I don’t have any patience with liars. Well that is not true because Steve was a liar and I loved him anyway But as a rule I have a problem with it. I want to know the truth I told the truth and got into trouble as a result. My friends would lie knowing I knew that they were lying and I did not respect them after. They did not care . I cared. I still care. I have a lot of examples of many things that happened but too numerous to write about today lying is expected but my problem has increased and I don’t think it will change
Now I am not bragging On the contrary.and when I told my kids the truth they assumed I was lying.
A theme throughout? Yes I guess. And I know how people started and now are living a lie. And dying in the lie. Why do I care? I just do. I care. I matter and I want to surround myself with people like I am. I want to create a safe haven in Paris for my people
I want people to own up to the truth before they die.
I am particularly concerned about a friend who is the DaughterJh of a an alcoholic and beautiful school teacher and she married the son of a dirt farmer who wanted to be a plantation owner so he saved his money and bought one. Crooked. his wife was chattel but she bought the lie and she now lives the lies. No harm done. AND, No happy ending. No honor thy mother and father . Just greed
I have not always been truthful but usually I find it easier to remember the truth and get mixed up with a lie. Have I been living a lie? What harm does it do? None., but I don’t like that person ., I want him her to admit it.,who cares about you. I care
I would climb from the back door steps onto a cherry tree nearby and yell to my mother and she would look at me sitting on a limb of the cherry tree and freak out . She made me get down and I just wanted her approval and praise . And when I heard that George Washington had cut one down and could not tell a lie, I freaked. I LOVED that cherry tree. SO, I could not ever tell a lie. You figure it out but somehow it made sense to me and after that I just wanted people to tell me the truth.
No way.and now it is worse than ever. I don’t have the time to fact check. Or the desire. So I must deal with my problem.
This is a collection of thoughts I have put together. Each thought speaks to me about September – the Season of Letting Go
It is the season of letting go and free yourself of the dead weight that you have been carrying around and shed your leaves. It is time for the new thoughts and new ideas. Let go of doubts and fears and struggles and anxieties in the past and let it all go. Those leaves will turn brown, and the leaves will fall off the trees. Be reborn and renewed. Come back in the Spring. But now it is September. So LET GO. BE BRAVE AND JUST DO IT!!
++++++++
My mom did not sleep. She felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick until one day, suddenly, she changed.
One day my dad said to her:
– I’ve been looking for a job for three months and I haven’t found anything, I’m going to have a few beers with friends.
My mom replied:
– It’s okay.
My brother said to her:
– Mom, I’m doing poorly in all subjects at the University.
My mom replied:
– Okay, you will recover, and if you don’t, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.
My sister said to her:
– Mom, I smashed the car.
My mom replied:
– Okay daughter, take it to the car shop & find how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.
Her daughter-in-law said to her:
– Mother-in-law, I came to spend a few months with you.
My mom replied:
– Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.
All of us gathered worried to see these reactions coming from Mom.
We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribed some pills called “I don’t give a damn”… Perhaps she was overdosing on these!
We then proposed to do an “intervention” w/my mother to remove her from any possible addiction she had towards some anti-tantrum medication.
But then … she gathered us around her and my mom explained:
“It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life. It took me years to discover that my anguish, anxiety, my depression, my courage, my insomnia & my stress, does not solve your problems but aggravates mine.
I am not responsible for the actions of anyone & it’s not my job to provide happiness but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that.
Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one of you solve what corresponds to you.
I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration and neurolinguistic programming and in all of them, I found a common denominator in them all…
I can only control myself, you have all the necessary resources to solve your own problems despite how hard they may be. My job is to pray for you, love on you, encourage you but it’s up to YOU to solve them & find your happiness.
I can only give you my advice if you ask me & it depends on you to follow it or not. There are consequences, good or bad, to your decisions and YOU have to live them.
.
So from now on, I cease to be the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities.
From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.
Everyone at my mom’s house was speechless.
For some of us this is hard because we’ve grown up being the caregivers feeling responsible for others. As moms & wives we are fixers off all things. We never want our loved ones to go through difficult things or to struggle. We want everyone to be happy.
From that day on, the family began to function better because everyone in the house knew exactly what it is that they needed to do.
But, the sooner we take that responsibility off of our shoulders & on to each loved one, the better we are preparing them to be MEsponsible.
We are not here on earth to be everything to
everyone. Stop putting that pressure on yourself.
+++++++
I miss my babies very much. I love them and I did not let them know. It is time to let that go.
+++++++
Born in the 1930s and early 40s, we exist as a very special age group.
I was born in 1937 and this applies to me.
We are the smallest group of children born since the early 1900s.
We are the last generation, climbing out of the depression, who can remember the winds of war and the impact of a world at war which rattled the structure of our daily lives for years.
We are the last to remember ration books for everything from gas to sugar to shoes to stoves.
We saved tin foil and poured fat into tin cans.
We saw cars up on blocks because tires weren’t available.
We can remember milk being delivered to our house early in the morning and placed in the “milk box” on the porch.
We are the last to see the gold stars in the front windows of our grieving neighbors whose sons died in the War.
We saw the ‘boys’ home from the war, build their little houses.
We are the last generation who spent childhood without television; instead, we imagined what we heard on the radio.
++++++++
I am not a Trump lover. I never was. This is not new news…. And I love myself very much and am proud of my educated and in possession of all their faculties. ”, even though I have had some brain damages and working on getting better
I’ve been puzzled by the steadfast opinions held by supporters of Donald Trump. Some of the loyalty given him appears to come from hardened right wing gun enthusiasts, ultra conservative evangelical Christians with singular interests, admitted racists, ardent xenophobes, and unabashed misogynists. But there are other individuals who believe in him based upon what he promised in 2015-2016 and in what he might be promising in 2020, and there are those who refer to him as “the greatest President in [their] lifetime.” With all evidence to the contrary, they seem to belief that:
He holds the answer to putting an end to the violence in America.
He fully understands COVID-19 and how it is and isn’t transmitted.
He is the best Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces since the beginning of time….
He has adhered to the Constitution and to his oath to preserve, protect, and defend it.
He is a victim of various hoaxes and fake news produced by “the failing everybody.
He inherited a broken economy that he turned into the greatest economy the world has ever seen.
The question I’ve asked myself over and over is How on earth can anyone believe any of this from a man who:
Has suggested the use of a household disinfectant–either consumed or injected–to sure COVID-19
Declared COVID-19 a “Democratic hoax” for more than a month
Suggested less testing so we would have less cases
Side-stepped condemning torchlight marchers shouting “Jews will not control us”
Side-stepped condemning the killing of peaceful protesters via automobile and gun shot
I could go on, but what I mean to question is the how and the why of it all, given the support of people who are otherwise educated and in possession of all their faculties.
At first I thought there were four possible reasons:
They fear the decreasing in value of their 401Ks if Trump is defeated
They secretly agree with Trump’s various positions
They secretly are racists, misogynists, xenophobes, LGBTQ haters
They simply don’t care what happens to anyone besides themselves
But I decided there had to be more, especially when I received a “read this and then we’ll talk” from someone. This constituted an article whose source I had never heard of, so I tracked it down. It took only one question to Siri for me to be taken to a site that evaluates publications. This particular publication was listed not only as a source of “fake news” but also as one of the hate groups identified by the Southern Poverty Law Center. But the person who sent it to me didn’t know this. This person was intelligent and well-meaning and identifies as “a patriot.”
Which brings us to what’s called the social media algorithm. You’ve probably noticed how, if you’ve searched for something via the internet, you suddenly start receiving advert after advert featuring various sellers of this item. In my case, face masks are a good example. Early on, there were none to be had in Seattle, so I had to go online. Now daily (I would say hourly), I receive offers from companies making face masks. This happens because our movements (clicks, searches, whatever) are followed and analyzed. So what we look at gets identified and as a result we get more of the same.
That being the case, it’s likely that the Trump supporter is inundated with material attacking Black Lives Matter, Joe Biden. Nancy Pelosi, Kamala Harris, the DNC, Jill Biden, Hunter Biden, President Obama, Michele Obama, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, etc. That being the case, it’s likely very little else gets through. It’s also likely that recipients of this material have their televisions tuned to Fox and listen to Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, and others like them comment on the events of a given day.
Which brings us to what to do about this. I am open to your suggestions. I have only one: We must vote, we must urge everyone else to vote, we must donate to Democratic candidates, we must vote for Democratic candidates down the entire ballot. I think we must also do what we can to help people vote where and how we can because the effort is enormous to suppress the vote through the closing of polls, striking people from the voter registration lists, removing sorting machines from post offices, and outright gerrymandering.
We’ve heard it over and over again: This is the election of our lifetime. I absolutely believe that this is the case.
Please feel free to share this far and wide. I hope you do so.
And the topic for today’s symposium is the alpha and omega in my famous father at the same time- a drunk and gambler and womanizer and a family man who loved people and wanted to help others and his family at the same time. I am an adult child of an alcoholic and Jesse jewell’s baby chicken with special privileges all at the same time . And I have come Full Circle….
What comes around goes around or visa versa…
This is what is on my mind-in my little corner of the universe / we can be both good and bad at the same time, Duh. .the Alpha and Omega \ yen and yang \ beginning and ending / Full Circle – All at the same time. Simultaneously. I have a new reality as it applies to me.
Let me explain,..
I have been upset and overthinking in my apartment in Paris about my father . And my mother and my sisters and and and…but in this post I am focusing on my father – Jesse Dickson Jewell.
My parents were terrible AND wonderful and my father was a womanizer and gambler and drunk most of the time AND he loved his family and his town and the farmers and his mother and that area of the South . ALL at the same time.
And I loved my mother and hated her and father and family and sisters and friends and on and on ad infinitum
But this post is about Daddy and my life as an adult child of an alcoholic AND Jesse Jewell’s adorable baby chicken all at the same time.
The chickens have come home to roost. And a home is where the heart is – HERE IN THIS APARTMENT IN PARIS FROM MY VIEW OUT MY WINDOW. IN ME!!!
FYI – the blue grey pitcher cover photo is a photo of a small pitcher in a collection I had on a shelf by my bed when I was five years old . I kept it all these years because it was my favorite .
You can fill in the blanks and connect the dots however you want…….
And now some funnies…..
Best, Jay
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I have had some unexpected expenses and need you help.
WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD!! And the topic for today is “What Goes Around, Comes Around! (Or visa – versa)
And for fun this morning, I am going to share memes. Think what you like. I am not assuming anything for today. I don’t know about tomorrow…… I am currently living today.
BEST, JAY
PLEASE HELP ME.
I HAVE BEEN HIT WITH A TAX BILL I DID NOT EXPECT. I NEED YOUR HELP. THANKS, JAY
All right. I give up. Nobody wants real. Everybody want a pipe dream. Even I don’t to reveal what is really going on, except to the girl in the mirror. So, I won’t try to interpret today’s post. You decide how you want to interpret each one. I pick the selections and I won’t try to tell you what to think. I choose brilliant insight, but I am biased. FYI – from now on, Jayspeak will publish a post when I feel like writing or I have something to say. It’s that time.
This is what happened, so I will try to write it here. I got personally verbally attacked on Facebook from a very angry man in a group I was in. I did not like it and I allowed it to upset me in a very negative way. But Pollyanna here decided that it was a wonderful thing to have happen. A WAKE-UP CALL. How? And I don’t think that I am going to die yet because I am still too healthy. My brain is reprogramming and that takes time. But I still have some time. I need to downsize my life again.
WHAT???????
Yes, get rid of Facebook pages and get out of groups. Get rid of Apps I don’t use And, I have begun to do it. I don’t want to be a part of someone’s life who does not like me. So, I am still thinking about the best way to adapt to the NEW. The old does not work anymore. I am soo excited for the young people of tomorrow !!
Chaos is rampant in the world. Everything is changing each day. There will never be a “used to be”. Sad? Okay. Take it any way you like, but that will not change it.
This day I am saying to myself – Never forget how far you’ve come. All the times you pushed on even when you felt you couldn’t. All the mornings you got out of bed no matter how hard it was. All the times you wanted to give up but fought through another day. Never forget the strength you’ve gained along the way. And each marriage was wonderful during which I learned from the experience. I loved each man and I loved that love as part of my story!
WARNING LIGHTS! No matter who they are, don’t expect from people what they don’t have to give. Your girlfriend might hate your wardrobe choices. You Mom eschews your choice in hair style. Your Dad thinks your career choice is frivolous.
But you chose your clothes because you liked them. Your hair style is fashionable or in some very personal way suits your idea of yourself. That you want to be a filmaker is a lifelong dream. But the people close to you cannot accord you approval or applause because you always had a good head for math and they fully expected you to become an engineer. You don’t have to worry about what others want from you. Instead try and (discreetly) penetrate inside their heads and wonder why they need you to cut your hair or wear bangles or build bridges. Because those dreams night be their own unfulfilled dreams. Being a pharmacist or a builder was their plan but it got interrupted. Now they want to pass it on to you.
Once we understand where others are coming from, we can go about doing what best suits us – our way. Again. Don’t not expect from others what they don’t have to give.
—
“I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. In each, it is the performance of a dedicated precise set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which comes shape of achievement, a sense of one’s being, a satisfaction of spirit. One becomes, in some area, an athlete of God. Practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.”—Martha Graham
“Desire is always the victor. Your desires will determine where the eyes, the limbs, the heart will go and what will be found wherever you happen to go. This is not tragic: This is your destiny. This is your truth.
“Desires are not tragic for the most part, but the application of them frequently is. I am talking about distillation, and what I can only call the purification of desire. I am fairly sure that what a person is seeking is beauty or peace or clarification. An answer, really, to so many things. We do so many complex things–are required to do so many complex things–to achieve those simple things that make us happy, and that also make us artists.
“Don’t be afraid of your desires. Identify them and own them and work well toward expressing them toward others. Desire is not to be confused with obsession or anything unhealthy. Desire is one of the things that makes us human.
“And all artists are–at their core–profoundly human, almost abnormally human, because they embrace the beauty of our human spirit so firmly.”
–Martha Graham/Interview with James Grissom/1989
Don’t walk the same road. You’re not going there.
“Oh ye’ll take the high road and I’ll take the low road and I’ll be in Scotland before ye lock limande
You’ll take the high road and I’ll take the low road, And I’ll be in Scotland afore ye. Where me and my true love will never meet again, On the Bonnie, Bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.
You’ll take the high road and I’ll take the low road, And I’ll be in Scotland a’fore you. Where me and my true love will never meet again, On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.
You’ll take the high road and I’ll take the low road, And I’ll be in Scotland afore you. Where me and my true love will never meet again, On the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.
You’ll take the high road and I’ll take the low road, And I’ll be in Scotland afore you. Where me and my true love will never meet again, On the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.
By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond’ Where me and my true love will never meet again On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond
The wee birdies sing and the wild flow’rs spring And in sunshine the waters are sleepin’ But the broken heart it kens nae second spring again Tho’ the waefu’ may cease frae their greetin’on’
HEY!!! It is the fourth of July! In the USA. It is the fourth of July in France, but it is not the same And change is in the air. I just feel like writing. And here is what is on my mind. Some days I am really afraid. But, I have discovered that I am afraid of living, not dying. It takes courage to live. We are all going to die. And 85 in a country where I am not great at the language……
Regarding my last post, I have discovered that some of my friends prefer the façade, and some prefer real. OK. I get it! I got it. Really? Good. It is not fair to attack me on my own blog . Just know that I KNOW what is real and what is not. And you know that I know. So, I don’t think that any huffing or puffing is in your best interests. Or posing for the camera. I prefer real. But, I am used to reality checks, so I am trying to easily adapt to change. And none of this is funny.
I was born in 1937. This is true. I remember as if it were yesterday.
Born in the 1930s and early 40s, we exist as a very special age group.
We are the smallest group of children born since the early 1900s.
We are the last generation, climbing out of the depression, who can remember the winds of war and the impact of a world at war which rattled the structure of our daily lives for years.
We are the last to remember ration books for everything from gas to sugar to shoes to stoves.
We saved tin foil and poured fat into tin cans.
We saw cars up on blocks because tires weren’t available.
We can remember milk being delivered to our house early in the morning and placed in the “milk box” on the porch.
We are the last to see the gold stars in the front windows of our grieving neighbors whose sons died in the War.
We saw the ‘boys’ home from the war, build their little houses.
We are the last generation who spent childhood without television; instead, we imagined what we heard on the radio.
As we all like to brag, with no TV, we spent our childhood “playing outside”.
There was no little league.
There was no city playground for kids.
The lack of television in our early years meant, for most of us, that we had little real understanding of what the world was like.
On Saturday afternoons, the movies, gave us newsreels sandwiched in between westerns and cartoons.
Telephones were one to a house, often shared (party Lines)and hung on the wall in the kitchen (no cares about privacy).
Computers were called calculators, they were hand cranked; typewriters were driven by pounding fingers, throwing the carriage, and changing the ribbon.
The ‘INTERNET’ and ‘GOOGLE’ were words that did not exist.
Newspapers and magazines were written for adults and the news was broadcast on our radio in the evening by Gabriel Heatter and later Paul Harvey.
As we grew up, the country was exploding with growth.
The G.I. Bill gave returning veterans the means to get an education and spurred colleges to grow.
VA loans fanned a housing boom.
Pent up demand coupled with new installment payment plans opened many factories for work.
New highways would bring jobs and mobility.
The veterans joined civic clubs and became active in politics.
The radio network expanded from 3 stations to thousands.
Our parents were suddenly free from the confines of the depression and the war, and they threw themselves into exploring opportunities they had never imagined.
We weren’t neglected, but we weren’t today’s all-consuming family focus.
They were glad we played by ourselves until the street lights came on.
They were busy discovering the post war world.
We entered a world of overflowing plenty and opportunity; a world where we were welcomed, enjoyed ourselves and felt secure in our future. Although depression poverty was deeply remembered.
Polio was still a crippler.
We came of age in the 50s and 60s.
The Korean War was a dark passage in the early 50s and by mid-decade school children were ducking under desks for Air-Raid training.
Russia built the “Iron Curtain” and China became Red China .
Eisenhower sent the first ‘Army Advisers’ to Vietnam.
Castro took over in Cuba and Khrushchev came to power.
We are the last generation to experience an interlude when there were no threats to our homeland. The war was over and the cold war, terrorism, “global warming”, and perpetual economic insecurity had yet to haunt life with unease.
Only our generation can remember both a time of great war, and a time when our world was secure and full of bright promise and plenty. lived through both.
We grew up at the best possible time, a time when the world was getting better. not worse.
We are “The Last”
More than 99 % of us are either retired or are deceased, and we feel privileged to have “lived in the best of times”!
—
I learned very early in life that there is no alternative to optimism, to having visions for the future, believing in goals and achieving them. So nothing matters more than building a better world one day at a time, with the skills I have, for my family, my friends and the community. And facades just get in the way.
Besides, this theory makes sense to me.
THE CHRYSALLIS EFFECT – “Some days it looks like the patriarchy is winning. Consider the opposite. The great sociologist Philip Slater: We’re witnessing the death throes of male-domination. “Strutting, boasting, fighting, destroying, and killing just don’t seem as important to the world as they used to”. The males of today’s world are losing their dominance. They don’t have the right tools anymore. Watch them. The Trumps, The Putins, The Kim Jong-uns etc… They are still trying to rule with the old “iron hand”. Winning wars is useless in today’s world. Boasting and the pounding of chests looks silly. Forbidding abortion is futile. Male dominance is over. We are watching old-fashioned men squirm and fight as they lose their power over women and the future. We are in the transition phase of this inevitable development and it’s causing the old guard to desperately try to maintain dominion.”- Jesse Kornbluth (Headbutler.com)
Louise Hay – Your Words and Thoughts Create Your Future
What stories do we tell ourselves and what meaning do we give to our experiences?
Does this meaning bring us happiness, joy, or just unnecessary stress and anxiety?
I just recently heard a story of John Dorenbos and it blew my mind.
His mom passed away and she left him a necklace and as you can imagine it was very dear to him.
One day he went swimming in the ocean and lost it. At first, he was obviously upset, standing on the same beach he looked around and he saw all those people and none of them cared about his sad moment.
But then he realized that the meaning that he is giving to this experience will not serve him.
And he created a new story! He knew that his mom loved traveling so he imagined how the necklace fell on a dolphin`s back and the gorgeous aquatic creature took it with him to California, Hawaii, and all the beautiful places Jon`s mom always wanted to go to. John told himself that this is the only reason why he “lost” the necklace because that`s what his mom wanted.
So by creating this beautiful new story he basically refused to believe the sad one.
Instead now every time he thinks about the neckless he feels joy, happiness, peace, and harmony.
Just because he realized that this sad story won`t serve him, you know what I mean?
How incredible that we have the power of creating our own story with the meaning that will serve us.
So please choose your story wisely…
“I asked an elderly man once what it was like to be old and to know the majority of his life was behind him. He told me that he has been the same age his entire life. He said the voice inside of his head had never aged. He has always just been the same boy. His mother’s son. He had always wondered when he would grow up and be an old man. He said he watched his body age and his faculties dull but the person he is inside never got tired. Never aged. Never changed.
Our spirits are eternal. Our souls are forever. The next time you encounter an elderly person, look at them and know they are still a child, just as you are still a child and children will always need love, attention and purpose.”
Facades fascinate me. I grew up in a house filled with pretence secrets galore. Doesn’t everyone ? I wanted people to be real. But alas and alack nobody was or even wanted to be. So I decided to go on a mission to get real. At least with my friends. Oops, I did not make friends and I did not influence people. Thanks, Dale Carnegie!
And a woman I loved very much for years was living in a beautiful big house in a posh neighborhood in Los Angeles and everything was broken inside. I tried to make her real and wanted to know why everything was broken. I fAILED MISERABLY. It did not work. And Daddy tried to tell me that I did not get it. People need their dreams and their illusions and the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence. Besides , she doesn’t care that things are broken because she doesn’t want to fix them. She does not use them . Why did I need her to fix them. I wanted to use them but I did not live there. Hmmm
I still have my problems with people pretending to be who they are not. The SELL. Or saying one thing and doing another BUT that is my problem, not theirs.
So , you get to choose who you want to be – real or façade? I have been both during my lifetime. But I like real better than pretentious . Usually in a group, there are one or two real people but not many. So I have to pick and choose . And get picked and chosen. And the one with money is like a magnet and gets chosen every time . I got chosen when I had money. Ugh.
I have been rich and I have been poor relatively and I prefer rich. They call the shots and have power. But become mean in the process so the trick is to get rich and stay humble . But I don’t like a pretend with a façade – like the wizard of oz. But nobody cares what I like. I care. I matter.
Why do I care ? Let it go. Who cares? What does it matter ?? Okay I can now overthink that .
Just love them for whoever they are . Love the facades. Let it go. Ugh. Can I change at this late date? Okay I will try.
I am worn out. I have overthought everything and I am exhausted. Are you, too? SO, I am sharing with you my latest realization that is going doinnnng In my head. I have prided myself and written about my trust issues throughout y life while blaming my mother because she took away my blanket. I wanted it beside me forever. She did this to get me to quit sucking my thumb. As a result of her meanness , I have never trusted anyone ever.
THAT IS NOT TRUE!!!!!!
I have trusted everything and everyone, no matter what they told me. Oops. Going through life “blissfully naive”. I will spare you the gory details . BIG Oops. AND, I have married the same man over and over! In addition, I tried to get reality checks to people who need to believe that dead bird is still alive and was going to rise from the ashes. I wanted them to realize that the bird was DEAD. Oops .
Okay I forgive myself – Janet – because I really love me and that is that!!
So let’s enjoy some commentary and I am make NO COMMENT. Anyway, what I think does not matter. It is what you think because all of this matters…….to me.
I am still alive even though week before last week , I fell off my horse – big time. And last week, I spent getting back up on my horse to start riding again.
Tomorrow is the Summer Solstice new year. I am still alive in PARIS, FRANCE. What happened?
I thought I was dying. So I called for an ambulance to take me to the hospital .
THE GOOD NEWS……
I spent 5-6 hours at the emergency center at a big hospital in the 15 arrondissement in Paris, France ! And I am still alive and did not die, wonder of wonders. I was convinced that Death was eminent and I was not going to be able to get help. I saw a lump in my left leg. I did not know that It was part of my muscle.
SO, I did not die and I got help and I now know that I don’t have any problems other than my brain strokes – which are not fun, let me tell you ! I don’t recommend getting any if you can avoid it . And my fear problems – which my mother patiently taught me during my early years,
When I saw a lump in my left leg, I was convinced I was going to have a massive stroke like Daddy ! I went into emergency fight-or-flight mode. My blood pressure shot up to 202. (not good) I called emergency SOS and they wanted me to speak French and provide an account number. I called someone to help me get an ambulance and was frantic.
Bottom line – I got an ambulance and checked into the emergency center and was put in the hallway to wait for the doctor . But I did not know how long I would wait,
5-6 hours. I was told I could not leave my bed. Oops. I could not walk to the bathroom because I did not have my cane .
Okay, I will cut to the chase. I waited for several hours in the hallway, Then, I got up and walked down the hall to the bathroom, defying the nurses. I would show them !! And I saw the doctor who confirmed I was not dying and called me a taxi to take me home!
No one was watching world news . Lots of hurt people and no one cared about the news, I walked out of there and knew Tom Cruise and I were in there fighting to do our own stunts! I would get back up on that goddamn horse bareback with lady Gaga singing in the background.
Now, I don’t feel so good and I don’t know what has happened to me . I am different. I am changed. I must rest and practice my French because I am going to live to see other days . Thanks be to the Infinite Intelligence.
So I plan to get back up on my horse and count my blessings and fasten my seatbelt. I am happy because It is going to be a bumpy ride .
Books, games, music, and life — filtered through the mind of a writer, drummer, and philosopher who thinks too deeply about all of it. If it moves something in your chest, I'm interested.
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