t say something to alienate them (which I am good at doing because of my anger at all of it.) Or, making myself do stretches when I get up, or getting out to take long walks when my knees hurt and my body aches. I have allowed myself to set basic goals – just show up. Forget being nice, being Miss Personality, or being fun-to-be-with. Just show up. Get dressed and walk out the door. So, this one is from the heart. Bear with me while I ramble…. I am posting this photograph for no good reason. Just because I like it…

Where was I? Oh, yes…. I am depressed about the choices Donald Trump is making, while I am very proud of Justify for winning the Triple Crown (wow). I am concerned about the status of U.S. Citizens (expats like me), not only in France but also in Europe. It is a time when I am not proud to be an American. What happened to common sense? When asked, I say I am from California. That sits better with people. Then, they want to know where in California. When I say Los Angeles, that always brings a smile with an enthusiastic response. San Francisco also works, but I am from Los Angeles and proud of it. People like LA. So do I.

After that, I do a lot of “active listening”. I don’t try to talk a lot (believe it or not). I have nothing to say, really. Yet. That will change with time. Haha. How do I frame all of the things that have happened to me or who I am. And, I don’t want to talk about Trump. Period. End of story. AND, don’t give me a lecture about what I should talk about. I still have to “frame” my presentation of myself. It is in process…… Get a load of the “lame” one, trying to act comfortable on a bunch of uncomfortable rocks at sundown… Just saying….

That said, I am actually making progress in major ways. I speak some French. I have met a lot of people – interesting, dynamic people. I have more friends. I get invited places. I have joined the International Women’s Club of the Riviera. I am still learning about this group and the opportunities that it opens for me. At the same time, I remain a member of The American Club of the Riviera, Democrats Abroad, and The Wisdom Cafe. At some point, I will have a voice. Soon. Not yet, but soon. I am still pondering getting the knee surgery. I have places I want to go and things I want to do, but difficulty having the energy to get there and back. How do I get more energy?

Often I think my lack of energy is because of the low-grade grief that I have as my constant companion. How do I process that? Plus, I am afraid, walking home late at night down dark side streets to my front door. All of the streets to my apartment building are “side streets”. Like walking home in NYC – on a much smaller level. As a result, I avoid night events even though I have interest. I can always call Uber (excellent service in Nice) if I am willing to call Uber to take me a few blocks. Usually, I risk it and walk, hoping my “I am surrounded by the white light of the Christ, repelling all evil and negativity from my being” helps me get safely to the front door.

See, while the world is in chaos, I am mostly concerned with the chaos happening right here in my little one-bedroom apartment in Nice, France. Here I am, actress, attorney, college professor, mother, grandmother, writer, editor – trying to start over, redefine myself with all of the “wisdom” I now have. (sigh) Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, I got a “European” cat – Missy aka “Iris”. Now, I really don’t like it when I have to read about other people’s pets, but Missy has been just what the doctor ordered for silly me, sitting here trying to solve the world’s problems plus my own.

Missy’s real name is “Iris”. But, we had a lady named Iris who ironed for Mother when I was little, so I renamed her “Missy”, a name I have loved for a long time for no real reason. She is a “rescue”. Who knows what she has been through. I would say “a lot” because she was very quiet and motionless at first. I was concerned she couldn’t hear because she did not acknowledge my presence when I spoke to her. Maybe she was “active listening”. Haha.

That has all changed. Missy has now become relaxed and is beginning to “play”. She still doesn’t meow very loud or use her scratching post. I sometimes wonder if she got the memo that she is a “chat”. I took her to the Vet (which is another story into itself), and the only thing wrong with her is that she has ear mites from the Rescue Center. Her Vet (Dr. Lagrot – excellent!) and I are treating that. This morning, she woke me up playing a piano piece “Kitten on the Keys”. So, as you can see, I am as crazy about the cat as I hope the cat is about me. She is definitely helping me like this apartment and my “garden patio” (haha).

But, as Steve would say, “Enough about me, let’s talk about you, what do you think of me?” (miss my guy….) (Sighing) Well, that is more than you ever wanted to know, but at least I got to bitch and complain on paper for a minute or two. Now, where was I?

Best, Jay

JUST WONDERING……..

Often, from time to time, I read something that I save for no good reason. Somehow, it speaks to me. Not too long ago, I read this – probably on Facebook, and it spoke to me. Today, I want to share it with you. I want to thank the author – Author Unknown – for writing it. That took courage. I don’t know her, but I feel like I do. I hope that she doesn’t mind that I am sharing it. She signed it and hash-tagged it – #triggerwarning #vulnerable.

“I read a quote recently that said ‘The world has enough women who live a masked insecurity. It needs more women who live a brave vulnerability.’ –Ann Voskamp

Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage. I want to be a woman who shows up and claims her space in the world, unapologetically. I am also obsessed with becoming a woman comfortable in her skin.

I am recovering from an eating disorder. This is the first time I’ve claimed this fact or said it out loud to ANYONE, including myself. I have said all types of things to skirt the subject or mask the insecurity. I even tried to type that phrase in a million different ways that didn’t sound so…. well so vulnerable. There have been times I would commit to doing it differently and KNOW all the ‘right’ ways of maintaining a healthy lifestyle, but I would always revert back to my old ways, limiting my food and calorie intake to an extreme degree paired with a specific weight loss aid. Did it work? Yes, kinda, sorta… NO! Temporarily, perhaps, but NO… Ok, firm NO, this cycle was NOT serving my mind, body, or spirit and goes against all I believe in.

About six months ago, through a lot of prayer and tears, I chose to end this cycle that was not serving me. It’s been really hard, humbling, and scary… but, it’s working. No, I didn’t miraculously lose or maintain weight; I didn’t join a gym or run a marathon or start a NEW diet. I just was. I just allowed myself to be. I focused on my family, my business, my faith, and spirituality. In so many ways, I have felt more grounded and amazing than I have in my lifetime and, at the same time, freaking the heck out because, like any recovery process, still fighting the urge to turn back. It’s a strange space to be in when your head, heart, and soul are besties, but you haven’t fully embraced the amazing creation that is carrying them around every single day. I think my body is one of the significant reasons I am sharing this because she deserves to know that she matters… that she is appreciated. I also recognize I have children watching me, wanting to be LIKE me, and, as I have been seeking to increase my spirituality and faith, it became clear to me that I was not honoring my Creator by disrespecting the magnificence of the gift HE gave me. This is my public apology to Him and the incredible gift he has trusted me with.

As you can imagine, six months in, I have learned a LOT of things about myself. Some things I was excited to see and some not so much, but my heart is truly full of gratitude, and a grateful heart is a magnet for miracles. Where am I now? Well, I’ve stopped thinking I had to do it all… and that I had to do it all alone. I have learned to lean on my God for ALL things including THIS. I’ve learned it was ok… actually vital to my health and spirituality …to let go of this unhealthy crutch and change the way I see myself. Oh… and the biggie …that I don’t have to be perfect to be seen or successful to be loved.

I was NOT excited to share ALL of my truth. Not here, not anywhere. But have felt called to do it over and over and over again. Soooooo…. I’m showing up with the prayer and promise that it will be ok. It feels vital in the process of letting go of the old and embracing the new, and, as I have typed this, the fear is beginning to fall away… and with that, comes hope. Perhaps this will resonate with some of you. Perhaps this is my catalyst for my continued growth and change.

‘And I said to my body softly, I want to be your friend. It took a long breath. And replied, I have been waiting my whole life for this.’ – Nayyirah Waheed”

I love it! My mind needs work. My body needs work. (sigh).

Best, Jay

A HAPPENING…….

When I leave in the mornings to go for my walks, I never know if I will be inspired to shoot photographs or not. Since I consider myself a “photographer” of sorts – with a fan base (haha), I have an obligation to get shots that I think are good. AND, I am very critical of my work, trying not to use photos that I don’t like. Many times, I have so many good ones that I don’t know what to do with all of them. Other times, I have nothing that looks good. I used to post a daily rose on Facebook, Instagram, and two sites on Foap – one with just flowers and one with other shots I like (the Sea, Gardens, Architecture, and such). I was excited that people liked my flowers. Now, I see my photo shoots as an assignment. Hmmmm.

That said, the other day, I started my walk, completely uninspired. In fact, my walk seemed like an assignment. Dr. Castillo (my orthopaedic surgeon re the “health” of my knees that now have two series of Acid Hyaluronic injections and are better) said, “Every day, you MUST walk!” Ugh. It was one of those days when I say to myself, “Don’t think. Just get dressed. Get your keys and money. Put on sunscreen. Walk out the door. Put one foot in front of the other.” (sigh) I did not take my charger because I did not plan to use my phone that much.

Well, let me tell you —- it started with the smell of the jasmine! Then, I saw the Sea, and I fell in love. My excitement at the color of the water, the clouds in the sky, the boats in the Port, the crisp morning air – wow! I am posting a lot of photographs today – even though some are better than others. Needless to say, I was sorry I did not bring my charger. Thankfully, I did not get any calls or messages before I got back home. Here we go….

Then, I started rounding the bend….

And the obligatory SELFIE of me with the Sea in the background. Obviously, there is no one around to give me hair and make-up!! And, I tried to smooth out some of the wrinkles. Should have left it alone. Sorry about that!

Attempts at panoramas, gone wrong!!

Here is another attempt at a panorama. My granddaughter Jamie tried to teach me how to do a good one, but I am still trying to get it right. This one looks weird to me.

Then, I left the Sea to enter the Market. First came fruits and vegetables and cheeses and fish and meats. I watched one of the venders make a fresh strawberry and banana crepe. Note to Jay: get a fresh fruit crepe soon. Yum. By the way, I am making all of these individual images because I want you to see all the colors in the photos.

Artists, woodcarvers, soaps, and other assorted items were all mixed in there. I wanted to get the woodcarver, but didn’t get a good shot. The soaps and stuff didn’t interest me. And, the artists got VERY upset if I tried to take photographs of their work. So…..

The flower photos are uninspired as my enthusiasm began to wane. I was ready for a croissant and coffee, and I wanted to find the toilette. So it goes…. I will save the flower posts for another day. Actually, I went to the Monastery Garden the other day. I have yet to post the feast of roses I shot that day. Next time!!

Best, Jay

JAYSPEAK SPEAKS –

As of May 23, 2018, Jayspeak has 104 posts, 29,997 views, 3,835 visitors, and 1,329 followers. Hopefully, this post will take the views over the 30,000 mark. I am proud of that, especially since I started my blog as a fluke. (See the Jayspeak post entitled “Flukes”). At present, Jayspeak is “under construction”. Not really, but many of the posts are missing their “visual aids”. Explanation – stupid me, in February 2018, DELETED the pictures from the WordPress Library, thinking I no longer needed to store them because the posts were “published”. I could delete those pictures to make room for more. WRONG!!!! BIG MISTAKE. Deleting the pictures from the Library deleted them from the posts. So, one-by one, I am repairing all posts. It is taking time but worth the effort. I have a lot of followers and appreciate my fans. Thank you to all my readers. I will try to keep life interesting from this spot on the planet. Fingers crossed for my country. Nothing goes as planned. (See the Jayspeak post about “Making God Smile”.

Best, Jay

CANNES 2018!

This year, the American Club of the Riviera (ACR) arranged its luncheon in the very middle of the Croisette, right in the midst of all “the players” and atmosphere of the Cannes International Film Festival, on Saturday, May 12, 2018. We were invited to have lunch with ACR members and guests at the Vegaluna Beach Restaurant on the Croisette Beach, opposite the Intercontinental Carlton Hotel. Perfect date and place for the lunch! Everyone was in town – or so it seemed. The energy was electric!! Banners and people were everywhere. Needless to say, I was excited!!

I took the train from Nice, making reservations for the 10:27 train so that I could spend photography time before arriving at the 12 noon lunch. Easy to do since I live only a few blocks from the Nice Ville train station.

When I arrived, I went to the Croisette! Easy, peasy – headed straight for the Sea! Right away, I felt excitement everywhere. Merchants at doors, people having coffee in garden-like settings, roses, gorgeous shop windows.

People at box office windows getting tickets for a film, company banners hanging from hotels, Variety magazines for the passerby (I had one, but tossed it since it was heavy to carry), Hollywood Reporter go-carts,

The gorgeous Carlton Hotel, always pleasing to the eye,

I crossed the street on my way to the Vegaluna Beach Restaurant to photograph the numerous yachts, parked at Sea.

You get the picture!! Wow. On to the restaurant. Jeanette, ACR president, greeted me at the door. Yes, this works!

My Menu choices were thus:

Starter: Burratina & Violet Artichokes shaving. Truffle & Roquet OR Marinated black tiger prawns & rock shrimps in sesame oil with bean sprout salad. Hmmmm

Main Course: Jumbo prawns with a curry and coconut milk sauce. Thai style rice OR Asian style sliced beef tenderloin with coriander and flavored rice. Hmmmmm

Dessert: Tiramisu with chestnuts & rum OR Fresh fruits with fresh mint salad. This one was easy….

I had ordered in advance when I made my reservation – Artichokes, Jumbo prawns, and Fresh fruits. Yum!

We gathered at noon for aperitifs and nibbles, “enhanced by palm trees, white sand and azure sea”. I saw right away friends from past events. Margaret and Jane, plus others.

The luncheon followed. I was at Table 4. Great table. Everyone was interesting, especially the woman next to me, Monique. I sat between Monique and her husband Nigel. He is a barrister from the U.K. They live between Antibes and London, spending quality time in Antibes and planning to move to France permanently next year.

The luncheon was “augmented by insights from Film Industry professionals (no comment!), as well as the famous film quiz (no comment!)” Being a Film Industry professional, I remain undiscovered, but it is my own fault. I do more listening than I do talking. Oh, well…. All in good time….

All in all, it was a fun day. I am still missing Steve A LOT when I go to fun events. I am hoping to get over that in time. But, for now, there is still an ache in my heart. Maybe that will never go away. Stay tuned….

Everyone was still table-hopping and gabbing when I left to catch my 4:12 p.m. train for Nice. Next time…..

On the way home, I vowed to get tickets and attend events next year. Right now, I am still a voyeur, looking in from the outside. I want to be on the inside. I will give that time and attention during the year. That will take planning!

Best, Jay

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