JAYSPEAK

A BRIEF INTERLUDE

I need to rest my mind because I am a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Nothing is working. Well, that’s not true. The hotspot is working. Otherwise I would not be able to get the internet. But the in-house Wi-Fi is not working. And, I don’t know how to access it. Neither does my landlord. So, I have a problem. Also, my printer is not working. And, I have several important documents that I need to print. Alas and alack! I don’t know how to work any of the machines, and there is no room in many of the cupboards. So, I am a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Oh, did I already say that? Sorry. And the Monoprix is a maze of stairwells and departments with a gazillion people in all of them, all of them in a hurry to go somewhere. Alas and alack! I think I already said that, too. I keep telling myself to do one thing at a time, but which one thing? There are a gazillion things to be done. And, it is only Day 3. Oops. Well, so far this has been going well. But, ……Now, not so much. I think this area is too crowded with people. Lots of energy. Too much energy. Or maybe, I need a shot of vitamin B12. Stay tuned. I will write more when I feel better. Tomorrow. Words of encouragement will be very much appreciated. At least, I just got home from eating a good meal —– only to find my access blocked by some tenants who are moving out. All of this needs work. Is this what I meant by get a “jump start”???? Stay tuned……

In that picture, the printer doesn’t work; the TV doesn’t work. I finally got power to the hot rollers and the pencil sharpener. I desperately need to take a shower/bath. But, I don’t know where the washrags are or anything else. Stay tuned…… Oh, BYTW, the cat is doing GREAT!! Eating and using the cat box TOO MUCH. There is not room for any more garbage outside. When the hell do the garbage collectors come in this town? Now is the time to remember not to sweat the small stuff!!! The world is in total chaos, but I must worry about matches for my candle. And, cat litter.

A SHORT RAMBLING…..

It has been a long emotional month, preparing to change into a new life – AGAIN. I felt the same way, or at least, similar, when I went away to the University of Wisconsin from Georgia; when I went away to Los Angeles, California from Georgia, when I moved to Nice, France, from California. And, I feel it now – excitement mixed with concern. Sometimes, I think it is better to do things spur of the moment than this arduous planning. I also do better with buying than selling, with adding than subtracting, doing rather than being. Haha. I would rather feel buyer’s remorse than seller’s anguish. You get the picture.

Life with Steve was Chapter Seven. At some point after his death, I heard the click! I began Chapter Eight. On July 20, 2019, I heard the Click, again. I began Chapter Nine. I am now in Chapter Nine. And, as you know only too well, I am moving to Paris on Wednesday. It has been a long time coming. I have tried to get to Paris since 1957. It is long overdue. And, you and I both are sick of my talking about moving. Wednesday is the day. This will be my last post for a while (unless I change my mind haha). That said, a short ramble before I go. It has to do with the process of downsizing.

Something that I have been pondering of late is this: I see growing older (living longer) as a timeline growing up. (not across – so vertical rather than horizontal – like a beanstalk growing up from a seed). So, as I have grown older, I am way up here, looking around in all directions. I see a different view than before. It is exhilarating. I see clearer than before. And, the question I keep asking myself is “Why didn’t I see it this way before?” or “Can other people see what I see?” The important thing is that I see it. What am I talking about? Let me build the foundation so that you can know what I mean.

Starting in September 2019, I began “downsizing”. While going through my possessions, I realized that everything has a “backstory”. Oops. How was I going to part with an item, knowing the backstory? Plus, I had “romanticized” each backstory, making an item more difficult to part with. And, these were the four choices; keep, sell, give away, throw away. As a result, for five months, I have been going through backstory after backstory after backstory reliving memory after memory after memory, and I AM EXHAUSTED!! That was a lot of re-living to do. Plus, I was “romanticizing” each backstory.

As a result, I tried to separate the romanticized fabrications in my mind to look at facts. Only the facts. Then, I began trying to make decisions based on each backstory’s facts, trying to separate the facts from the emotion. It worked!!!! I began to let go. Really let go. I mean really let go. Amazing things began to happen. Many things became clearer in my mind. Sure, the emotion was still there, but it was over to the side, waiting while I took a cold-blooded look at the facts.

One by one, I began to let go of things, events, people, pains, regrets. I now think that I (and what things I have left) are ready to move to Paris on Wednesday. Somehow, I feel taller, stronger, wiser, lighter, and ready. It’s SHOWTIME! I apologize if this doesn’t make sense. It is still in development (as we say in the biz…..). Stay tuned…….

Best, Jay

THE PARIS REQUIREMENT

Paris has certain requirements for me. I have raised the bar. In my last remaining days in Nice, it is bittersweet. It was here that I was introduced to France, it customs, its people, its loves and its hates. It is VERY different from the United States, where each state is different – like 50 small countries. Georgia is different from Tennessee; California is different from Oregon, and so forth. It was here that I had 11 glorious months with Steve with exciting plans for a future full of interesting things. NEVER did it enter my mind to move to Paris. Steve did not want to move from Nice – maybe to somewhere in Italy, but not really. No problem. I loved Nice, too. And, most of all, I loved Steve. His loves became my loves. Life was good. Then, as my friend Brian Chase would say: BAM!!!! The giant (Godzilla) stomped on Bambi, munching away on a piece of grass. (Did you ever see that cartoon?)

I will admit, I went into a pretty bad state of depression. Ok, I don’t ever get REALLY depressed, but I was depressed inside. For me. I am pretty good at rolling with the punches, but this one hit me where it hurt. And, on top of that, I was recommended (by my general practitioner) to an adequate knee doctor who may have meant well, but he BOTCHED my knee. Thank God for Dr. Mandrino (recommended to me by my friend Andrea Emond) who fixed me. (long story for another time). So, I NEED a change – PARIS. Why not? (lots of reasons for another time – Haha). (singing) “To Dream the Impossible Dream; To Fight the Unbeatable Foe……”)

SO, these are my goals that I have set for myself, which I have labeled “The Paris Requirement”. There is a back story. Here it is:

I started Law School at age 59. In the spring of 1998 (First Year Law), I was talking to Dean Randolph at an event. I told him how much it was taking for me to keep up with the young students. (I was attending the 3-year program, NOT the night school 4-year program with adults) The students were from all over the world, and they were smart and young and energetic. They thought of me as their mother or a doctor who was auditing the classes. WHAT??? I told Dean Randolph that I was trying very hard to keep up and pass the finals in order to stay in law school. If I made bad grades, would he kick me out? He said, “YES.” I asked why. He said that he would be doing me a favor because it was evident that I was not “lawyer-material”. WHAT??

Rewind to the kitchen of The Actors Studio in the spring of 1970. I was rehearsing a scene of some sort, and was on a break, in the kitchen. I was talking to my friend Vic Tayback. I said that I loved the art of acting but I HATED getting agents, going on interviews, and getting current head shots. Vic said, “THEN GET OUT OF THE BUSINESS!!!” What? I am not going to get out of the business. I went through many challenges just getting here.” Vic said, “It Takes Both! You must wear two hats – the art and the business of art.”

Fast forward back to Law School at age 60, after a successful career as an actor in the Industry. I passed my First Year Law exams. So, when I began my Second Year Law at Whittier Law School, this was my thinking. (I was single at the time.) I must somehow compete with these young people. I will be working with them in life after law. They must think of me as a peer, not as an “older mom or doctor”. HOW??? That is when I decided to use my actor skills and observe them – what they wore, what they talked about, how they wore their hair, what they did for fun. I changed what I was wearing to class, changed my hair style, changed the questions I was asking them, began participating more in class. Now, I did not “hang out” with them. No. I just studied. And, studied. And, studied. For a break, I would go to Marshall’s and browse. Haha. On a good day, I would buy something for $15.00. No more. At night, when I was exhausted, I would watch an old “Law and Order”. And, before bed, I would read over my notes for the next day because I had heard that the mind learns while a person is asleep. No one thought I could do this. My family wanted me to go home and get a grip. My agent expected me to fail and return to acting. Long story short. I graduated from Law School in 1999. I passed the California Bar Exam in 2000. I practiced law with younger people until I retired on December 10, 2019.

(Fast-Forward to present day)

I have become a person I don’t like. I avoid people a lot. I stay home a lot. I have retreated into myself. I must become “the NEW DANGEROUS WOMAN”. What? How? Well, I must reinvent myself. How? I don’t know yet, but I must use my actor skills and observe how the people dress; what they talk about; learn how the transit system works; what sections/streets to avoid; how they spend time, and so forth. I must learn how to dress in today’s version of “casual chic”. So far, on my visit in October 2019, I saw a lot of scarfs, leather boots, trendy jackets, and tight jeans. That’s doable. I must practice walking in boots. And, there is also the problem of finding tight jeans that fit my legs. Ouch!

When I was there in 1957 (pregnant with a Scarlet Letter on my forehead, having “ruined” my family, thank you, Mother!), women were far from “dangerous”. On the contrary, in my silent generation, women were chattel (if you don’t know what that means, look it up). I was a silent “woman’s-libber” before my time).

When Steve and I were there at Christmas time in 2015, I did not want to be dangerous.

Now, I must be dangerous???? Well, I don’t know how I am going to reinvent the wheel when I am still expecting a man to pull out my chair. So far, I am offended when a man walks in a door before me. Oops. Maybe not “dangerous” but a tad more adventuresome. Or maybe the word is “aggressive”.

Can I pull this one off? Well……. First of all, I must change my thinking. How? I don’t know yet. Second of all, I must stop thinking about my “age”. That keeps me from trying something that my body can do, and my mind holds me back. (sigh)

Stay tuned……..

Best, Jay

22 DAYS TO GO – Paris-Bound

We are living in interesting times! That is definitely one way to look at the news. I don’t like most of what I see and hear. AND, I am not getting my way with most things, but I will concede– the news is not boring. Alarming, yes. Boring, no. And, when I am just doing things, I am trying to STOP taking everything personally. The problem is – at home in the South, I was TRAINED to take everything personally. (Sigh). That habit is not an easy one to break – try as I might. Sometimes, I succeed. Sometimes, I don’t. But, it doesn’t’ matter because people all over the WORLD take things personally – college students in Madison, Wisconsin; lawyers in Los Angeles; the French; the British, the Canadians; the Germans. Regardless of whether it is meant to be personal or not.

But I digress…. I also oftentimes say one thing and do another. (Sigh) But, for now, I have stopped trying to do the right thing. There is no right thing. I am looking out for myself. If others think I am not keeping my word, so be it. I struggle with living over here in France by myself and sometimes that means breaking my word that I gave with good intentions at the time.

That said, I have 22 days to go until I head “home” – to Paris. That is where I plan to stay – unless I change my mind. Haha. Frankly, I am filled with a combination of terror and anticipation – which brings me back to the beginning: “I am living in interesting times!” And, my personal terror is far worse than my global terror. Expectations and reality are probably going to collide in a massive crash!! Haha. That is one way to lessen the global terror.

I just wish that I were a tad younger with more energy) and a quicker step. Oh, well. If wishes were horses, we’d all take a ride. (Thank you, Daddy!) Coulda, woulda, shoulda. (Thank you, Steve!) Alas and Alack. Oh, dear me. The sky is falling in!! (Henny Penny – remember?) Well, hey! if one does something that is out of the ordinary, it all boils down to resiliency. And, it is not every day that a woman alone in her 80’s moves to Paris! Haha. That is funny!

At this point, I am in a holding pattern with not a lot left to do. I have done most of the groundwork and preparation. Now, the execution. I have simplified the simple. I have downsized the downsize. Help! I have thrown the baby out with the bathwater. I am down to bare bones. Literally and figuratively, I have lost my appetite. What??????

I am looking forward with glee. What am I looking forward to, you ask?

Being in the City where I have always wanted to be (I don’t know why?)
Being in a café society at a time in my life when I can no longer do sports
Meeting interesting people who accept me at my age and don’t treat me like I don’t have any sense
Respect
Having shops that sell what I want
Finding good doctors that (hopefully) know what they are doing
Going to museums and sitting for a while
Listening to good music in a cabaret
Going to more good theatre
Dining with people I already know in Paris in good restaurants
Having more energy
Singing, no matter what it sounds like
Getting an agent and new headshots
Acting
Learning how to use the buses and the metro
Being called an American Expat in Paris
Getting an apartment with trees outside the window
Finding a retirement community for when I get older
Meeting someone to spend time with
Learning to cook simple French meals and good pasta
Possibly looking for a meet-up, focusing on Photography or Classical Piano.
Getting back in fashion somewhat
Getting my Steinway fixed
Moving to a better neighborhood
Selling Steve’s N-Scale USA trains
Learning how to use Steve’s Digital Panasonic camera and making a movie

Now, these are just ideas that I may or may not do. I would need another lifetime to do them all. But, they all sound interesting to me. Considering my age, I mainly plan to build the foundation for when I get infirm so that I can die with “vine leaves in my hair”. aka Eilert Løvborg. (“Hedda Gabler”) And, learn how to avoid the unpleasant, like demonstrations and wars. Haha. The reality is – I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN OR WHAT I WILL DO! I want to give it a try.

I plan to keep writing small tidbits on this blog. I enjoy it and people seem to like it, too. I now have had 6,836 visitors from all over the world and over 35,500 views. That is amazing to me. Especially when I really just ramble most of the time. Anyway, thanks for listening. Stay tuned……

No memes. No photos. Simply sending love to all of you, and hopefully providing some inspiration.

Best, Jay

“RAMBLINGS TO REV UP THE ENGINE”(wait! I don’t have a car……)

This is one of those days when I have so many topics to discuss that I am having difficulty choosing one. Post topics come to me in the middle of the night when I have so much to discuss with all of you. Haha. You have become very important in my life – like it or not!! Here are some if the topics I have been considering during “Jay’s Think Tank” , which occurs at some point between the hours of 2 a.m. and 5 a.m (sigh):

The Point of No Return. Are we there yet?
A Brand-New Start. Taking Stock of things…… Does it matter? aka Plans v. Dreams
Hope/Passive v. Plans/Active. Is it better to hope something happens or make plans to do something, even if it is wrong?
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood………. Janet Tallulah appeared on the scene. Same time period.
The Gap Between Expectations and What Happens.
My Side of the Story. ……No one Will Know MY Side of the Story. ……Or Understand. …..Or care. It is not easy to accept that reality.
My Treasure Chest v. My Hope Chest
Choose What You Want to Believe …… there is NO answer.
Cooperation is Not in Vogue. Now, it is ‘Fuck You’!!
Each person had a terrible childhood. Just ask him/her. If the answer is “It was wonderful”, ……… hmmmmmmmm
King of Hearts. The inmates are running the asylum.

See what I mean? I have something to say about all eleven of those items. And, then some. I don’t have a favorite today. Instead, I am just rambling and thinking about the last two weeks. During this time, I have put very little demands on myself. I decided to enjoy the holidays and these last few weeks in Nice. I love Nice. It is beautiful. That is not why I am leaving. North Georgia is beautiful. That is not why I left. Los Angeles (to me) is beautiful. That is not why I left. Orange County is exquisite. That is not why I left. And, you don’t need to know my side of the story.

Let me just say, I have my reasons for all of it. And, I am not the kind of person that sits around and “hopes” something will happen. I “hope” we don’t go to war with Iran. But, I am “making plans” to move to Paris. I “hope” a good leader steps out of the Greek Chorus, like Thespis, and puts the good people back in charge of my land who don’t put kids in cages. I am “making plans” to downsize drastically, e.g. get rid of things I want, to move more easily from place to place – wherever that may be. I “hope” I don’t die in a Terrorist Attack. I am “making plans” to live a long life in art and love and good health. So, if I were to give you any advice, should you be depressed for any reason, make a plan of some sort. It could be as simple as “clean out that box”, or “rearrange the hall closet, or “clear out a section of the garage” or whatever. But, a very wise counsellor told me never to give advice. Suggestion: Listen intently, then give “suggestions”. That’s a suggestion.

I know enough about myself to know that – when I leave somewhere, I seldom go back. Maybe an occasional visit, but ……. So, I am spending my days doing things I enjoy. Walking, dining, downsizing. I am proud to report that I am not doing that much shopping as I used to. Labels still matter, but not as much.

That said, ALL BETS ARE OFF WHEN I GET TO PARIS. I don’t know what I will do. Everything seems different. My thought patterns, my dreams, my perspectives, my friends, my memories, my priorities. I am changing. To what? I don’t know. I just know that things feel different.

And, as Stevespeak would say, “But enough about me, what about you? What do you think of me?”

Or, “Let’s get together. Not today. Not tomorrow. Maybe, …never.

Or “Let’s have lunch. Have your girl call my girl.”

OK, just for the record, here are two pictures of the Sea that I think are beautiful. I LOVE the Sea. That is not why I am leaving…….. Wait! Did I already say that?

And four memes for the New Decade! (Thank you to the original posters)……

And, now FOR MY FAVORITE!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Best, JAY!!

HAPPY TWENTIES (2020)!

Earlier in Jayspeak, I wrote about “decades” and added a photograph that was taken during the year 1937, 1947, 1957 and so forth during the years that I was born and then turned 10, 20, 30, and so forth, ending with the year that I turned 80. Well, this is a different kind of “decade. The world and the calendar as we know it, is going into the next decade from the Teens (2010’s) into the Twenties (2020). So, it seems special to me. Thus, it is a time of looking back and looking forward for me – for all of us, I guess.

I have read a lot of posts on social media and heard a lot of friends say that 2019 was difficult for them. They are glad to be moving into the’20’s. I am definitely excited about the upcoming year. That doesn’t mean that I also don’t have a LOT of concerns. But, in this post, I want to focus on some of the good things that happened during the teens for me and some of the things that I am planning to make happen during the Twenties. (I don’t like the word “hoping”. Long story. Hope is “passive” to me. Plans are “taking action”)

During the Teens, things that come to mind (without details) – Steve and I moved to Encino from the Westside. Law Offices of Jay W. MacIntosh gained momentum. I wrote and published seven (7) books. I sold a photograph to Getty Images. I had surgery for melanoma on my face and a hysterectomy. My sister Patricia died. Steve and I moved to Nice, France. We went to Paris for Christmas. Steve died. I had two knee surgeries on the same knee. Well, that list doesn’t include very much at all – just a few things that come to mind.

Plan for the Twenties, things that come to mind (without details) – Move to Paris. Write more books. Stay alive.

Haha! That’s it!!!!! Most of all, I want to stay alive. I plan to spend time keeping healthy. I have so many things I still want to do and want to see and interesting people I want to meet. It all requires good health and keep breathing (as Mama Dorough would say).

So ….. I will now indulge in some shameless self-promotion (without details). Actually, I am very proud of my books that are out there for all the world to see. I think they are interesting though I am definitely biased. Each book took time and most of all, a willingness to say what I was thinking and feeling at that point in time, without censoring myself. Or remain silent. I have always said what I think, most of the time, even though most people don’t appreciate my being candid or think it is appropriate thing to do. It doesn’t mean it is true. It just means that is what I think. And goodness knows I am not always correct.

If you have a problem with my blurting out things or don’t care what I did or what I think, don’t read the Journals, especially “Janet Tallulah”. If you are curious, it is for sale on amazon and on Smashwords in paperback and kindle. I made a new cover for it.

If that is too long for you, there are two more “candid” Journals – “Journal of Janet Tallulah, Volume 1” and “Journal of Janet Tallulah”, Volume 2. These Journals cover a lot of the same time period as “Janet Tallulah”, although each one is different. New professional covers from the originals flower covers.

I had so many photographs of lovely roses that I took when Steve and I lived in Westwood and Encino, California, that I published two books – one longer than the other, adding favorite quotes to a picture. I wanted to make the paperback pictures glossy and in color, but that was too expensive for my pocketbook at the time. So, those paperbacks require some imagination. I commend the kindle version because there is color. New pretty professional covers. ? “Moments in Time” is shorter than “Capturing Beauty”. I love them both.

Next is “Jayspeak on the Cote d’Azure.” It is a series of my posts that I did for almost a year after Steve’s death – with pictures. Of course, I love it. It is very personal, too. And, in this book, the Kindle version has the pictures in color. Adds a nice touch. New Cover.

The last book is one that I wrote when I was in my twenties – My Master’s Degree dissertation. “George Bernard Shaw’s Life Force Philosophy”. It was a requirement for my MA in Drama from the University of Georgia. I was already searching for meaning to life when I was very young. My favorite philosopher was the French Philosopher, Henri Bergson and his life force philosophy. Still is. New cover.

That’s it! I am currently working on “After Steve Died” It is a current journal – and several other projects of interest to me. Writing brings me joy.

Bottom line – none of us know what the future holds for any of us. The Plan is – 4 weeks from Wednesday, January 1, I will move to Paris. The Lease is signed; the Movers are booked. After that, who knows? Happy New Year, Everyone! Thank you for reading my blog.

In closing, I am posting the last New Years’ message, dated December 29, 2015, from Steve to his friends. At that point in time, neither one of us imagined……… I post this to honor his memory, with a LOT of love in my heart.

“Two Americans in France – Chapter Three

by Steve Orlandella

Three months have gone by in the blink of an eye. Let’s catch up. The pocket watch in my chest continues humming along, [or as my friend Jessica Rugani would say, “it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’]. Every morning, armed with an iPhone full of 60s Rock [Oh, Dusty, sing to me!], I walk the park. Keep in mind, a mile used to be a schlepp – now I average four miles. HRB aka the Blonde Mountain Goat does four to five miles – half of it uphill. God, she’s annoying.

Our stuff from home finally arrived. One hundred assorted boxes, pictures, and one Steinway medium grand piano. After three weeks, there are only five boxes left to unpack – keep in mind, except for Monsieur Steinway, we brought no furniture of our own – just too much of everything else. Do we really need two five-quart sauté pans? And, in the days ahead, we will be buying more furniture for our furnished condo.

The language barrier is still high, but slowly getting lower. My plan is to eschew grammar and syntax and concentrate on vocabulary – learn as many words as I can. Her Blondness is further along. See: annoying.

We are starting to use the car more. [See below for our usual mode of transportation.] Three weeks ago, we returned to our old stompin’ grounds – Monaco. Eight years ago, we had a condo in Cap d’Ail -about a four iron from Monaco, so we were in the principality everyday. It hasn’t changed – still dense pack. Manhattan is a wide-open prairie compared to Monaco. And, a couple of weeks ago, we ventured west to Cannes on a rather rainy, gloomy day. By the way, the locals term the cold and wet weather we’ve been getting – unseasonable. Seriously? As for Cannes, it’s definitely off-season. We were able to find a parking space right in front of the Carlton Hotel – shocking.

We spooled up our courage and spent Christmas in Paris. Except for the guys in camouflage carrying sub-machine guns, nothing has changed. You wouldn’t believe that just a few days ago this place was unhinged. As for us, we walked and ate our way through about eight arrondissements because Paris is a walking town. It was a break for us as well since the average Parisian speaks more English than our friends and neighbors in the South. In sum, Paris is still Paris, and that’s good enough for us.

Food is still amazing. I don’t think any Frenchmen eat at home because there are restaurants and cafes by the thousands – each better than the one before. On Sundays, we go downtown to the farmers’ market to end all farmers’ markets and come home with the five basic food groups – cheese, baguettes, grapes, olives – and wine. How French are we getting? On more than one occasion, that was dinner.

What have we learned? Just this…

If you have a boulangerie, a patisserie, a café, a pharmacy, a post office, and a bank – you have a village. If you have all that and a gas station, you have a town.

More next month, ’til then – to all our friends and family…

Happy New Year!!”

Best, Jay

“MEDITERRANEAN EPISODE” – 3.7 MILES

Last Thursday, Riviera Radio (in Monaco) reported, “The town of Cannes has announced drastic measures ahead of the bad weather forecast for the region on Friday. Meteo France has warned of another ‘Mediterranean episode’ with strong winds and heavy rain expected. The city council in Cannes has, as a precaution, closed all underground car parks, public parks and suspended the work being carried on the Boulevard de la Croisette. School outings planned for Friday have been cancelled and a decision is to be made this morning as to whether schools will be closed. Meanwhile Meteo France has issued a weather warning with strong winds forecast for Le Loire, Haute Loire and Rhône region from 10pm this evening. The warning is in place until 2pm tomorrow.” And, boy, were they right! It started raining sometime during the night on Thursday and rained for 24 hours without stopping. ! It stopped early in the morning on Saturday, and the skies went a gorgeous blue. The sun was wonderful!!!! All of Nice went outside! So, did I. I got my money and a cane and walked out the door. I turned right. I had NO idea of where I was going or how long I would have energy.

I stayed out most of the day and had LOADS of energy. My legs were stronger and I felt alive!!! YES! I took lots of pictures. Used up all of my battery on my phone and had the wrong connecter for my charger. So, it all came to an abrupt halt around 3:00 p.m., and I went home. No problem. It was time. I had walked 3.7 miles, a lot of the time without the cane. I was soooo happy. At last, I was moving forward. So, I am going to post a lot of the photos that I took. I took about 50+ photos, so I am picking favorites. No commentary. Just moments in time. This is my own personal “MEDITERRANEAN EPISODE” in anticipation of the new decade!!!

What a WONDERFUL day! I will visit the Sea often after I move to Paris! It restores my soul! MERRY CHRISTMAS, Everyone! Let the new decade begin!!!

Best, Jay

DOES IT FIT?

Does WHAT fit? This is about… the Operative Question for me has always been – Do I / THEY / HE / SHE / IT fit? My intuition has been one of my best friends throughout my life. And, slowly but surely, I have begun counting on it to lead the way. So, upon reflection, I have decided that the question I have asked myself since early life is, “Does it fit?” or “Do I fit?”. I am still asking it daily – “Does it fit?” Of course, there is no one to answer me other than my intuition. And, the answer is “Yes”, or “No”, or “The jury is still out.” (e.g. I am not sure yet.) That applies to clothes, people, situations, professions, furniture placement, shoes, friends, events, or (as my kids would say, “Whatever”. (sigh)

For me, Los Angeles fit! Gainesville, Georgia, didn’t. San Francisco didn’t. New York City didn’t. Atlanta didn’t. …as locales go. Pacific Palisades fit! Santa Monica didn’t. Marina Del Rey didn’t. Beverly Hills? Sorta – the jury is still out. Encino, CA, didn’t. And now, after much deliberation, I have decided that – in the South of France – Cap d’Ail fit. Roquebrune Cap Martin fit. Paris fits. Nice doesn’t. There is a list of other places nearby that don’t. No need to list them here. So, I want to live these years in a place that fits. And, bottom line, I usually don’t go back – once I decide that something doesn’t fit. That also applies to organizations and social events and religious institutions and religious beliefs and friends.

In six weeks, I have movers booked to move some things to Paris for me. I have rented what amounts to an Airbnb in the Sixth Arrondissement for a year. That will give me time “to look around” and find what’s next. So, I must definitely count on two moves ahead of me. No problem. I am just happy this owner will let me bring my piano. Most people are OK with a cat. A piano is problematic. This one is a “medium” Steinway in bad repair. (Long story for another time). So, I am divesting myself of worldly goods and keeping the piano. Amazing. Never thought I could do it. But I have and I am. That just says how much I want to move to Paris. I can’t afford two or more moves and stuff (furniture, art, pots and pans. Etc.)

A short word about Paris. ALL MY LIFE, I have identified with Paris. My earliest memory is when I was identifying as “Honey Bunch” and reading all of the Honey Bunch books by Helen Louise Thorndyke in that series. “Honey Bunch: A Little Girl in the City”. “Honey Bunch: Her First Visit on the Farm”. I thought Honey Bunch should go to Paris. Now, how did I know that Paris existed? I don’t remember.

And, when I was introduced to Eloise at the Plaza, I thought Eloise should visit a Paris hotel. It wasn’t that far from NYC. Ok, ok, just go with it.

And, it was on from there. High School, University of Wisconsin “Of Thee I Sing – part of Diana Devereaux, Conversational French classes, The Sorbonne, 1957 European Tour, 1998, 2008. Lots of dreams about, and fantasies of. Watercolors of. French movies. You get the picture. Now, all of it has changed. Well, so have I. It is time. I went (compliments of a dear friend) in October 2019 for a week to see if it fits. YES! It fits! I would go now, but the apartment has tenants. So, I have to wait. World and Body, please behave so that I can get there.

Regarding careers, I want to report that acting fits. Practicing Employment Litigation fit. (sexual harassment, discrimination, wrongful termination). Helping a damaged employee fight a bully fit. Now I have officially retired. And, I have received a Certificate of Inclusion in the “TOP 100 REGISTRY”. It reads, “This certificate is proudly presented to Jay W. MacIntosh, Esq. The above-named recipient is recognized for outstanding career achievement and exemplary leadership. This honor affirms and proclaims their inclusion in the Top 100 Registry. Dated July 11, 2019. No. 569403. My biography is now featured in the Featured Members of upcoming Top 100 Registry Publication that will be distributed worldwide to more than one hundred thousand subscribers.

Needless to say, this makes me very proud, looking back. At this point, I am living in the present and taking the next step! There is still more to do. There are places to go and people to see. I have NO IDEA of what lies ahead. I just keep taking the next step. (singing) “We’ve got a lot of livin’ to do. “

Now, a meme or two! My thanks to the original poster on Facebook.

Happy Holidays!

Best, Jay

TAKE A MOMENT: This “Green Thing”

Take a moment. To be honest, the French are pretty good about conservation and using less rather than more. But, back “home”, we members of the “Silent Generation” (born in the 1930’s) can identify. I don’t know who wrote it, but I really like what it has to say. So just take a moment aside from your busy day –

“Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.

The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, “We didn’t have this ‘green thing’ back in my earlier days.”

The young clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”

The older lady said that she was right our generation didn’t have the “green thing” in its day. The older lady went on to explain:

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. ((Note: I remember the green coca cola bottles as well as the milk bottles. Mother would leave out the empty milk bottles and the milkman would leave full ones. I lived in a “dry county” so no beer was available. Most families had one or two alcoholics in them, but it was hard liquor. Nothing “over the counter”. I had milk delivered in bottles, “Alta Dena”, after I moved to California (1968) for several years.)

But we didn’t have the “green thing” back in our day. Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn’t do the “green thing” back then. We walked up stairs because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn’t have the “green thing” in our day. (Yes, I remember. But, most of the time, we were handed out a used-book by the teacher. I was always glad when I got a good used-book. I never liked that brown paper cover. It came in after my time. And, when I got to college, I tried to buy “used books”. But, most of the time, they were new. Law School had great Used Books. Helped me get through some hard courses – note in the margins. Highlighting things to remember.)

Back then we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. (Note: I was so happy that I had a diaper service – cloth diapers always. And we had a dryer. Mother was so happy. The French hang clothes out. I do, too).

Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn’t have the “green thing” back in our day. (Mother made us dresses from the chicken-feed sacks which had pretty little flowers on them. I hated those dresses. But, we did not have a lot of money when I was really young. Daddy was just starting out. His financial success came later.)

Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. (We had a radio. I listened to Tom Mix, The Shadow, Fibber Mcgee and Molly, Jack Benny …..)

In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. (Mother had a beater with a wheel on top. You turn the wheel around, and two things on the bottom would mix it all together.)

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. (We saved old newspapers in a stack to wad up for numerous things.)

Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. (I loved pushing the lawn mower. Darrell made me stop when I got pregnant with Tracy because he was embarrassed that I was pregnant and pushing a lawn mower in the front yard. “What would the neighbors think?”)

We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she’s right; we didn’t have the “green thing” back then.” (Track meets and phys. ed. were always part of the school day. I always asked Mother if I could “play out”? That meant go outside to “play” kick-the-can” or “snakie-in-the gully or “Red Rover” or “Movie Star hopscotch or……).

– Author Unknown

This was a fun one to write. Not that I was ever “silent” in the “Silent Generation!!!”

Best, Jay

KEEP THE PONY!

“When things get tough, the tough get going.” (- Jesse Dickson Jewell (Daddy)) “With all this s_____ , there must be a pony here somewhere” (- Janet Tallulah Jewell (me)). “Is the glass half full or half empty?” (- I don’t remember). My family was big on metaphors/cliches/similes, especially Daddy and Mama Dorough (my grandmother). There are many others that come to mind, but the one I like is the one about the pony. “Cut the crap; Keep the Pony”. It has a certain ring to it. Reminds me of the following line from Coppola’s “The Godfather” – “Leave the gun, take the cannoli”. Well, not really. totally different! Hey, just go with it!

The Backstory: Steve, pure blooded Italian that he was, was always quoting lines from “The Godfather”. He was particularly fond of that line. So, when I looked up the backstory, this is what I found out. About 50 minutes into The Godfather, the scene begins with Mafia henchman Clemenza leaving his house and his wife shouting: “Don’t forget the cannoli”. Clemenza is played by the Bronx-born actor Richard S Castellano (“Richie”). Mafia henchmen Clemenza and Rocco get into a car with Paulie. They intend to kill him. Clemenza says that they are going to look for “mattresses” (safe houses) and directs Mafia henchman Paulie to drive to “309 West 43rd Street”. There follows a shot of the car driving in the countryside beyond New York. Clemenza asks to pull over to take “a leak”. Three shots are fired by Rocco into Paulie’s head. As Rocco gets out the car, Clemenza says: “Leave the gun – take the cannoli.” In later years, Coppola gave all credit to the actor: “Richie improvised the line,” he said. Neither the shooting script nor the novel mentions cannolis, but Coppola had his own childhood memories to draw this detail from: he remembered the specific white boxes that his father would bring home after work. That said, it was not Coppola who generated the line: Clemenza’s “Take the cannoli” line was an improvisation on the part of actor Richard Castellano, who portrayed him.

My improvisation with metaphors comes naturally to me as an actress, when I am not busy being something else (you-name-it! – writer, attorney, guest, friend, mother, expat, client, patient…… the labels go on and on). I just make it up as I go along. That’s when I remind myself, “KEEP THE PONY!” Huh? What?

Well-l-l-l-l-l, as I continue downsizing, I am coming across many items and patterns and fears and activities and people ….. that I want to keep and others that I want to “let go of”. And, at night, when I watch the news, I am finding it very hard to control my frustrations with the world these days. So, I have decided to try to fill my life with ponies. Just keep the Pony! Let go of the rest. That is when decision comes into the picture. And, the decisions I make depend upon my emotional temperature. And, when I take my emotional temperature, it is never the same. It fluctuates. But, often, a certain temperature keeps popping back up. And, BAM, that is when I take action. As Daddy would say, “Don’t talk about it! Take action!” “Do something, even if it is wrong!” “Do it, anyway!” And, on it goes. See what I mean? (sigh). Actually, saying to myself “Keep the Pony” works for just about everything – friends, family, events, goals, and a general streamlining of life itself – Only keep the Pony. For example, Missy is a Pony. My piano is a Pony. They both are keepers. Old magazines articles and pictures of me aren’t making the cut. Hey! It is working for me!

Meanwhile, I have leased and paid my security deposit on a small furnished Studio in Paris, starting February 1, 2020, in the 6e (Sixth Arrondissement). It is only for a year, but that will give me time to become acclimated to the City and to find a place that feels right for me. I LOVE the 6e, but it is expensive in that arrondissement. So, I will probably have to move and then move and then move. So, I must ONLY keep the Pony. And, the Pony will be the only thing that matters. The owner wants to move into the Studio, so she is waiting for a year to let me stay until I can look. I am very happy and appreciative. So, I need to “travel light”. That is when I ask myself, “Is this item a Pony?” And, that is the way I must work for the next two month. I still have December 2019 and January 2020 in Nice to downsize and I am now down to those items that I (up to now) thought I could not live without.

In the meantime, I got my 2020 Titre De Sejour (Identity card and “gold” to an expat).